Why do I feel embarrassed?

55 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 1,2022 at 4:31PM UTC

   Sorry but you seem sensitive to this other persons' issues. Not all jobs and bosses, and organizations are good matches for you.

   Shake it off! Maybe look for the Taylor Swift video, I enjoy watching it, but I'm weird. Have a great Saturday!!!

2. AnonymousOctober 1,2022 at 4:54PM UTC

   I'm so sorry you are devastated. It's always strange to me the capable and knowledge people are triggered with such self doubt. I've noticed that these people usually look for reasons to believe their they are nit worthy.

   Please try and shake this off tge best you know how. You are worth it but you need to believe that.

3. Kimberly GrahamOctober 1,2022 at 10:10PM UTC

   I hated to like this post since I hate what happened to you but I wanted to show my support. You’re better off she would be awful to work for ir with since it shows her insecurity and she would have (or should have been!) on her best behavior during your meeting to represent the company and function. You dodged a bullet. It reminds me of one of my favorite interview questions though which landed me a job years ago. When asked if I had questions I simply asked if there were any skills or areas of experience other candidates may be leading me or that perhaps seemed like a gap and it opened up a candid conversation allowing me to represent myself in areas she hadn’t thought to cover. Anyway, don’t let it get you down!!!

4. Debra SesholtzOctober 2,2022 at 2:13PM UTC

   Don’t let it rock your confidence! You did your best in the interview. That’s all you can do. Remember, they are interviewing you, but you should be interviewing them too. Instead of rocking your confidence, look at it as she helped you dodge a bad work situation. She doesn’t sound like someone you’d want to work with. Put it behind you and move forward. Good luck finding the right position.

5. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 2:31PM UTC

   Perhaps the problem is not you, it is her. Unfortunately some females feel threatened when someone young and talented comes along. And maybe she was projecting her insecurities on you. She wouldnt be the first and most likely be the last. Celebrate yourself for getting thru the murderboard questions. If anything it shows your strength, tenacity and should be something to be proud of. Dust yourself off and on to the next.

6. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 5:51PM UTC

   I had an interview that I felt went terrible, and one that I thought was okay. I got a firm job offer from the terrible interview, and ghosted from the other one.

   Getting a job is a numbers game, the more resumes you submit, the more interviews you will have, and at some point you will be offered a position. Just stay focused.

7. Crystal RhinebergerOctober 2,2022 at 10:30PM UTC

   You do have to chalk it up to active listening…

   you are extremely valuable and a great fit but how this interviewer came across is insecure and has had high demands put upon her…

   this really is a not you its them situation

8. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 12:18PM UTC

   This sounds like one of those ridiculous ‘stress interview’ techniques to see how you do under pressure. I disagree with the method but it sounds like that is what was going on here. There are better ways to evaluate job candidates. You’re probably better off elsewhere. And you have no reason to be embarrassed. The interviewer should be embarrassed instead.

9. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 12:21PM UTC

   You give it time. Been there and looking back i am so glad i did not get that job. The hours would have been terrible and i really have to work with that person interviewing daily and it would have been horrible for me. I questioned myself after that interview but really after few months i see that it was not for me. All the best!

10. BethBOctober 3,2022 at 12:23PM UTC

    How do you shake it off? You put one foot in front of the other snd get back on the horse. Let’s assume that the interviewer is doing her job and not trying to sabotage. Ask yourself a question, was she right? Perhaps she sees something you don’t. Go back over the interview to see where it went wrong. Was it how you answered questions? Was it your tone? Having twice the experience required isn’t always meaningful if it wasn’t the “right” experience.

11. Shelby COctober 3,2022 at 12:27PM UTC

    It obviously wasn't a good fit. The problem is hers and not yours. If she has difficulty doing the job that doesn't mean that you will. That is hubris. You don't want to work inside that kind of toxic culture.

    She did you a favor. Trust your gut.

12. GirlBossanova934974October 3,2022 at 12:35PM UTC

    So some interviewer who is having problems doing their job now is projecting their inadequacy on to you??? I have heard many times of interviewers mentioning there are problems in the organization during the interview. However, I have never heard of an interviewer openly admitting they cannot do their own job! Rocking your confidence? I would be running out the door as fast as could and racing out of the parking lot! BYE! I do similar things when I see future employers doing certain things which I have personally seen result in total disaster!

13. Terra WolfeOctober 3,2022 at 12:38PM UTC

    You feel embarrassed because you subconsciously know there are red flags but aren’t admitting it to yourself. Just roll it off and move on, even if they come back and offer you the position because you probably dodged a bullet.

14. Afo Ogbeyalu KaluOctober 3,2022 at 12:45PM UTC

    As I was reading the post, what came to mind was the interviewer using negative interviewing techniques, in an attempt to determine how well a candidate can recover, or respond, in tough situations. At times it's a tactic used to help narrow a competitive candidate pool. If this is a position that you are truly interested in filling, consider using your "thank you letter" to the interviewer as an opportunity to "recover", and reclaim your confidence.

    Thank the interviewer for the opportunity to discuss your credentials and what the position entails, and add that, "upon reflection" you neglected to mention that you have indeed experienced similarly tough situations, or led difficult projects, as she claimed to have encountered in her role, and state how you were able to overcome those challenges, and meet or exceed productivity goals/right deadlines/quality control targets, or whatever the challenge was. Hopefully, by addressing the question which shook your confidence, you've provided a response which would be added to your candidate file, demonstrated your thoughtfulness, or steadfastness in addressing job/task-related problems, and satisfied your desire to leave a more confident impression with the hiring organization.

15. Lisa Ghylin PaulsonOctober 3,2022 at 12:49PM UTC

    I had a similar experience some years ago. I qualified to a T and nailed the interview. But as the interview ended, I was almost physically pushed out the door. It was such a rushed end that I knew I wasn't getting the job. I might have cried a bit because I knew I would have been great at that job. Driving home, I was so down about it, but decided that based on all that, if I was offered the job, was it truly the right fit for me? Having a great interview and not getting the desired response always sucks and it feels like a blow to your experience, but just keep moving forward. You'll find that perfect fit - where you're good for them, and they're good for you too. Good luck!

16. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 1:06PM UTC

    Hi, I also had a similar experience.

    Interviewed for a job I was overqualified for, and ultimately got turned down because I had limited experience with the email platform they were using. Although I had technical experience way beyond their stupid preferred email platform.

    Anyway, I think it boiled down to “you’re overqualified, and that means we’ll have to pay you more, so sorry, maybe next time, we’ll keep you in mind for future positions” you know the spiel.

    Reflecting back, I realized talking to all the people that interviewed me (there were 4 interviews) I could gather that it was them who had no idea what they were talking about. The Head of Marketing had no idea what Tableau was.

    And ultimately it was a blessing in disguise, several months later one of my former colleagues referred me into their company which is absolutely fabulous and pays way more.

    I’ve never had someone tell me a job is “too hard.” What? Is it a Rocket Scientist role? Surgeon? No role that I’ve gotten to the 2nd interview for would be too hard for me.

    So just assume that that company’s leadership is no good. They probably are inept, think you’ll swoop in to come after their job, or show them up some how, because they don’t know how to do their job. Next.

17. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 1:48PM UTC

    I heard a HR manager say once there is no right answer to an interview question.
    What they are trying to do is measure a right fit, and perhaps you didn’t have a cut throat approach to an issue and she was looking for that, or you came across as too confident and she wants someone she can dominate. You are the measure of your own success. You know what you have done and what you can accomplish. Rejection is hard, and it is demoralizing to have someone we are trying to impress fail to see our value. Ultimately, that is her loss, not yours as you will nail more interviews, some of which you may also not get an offer out of and perhaps you’ll have offers your gut tells you to turn down. Go with your gut. A job that is described as hard sounds like a signal that no matter what you do, it won’t be enough. Imagine how little confidence you would be left with to have that message pounded into your head daily. Remind yourself of a project or task you are particularly proud of, and let that memory fill you up. No one can see who we are in 15 minutes. Realize you dodged a bullet and hit the apply button for other jobs you are interested in. Stay in control of your job search and know you will have other opportunities.

18. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 1:51PM UTC

    Please ignore this interviewer. It’s equally probable that the interviewer was intimidated by your intelligence and experience, so endeavored to sabotage you.

    This could be the result of simple jealousy or could be a “stress” interview technique.

    I am sure that you had appropriate experience, skills and insights for this job.

    If this ever happens again, merely ask the interviewer more about the challenges of the job and answer with a response about how you’ve met challenges or stress in the past.

19. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 2:03PM UTC

    Hi,

    I have had a similar experience, I will spare you all the details. I told the Manager and HR executive, I don't believe this is a good fit for me, thank you for the opportunity, at the end of the interview. I haven't looked back (except to roll my eyes).

    When you see red flags, take note.

    When someone is interviewing and sharing that much negative energy, that makes me wonder about the leadership culture?

    You will find the best fit for you, do not let someone like that shake your confidence. You have experience and skills to bring to the table. Better opportunities are ahead!

20. ValerieOctober 3,2022 at 2:13PM UTC

    I would view the interviewer as someone who was doing you a favor because the red flags are significant - high pressure questioning lets you know the environment is likely chaotic, saying she had problems herself doing the job is condescending and observations like your capabilities are 'not there yet' lacks clarity and certainly isn't helpful. You are also interviewing the company and that didn't seem like a positive experience at all - you dodged a bullet!

21. Stacey BellOctober 3,2022 at 2:19PM UTC

    The red flags started as soon as the interviewer when the interview turned into an interrogation. Then continued with "how hard the job is even at her experience level". Talk about scaring off qualified candidates. Plus you don't know someone's level of performance until they land the job and are about 6 mos in. Keep applying, researching possible companies/job descriptions. Don't let one bad experience bring you down.

22. Shelly EdwardsOctober 3,2022 at 2:32PM UTC

    I'm sorry this happened to you. I had a very similar experience recently. I interviewed with the GM first and everything went great. He even went so far as to say he'd be excited to have me on their team and the next step was a formality. Then I met with the regional HR person and she was very demeaning and I almost felt like I was being attacked rather than interviewed. They had said she was direct, but she was direct to the point of being borderline unprofessional in my opinion. I heard back from the recruiter that she felt I lacked the expeperience necessary. I took it as an explanation of how they had gone through 2 people in that role in just under 2 years. I explained to the recruiter that so long as she is in the process, I have a feeling they will have a hard time placing someone in that job, and as it is, they are still looking for someone. When you see the red flags, don't ignore them. When an interviewer says she doesn't feel you have the right experience, ask what they feel a successful person in this role would be to them and note your qualifications that match that, or be honest with them and yourself to say this isn't for me. You may have dodged a bullet if you don't get this job. It's never good to start from a negative perception, unless you are 100% confident you can turn the tables quickly.

23. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 2:50PM UTC

    Turn this feedback into forward momentum.

    1) You’re assuming that the interviewer was put off by your age. No matter how well we “read” others we will never really know. For example, last week I proposed a new idea to my boss who I felt reacted negatively. He told me later that he has Covid and would be out the rest of the day. Interpretation can cause a lot of spin/churn/spiral. Focus on what was actually said.

    2) Review the constructive feedback that you’ve been given. People often wonder how they are perceived by interviewers and you have that info! That’s great. Many interviewers don’t receive this valuable intel!

    3) Jot down 1/2 perceptions that came up and address those in your resume with small, factual tweaks. A short summary can be a good place to address those points.

24. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 3:58PM UTC

    That interviewer is an idiot. Companies that conduct interrogation interviews are not places I would want to work in. Gives you a good idea of how you'd be treated as an employee. Sounds like she made up her mind about you before you began. Their loss!! Do like dogs do with their crap and kick dirt over it and walk away happy. This had nothing to do with your skills and experience and everything to do with a messed up company and interviewer.

25. Kelly NealOctober 3,2022 at 4:07PM UTC

    First take some of what she shared and consider it. Is there anything in there that you can use to your advantage?

    Then recognize that you are lucky to have seen this side of the company culture before you became part of it.

    Now dust off your crown and keep looking for the culture that is right for you! You got this!

26. Muriel HarleyOctober 3,2022 at 4:12PM UTC

    Please don't let that one person's problem become a problem for you. She did you a favor by acting in such a nasty way. Imagine how awful it would be to work for her. I've taken that approach when I don't get an offer. There have been several times in the past that I have discovered awful things about jobs I did not get. It's like dodging a bad date. It stings at first, but you are better off without them. keep pushing and know your worth.

27. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 4:22PM UTC

    How does an interview with someone who is not professional, or kind reflect on you? Your authenticity and experience is NOT related to that individual. Your confidence is in direct relationship to your past success and experience. Play a new story, develop you winner mindset. Go with positive energy, confidence will join you.

28. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 4:24PM UTC

    Make sure you go on Glassdoor and review your interview process.

29. Rebecca MillikenOctober 3,2022 at 4:25PM UTC

    Two things:

    First it may have nothing to do with you. She seems like she was discouraging you, so maybe they already have someone chosen and are just doing interviews because they are required to by the company. I have worked many places where the policy is to interview three people even though they know who they're going to hire.

    Even so, she sounds horrible. No matter what your experience level or age, there's no reason for her to be that negative.

    Second thing: last time I had an interview like that--there were three people. Two were interrogating and one was nicer. The nicer one had more seniority and I was hired. I wish I had listened to my gut feeling but I was desperate for the job. It turned out to be a horrible experience and I left after six months. I really wanted to leave after a month but I felt like I had to stick it out for some weird reason.

    If you felt confident in your experience and skills before that interview, keep that feeling. Ignore a person who doesn't know you and made assumptions based on her own twisted mind!

30. Grace BergeronOctober 3,2022 at 4:37PM UTC

    Bottom line, this has nothing to do with you. There is an internal candidate. I am sorry this company was not more forthcoming. Good luck in your search.

31. Rosemarie Lopresti BusickOctober 3,2022 at 5:46PM UTC

    Often, A's hire A's; B's hire C's. You're the A and she felt threatened by your knowledge and confidence. You're worth so much better!! Keep searching, continue to be confident in your abilities and you will find the right match!

32. dOctober 3,2022 at 6:56PM UTC

    Agree, it seems like she was on a power trip. You know your worth, don't give her actions another thought in your head. Move on to the next. Their loss!

33. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 5:49PM UTC

    I'm finding that happens when I interview with younger HR folks. I'm an older worker with much more experience than most jobs require, and it seems to be a defense mechanism by the interviewer, to give them a excuse to decline hiring an older worker. if you actually mull over the question for a moment and reply thoughtfully, they act as if you don't know what you are doing. It's very awkward and I've felt embarrassed in those situations. I feel like my "slip is showing".

34. RachelOctober 3,2022 at 6:06PM UTC

    I think you dodged a bullet there. The interviewer comes across as someone who was - for lack of a better term - gaslighting you on some level. It sounds almost like she was on some kind of mini power-trip. You don't need to work for a place that hires people like that. Reframe it for what it was, learn from it, and shake it off. You're worth finding a place that values you.

35. angelkittenOctober 3,2022 at 7:59PM UTC

    Please don’t let any of these people make you feel bad, it’s not a reflection on you, but it is on them. I had a similar experience after getting laid off & trying to find another job. I was told the manager & her lead would be interviewing me, but they weren’t there for my interview. Instead, it was someone from that department & the manager called in via conference call, asked me a few questions, decided she didn’t like my answers & ended the call. I then took a written proofreading test, as it was for a proofreading position (& scored very high) but was still told I wasn’t the right one for the job. I’m glad I didn’t get it, the manager was really rude to me.

36. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 9:04PM UTC

    Maybe you missed the part where she wrote "....had a problem with my age or “newness” ........I was just speaking from one possible angle.

    I never said I was accounting for all scenarios. So please stop being the posting police. its really annoying and my response was NOT for you.

    Its mind blowing that you literally sifted through 34 comments just to post this. Oh joy, I am so lucky.

37. Dr. Patty GrossOctober 3,2022 at 9:47PM UTC

    Look at it as a blessing in disguise, especially if the interviewer was the hiring manager and you would be working for her. She sounds like someone who would micromanage, and nothing would ever come up to her level of expectations. Keep looking, and don't look back.

38. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 9:59PM UTC

    Lets stop being a posting police or a posting troll.
    The post was for the original poster, not for you. So if all that you could gleam from the advice was to troll a shortened use of a term, you really need to get a life and all it shows is your obnoxious controlling nature. Try having an open mind. Did it ever occur to you that some folks that post on here are doing so from a phone or a small device and not a laptop? Get over yourself. And stop being a bonafide troll.

39. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 10:01PM UTC

    Well said!

    I see you took out the trollecide spray and got to the pesky troll before I did. For the past few months, they have been on standard trolling time. Let me know the brand you used so I can stock up for next time.

40. AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 10:10PM UTC

    Did you really sift through nearly 40 comments just to correct a "thru" word? ......Really?? On a Monday?????

41. AnonymousOctober 4,2022 at 12:48AM UTC

    Refocus that energy as much as you can into the search for an obviously much better place. Sometimes people in positions of "power" tend to talk down because of feeling superior--often inaccurately. That interview sounds like it was about her and not you. They are not worth any more of your energy. As you said, shake it off. Do some self care for a day even, do something that lights you up like go dancing, sing karaoke, or hang out with a close friend over some coffee or drinks and talk about anything else. Then get back to your path, it belongs to only you.

42. AnonymousOctober 4,2022 at 1:02AM UTC

    I happen to be physically disabled but still able to work, and when I was wrongfully terminated from my last employer based job and tried to find another one I continued to run into a lot of discrimination because of disabilities (one of which I couldn't hide because it involves my ankle which swells significantly if I'm on my feet too long and it also causes me to limp if I'm on my feet too long), however, most of the rest of them aren't easily identifiable, and 2 others are only identifiable if I'm wearing a slightly lower cut blouse or shirt (I have scars from open heart surgery and a pacemaker). When I couldn't find a job due to my various disabilities, I did the next best thing, which was to put myself to work. I love what I do for a living now, and my clients love the fact that I'll go above and beyond to help answer questions that I'm able to legally answer for them that are outside of the normal scope of my business but I have 1st hand experience with having dealt with in the past. So, if you can't find a job with another traditional employer, please consider if becoming self-employed is a possibility for you to do.

43. AnonymousOctober 4,2022 at 3:07AM UTC

    Don't take it personally. She probably did you a favor. Do you want to work somewhere feeling constantly interrogated? You may have intimidated her with your experience. you'll land where you're meant to be, don't let this shake your confidence. Good Luck!

44. Christina TOctober 7,2022 at 11:32AM UTC

    I concur, she may have felt intimidated/threatened by you. Consider yourself lucky and move on.

45. Bradford McCormickOctober 4,2022 at 4:38AM UTC

    You are mortified? That sounds like a mortifying interview ,or more accurately: browbeating. Was that interviewer having fun (at your expense)? The whole point was to make yo feel bad (i.e., make the interviewer feel good) and they succeeded! Well, THAT"S your problem: That you let this person "get to you". You know you are better than they are, so just get up, dust yourself off, and show them your rear end leaving their place that's probably not worth you being in. THEY need to shape up!

46. Shawn BattmerOctober 4,2022 at 11:44AM UTC

    I think you dodged a bullet.
    Likely that place would have been toxic. Reframe the experience in your mind and be grateful they didn’t want to advance you because that place doesn’t sound like it’s a good fit for anyone. The interviewer probably was that position’s supervisor and they sound like a bully. Just be glad you were lucky enough to miss this one.

47. AnonymousOctober 4,2022 at 7:41PM UTC

    I agree with the others, rephrase this experience as it's them, not you. You identified a red flag, you have decided not to move forward with this company. You have control over your decisions. Like you said you have 10 years of fantastic experience! It is just a bump in the road to find the right place. Best of luck finding it!

48. AnonymousOctober 5,2022 at 12:05AM UTC

    Did they tell you’re out of the running? If not, then you’re not out yet!!

    Contact the hiring manager/HR/the recruiter and tell them you’re still ready to take on this job.

    I had the same experience once (great 1st, great 2nd and then was supposed to meet the condo board of directors for an interview). After .#2, I was told they are moving on. I didn’t take that for an answer and called the ceo who I had my first interviewed with. He called me 2 days later and said “OK you can interview with the board of directors.” I got the job. Yours might be a test. Pursue it !! Don’t quit before you start!! Good luck.

49. Tabbi KinionOctober 5,2022 at 1:30AM UTC

    You don't want to work with these folks. They are not OK and you take your skills and talents they don't even know about and go on to the next position.

50. Diane ReidOctober 5,2022 at 12:30PM UTC

    i agree with the others that you dodged a bullet. The interviewer did a good job of showing you exactly what the company is like! Definitely not a place you’d want to work. It’s them, not you. Take that confidence you had going into the interview to your next one and crush it!

51. AnonymousOctober 6,2022 at 7:12PM UTC

    I think the question on how to "shake it off" is a bit of a challenge IMO.
    It is almost like get back on the horse again type of situation here. Most bad interviews stick with you throughout your life, they never really go away.
    Having said that there is one thing I would do - jot down the questions that were asked and what my responses were, see if I can improve on anything and then head to the next interview. That preparation helps ground me and see things differently. HTH

52. AnonymousOctober 6,2022 at 9:18PM UTC

    Consider yourself lucky you didn’t get that job. I think, in the long run you would have regretted accepting that job offer.

    The silver lining is you had the opportunity to strengthen your interviewing skills with a difficult interviewer. Some people may think I’m wrong, but it’s the different interviewing experiences that will help you to land your dream job!

53. AnonymousOctober 22,2022 at 4:46AM UTC

    I had that happen once and I left the interview. Be prepared to leave if you are being made to feel uncomfortable with pointed negative questions.

54. AnonymousOctober 22,2022 at 4:49AM UTC

    Sometimes Recruiters want to lead candidates into saying they are not a fit for the job while on the interview.

    It’s the same HR staff that call an interview, a discussion. Glad you didn’t fall for that reverse psychology trick.

55. G C HesseOctober 24,2022 at 1:09AM UTC

    If you are using a Headhunter always have them shadow on a Teams Interview.

    And I've left an interview with stupid questions.