I've noticed that during meetings or 1:1s, I've started to repeat things I already said (like, within a few minutes of saying it the first time).

12 Comments

1. Jill L. FergusonSeptember 26,2022 at 5:45PM UTC

   I am a business coach and it sounds to me like 1) you recognize what you are doing so that's half the battle of getting rid of something we do that we don't want to and 2) you understand the important of centering and grounding yourself before the meeting. Even if you feel rushed getting to a meeting, make sure to take some deep breaths as the meeting starts and take a breath before you speak each time. The pause will help. And in your non-meeting time don't be afraid to envision yourself calming and successfully running meetings and being back to how you were pre-pandemic. Successful athletes envision themselves winning and being the podium to make them better at what they do and we can do the same thing in business. (And the science behind it is the brain doesn't always know what's envisioned and what's "real".) Doing the envisioning exercise will help you become calmer and may relieve the anxiety that's built up around oh no another meeting and I'm not going to do as well as I used to again.

2. AnonymousSeptember 26,2022 at 6:18PM UTC

   Thank you -- I like the idea of doing some visioning exercises where I'm actively listening and responding authentically so we can focus on talking about what's most important.

   Context: see my response to Jennifer's comment. :)

3. Jennifer PuckettSeptember 26,2022 at 5:48PM UTC

   Have you noticed any particular triggers? (Topics, people, time of day, after you have a tuna sandwich for lunch, anything..) I'm big on looking for patterns and if I can figure out the pattern it's easier to change the behavior.

4. AnonymousSeptember 26,2022 at 6:14PM UTC

   That's the odd part -- it's very often nothing of significance.

   By that I mean, if I know that I'm going to say something thought-provoking/new/manager-y, I will spend the time upfront to make sure I frame well, provide context and give space for response and feedback.

   And if I'm responding in real time to something that may sit oddly/uncomfortably with me, I will frame it as, "this is my first take..." ect.

   If there is a pattern, it's that it occurs around mundane things (as opposed to repeating myself to be the authoritative voice in the room). Here's a fake example of what it can look like when it happens:

   Me: I really like the color blue

   Conversation continues for a few minutes

   Me, again: I really like the color blue

   There's gotta be some sort of stressor that's triggering me, right? Is it that I feel the need to fill silences in virtual spaces (which is something I coach on, ironically)?

5. AnonymousSeptember 26,2022 at 6:30PM UTC

   I think outline your points in writing to help you stay on point and not rehash old ground.

   Also see your primary care physician to get a physical. It could be something that shows up in your tests.

   Therapy could help you manage anxiety and stress.

6. AnonymousSeptember 27,2022 at 6:18PM UTC

   I think I probably need a sounding board (therapy or other) to spend time breaking down possible anxiety issues. It may well be that this may be some accumulative effect of remote work and managing others through the pandemic.

7. AnonymousSeptember 26,2022 at 6:51PM UTC

   in not saying that is you but, noticed that I have a direct report whom I frequently have to ask questions several times and with different questions. She tends to speak in a long story format before she gets to the point of my question and it can be very hard to listen to a 25 minute description when what I needed was a yes, that will be done on X date. If y happens I have a mitigation plan of Z.

8. AnonymousSeptember 27,2022 at 6:16PM UTC

   I've experienced that as a manager as well.
   Depending on how your direct will receive it, I've found that upfront framing by you can help mitigate that:

   "I think what's going on is X, yes? Cool, when will X be done and what's the plan if y happens?"

   -or-

   "What's the headline for X?" "Great, when will X ... " etc. etc.

   And if you feel they will react defensively to that approach... maybe the better solution is, on a different track, coach your direct on how they can get better at framing?

9. Kathryn MontbriandSeptember 26,2022 at 11:37PM UTC

   Hi there - I recently shared a blog post about someone who is freezing in meetings when they get an unexpected question. Slightly different context but there may be some similarities in the internal dialogue happening with you. https://www.kathrynmontbriand.com/when-i-grow-up/009-how-can-i-stop-freezing-in-meetings

   Two other tips I'll share:

   1) draft what you want to say in bullet points (or whatever format works for you) before the meeting. For me, this gives me confidence that 'the words will be there' because I've already had them run through my head at least once. I don't always even refer back to the notes, but having done the exercise gives me a little boost in the moment.

   2) your point about not feeling like you have direction from the C-Suite - would it be possible to run some of your ideas and proposals by a mentor or other leader before a big meeting. The idea being that you could get some head-nod / indication of alignment and not have to worry that you are way out in left field in the live session?

10. AnonymousSeptember 27,2022 at 6:33PM UTC

    Thank you for the blog link!

    Your second point is interesting to me because as a manager working in a remote environment (where one can't always read the room well), I help my directs manage it by talking through beforehand what and when something could be said, deliberately pausing for reaction, etc.

    Depending on the scenario, I'll even determine with them whether I or someone else on the team needs to ping them at various points when it feels like a conversation is going sideways, needs to be refocused, or whatever. Like having a someone have their virtual back.

    For myself, I have actively sought it on occasion when I know I'll need a pair of eyes in the virtual room while I'm focused on presenting. It's definitely not as consistent for myself as one level down from C-suite as it is me being available as a manager for my team for such head-nods/alignments.

11. AnonymousSeptember 28,2022 at 2:41AM UTC

    Sounds a bit chaotic but maybe outlining you points can help uour audience walk away with a better or clearer understanding of what you are trying to convey.

    I know I tune out when things start to repeat or go in circles m

12. AnonymousSeptember 28,2022 at 6:32PM UTC

    Say more? Which part sounds chaotic?