My teenage son was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s & we’ve been trying to figure out everything (with lots of help.)
Meet with him that his performance is not as expected but you know he is very bright & capable and don’t want to lose him. Then have him help with solutions. What worked best in college/high school?
he may have a lot of Executive Function issues (organizing tasks, figuring out priorities, starting but not finishing). There are apps & calendars that specifically help people on the spectrum & can be immensely helpful. Fairly detailed lists of each process. And clearly articulating which tasks should be done in which order.
sensitivity to light/sounds temperatures & other distractions or he may be totally oblivious to all of them, so you have to directly make sure he sees/hears you. Many of these things are easy to control. (Ex, while the orthodontist was carefully showing him the computerized models of his teeth & how the braces would work, he was staring intently at her, presumably (to us) really interested in the discussion, but when he asked if he had any questions, he asked why her eyes were so bloodshot with little red lines in them. I was mortified- this was before we figured out the Asperger’s. He was paying careful attention to her, but not on what she was saying!)
if personal hygiene is an issue, privately call him in and tell him he needs to shower and put on deodorant each day before work. (Be thankful he’s not a 16 yo boy!)
he may lack normal social communication skills, not understand sarcasm, tone, etc. for example, which greeted with “Hi! How are you?” He may be panicking in his brain if this is one of those (to him) “trick questions). Do you mean how he is actually doing (really annoyed, I cut myself shaving & stubbed my toe) or is this a “neurotypical” pleasantly and thus fine AND reciprocating by asking how you are is what you mean.
he may need to know exactly why something is necessary. (My son reads incessantly but refused to fill out reading logs for class because they didn’t prove anything. My older son & I pleaded with him - but you’ve actually read the books & half the kids just make it up! That was exactly his point. It proved nothing. Ummm I didn’t have an alternate response!)
I hope these examples make sense. Now - for the good side. He most likely thinks way, way out of the box and spot abnormalities in patterns in seconds, so harness that!
Many people think Elon Musk has Asperger’s- he’s dreamed up & turned into reality cars that drive themselves & rocket boosters that can be re-used, both way out of the box. At the same time, he has excitedly shared news that shouldn’t have been shared! (My son recently attempted a joke involving the number 69 while at dinner with the whole family including grandparents!)
pattern wise - one manager at Microsoft would ONLY hire people with Asperger’s for coding because they could instantly see where the bug in the thousands of Lines of code.
I could go on & on since I’m so involved with this (but I won’t!)
finally, I’m somewhat religious, but call it God, fate etc, there may well be a reason he’s working for you. You may have a child or grandchild, niece, nephew who has Asperger’s & you’ll be well prepared. Feel free to reach out if I can be of more help!
Share your insight
Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.
34 Comments
Join the conversation