Neoptism at work?

27 Comments

1. Caroline ScarbroughFebruary 6,2023 at 8:18PM UTC

   Have you noticed them interested in the team you're on before, or are they totally new from a completely different team?

2. AnonymousFebruary 6,2023 at 8:51PM UTC

   This will be a really challenging complaint for your HR team to process. They will undoubtedly say the "friend" was better qualified, has more experience, etc. Treat anything you say to HR (even in confidence) like public information that will make its way right back to your boss. While unfair, your talk with HR will likely damage the relationship.

   INFO: were you promised this position, were you working on a formal path to securing the manager job? Did you boss give you specific and measurable goals to achieve that would result in this promotion? Or were you taking your own steps to demonstrate leadership and competency ? These are two very different paths and I'm not totally clear from your post which is most accurate.

   If the later is true, and you were doing things like taking on additional responsibility or volunteering for new projects, I'd march myself right into the boss and ask for a formal path forward for a promotion. Get this in writing, have regular check-in's and hold him accountable.

   Best of luck as you determine next steps.

3. AnonymousFebruary 6,2023 at 9:20PM UTC

   you should be aware that HR was probably working on the hire through the process and may know it was a referral. legally, if they dotted all their eyes you do have to be cautious what you say to HR and HR is on the side of the company not the employee they’re there to protect their employer so please be cautious. I’ve worked in companies where friends and relatives were the first to be hired and, it was more the norm then the exception

4. AnonymousFebruary 6,2023 at 9:30PM UTC

   That's a good point- I was not promised the position or on a formal path to it. I had previously expressed interest in it, and was taking my own steps to reach it.

   Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it... I think I'm just in a bad mood because the news just came out, haha. Going up to him and asking for a formal path is a great idea, I really appreciate it!

5. Barb HansenFebruary 7,2023 at 5:11PM UTC

   Is there a formal HR policy against hiring family or close friends?

   If not, then I would drop it.

   There are many reasons that one person gets promoted or hired over another and unfortunately, being the most deserving person or the person best suited for the job is not always the reason.

   Understanding how your company makes promotion decisions can help you plan your career.

   I'm not saying that hiring friends/family is a good idea, I'm only saying that it happens, and unless there is a formal HR policy to prevent it, there is nothing you can do except file that information in the "good to know" folder, and plan accordingly.

6. Cindy GloverFebruary 8,2023 at 3:00AM UTC

   Great advice!!

7. AnonymousFebruary 8,2023 at 6:17PM UTC

   Does your company have a policy on posting and interviewing for internal roles? If there is you should seek out HR and file a complaint letting them know that you wanted to be considered for this role. As it is already gone ask them to help you find another upscaled position in the next open situation that is aligned with your interest. Let it go beyond that unless you plan to leave but burning that bridge is not going to net you any pleasant exit from your boss. I would also if you feel comfortable ask your boss why you were not considered for the same role. You may find out that there are some hidden reasons or other talents that this person had that made them a better candidate for the role.

8. Dr. Ginny A. BaroFebruary 9,2023 at 1:09PM UTC

   Hello, my number one question is, did your manager know that you were working toward that manager role? Sometimes we need to be very direct and advocate for ourselves as it relates to our development and ensure that our management knows what our intentions are as a relates to our career development within the company. That’s how they’ll think of us whenever they are positions open. If that were the case that your manager knew about your intentions, and you had a chance to interview for the role, then I would say that’s some thing to look into—the background and experience. Otherwise, if you never had a chance to interview for the job I will definitely bring it up to HR.

9. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 1:21PM UTC

   Technically it’s not nepotism, it’s cronyism. And if there is no formal policy against it, you’re out of luck. Find open positions that align with your goals and make it known that you want them and are working towards them. It doesn’t hurt to network even outside your current company too.

10. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 1:24PM UTC

    Personally I believe HR is not your friend if you want to further your career with this company. If your manager knew you were working towards that position and he gave it to his bestie then you’re best off making a lateral move to get yourself under a better manager and find yourself a mentor. Everyone else already likely knows your manager hired his friend so both of them look a bit sketchy but no one will talk openly about it. I think it’s a good idea for you to create some distance from both of them.

11. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 1:48PM UTC

    Indeed

    I spent too much time fuming at a small company where one man had total control

    All roles with people on more pay because they had been intimate with him or his best friend from childhood. These were his decisions were made and unfortunately was so corrupt and he was unbelievably disorganised himself.

    I should have left without being impacted by such a toxic environment for too many years.

    My friend did payroll like me previously but the guy shifted out the hard workers and promoted his mates.

    Total wrong un to be managing staff

    In the end I reported him to the auditing organisation for this sector and shortly afterwards, this man and his two so called close lady friends and his best mate were removed from post.

    What I would say from your experience, not as extreme, but this kind of hiring and promoting is not uncommon and lots organisation's ignore talent and promote according to being mates or otherwise

    It's pretty bad to be honest but don't let it embittered you. It did me and I ruined my day to day life for years after about the injustices of it all.

    My personal view would be accept this is part of human life and despite rules and regs they rarely mean anything in real life happenings.

    I know in another job. The overall manager is with her partner in love and work ie he became assistant manager and now is also her partner.

    I not bothered now. I am doing what I need to do to get my money and when I get back home, I don't think about work or it's injustices at all.

    Did that previously and it was unhelpful.

    Contacting HR. Mmm not sure. I guess they would involve your manager and whatever way its dressed up, it would not make him that amenable to you afterwards.

    I would enable getting a decent reference from your current boss as opposed to a nit picking one if you felt he victimised you.

    Keep your head down, apply for jobs where hopefully more opportunities and also you may get more of a vibe for more of a genuine management progression attitude whilst at interview.

    If I was you in my head I would be saying this has got me as far as I can go and in your head you have left and when you get home, forget work.

    Even if it takes a year or so to get right job, maybe by keeping your head down, you could be surprised in your current job that you get a chance ofban opportunity and the scenario was not as you first thought. Unlikely but I guess you don't 100% know that either.

    It's a lesso. most have to learn though as we humans are never exactly ? great at times but yes I think it sounds like to look on it as a learning experience in work life.

    Good luck with it all absolutely

12. Christi MillerFebruary 9,2023 at 1:50PM UTC

    I think it depends on how confidential HR is and what proof you have that it was nepotism. If you don't have proof it may come off as sour grapes and if HR is not confidential it may change your relationship with your boss. What is your goal in going to HR?

13. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 2:48PM UTC

    100%

    Sounds like sour grapes to me.

    Obviously HR is well aware of this happening, thus going to HR will accomplish what, other than possibly destroying your realtionship with your boss.

    Nobody likes a snitch!

14. AnonymousFebruary 10,2023 at 4:08AM UTC

    Going thru the same thing at work. Boss hired unqualified friend and passed over a very qualified team member. Can’t talk to old boss cause she made the decision and can’t talk to HR cause then you look like a crybaby. It’s not Ok but don’t see any other choice but to remain or leave. Best of luck

15. Milissa JacobsFebruary 9,2023 at 1:57PM UTC

    If you have rock-solid proof, I would go to HR, otherwise, it looks as though you are just whining. Hiring a friend for a job that they are capable of isn't nepotism, it's networking.

16. MsFebruary 9,2023 at 2:12PM UTC

    This isn’t super uncommon and I’m sorry your bummed about not getting promoted. Executives do this often and so I’d be surprised if there’s a policy against friends hiring friends.

    if you have a written career path with your boss or a deep understanding and agreement of it And they bypassed you for a friend then you need to find a new boss because their leadership skills are weak.

    I had written career goals from each person on my team and we discussed them often to make sure they hadn’t changed and we worked towards them together.

    if you like and trust your boss - mention wanting one in your next 1:1. Maybe draft your own and get their buy in

17. GirlBossanova934974February 9,2023 at 2:24PM UTC

    Over the years, I have seen this happen many times. Friends hiring friends and friends promoting pals! But here is the real downside. 1) The person who didn't get the promotion often leaves the company or organization. Not good for the company 2) Going forward, the promoted friend is often reminded of that promotion by the promoting manager! "You wouldn't have this job IF I had not............". Would YOU like to be reporting to someone who does that? I have seen too many people over the years "have to tow the line" on some really stupid decisions because they were in debt, career wise, to some autocrat.

18. Jennifer ShoffnerFebruary 9,2023 at 2:46PM UTC

    I understand the frustration but maybe go to HR to ask why you weren't chosen and what you can do to improve your skills for the next opportunity. Be careful how it is presented.

19. Wendy CarranzaFebruary 9,2023 at 3:18PM UTC

    This is exactly why I left my last job. They brought in a director that made it clear the established team would never get promotions because he wanted to bring in his friends. After having my skills trashed to make this possible, I left. Talking to HR did nothing. As long as he wasn't doing anything illegal, they couldn't have cared less. I feel for you. It's an aggravating position to be in since there is not much you can do about it. Good luck to you.

20. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 3:31PM UTC

    Um wow ? are we in grade school? Grown adults do not speak that way to other adults dear. You didn't give any useful or legitimate advice. This site is for grown adults not children who don't know how to act yet have the audacity to tell someone else what they should and should not do in a work place situation. I wouldn't even hire you for a job.

21. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 4:02PM UTC

    A few things to consider and ask yourself, though it’s possible you have an it’s simply not in the original post.

    Is the other person appropriate for this role? Do you have things that would make it a better choice to put you in the position? Have you talked to your boss about what it would take for you to get the role if it came up again or (in a polite & non-judge mental way) how or why the decision was made for the other person instead of you? It could be a good learning opportunity for you to understand how to upskill those areas.

    An additional thought…we always tell people to network and work with others that are in a position that can get us jobs & roles we want. When that happens it may look like what you’re experiencing here too.

22. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 5:17PM UTC

    Fishy? What kind of thing is it that you are saying your company doesn't stand for? Your boss, whatever their title, can hire whom they wish! It happens all the time, sometimes people not very qualified are hired. When you say you were working toward (not towards) that type of position, how were you doing that? Did you tell your boss you were interested in that job and ask how and what you can do to make that possible? You still can ask how to advance in the company and what you could do better-be direct. Going to HR will label you as a complainer. That usually is not a productive move. If you are passed over too many times, that is a clear message - ask about what you can do to improve. Good luck

23. AnonymousFebruary 9,2023 at 6:53PM UTC

    Your rude grammar correction is inaccurate. https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/toward-towards-usage

24. Audrey KirschFebruary 9,2023 at 6:56PM UTC

    Unfortunately saying something will not change anything. If the friend has the skills for the job, they may turn out to be a stellar employee so complaining will make you look like a sore loser. If they have no skills and just got the job due to the friendship, they will most likely crash and burn rather quickly. Then, the job will become open again and your boss will be less likely to hire a friend in the future. You have to decide if you want to bide your time for a better position to open up for you or start applying elsewhere if you feel burnt by not getting the position that you feel you deserved.

25. AnonymousFebruary 10,2023 at 9:32AM UTC

    It is not necessarily a complaint but more of a policy awareness thing. I can tell some people have never worked in management. It entails a good head over your shoulders because, at the end of the day, you have to be responsible as your legacy will be on the line.

26. Vishal PatelFebruary 10,2023 at 4:19AM UTC

    Well, I am against for nepotism but In this case, you can't do anything your boss has the right to hire anyone from his friends, Family Members, so you can't stop them. If you feel insecure about your job then you have to prove that you have enough skills for the role. Instead of complaining to your hr you should start applying for a new job at well develop a company.

27. AnonymousFebruary 10,2023 at 9:30AM UTC

    Well no if policies state otherwise then he/she cannot hire his friend that's a conflict of interest. Going to HR is certainly a possibility and the right thing to do. The manager is not the owner and even then he/she would go against their principles.