Difficult employee

72 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 29,2024 at 10:16PM UTC

   Are you their supervisor or above their supervisor? If not I would leave addressing behavior to those with authority.

   Connecting with this person is not in your lane unless you are extremely worried about their mental health.

2. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJuly 30,2024 at 7:58AM UTC

   Why would you want to connect with someone like that? People like that typically feed off the attention they get. I'd recommend you ignore him. That childish nonsense doesn't have near the same effect when no one is paying attention.

3. Danielle CastilloJuly 30,2024 at 12:21PM UTC

   I don't understand why you want to connect with him if he's so negative and not a joy to be around anyway. Just do your job and go home. And you have to learn to ignore things and not take everything personal. People have their own issues and problems, so his attitude likely has nothing to do with you.

4. AnonymousJuly 30,2024 at 1:24PM UTC

   I would have to know more to give specific examples. If he doesn't respond to "Good morning," it may be because it isn't good for him. Have you tried leading questions like, "Is there something I can help you with?" or try reaching out to him on a personal (but not too personal) level? Even [kindly] asking him why the memos he throws away annoys him so much. Perhaps he thinks they are a waste of paper and is passionate about environmental issues. Without asking, you will never know. That sort of thing annoys me when something they could put in an email is distributed on paper. I don't get all dramatic, though.

5. SPNN4 SJuly 30,2024 at 1:38PM UTC

   My advice is don't. Make things easier on yourself. Speak to him if he speaks to you - answer in short sentences and answer yes or no. Avoid the drama

6. AnonymousJuly 30,2024 at 2:47PM UTC

   Why are you looking to connect with this person? Are you his manager? Do you rely on his work to do you work? If no to both, honestly - just avoid.

7. AnonymousJuly 30,2024 at 8:18PM UTC

   Continue to be your happy self and say good morning or have a good evening. Don't expect a response. But sometimes kindness breeds kindness. Other times, grumpy farts just sit in their grumpiness and nothing you say can change it. If you lend an ear, they may try to use you as a sounding board of negativity. Just say hope you have a good day today.

8. AnonymousJuly 30,2024 at 8:33PM UTC

   Keep your distance. This person acts out. They are not looking for "good mornings" they need to act out by denying courtesy, stomping around, crumbling up papers loudly, and generally grumbling and spewing negativity. They are not looking for connection.

9. AnonymousJuly 31,2024 at 2:20AM UTC

   Connect with them? My god, extricate yourself from this drama. This won’t change. Do everything you can to distance yourself. Stop with the niceties and trying to eek a good morning out if her. Put yourself first, not your responsibility to right this ship.

10. AnonymousJuly 31,2024 at 6:18PM UTC

    Part of a managers job is to manage their employees, and part of this management is making sure they are okay, are able to do their job and have a work appropriate attitude. A good manager does not ignore or avoid staff and especially the problematic ones.

    Quietly checking in with each person is appropriate. Talking with HR to navigate challenging employees is appropriate. As a manager it shockingly IS your responsibility to right the ship.

11. AnonymousJuly 31,2024 at 9:28PM UTC

    I don't think the OP is this person's manager, though. They say "work with an employee."

12. AnonymousJuly 31,2024 at 1:08PM UTC

    This is going to sound unusual based on most of the advice given here, but I'm going to suggest doing the opposite of keeping your distance. Continue offering a simple "Good morning" if that's what you would normally do. The next time your peer acts out, without any sarcasm or being overly 'sunny,' quietly and genuinely ask him, "Are you okay?"

    If you hear, "Yeah, why?" Calmly say, "It seemed like you were upset so I wanted to check in and see if I could help."

    If you get an earful about everything that's wrong in life and with the company, listen, practice your patience, don't try to solve his problems or perceptions. When it seems like he's done, say "That's a lot to be going through. Let me know if I can help in any way."

    You may find he begins to respond to you more kindly over time, but if he begins to complain to you daily, it isn't your job to manage that and it's time to set some boundaries.

13. AnonymousJuly 31,2024 at 1:39PM UTC

    Why do you want to connect with this person. Stay away. Ewww.

14. Liz MilneJuly 31,2024 at 4:05PM UTC

    Tell him to shape up, that his crappy attitude is unpleasant to be around.

    That's what a female employee would be told...

    Not replying to a morning greeting is just incredibly rude, imo >:(

15. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 12:42PM UTC

    Maybe their not having a good morning. So it isn't rude. Their probably going through something.

16. Liz MilneAugust 3,2024 at 10:43PM UTC

    If someone speaks to you and you don't reply that is rude. 'Morning,' takes no time at all and is the minimum of basic civility, imo. If he's going through something traumatic enough that he can't manage a one-word response, he shouldn't be at work that day.

17. AnonymousJuly 31,2024 at 4:57PM UTC

    I had the exact same situation. I would approach the group every morning for our meeting ( which I led) and say good morning, and get no response from this person. I finally stopped saying good morning, and I feel that was a mistake. What I would have done differently is say, Good morning, “x.” So it was absolutely clear I was addressing that person, and if he/she didn’t reply, then I could have moved it forward by saying, “ are you OK?” Or addressing it in some way. Don’t let someone else’s bad behavior change your good behavior!

18. AnonymousJuly 31,2024 at 5:26PM UTC

    They clearly have psychological problems and may be struggling.

19. AnonymousAugust 1,2024 at 12:36PM UTC

    Honestly, I’m disheartened by the many responses to immediately dismiss this person. Of course we need to be protective of peace, but we have no idea what this person is going through - and it’s clearly something. I would extend myself, “I noticed you don’t seem to be yourself lately. Is there something I can help with?” Or some variation of that. If the person responds negatively, then you know to keep your distance, but they might open up and things could turn around.

    People often lash out when they feel alone, need help, and don’t know how to ask for it. Give grace first and if they shut you down, keep it moving.

20. AnonymousAugust 2,2024 at 3:41PM UTC

    That's what OP should do - give this guy some grace and keep it moving. They literally end the post with "how to connect with this person" - WHY?!?!??! OP is already triggered by the most mundane actions. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who feels entitled to a response from me and micromanages how I file papers on MY desk. I don't even care to know what their definition of "dramatic" is. It's subjective, and OP has subjected us to enough about their self. Maybe that's why they are getting these responses. . .

21. maria roseAugust 1,2024 at 3:15PM UTC

    This is the second post from an anonymous OP, asking for how to deal with a coworker whose attitude towards them ( the OP) is perceived to not be good. Since the OP is not in charge of hiring for this company but merely a coworker that they have a passing work contact, there is no need to for the OP to get involved with this fellow employee except for the rare times that they might be assigned to work together. Our coworkers are not potential BFFs and at work one needs to understand that unless you are assigned to work together and can’t get the job done you don’t have to be involved with every single person you work with. The OP made an initial contact and got a response—which they didn’t like and now feel it’s their goal to address this issue—which is not an issue per se, because it has nothing to do with the OP doing their job—main purpose of having a job is to do the work assigned. Conversation and personal interactions have nothing to do with doing their job.

22. AnonymousAugust 2,2024 at 12:52PM UTC

    I didn't read the poster's comment like they were trying to discipline or reprimand their co-worker. They are simply empathetic and seeking a pleasant and cordial work environment which everyone deserves. It seems like many in this thread are workers who want to punch a clock, do their job and go home. Professionals want to grow and develop themselves, elevate to higher levels, exchange ideas to improve the way things operate, help people become more productive so the company thrives, strengthen the culture and connect with fellow humans. When you genuinely care for others, you rise up in the process. Not everyone has everything figured out and someone often needs to show them the way. It comes down to having a teacher's mindset. Some have it, some don't. It sounds like even though the poster isn't a manager, they are a Leader.

23. AnonymousAugust 2,2024 at 2:31PM UTC

    It reads like the OP manages the employee.

24. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 12:08PM UTC

    I honestly wouldn't bother trying to "connect" with this person at this point. It sounds like they have problems that might need professional help. Unless you're an in-company therapist or HR person, their bad moods sound like the person's issues are outside your range of being able to help with even if you make a "connection" with him.

    This is not advice to snub the other person, but simply to move on. Once you walk into work and say "Good morning" to them, just go on to your desk and say "good morning" to the other people you pass. If the other person makes dramatic scenes, leave the area if possible or otherwise ignore the scenes.

    Whatever you do, don't involve yourself with the person any more than is required by your job.

25. Damie WilsonAugust 3,2024 at 12:40PM UTC

    A solid working GoPro. Soon, we will all be connected. We need proof that we say what we say. With AI coming in these days. We need to have new tech that allows proof that we are not alone.

    When people are watched, they behave more. And, don't know if you've noticed or not, the world needs to be adjusted accordingly.

    We want attention but we don't want to earn it. Most people will take it.

    I once heard the phrase, "negative attention is better than no attention. "

    Well, when it comes to your attention that you have no attention it creates tension. Sorry. Sometimes humour has to be integrated among these selfish narcissistic fucks.

    One day, show em who's boss. Put your camera one, keep it hidden and walk by the MF and say, "How the fuck are you?" "Oh. I just realized, IDC." And saunter off.

    That'll be when everyone will see the truth about his real emotional intelligence. Test him. If he's dangerous, you won't make it far.

    Get rid of the kill joys.

26. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 7:07PM UTC

    Ummm noooo.

27. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 12:40PM UTC

    You never know what someone may be going through. Personally sometimes when I go to work. I don't like to be bothered first thing in the morning. I like to unwind. I'm neurodiverse. While others like to "socialize". The person may be feeling upset about something when being handed that print out mentioned. It's up to them to decide when they will speak up for themselves. Continue to say good morning. Don't push yourself on the person. Or like someone else stated. Ask them if their okay. If no response. Then move on with your day.

28. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 2:29PM UTC

    We had a woman who behaved very similarly. I think it is the height of rudeness to totally ignore a “Good Morning”, no matter how you are feeling. This was just one example of what an unpleasant person she was, & she made the environment very toxic. Everyone in the office was so happy anytime she was gone.

29. Alissa BurchAugust 3,2024 at 1:05PM UTC

    I served in the military with plenty of unpleasant, gruff people, but I didn’t encounter a true “menace” until I worked in corp America at several “nice” companies that I am sure you’ve heard of.

    A menace in my experience has been; people directly and clearly threatening harm to coworkers, sexual harassment and assault, actual physical fights in the office, a car chase- a far cry from terse responses and theatrically crumpling paper. And as a leader, I’ve dealt directly with this behavior and I take it seriously.

    What you describe is not a menace, but it certainly bears watching. He may or may not start to become a real problem. You are not there to be his mother or girlfriend. Resist any urge to “connect .” Do Not get emotionally entangled with this dude! Continue to be civil and professional, but keep in mind that “kind” or “connecting” is for family and friends - basically for people you choose to be attached to, not random males you’ve ended up with at work.

    You are not his friend or family, and he has no obligation to be kind to you. Keep your interactions, and your expectations, professional.

30. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 7:05PM UTC

    Yes. 100%.

31. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 1:07PM UTC

    Yes, just be cordial but try to avoid interacting with the employee as much as possible. It may be better to call the employee on the phone or by emailing them.

32. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 1:26PM UTC

    I love this saying, “if you misbehave, you do not get access to me”.

    You do not owe him anything. Avoid people like that as it tends to be nothing but chaos.

33. Linda BlackmoreAugust 3,2024 at 1:34PM UTC

    Tell this person to knock off the passive-aggressive bullying behaviour as it creates a hostile workplace. That this is not something the employer supports. And then get him/her managed out.

34. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 3:44PM UTC

    ? how are they bullying by wadding up papers? Some folks aren't friendly or chit chatty. Just ignore them. You're there to do work.

35. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 7:03PM UTC

    Linda’s answer is everything that is wrong with workplace culture. Lacks humanity. Lacks emotional intelligence.

36. Jodie JohnsonAugust 3,2024 at 1:50PM UTC

    Ignore them entirely.

37. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 2:37PM UTC

    He or she sounds pretty miserable. My advice might not be acceptable to you, But when I have to interact with someone like this.I try to see them in the same way that god sees them... With love and compassion. This sounds like a very unhappy human being and you might not be able to change that, But you can look at them with a different set of eyes... It will help you to tolerate this person better.

38. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 3:46PM UTC

    While i get the whole "rude" thing (no one wants to be ignored when they say good morning), I would continue to say it as it is second nature to me; and would not be surprised I didn't receive a response. If unlike me it doesn't come out of your mouth naturally, then simply don't say it.

    Assuming he is your employee, as long as he does his job-that's all you need to concern yourself with. If it's not in his job description that he is "required" to say good morning as a performance metric, you should get over it and move on with your day. As far as the paper crumpling and making a dramatic scene-again IF he is your employee, then you can speak to him about it and ask him to please refrain from doing so as you have received complaints about it from the other employees; however, if he still doesn't, then again-as long as he is doing what he is paid to do, you and the other employees are simply going to have to just deal with it unless he becomes a threat to himself and others. Hope this helps!

39. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 4:09PM UTC

    Sounds like he doesn’t want to connect. Forcing someone into a situation because it makes you uncomfortable isn’t okay. Respect his boundaries. If you have people complain then talk to him and find out if something is going on with him. Otherwise, if he’s doing his job, I’m not sure why it’s a problem that he doesn’t say good morning or that he loudly crumples papers. As much as I understand your frustration we have got to stop forcing people to pretend they’re different than how they are for our own comfort. This is also hard to answer without witnessing first hand. Maybe he’s going through it or maybe he just wants to be left alone, which are also acceptable answers.

40. Myla DixonAugust 3,2024 at 4:57PM UTC

    I’m a little unclear as to whether this person reports to you or not and I’m not sure I fully understand your concern.

    If this is your employee, then I would be more focused on the quality of their work and how they are impacting the team/culture and address it specifically as that.

    If this is not your employee, then it’s probably best to mind your own business. I don’t see anything mentioned here that is directly disruptive or related to your performance. If his manager has an issue, they will address it themselves.

    This doesn’t mean you have to stop being yourself - say good morning if you want to. Be you and do your thing, but realize you are not in control of anyone else’s actions but your own. That said, I would encourage you to figure out why you’re so concerned with connecting with someone who obviously doesn’t want to connect and why you’re letting their actions or their ignoring you affect you so much.

41. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 6:59PM UTC

    THIS 100%. A manager with over 20 yrs experience here … THIS answer above is the answer.

    Here’s why -

    Dont expect others to respond the way we want them to and do not take it personally.

    inquire of yourself why it bothers you and uncover unconscious bias

    Do you - and move on.

    Being a great people manager involves giving them space; not expecting them to change themselves to suit our social norms that may not be theirs.

    If he isn’t your direct report - don’t overthink it. You never know what people are dealing with.

    If he is your direct report - call a meeting - a check in - find out how he’s doing - and where you can support. Try a humanizing approach - connect over some sports… Olympics are on… make small talk, it’s less about content and more about getting a sense of him. Small human gestures that go beyond typical “good mornings” could be the ticket.

    Do you see him at the coffee station in the morning? Make it casual - crack a small joke … about your kids, husband, the Olympics… anything to ease pressure and get a sense of who he is.

    there are people who feel the morning hello is a bit canned… not sincere… so don’t expect a response… and relax your aim a bit and try a different way to connect.

42. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 4:59PM UTC

    Story: For months as I passed by this employee in the hall frequently, I said Good morning or Good afternoon, which I always say to everyone I pass by.

    This one employee who never responded finally did with, "Why do you always say Good morning to me? I don't even know you!"
    I walked back up to her and said, "Hello, my name is Mary. I work in XYZ department, just down the hall from your dept. Nice to meet you. I greet everyone I pass in the hall."
    she was dumbfounded.
    A year later, I ran into her at Trader Joes and she approached me and introduced me to her sick mother and we had a pleasant conversation. Never cease greeting people! You don't know what they are going through. Internal hurt is sometimes expressed outwardly as anger. Have compassion.

    It is very surprising to me that so many responses condone cold shoulder him in response to his rude behavior.
    OP, please continue to greet Good mornings. For me, I would probably make a light joke about the crumpling memos like, "Something they said?" And maybe he will some day turn around and surprise you with a pleasantry 'Good morning' back.

43. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 5:34PM UTC

    I honestly don't see the other employee as "difficult" at all! Maybe difficult to crack for OP but like others have said, that person may be going through something difficult. You keep doing you but to expect the same back is overly controlling and not very empathetic.

44. Lesa GoodmanAugust 3,2024 at 6:18PM UTC

    Am I the only one who's gobsmacked that in this day and age this company is still sending out paper marketing memos? !!? I'd be hard-pressed to find a piece of paper (other than a post-it note...which, TBH, is not a satisfying paper-crumbling response!) on my desk.

    As for the other issue...live and let live. I'm a "GOOD MORNING!" person...but not everyone can muster up goodwill toward their colleagues.

45. AnonymousAugust 3,2024 at 6:40PM UTC

    Some people buy into the “we’re all a family” here at work, and some people have no desire to see their workplace or work colleagues as anything more than coworkers at a place they don’t truly want to be.

    While I agree, it does seem to a bit rude to not respond to someone you see every day when they say hello, that’s also a personal choice. You choose to speak, they choose not to speak. Don’t take it personally. Just do what you do and don’t do it because you expect a greeting in return. If this is a person you just see and have never formally introduced yourself or made an effort to connect then maybe start there. Ask your colleague if he would like to grab a coffee with you. If he declines, then so be it. He’s clearly not interested. But if he agrees just spend 5-10 minutes introducing yourself and asking what his experience is at the company. Don’t try to be besties or pry into anything personal. But keep in mind nobody owes you their friendship.

46. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachAugust 3,2024 at 10:14PM UTC

    Such interesting replies here. Bottom line to me is this employee is being rude. It is rude to not acknowledge someone who says hello or good morning. That others condone rude behavior is mindboggling to me. Saying "good morning" is not the same thing as asking to be besties. It is common courtesy. Courtesy makes for more congenial and bearable workplaces. And don't we all want that? In this case, she works with him. So, I do agree witih the recommendation to sit down over a cup of coffee and ask how he likes his job- and perhaps if brave, if she has done anything to offend him. Sometimes people are mad at you for a slight you didn't realize you committed, which could be the case here. So start with conversation that is deeper than "good morning"-- if he's amenable. Good luck.

47. AnonymousAugust 4,2024 at 12:23PM UTC

    Don't bother to connect. You don't need that energy at work or in your life.

48. Darlene MirtoAugust 4,2024 at 12:48PM UTC

    Have you ever asked him what’s wrong? “Looks like you’re having a bad day. Is everything ok? “ he sounds like he hates his job and wants everyone to know it. Why he hates his job is a question for his supervisor to ask.

49. AnonymousAugust 4,2024 at 12:51PM UTC

    The other employee hasn’t done anything wrong and isn’t being difficult or rude. There’s definitely a reason they are choosing not to speak to you. So just leave this person alone. People come to work to do their jobs and go home or get back to their lives outside of work. It isn’t a place for friends. Stop trying to force connections. You are probably getting on this person’s nerves. Only speak to this person if it’s work related. Do not ask this person out to coffee- leave them alone! Im sure you have other friends at work and outside of work so just let it go.

50. Claudia SeltenreichAugust 4,2024 at 1:36PM UTC

    I disagree if you say good morning your being polite, it doesn’t mean you want to be friends. I think it’s very rude if someone says good morning or hello to you that you just say it back..

51. AnonymousAugust 11,2024 at 6:29PM UTC

    I don’t fully disagree with you. But I think for this person to be making such a big deal out of it and giving this situation so much energy they probably do want to be friends. We only have half the story and I agree most people do say good morning or hello back depending on which part of the US you are in. I’m from the south, I wave at my neighbors and everybody. But I feel like there is a moment where you just have to read the room. Everyone wasn’t raised the same and don’t have the same values. How many times will you let someone disrespect you before you finally either address it assertively or leave them be? It’s possible they did not hear her and it’s possible they may not like her but I just think it shouldn’t matter what was going through that person’s mind b/c you can get your power back in this situation by choosing to keep it strictly professional and not wasting your good positive energy on them.

52. AnonymousAugust 4,2024 at 7:03PM UTC

    Yeah, he IS being rude. And if you replied this way because you choose to ignore polite greetings in your workplace, you, too are being rude and possibly contributing to an unpleasant enviroment for all. When you work WITH people, you need to communicate WITH people. And being polite and kind makes that a lot easier. I can't imagine working in a place where people give each other the cold shoulder because "work isn't a place for friends." It is a place where we should be kind to others, friends or not. Think about it.

53. AnonymousAugust 11,2024 at 7:48PM UTC

    No need for personal jabs lol. This situation isn’t about me at all and I’m actually very friendly, polite, hilarious, reliable, and easy to work with. Quite honestly, I wouldn’t even be in this type of situation. I would have said something to this person immediately like “ hey did you not hear me? I said good morning!” Then I would have let them know I’m from the south and that’s considered rude. I think the issue for me is now trying to label this person as “difficult” when in reality these 2 may just have personal issues with each other. I don’t think they should keep pressing this person. I agree, you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar and kindness is free. However, we don’t know the full story and I really think this person is responding this way or ignoring for a reason. It’s also possible they didn’t even hear them and this could all be blown out of proportion. That’s why it’s important to communicate assertively with people.

54. AnonymousAugust 11,2024 at 8:21PM UTC

    In continuation… I actually think you bring up a valid point as to whether they are working WITH people or not. B/c in 2024 many of us work independently of our coworkers and some even telework. But if they are working together on tasks as nurses or something it would be that much more important to get along. Based on my work experiences, we will have to agree to disagree on whether or not work is a place for friends. But I can respect your perspective based on your life experiences. I work a government job and things are very political here so it serves a person to be private. It’s not a cold shoulder thing it’s just the culture in this workplace. We don’t have birthday parties, going away parties, or team building events like other employers. Although I prefer a more family-like work culture, I’ve grown used to it, I’m mid-level in my career, & this job pays the bills. I’ve learned you can still work politely together without discussing what you brought for lunch today or what you did for the weekend. I have still met some genuine people I know I can trust at work and they help make the job a little more worth it but I also understand that everyone isn’t your friend. And this person isn’t their friend so they should just leave this person alone and focus their energy on those who accept them.

55. AnonymousAugust 4,2024 at 1:12PM UTC

    The only way to handle this is to ignore it. He is acting this way to get a reaction - much like an ill-behaved toddler. Create a “Violet Incredible”-like force field around yourself and go about your day. When you have to refer to this person, do it in an almost clinical way and make it a game. Example: “No, boss. I have not discussed this with Ted. As you know, he refuses to speak to me or acknowledge my presence. This info might be better sent in an email but not from the Marketing Director. Ted snarls and throws those away in quite the dramatic fashion.”

56. AyianAugust 4,2024 at 1:56PM UTC

    Passive aggression is still stressful to be around, whether you ignore it or not. There is a possibility that he is unaware that his aggressive crumpling of paper is affecting you. Rather than ignore him as many others have suggested, consider having an open conversation with him over coffee or lunch in a neutral location offsite and ask questions. For example, "I've been wondering, why don't you respond when I greet you in the morning?" and "Why do you crumple paper so aggressively sometimes?" Perhaps even "Is there anything I can do to make the office a more pleasant place for you?"

    Leave plenty of space for whatever answers may come and even ask more as things you want clarification on come up.

    Then make statements, like "I would appreciate an acknowledgement, even if it's just 'hey'." and "Could you tone down your body language when you crumple paper or just discard it? I find the loud crumpling to be very disruptive."

    Either this person will see your efforts and try to meet you a little or they will show you that they do not wish to improve the situation, in which case, they're telling you whether in words or silence that they are just here for a paycheck. That's fine, but there are other people who can do that without bringing low key aggression into the office, you know?

57. LORI-ANN BURLINGAMEAugust 4,2024 at 4:21PM UTC

    Does your company have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)? If they do, you may want to reach out to one of their counselors for some advice. They are professors and are trained in dealing with all kinds of personality and mental health issues. You do not have to go this alone.

58. NPWAugust 4,2024 at 4:33PM UTC

    Excellent advice Lori-Ann

59. AnonymousAugust 4,2024 at 5:46PM UTC

    I think I would ignore anything that is not directed to you. So what if the person says "good morning" back. The person is having an issue, not you. Don't take this behavior to mean you its about you. It's not about you. It's the other person having a bad morning. Find other people to talk to, and ignore him completely, except to say your chipper "Good Morning!" Don't let a small thing ruin your day.

60. GermFreeWriter63!August 4,2024 at 7:08PM UTC

    Your diction says it all: "I work with an employee..." When I began to read this, I figured the manager/supervisor had posted a question. Then I caught myself because this site is not for admin. THEN, I stopped because...a-ha! THERE WAS THE PROBLEM! WHY DO YOU FEEL A NEED TO FORCE A CO-WORKER TO CONNECT WITH YOU? The person does his job so leave him alone. This is a case of a faux problem. You are attempting to stir the pot and create trouble only for yourself. The question that needs to be asked is: "Why do YOU feel a need to correct and control another person's behavior and mind-set?" This is about your need to control others to have an outcome that conforms with your comfort level. And, I imagine that this applies to other areas of your life. Stay in your lane, do YOUR JOB, leave everyone else alone. Deal with crumpling paper sounds (OMG!) by wearing EarPods to muffle your sensitivity. Stop saying good morning to your co-worker since you are not receiving the desired attention. GET OVER IT.

61. maria contosAugust 5,2024 at 12:32AM UTC

    'Depersonalize' which can 'de-stress' ones life is what I personally work on

62. AnonymousAugust 6,2024 at 6:37PM UTC

    Excpecting a polite reply to "good morning" is "correct and control"? Egad.

63. AnonymousAugust 5,2024 at 3:01AM UTC

    I'm curious, is this employee a co-worker? Do you have to collaborate with them on tasks? And, what is the reason you want to connect with this person? From the bit you've shared, it seems to me you've made the effort by saying, "good morning" and gotten a pretty clear signal that the person doesn't want to reciprocate. You can choose to continue your morning greeting without any expectation for a response or just let this person be in their own way. If you are not this person's supervisor and you don't have a shared set of responsibilities, I'm not sure what the basis for your concern for their attitude is. If their supervisor isn't trying to correct it, or doesn't feel it is impacting team output or morale, perhaps you could direct your friendly energy elsewhere. Sometimes, building a norm around office / team culture can happen by building bonds with the willing, rather than focusing on the office curmudgeon.

64. Vidya BhatAugust 5,2024 at 7:03AM UTC

    1) Have one on one talk, or

    2) IGNORE or

    3) Start treating exactly in the same manner as he treats you. This should work 100%.

    Some people understand only when you come down to their level. Unfortunate but true. Hope you get backing of the other people around & not get cornered. Because someone else's misery is free entertainment to people around. Good Luck!

65. AnonymousAugust 5,2024 at 2:05PM UTC

    Go back as far as you can remember and document everything with dates and continue doing so moving forward. At some point you're going to have to have a conversation and he's going to deny, but with specific examples and dates, he can't dispute.

66. AnonymousAugust 6,2024 at 1:47AM UTC

    Unless the menacing behavior is directly impacting your work performance or if you just can’t get around interacting with him, then I would say don’t force the issue. The fact that this person is so negative probably has a lot to do with how he feels about himself and his life. And until he decides to change his attitude, all the “good morning ‘“ greetings will go unreturned. Don’t take it personally and don’t let his negativity rub off on you. Also be aware should his microaggression go from balling up notes of paper to making actual verbal threats. In that case go straight to HR to file a complaint.

67. AnonymousAugust 6,2024 at 12:11PM UTC

    I would say unless you directly manage this person or unless they have been directly aggressive or verbally rude to you (not everyone is a morning person) then move on. There are kinds of people in the world and they don't all behave the same way you would.

68. AnonymousAugust 6,2024 at 3:39PM UTC

    I've actually experienced this twice and since it worked so well for me to ask the 1st person, I asked the 2nd one, Both times I received honest, albeit different answers, which were enlightening.

    Just ask. Is there something that's bothering you? Am I bothering you?

    1st time: I was young, early stage in my career and worked at the reservations desk in a Michilan star restaurant. My co-worker and I ran the show front of house. She was always serious and I felt some kind of animosity being directed at me although I had always been a nice person and am generally easy to get along with. When I asked, she plainly stated that she didn't care for cheerful people and this was okay by me. Once we got that out of the way, we discovered that we actually made a great team. She just seemed more interested in the operation vs my interest in the customer experience, so we actually complemented each other.

    2nd time: Mid career. I was a revenue analyst and she was a supervisor. She was sweet when she saw certain people in the office, but notably her attitude towards me was dry. When I asked, she shared an email from our boss where she was pitting me against her saying that I was gunning for her job. Funny enough I shared with her that whenever she (supervisor) left our boss's office, our boss would say horrible things about her. Truly our boss was our problem, when we realized this, we were able to deflect our boss at every turn and we remain friends today.

    If it's important to you, then ask.

    I believe ALL people want to be seen. Based on what you've shared, I believe he's no different. He might just be waiting to be asked.

    Just be prepared to not take anything he shares personally.

69. Tahirah WineglassAugust 6,2024 at 3:56PM UTC

    Why do u feel it necessary to "connect" with this person? They might not want to connect with you. Think about it from their point of view. The job is not a place for joy- its WORK. When ppl start thinking of it in that sense, things will get better.

70. AnonymousAugust 6,2024 at 6:34PM UTC

    There is a difference between seeking "joy" and being courteous. No, things will not get better when people only view each other as work-cogs in a machine and are impassively discourteous to each other. YUCK. That's what makes for unhappiness at work. Work goes better when there is a sense of team, and camraderie. I am sorry you have had not had the pleasure of working in a congenial environment. Polite responses to "good morning" is hardly demanding joy. I remain aghast at the number of FGBers who seem to say "work is work and not friendship or fun or anything pleasurable at all". But then maybe that's why many on FGB seem sad, angry and frustrated? People like their jobs better when they have a friend at work. So maybe try to be nice? Just say hello or good morning. Will it really hurt that much? A little joy in the office would be wonderful, wouldn't it?

71. AnonymousAugust 6,2024 at 6:47PM UTC

    We spend more time during hours we're awake with people at work, than we do with our own families. I prefer that time to be spent with people who know I respect them for who they are, feel looked after and valued so they know they're in a psychologically safe place. I'd be saying a simple "good morning" to this person every day despite how they treated me. Make your own sunshine.

72. Beth StevensAugust 7,2024 at 6:01PM UTC

    Love the advice about forcing someone into a situation because it will make you more comfortable isn't ok. Consider that by you making yourself comfortable that is thereby making the other person uncomfortable. On another note "good morning" isn't really a question, but more of a statement. I agree it's awkward if you say it to someone and they don't say it back, but it's really just one of those courtesies that SHOULD be observed but often times is not - like putting your grocery cart in the cart corral in the parking lot instead of just pushing it into another empty spot. There's a lot of good advice given by others in this thread that could potentially crack the shell that is your co-worker but be prepared that they may just not want to change. That doesn't mean you should stop doing what makes you happy. But, by you being you, you need to him be him.