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I'm usually not a quitter, but I'm considering it. At this point, any advice is welcome; here goes..

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Anonymous

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I'm usually not a quitter, but I'm considering it. At this point, any advice is welcome; here goes..

I joined a team a few months ago and thought it was my dream job because I had the qualifications and experience to assist them, and I'd also consulted for the company before and really liked it. I was expecting to work with a senior colleague and learn the components of a specific job that would assist the entire company - details that only she knew. Every time I asked for more information about the job, my senior colleague would say, "Nobody ever showed me how to do this" or, "Nobody's ever told me how to do that.."

She "ran out of time" so many times about showing me a vital piece of equipment I needed to do my job, that I went elsewhere and got the information and the equipment myself. And, I was ready and able to use it, but was never given the chance by the senior colleague to participate in any testing. I let her know she didn't have to do everything by herself.

I then went to her and told her I was getting mixed signals from her and not enough information about what I'm supposed to do with her. From that conversation she did swing a little more work my way for experience, but she prefaced each time she sent work by saying the department manager told her to give it to me...

This colleague also took extensive time off soon after I started, and just 1 day before she left gave me a half hour of one-liners describing the laundry list of coverage - for her - I was expected to do. This was unacceptable, but because she gave me just enough crumbs of information to string me along, I could manage day to day; it felt like we were making some progress. However, she was never "my office buddy" - other colleagues were the ones who shared basics with me to fill in new employee information gaps I needed.

I tried to let the department manager know fairly soon about not getting much information from my senior colleague, but I was told to take my questions/concerns to the team. At one point the department manager even said I could come to her with any questions, and then, when I did come to her, she said she had no idea and I should "take your questions to the team." It was starting to became a vicious circle.

My senior colleague's latest escapade, when I asked for more hands on experience - or any hands on experience, was that she told me she "didn't want to overwhelm me" and that "the last person in my position, quit because of it...". I actually believed that explanation, briefly, because I'd heard rumors about that from other colleagues.

Fairly recently, the department manager asked me how I felt taking over parts of the job for my senior colleague and I said, "Well, I don't know. I guess I would know where to go to ask questions if there's something I didn't know." I didn't read into it at the time I was asked.

So, to date, my colleague told everyone else that she was taking a leave of absence that might turn into an extensive one - except she didn't tell me until she was about to leave!

And I know how to do some parts of my position, but not nearly enough of the details of this one major part of the job to cover for this senior member - and not from a lack of trying.

In an effort to be transparent, once I realized that the senior colleague had set me up, I went to my department manager and told her everything. I feel like I've been set up (truthfully by both of them) to fail spectacularly.

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  1. Anonymous

    Despite the fact that she is taking a leave, I honestly believe based on what you've said as well as similar situations I've witnessed throughout my career, she is protecting her job. She's giving you just enough to get by but not enough to do what she does but better. She wants the company to think it will be lost without her.

  2. Suzanne scott

    I'm dealing with the same thing. I'm learning a new software and have made mistakes, I'm always willing to own them but this woman goes to the owners and everyone else but never shares them with me. She commits to coming in the office but doesn't show up. She says she will show me something and passes it on to someone else and it doesn't happen. I feel so betrayed, I'm about to leave a 6 figure income and go back out on my own

  3. Anonymous

    I'm so sorry. Maybe you'll actually be able to teach yourself the job now that she's gone for extended leave.

  4. Sue Gordon- retired Career Coach

    Do your best with the job now that she is no longer blocking the way. Find resources to learn what she didn't teach you. If those resources don't exist and the manager doesn't support you, then you quit. Maybe find another job first. It sounds like a huge part of the problem (the problem?) is "senior colleague" who seems to be out of there. So hang in there! You've likely learned enough to make a success of it!

  5. Anonymous

    This might not be what you want to hear, but if you can learn how to navigate this situation and learn how to do this (or any other job) with not much to go on, you will set yourself up for a lot of success, no matter where you go.

    Having the ability to piece things together without step by step instructions will carry you through a lot of things and make you extremely strong in problem solving and other areas. This is especially important if you are in your twenties/thirties.

    I've had almost no training my entire career and pretty much specialize in cleaning up messes, establishing processes, and completely revamping departments in my field because I've been in this situation since the second year of starting my career decades ago. The perks are I am now in a very high income range and get away with a lot of things non-independent learners do not get away with!

  6. Anonymous

    This is what happens to many "dream" jobs. They simply don't meet expectations.

  7. Anonymous

    Not at all helpful. Bitter much?

    My advice to you (and the author) would be to adjust your expectations if you stay.

    The uncooperative colleague is at least temporarily out of the pic, so you can either do your best to get up to speed on everything you need to succeed, or put all of your efforts into finding a different position as soon as possible. Who knows? With a bit of effort, either way, you might get exactly what it is you're looking for - that dream job, but on your own terms with all of your cards on the table.

  8. Anonymous

    Well at least now you can be proactive and teach yourself the job while she's out.

  9. Regina Brown

    She didn't teach you because either she doesn't know how OR you are a threat to her. Take the time to learn how to do the job on your own and then just "floor" everybody when you show them that you know how to do it AND you know how do it....better.

  10. Anonymous

    I think it is not a set up or personal against you. You just got caught in politics in your department. Hope it works out and that you stay. Work politics are everywhere, learn to manage it and be yourself.

  11. rgstaffing@bellsouth.net

    find another job.

  12. Marcia Smith

    yeah - this does not bode well for the future....the manager does not seem to want to take on any managerial duties but refer everything to the "team" - I know from experience that being managed by a team is a path to disaster. Any time I've worked for companies where my role was not well defined or there was a lack of training AND a lack of communication, it got only worth. You can generally work it out if you are missing only one of those - but not both

  13. GirlBossanova934974

    You have learned some valuable lessons here. 1) Just because you are assigned to work with a senior colleague does not mean that colleague is going to train you. 2) You now see what terrible management looks like. I would put almost all the blame for this situation on the manager. It is very clear that your manager has no idea what is going on AND had the intention of using you to replace the older colleague. And the older worker was NOT going to go along with it. In fact, she is sticking it to the manager and you are caught in the middle. IN THE FUTURE, when you should find out 2 things before you move to another job. First, what sort of TRAINING are they going to give and WHO is going to give it? SECOND, does the manager or department head have a clue about the actual work aka can she or he provide guidance? Back in the day, managers knew the working level jobs but these days, it is much more about office politics and moving managers into roles they have no real idea about. As for now, I would be looking for another job or looking for a transfer.

  14. Anonymous

    Whomp! So much to unpack here. When you decided to take this "dream" did you ask about training? Did you ask about how you will interact and get directives from the SC? Her role is likely not to train you and not to show you how to do things. And for sure she doesn't have to share with you that she was going to take leave, change happens and she is entitled to her privacy and not sharing with others until she chooses.

    Now for the advice, I would think long and hard about the dream. Can you turn it around and make the role into a learning experience where the new skills you acquire while being there propel you into bigger or more lasting career opportunities? If you can then I would ask the DM to fund training for you to do this and then hunker down and put in the effort to get this added to your professional toolkit. Tell them in a weekly 1-1 what you need to be successful in the role and what is and is not working. Make it productive and no complaining because that will net you nothing. This might be the opportunity for you to move into the SC role if she does not come back and then you have proven why you were the right person for them to hire. You never know, while you think she set you up, she might have actually hand selected you to be her replacement sensing your far ranging ability to get sh* done and do good work. This IMHO is a gift, unwrap it as such and it will give you lots in return.
    If the role simply is not things you want to do then walk away.

  15. Erin Vega

    She was giving you breadcrumbs and you didn’t want to step on any tail feathers. Now is your chance to learn, grow, and succeed!!

    However, I would recommend that you put together an SOP for your position. You never know when it might come in handy and could really help your team out.

    I just don’t understand why employees/colleagues have to act like they are above training anyone and not just training but answering questions a team member might have. Geez us can we grow up a little. I have trained upper management down to the receptionist. I have trained colleagues brought in that we’re friends of this in upper management making three times what I made.

    When they had questions (and boy did they have questions mostly the same questions ) the first time I answered and showed them, second time I asked them to read their notes and tell me the answer to their question, and the third time when they rang my phone to ask me the same question again . I told them they knew the answer and that their notes would guide them to those answers. They were warned prior to training that if they didn’t take notes that they were gonna be lost when left on their own.

    When I started working at this company I learned everything hands on. So along the way of learning whatever I could to excel in my position I created an SOP.

    This SOP was created so that anyone off the street could come and read the SOP and do my job, no questions and no training needed .

  16. NPW

    @Erin,

    The key word in your response is SOP. Creating and having an SOP is worth it as it is a guide for getting anyone up to speed to be successful in their role. SOP and onboarding guides are powerful tools for success in a new role.

  17. Anonymous

    Sensing from you that some of this is being taken very personally. For your own well-being, I sincerely hope that you can emotionally detach yourself from the situation. Perhaps nobody is setting you up to fail and each member of the team has the input you need to succeed and it’s up to you to weave the pieces together. Hopefully, your teammates are supportive in helping guide you.

    I work in a field that is very subjective, so no two people or programs are the same - making it difficult to record processes and procedures. We have general guidelines, but ultimately, the direction and output changes depending on the need. It’s the basic fundamentals that we call on to facilitate the output. Is this the case with your role? Maybe there is a mismatch is work-style preference, if so. This would also require me being guided by other team members because each one has their area of expertise and helps guide me to the final end-point - we work off of each other so it isn’t always cut and dry.

    Lastly, there are often a lot of instances where a senior member may not know what to do. And good for you for researching and learning for yourself! It’s a great opportunity to endear yourself and/or manage up by saying - I looked into this and here’s what I learned - great way to collaborate and add value to the team.

    I hope this works out for you…and will say that resentment and/or acting as if the cards are stacked against you will not do you any favors.

  18. Anonymous

    I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s unfortunate that some other commenters do not seem to understand or empathize with your situation. Whenever I hear someone say, “perhaps you’re being too sensible/emotional/taking things too personally “ I KNOW they either work in HR and/or have little empathy.

    It sounds you’re getting the runaround, mixed messages, and unclear direction, and that’s very stressful. Employees can’t be expected to succeed if they aren’t given the tools for success. It sounds like there is a backstory that you’re not privy to with the co-worker. Maybe they’re trying to protect her privacy…or maybe she’s terrified that you’ll take her job away. So many possibilities that probably have nothing to do with you.

    What I DO know: when multiple things don’t add up, miscommunication is the norm not the exception and you have reflected on the situation, checked in with family and friends and concluded that you have made every reasonable effort to succeed, it’s time to move on.

    I was in a similar situation last year. On my first day, I sensed some tension. By week 2, I was trying to figure out if I could go back to my previous employer but the salary was 35% higher so I stayed. At 8 months I was severely burned out, a wreck, and had to quit. I was so emotionally numb and exhausted that I couldn’t work for 7 months.

    Sadly, toxic workplaces are almost becoming the norm now and workplace incivility/bullying are on the rise. If it feels chaotic, unnecessarily difficult and you’re not being supported, please consider moving on because it’s not likely to get better.

  19. Anonymous

    I harmonize here. It's so tempting to stay in a toxic environment not just for the money, but also gained experience and knowledge and when you enjoy the work itself. Those things are perceived as pros when we weigh the pros and cons of staying. You may not be conscious of it, but in your case (the nagging little voice back there) is breaking the cons even further for you. Seeing a toxic environment as one whole thing and not a series of things that grow over time. So, let's break it down together (as if your inner nagging voice isn't enough), there's stress, anxiety, depression, mental exhaustion, frustration, denial, regret, discontent, loss of control over your emotions, resentment, loss of passion for the work, avoidance, etc. The cons should become clear.

    From everyone who stuffed a sock in that inner nagging voice's mouth (including me). It almost always ends the same...burnt out and resentful. Take a moment and read what you've written. Phrases like "every time I asked for more information...", "never gave me a chance...", "mixed signals...", and so on, there's a feeling there. Does it feel good, bad or indifferent? You sharing it here, anonymously (me too, no shade) is that inner voice inside, that's making you question on this forum if your feelings are valid.

    Darling, they are. Don't doubt what your mind is telling you. After reflecting on what you've written, go on to write down an actual pros and cons.

    Just take care to not generalize your feelings into a one size fits all situation, break them down further, find a quiet space, meditate so that you can really hear the voice that's clearest for you. ❤️ Much luck!

  20. Anonymous

    Well said and excellent advice.

  21. Anonymous

    Document everything - if you ask a question verbally, follow up in an email. "Hey - thanks for discussing my question on XYZ process. I have made note of blah blah steps. After reviewing my notes, I realized we did not cover the full process. When you are available, I'd like to get additional information on the following: ". Prove they are hindering your ability to sufficiently perform your role to their expectations and the senior colleague is the blocker.

    People love to hoard information. Chat with your manager and briefly explain the situation. Let them know you feel you have it under control because you do like to take initiative and conductive your own research, but overall knowledge has been limited because you believe you are not getting full training or information from your co-worker (have specific examples available if you say this). Tell your leader that you are up to the challenge and task to fully perform the tasks in co-workers absence and you appreciate patience and support while you navigate through it 100% solo.

    Be ready to out-shine and out-perform this person. They are hurting themselves, you and the company by hoarding information. When they come back from leave, they will be surprised to see life went on without them and you did a great job. You got this!

  22. Anonymous

    Thank you!

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