My manager and his boss met with me with the intention to write me up.

34 Comments

1. AnonymousMarch 26,2023 at 1:19PM UTC

   i’d like to see what others say about this because my husband recently was verbally called out for doing something at work but he wasnt told where it happened or who it was with m!

   my guess is it’s protected by confidentialities and at the same time how can you correct a behavior if you don’t know who, what, when how? how do you even defend it? There is the possibility it’s not true, it just seems like employees crossed over into complaining about everything, it’s notvonly the language, what they perceive to be politically incorrect remarks, we are living in strange times, and we are a melting pot, as much as everyone typically does want to get along with coworkers, some of the new additions to staff with century old companies are not a cultural fit how is that addressed? Shouldn’t it be in the hiring process.

2. AnonymousMarch 27,2023 at 3:45PM UTC

   "...some of the new additions to staff with century old companies are not a cultural fit how is that addressed?" I hate the way "cultural fit" is used to justify firing people for no reason. You make it sound like the "new additions" are the problem- when it's on the existing staff to be welcoming and inclusive.

3. Kimberly AnneMarch 26,2023 at 2:03PM UTC

   Great reminder!

4. Mary PoolMarch 26,2023 at 2:03PM UTC

   This is the problem with reporting systems; you have no right to confront your accuser, and false reporting has no adverse consequences. I do work for a company with a new policy of no anonymous reporting. The accuser meets with the person they are accusing, along with both managers and personnel, to lay out their case.

   This was implemented after a sharp HR representative figured out a group of workers had gotten together and decided to promote each other’s careers by sabotaging those in competition with them or those who held positions they wanted. This is not as rare as one thinks.

   I’d formally ask who reported you for this. Then ask what the consequences of false reporting are. If there are none, ask why not and what they will do in this case to make sure it doesn’t happen again or to anyone else. I’d make a big enough stink that anyone would think twice about false reporting you again.

5. AnonymousMarch 26,2023 at 2:37PM UTC

   No, it's not a court of law where you get to face your accuser.

   This company may conduct their investigation and arrive at conclusion in confidence.

6. AnonymousMarch 26,2023 at 3:17PM UTC

   I was promoted to manager in October of '21 and told I still had to fill in and help with specific individual contributor (IC) duties if nobody else could to keep our clients from waiting. I would do this unless I had other things that were pressing. Certain people got the idea that I no longer wanted to do any IC duties when I said they would have to wait because I had someone with an appointment coming in (for example) or was working on a manager's report. After the third or fourth reminder by the director-level manager(s), I asked where they got the idea I no longer wanted to do IC duties. They explained how certain people took some of my refusals out of context. I spoke with them, and we cleared the air, and it was no longer a problem. Not every company, however, will divulge a source, and some complaints will come in anonymously.

7. Mary PoolMarch 28,2023 at 1:57PM UTC

   This is an excellent example of why anonymous reporting is problematic. Once the lines of communication were opened, the issue was resolved.

8. AnonymousMarch 26,2023 at 6:49PM UTC

   Personally, you do, professionally you should but depending on the rules set by the company would determine whether or not that answer is a yes or no. I know that's most likely not the answer you want to see. However, I'm hoping it will elicit some curiosity in you to become more familiar with what are the rules set by your company and within your state surrounding these situations which look to be around, "writing an employee up."

   I know from previous experience that when a manager has attempted to do this with me. They have tried to do so with no actual evidence to bring to the table so it was fabricated in attempts to get me to reveal something to vindicate myself which obviously made me aware that their current intent was to start scrounging whatever means they could to have me dismissed because they did not like that I refused to succumb to same low brow behavior as the other employees. Following up with emails helped stifle the attempts while I looked for another role.

   So I will share this suggestion on top of my anecdotal experience with you. Make sure you follow up with a detailed but quick synopsis of what transpired via email and BCC your personal email on it. Go further and take a screenshot or picture of the email quickly after you send it. As all corporate emails have strong filters in place to place a temporary hold on emails if the filters detect that an external email address is attached on it that is not normally included on communications. This would strip the email of its contents before its received to your personal email. And any email forwarded to your personal email thereafter. YUP, companies do that now and given what you shared. the management looks like they might be brewing a case to try and get you either on the chopping block to be dismissed. However, it could be a "one-off" situation but be safe than sorry so if I am correct you can collect your unemployment rightfully so.

9. AnonymousMarch 26,2023 at 8:47PM UTC

   Another option for the BCC would be to print off a copy (make sure it is from the "sent items" folder, so it has the time/date stamp it was sent) and take it home.

10. AnonymousMarch 26,2023 at 10:33PM UTC

    I would advise against printing in the off chance that it is not printed then and there due to some technical malfunction on the printer's end which we, as office workers, are all too familiar with haha. However, they could attempt to save the emails as a PDF file and send it to themselves, though the potential for the PDF attachment to be stripped once it is sent to their personal email remains.

11. Shanita Taylor BSIS, BSc (Psyc), M.A.E.LMarch 27,2023 at 5:31AM UTC

    Nothing is wrong with you wanting to know. They may not tell you. Also, if you find out who lied to you, you can sue for defamation.

12. AnonymousMarch 27,2023 at 11:12AM UTC

    So, here's the thing.
    Perceptions, while you say they decided to look into it further, it could be how someone else was made to feel or jumped to an assumption. Caution you on what you feel is 'false' as mostly it's 'misinterpreted' or heard via 3rd, 4th parties. It usually ends up with communication that needs to be better. Do people just lie, yes, yes they do, is there a place to grow from, always a place to grow from for ALL involved. You may have to forgive, you may have to so that you free yourself from any wrongs. Don't cling to it. IMO people jumping on suing for defamation? Is an adverse action happening due to a false allegation? MORE needs to happen before jumping to the legal game. We need to allow for conversation, like you had, and let them do their due diligence. You may find out, you may not. You may be more cautious moving forward if you don't, you may hear rumors who may have said, you may start those conversations trying to figure it. Move.Forward. If it comes back and you're not getting written up, grace is a fantastic place to start. Now, are you a doormat, no. Repeat complaints coming in about you that are false, need to be addressed, head on. If you trust your boss and your manager, let them do their job. Trust me, they really don't want this to be going on. Good luck, be patient.

13. Kellie HarrellMarch 28,2023 at 1:05AM UTC

    This is the fourth time something like this has happened. With results ranging from, nothing coming from it (except me stressing out to the point I couldn't sleep); a verbal warning, an actual write up and this write up that they didn't go through with. The first time was within a month of my having received a medical accommodation.

14. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 11:53AM UTC

    4th time? Yikes. I would go to the Head of HR, legal dept, etc at your place of work. I would think that by this time the complainant would be obvious. Your drive to know is very natural, but I would focus on getting the result to resolution. It feels targeted so that's why I think you would know who is doing this to you.

15. AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 5:29PM UTC

    Someone is trying to get you fired. Again, please keep an anecdotal log for your own edification. Blind copy yourself on an email, and keep it in a folder in hard copy or in a personal, virtual folder. I’d begin job searching, too. You don’t have to deal with this kind of psychological abuse at work. We spend way too much time at work to put up with this type of mess.

16. Beth VossMarch 27,2023 at 1:35PM UTC

    Yes, you should always be allowed to meet with your accusser to rectify the situation.

17. AnonymousMarch 27,2023 at 1:37PM UTC

    Nope. I’m in HR and I would not tell you where I got the information. That just starts way too many issues. All you get to know is there was a report filed or a comment made and they were investigating. Now since they were about to write you up without even speaking with you, it was not a great investigation but you still don’t get to know your accuser.

18. Liz MilneMarch 27,2023 at 2:11PM UTC

    Put it out of your head, and get on with doing a good job. Your bosses know who gave them the information and that person has done themself no favour in the eyes of management...

19. AnonymousMarch 27,2023 at 3:37PM UTC

    I had a similar meeting With my direct manager and his manager a few years ago. I was completely blindsided by the purpose of the meeting ,and the false accusations made, which I quickly disproved. .... During the meeting ,I asked to have a human resource representative present because I felt like I was being ambushed.. I later met with the company president.. about 5 days later... and he was very respectful and calmed my concerns..even apologetic!!. 10 months later, the same manager gave Me severance papers. I feel that I was being targeted the entire time. ... The company president had no control over her.. Watch your back very carefully if you're getting a bad vibe pay attention to it.

20. AnonymousMarch 27,2023 at 9:07PM UTC

    Currently happening to me. My boss ( whom is new) and I am as well is a jerk. The worst kind. He is very nice to everyone but me. I’m worried.

21. AnonymousMarch 27,2023 at 10:08PM UTC

    Your heart knows.. In hindsight, I ignored very very obvious symptoms for the sake of being a steadfast employee and trying to positively plow through a toxic. Situation ... don't be me ...jump ship as soon as you can

22. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 1:54AM UTC

    I agree. Listen to your intuition.

23. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 1:57AM UTC

    If you decide to stay, I would be extremely cautious even though you have been vindicated.
    Who knows what has happened to the accuser(s)? It also sounds as though you were not even given a fair chance - almost automatically writing you up without even at least talking to you about the issue in the first place? Red flags.

24. GirlBossanova934974March 28,2023 at 12:33PM UTC

    You do not have the right to know where management got this false information. BUT BELIEVE ME! As an experienced manager who has been around for several decades, this is something a competent manager tries to avoid at all costs! Your manager needs a lot of work!!! You don't go dragging your immediate manager into a tattletail adventure UNLESS you as a manager figure out what is going on. If you are going to start pointing fingers, you better have your facts all lined up and evidence corroborated. Right now, your manager looks like a true jerk in the mind of their manager.

25. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 1:11PM UTC

    kinda off topic, but i got written up by my boss, and then my boss's boss doubled down (I did not challenge the initial writeup, but she called me in after the meeting with my boss, which, also, was not a procedural norm), because I used words (correctly) that neither of them knew.

    They said my style of communication was "unprofessional." It was not. But since that assessment is more-or-less subjective, it made no sense to try to prove it. I started using basic words and beginning and ending all my email communication with "dear" and "sincerely" after that, which was both amusing to me, and ensured I would not be written up again for words. haha.

    My boss's boss, I think, felt like she had to double down b/c if she didn't it'd be seen as favoritism as we were friends before I got the job there. My boss at the time was among the worst I've ever had.

    But, that job was an entry-level job I took b/c I hoped I could move on to better things within the organization after that, so I was woefully underutilized, and without my boss thinking I was awesome, it would be tough to move elsewhere, and I personally am very terrible at "showing up for a paycheck." I should have known better than to take that job.

    I felt unethical because I had so little to do I was doing freelance work at work (I did have the boss's blessing to do so, but it still felt so ick). So I moved on to the job I have now which is a *much* better match for me both in terms of what I do and in terms of having a boss who's not upset that I know a lot of words (?!).

    All this to say this probably *is* a red flag, and if I were you I'd start looking for a different job.

    But no, you don't have the right to know where they got their info. You're free to ask, but they don't have to tell you, and what good would it do for you to know?

26. Kathleen HawkinsMarch 28,2023 at 1:22PM UTC

    Don't worry, they will reveal themselves when they don't get the end result they were hoping for. And hopefully you can make sure they don't set you up again.

27. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 1:41PM UTC

    It's very normal to want to know who reported what, but unfortunately, it (should) remain confidential. Think about it on the flip side - if you reported something to HR, to your manager, to leadership, would you want them disclosing that it was you? Probably not. I recently heard a story from my friend that they sent a text to their manager about an immediate concern (retail/hospitality space, so this is normal), and the manager turned around and screenshot their conversation and sent it directly to the person. It doesn't take much reasoning to see that this was highly unprofessional. Not to mention the rift it caused between my friend and their colleague, as well as distrust in the manager for any future concerns.

    I'm sorry that false information was reported about you, but like someone else said, the people who reported you will reveal themselves eventually.

28. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 2:18PM UTC

    I hate tattletales with a passion. Especially when they often exaggerate or sometimes outright make things up! I understand your desire to know who ratted to HR about you. But this person is a fool, and a little weasel. They will eventually reveal themselves and an opportunity will come to get them back—safely.

29. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 4:51PM UTC

    I think that a good leader will take the gossip and turn it into a growth opportunity, If the person who is throwing shade is willing to meet with who they are accusing to make sure that both sides get the chance to rectify. I had a boss that always took the side of the gossip monster without getting both sides of the story, created a toxic workplace....dont just put up with it.

30. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 6:14PM UTC

    Perhaps. If the situation which you have not disclosed is one that could lead to your firing definitely memorialize your version of events or what did or did not happen in an email. Draft it on work email cc your manager, his boss and HR AND blind cc your personal email as well. Ask them for details on when there will be a follow up conversation and let them know that you are willing to provide any additional information to support the company and doing good work if they are accusing you of not doing so. They should circle back within ~30 days. If they have not you should. If you have any repercussions to the conversation definitely think about consulting and external legal resource should you have fear of potential retaliation.

31. AnonymousMarch 28,2023 at 10:45PM UTC

    A manager is typically not allowed to share this information, since it would discourage others to not report real issues. If your manager is decent, they should be able to investigate and should know better than to take the word of one person over another when it comes to deciding what to write up.

32. Heather BinghamMarch 28,2023 at 11:46PM UTC

    I would rise above it. There is now a serious black mark against the person that lied to them and wasted their time. They were forced by that person to go through a very awkward meeting. Whoever it was, has been made to look foolish by their own actions, so if you remain in ignorance, you can just wait to see what happens to the liar. Revenge is a dish best eaten cold and all that - you will probably be able to guess who it was in the fullness of time because you will watch someone close to you (in the organisation) becoming unstuck.

33. AnonymousMarch 29,2023 at 5:21PM UTC

    I would at least ask. I don’t want to assume how you identify, but unfortunately, women tend to default to opting out of self-advocating around these types of issues. I wouldn’t assume that the person who accused you falsely will be negatively impacted. What we do know, though, is that you’re on someone’s radar now (i.e. your supervisors, colleagues, etc.) It never hurts to gently ask questions, especially if it’s in an effort to protect yourself. I’d also start keeping an anecdotal log of your work and any situations that *could* be used against you/blamed on you so that you’ve got a record of your own. Ask the questions, AND protect yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re being petty, and it’s not unprofessional. Just ask.

34. AnonymousMarch 31,2023 at 12:33PM UTC

    Yeah, same dance, same song. If managers did their homework ahead of the meeting, a lot of this unpleasantness could be avoided. Managers need to be able to say "I saw," "I read," "I heard", "I watched you." Getting things second-handed always brings truth into question. If you can't personally verify what you're accusing someone of, better do a lot of homework before you confront someone. Geez, how do these people become supervisors anyway???

    Oh yeah, and you can ask, but if the supervisors have any credibility left, they'll say that the information is confidential. But like others here have posted, the truth always eventually reveals itself. Karma, baby!