My boss mistakenly called me and didn’t realize he was recording a voicemail of him and one of my coworkers talking crap about me- would you take it a step further and take it to HR after having him deny what was said?

107 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 1,2023 at 11:27PM UTC

   I would not take anything to HR without consulting a legal advisor first.

2. AnonymousJune 1,2023 at 11:34PM UTC

   Wow, I’m sorry he did that to you. HR works for the company. If you go to them, what outcome do you want?

3. AnonymousJune 2,2023 at 12:21AM UTC

   Sure. He's behaving like an ax%

4. MislynJune 2,2023 at 12:46AM UTC

   Absolutely! I wish I would have called my snake of a boss out when I heard an ex employee say “you need to get rid of her she’s taking advantage and him saying ya I know but I don’t want to have to train someone. “ I had never been so mad in my life. I was like what does she know other than what he obviously tells her. If she was so wonderful why didn’t she stay. Why because the boss is a lying a**hole! Ugh I get angry everytime I think about him. Wish I would have given him a piece of my mind before I left. I was afraid to but now I tell the whole world how crooked and disgusting he treated people. Most people say I already knew that apple Doesn’t fall to far from the tree.

5. AnonymousJune 2,2023 at 11:39AM UTC

   Your post is confusing, but the gist is there. yes, take to HR, one of he questions they would ask him, "So why do you think Betty is saying this then if you're denying it, what would be the motivation?" IS there anything that they would come back and say negatively. IF they do, are there witnesses to what he would say. When someone is approached with allegations they will often bring up things that weren't an issue prior but now bring up they are. Prepare, think through.

6. AnonymousJune 2,2023 at 12:29PM UTC

   The idiot called and left a voicemail of himself trashing you and denied it? This is pure gold. Advantage, you! Back up that voicemail. Speak to a lawyer. You have all the power in this situation to reveal his character.

7. AnonymousJune 2,2023 at 12:47PM UTC

   What’s an attorney going to do, litigate because this guy is an ass hole? My god, this board is always so quick to call legal counsel! Who on earth has $5k sitting around to spend on a retainer fee?? This advice isn’t actionable.

8. AnonymousJune 2,2023 at 8:57PM UTC

   Consulting with a lawyer costs about $500. They can advise the poster on the best course of action - to validate the advice they are crowd-sourcing from a bunch of strangers with dubious credibility here.

9. AnonymousJune 2,2023 at 9:51PM UTC

   Thank you. I wholeheartedly agree. Late last year, I consulted with a lawyer for 15 minutes for $150 and that was the best $150 dollars I spent as it gave me peace of mind and a sense of empowerment, the correct action plan, and saved me time trying to piece together information that may or may not be accurate. It was a totally different area of my life and if I had to do it over again, I would.

10. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 2:16PM UTC

    I consulted an atty and got free advice. I received a nice payout and got time to rest before finding a new job. It isn't always about going to court but negotiating so the company can save face by paying you out.

11. Kimberley Ferretti HammettJune 2,2023 at 2:00PM UTC

    It really depends on multiple factors. Yes, HR works for the company, but good HR teams know that one individual (your boss) is not the company. And a toxic leader is bad for a company. So.. I wouldn't automatically assume that the HR team would do nothing just because "they work for the company". The biggest issue with this situation is simply that you overheard a private conversation by accident and without them being directly rude to you and/or connecting it to unfair treatment, it simply an awkward isolated event. That doesn't necessarily violate any policies.

    It is also possible to report it to HR and tell them that you aren't interested in taking further action at this time but would like it on record in case there is unfair treatment in the future that would require a response from them. Then if it gets worse, it's not the first they are hearing of this behavior.

    It is true, HR often gets their hands tied and if your boss is the CEO they really might not be able to do much.. but if this conversation is one piece of evidence in a string of behavior, your best bet is to be able to show what policies are broken and how this situation is negatively affecting the productivity of the team (not just yourself). That will be really hard for upper level leadership to ignore.

12. Christi LopezJune 2,2023 at 3:30PM UTC

    "...but would like it on record in case there is unfair treatment in the future..." That's exactly what I was going to say. I have found over and over again throughout my 30+ years working that documentation is vital.

13. Mary PoolJune 2,2023 at 3:36PM UTC

    You say trash talking; they will say venting on how you perform your job negatively impacts their job. You say gossip, they will say trying to agree on how to handle the situation.

    So, ask yourself, what is the purpose? What is your objective? He said uncomplimentary things about you. Are they true? Will they hold up? Do you wish to be placed in a different department? Do you want your boss to be fired? Are you willing to leave the company over this? Are you ready to have your career stopped dead in its tracks? No other team will want you on their team if you do this; no one wants the drama or the lousy relationship to affect their department.

    I can’t believe the people who say to hire an attorney. For what? Taking him to court because he expressed an honest opinion about your performance? Gossiping? Since when is that illegal? And if what he said has value (at least to him), how is it gossip?

    I’d evaluate what was said and ask myself if their criticism has value. If so, I’d make changes; if not, I’d talk to them about rectifying the situation. I would rise above until I could find another position.

14. Balanced372207June 3,2023 at 12:30PM UTC

    I would rise above until I found another position. Best advice ever.

15. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 2:14PM UTC

    You are making a lot of assumptions of what was said. You are assuming it was based on performance, what if it wasn't? I had this happened twice, once was based on how I looked another time it was weird mean girl stuff. Both times my coworkers filed a complaint. The first they removed the manager from the team. The second I received some ramped up bullying and later a payout because I consulted a lawyer. So I disagree with utilizing projection and assumptions to offer advice. She should consult a lawyer and she should look for a new role.

16. AnonymousJune 2,2023 at 5:59PM UTC

    If it were me I would do one of 2 things.

    A- ask for a meeting with HR and him and put him on the spot re the recording, be firm with them both that this is not acceptable and that if he or anyone else has feedback about your work that you prefer they speak to you directly and respectfully and not gossip to others about you or what you do. Let them respond. If HR is good then they should write him up.

    B- do the same behind closed doors with just HR and ask for the same thing. This time though be super clear that you will be documenting everything and expect there will be zero retaliation for his behavior and your reporting or you will lawyer up.

    Whichever you choose, rise above it and don't act out. Stay professional and let the chips fall onto him being rude and disrespectful to you and that its not acceptable ever to do that to you again. Then let it go. If you cannot do this your only other option is to file a suit with a lawyer in the mix or contact EEOC with a toxic workplace complaint where you feel unsafe. That puts the company on notice and has to be responded to. You definitely don't want to make it you against him but be sure you don't ever accept that kind of behavior again.

17. AnonymousJune 2,2023 at 6:37PM UTC

    The issue at hand is what happens when HR gets involved. So documentation is key as Boss Up Culture mentions in this video about someone asking her if she should trust HR:

    https://youtu.be/IQIssIl5zsc

    It is easy for one to be dismissive about seeking legal advice (a lot of employment attorneys are contingent-based) yet I recall the very moment that I went and reported my supervisor for something similar. Not only was that complaint dismissed, but I also became a target for bullying and harassment. If I knew then what I know now, I would have consulted with one before doing anything else. Additionally, I have also seen HR turn a blind eye and allow behavior to escalate in hopes of the employee leaving at another company.

    Will they may it difficult for you? Put you on a PIP? Create a hostile work environment, etc.

    Plus, you have an actual recording, too.

    So please be prepared just in case.

    .

18. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 2:08PM UTC

    I agree with everything you said. In my situation other coworkers reported it and things got worse for me. I did consult a lawyer and was offered a severance because of it. But what happened to me really messed me up.

19. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 12:24PM UTC

    I worked for 50 years and was forced into retirement due to ageism at my last job.

    20 years ago the same thing happened to me that you are asking about. Obviously the boss and the coworker have a different type of relationship than you have with them. I would ignore it. Anytime that you involve HR you become a target. HR is there for the company, not for you. You can't change people. You can only change how you react to them.

20. Balanced372207June 3,2023 at 12:28PM UTC

    We must be twins

    I agree with everything you said

21. Jennifer StredJune 3,2023 at 12:34PM UTC

    It depends. What are you trying to accomplish from going to HR? And is he your supervisor or the owner of the company?

22. Dcre1977June 3,2023 at 12:40PM UTC

    If he said something clearly insulting you as a member of a protected class. Then yes. If not, keep it and any other documentation of his treatment of you. In addition maintain documentation of when you are complimented by anyone - especially of they are written.

23. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 1:21PM UTC

    I would silently begin looking for a new job and play nice until you land a new position. That is a toxic work environment you are describing and if your leadership has no worries about discussing an employee with their colleague of the same level, that speaks volumes about their professionalism. HR sadly isn’t for us, especially if the company finds more value in your boss, then HR will find the right loopholes. Play nice until you land a new position. Then during your exit interview play the voicemail as to why you are leaving the company or you can mention the voicemail in your resignation notice and describe how it made you uncomfortable and created a toxic work environment that you have no interest in continuing working in. There has to be a line drawn between professional and personal.

24. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 1:32PM UTC

    I'm sorry that you had such a hurtful experience. But now you know who and who not to trust. HR will make things worse so, I agree with the person who suggested you start seeking employment elsewhere. Find a company that deserves to have you. Unfortunately employees don't leave companies, they leave people leaders. I'd also post the experience anonymously on Glassdoor after I left!

25. Karen LJune 3,2023 at 1:50PM UTC

    The comments here are very disappointing. I am an hr director and always advocate for employees and dont look out for the boss more. Don't judge hr based on one or two people's bad experiences. Yes, share the recording with hr. If they are like MOST they will address with your boss who cannot retaliate for you coming forward.

26. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 1:58PM UTC

    Thank you for stating this. HR gets such a bad rep and what most employees dont realize is most HR team members actually DO care but there is only do so much.

27. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 2:05PM UTC

    Grand Rising Karen. While you are a HR Director you are an outlier and not the normal means. Hr 1st duty is to the corporation. Understanding that allows a person to understand how to approach HR.

28. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 3:25PM UTC

    I 100% disagree with this bitter statement. I've had fair experiences with HR, even when it was someone complaining about me. Don't project your cynicism on all HR workers/departments.

29. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 3:56PM UTC

    I agree with Karen’s statement that you get protection from retaliation by going to HR (at most large companies), but I would also say don’t expect much to happen from there. Retaliation has a very specific definition at most companies. I would find out what those are before reporting, if possible.

    Your manager may get ‘coaching’ or some other slap on the wrist, and they may even apologize, but when it comes time for reviews, etc, you may see that all of the sudden there’s feedback about your performance that they ‘swore they told you’ before hand and that it’s ‘completely unrelated’ to you reporting them. HR can’t help you then…

    Even if everything goes right and your manager gets punished appropriately and your job performance isn’t impacted, you’ll always have this knowledge that they clearly don’t like you. I would report so it goes on their record (whatever that’s worth) and make sure you switch teams or jobs asap. You’re not valued there. It’s not fair that you’d have to switch while they get to continue their awfulness, but it’s definitely about self-preservation.

    To Karen, I hope that you’re able to change the tide of HR in corp America, you truly sound like an outlier…but these folks who are speaking out against HR aren’t just doing so because of one or two bad experiences- it’s a continued pattern over time of not being believed, having nothing happen, etc. which is a systemic issue. I hope you continue to make things safe at your company, but also recognize people’s lives experiences as valid.

30. Jocelyn MatosJune 3,2023 at 6:21PM UTC

    While I love what you describe as HR duties and responsibilities that is not the experience of everyone. Just this past January my job’s HR tried to convince me I was to do the duties of two different depts despite me officially transferring to a different department, all because the CEO wanted me to still do duties from my previous role because a client was specifically requesting I stay on their case. HR also tried to convince me to do those two roles, which do not correlate to each other, without additional pay. They tried to say I was still in the transition period despite my new contract saying otherwise. (I had been in the new dept for a month). HR had the company’s best interest in mind, not my burnout. Also, I scheduled a meeting with them without telling them the context for it and they reached out to my direct Manager and the CEO to find out beforehand if anything was going on. I was blind sided walking into that meeting, she already prepared what to say to me.

31. Susan MyersJune 3,2023 at 8:37PM UTC

    Jocelyn I am sorry that this happened to you. I know that it isn't the point but it was a compliment that the client wanted to remain with you and the CEO heard their request. It was unfair of the company to put you into two roles with no financial adjustment.

    If this is still going on maybe you could suggest that you personally pick out the best rep to cover this client and you train that person to take over that client? Just a thought.

32. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:35PM UTC

    A lot of people have bad experiences! No matter how helpful HR wants to be, getting the boss into trouble is not going to make the boss like you more.

33. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 1:51PM UTC

    I once had my supervisor talk crap about me to my coworker during a virtual meeting. He was presenting something on his computer for the meeting and accidentally clicked on their private messages. Everyone in the meeting could see their conversation. It was so embarrassing, but nothing happened to her.. and the boss above her was even in that meeting. So no, you should not go to HR. It would be pointless. Find a new job

34. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 2:02PM UTC

    While that is painful it is common in Corporate America. Change your mindset, we do not have bosses we have managers some of them are excellent down to toxic. Document with HR so there is a paper trail. Document any and all bullying behavior discussing you with another employee is bullying. I have been in that position and it poisons your relationship with the rest of the department. Report to HR, document, and look for a new position. Use your company's EAP to document the mental anguish you are going through. This type of environment also wreaks havoc on your immune system. You may have stomach issues, headaches, anxiety, panic attacks. If you have any of the physical symptoms go to the Dr. and document what is causing you these issues. remain professional and do not allow them to see they have struck a nerve. Best of luck . Take the lesson leave the anger

35. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 3:10PM UTC

    This is so very true. Take care of yourself first and foremost. If you really like the company, start discreetly looking for positions elsewhere in the organization. If you have skills that are hot in the market, definitely brush up your resume and look for greener pastures. HR is fair to protect the manager and leadership, not you. It is what it is. If you report it, it will likely be weaponized against you. That said, I fully agree with what everyone said about documenting because if you are of a protected class and there were discriminatory content or behavior, you may be able to file an external CHR complaint. But again, even that is a long shot. Be thankful you got to see his and other employees true colors. And keep that voicemail!

36. Susan MyersJune 3,2023 at 8:30PM UTC

    I disagree, HR is there to protect the company not the managers or supervisors. But they are also a liaison for the employees. This is an example of how bad/toxic culture continues. If it is not addressed and then a lawsuit is filed how is this protecting the company? Regardless of a lawsuit continues or not, it still costs money and gives the company a bad name as this gets around the industry. The statement "it's a small world," is so true. Report.

37. Kimberly AnneJune 3,2023 at 2:13PM UTC

    I overheard mine talking crap on me with another employee. He was threatened because I was very good at my job and had way more education and didn’t want someone to compete with him. So he made my life hell, would even yell at me in front of patients. I had to choose between extra income and having that stress being back my cancer. Sadly I had to leave. I would do the paper trail. I hope you get him out!

38. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 3:10PM UTC

    I would absolutely take it to HR. This may be a one-time occurrence or it could be something that has already or will shape your experience and career there. I'd get my resume out there as it's fair to assume retaliation may happen or in case you're unhappy with how it's handled.

    I let a boss slide on multiple occasions and I regret not saying something. It caused me to leave in the end.

39. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 3:11PM UTC

    Yes. PERIOD.

40. KathrynJune 3,2023 at 3:30PM UTC

    YES no question. I am HR in my building and if you had a voicemail with that happening we would discipline the co-worker and probably suspend pending discipline the manager

41. Milissa JacobsJune 3,2023 at 3:32PM UTC

    Take it HR immediately. Even if this was a one-off thing (which he will surely claim) you have now been given the daunting task of trying to get respect from people that he has allowed to be disrespectful to you. It may seem minor, but it isn't.

42. Coach Nancie Kay ShumanJune 3,2023 at 3:50PM UTC

    Save a copy of the VM in your personal files. Go talk to HR, knowing that you may not get a satisfactory response. Keep a paper trail. Be prepared to have a clear conversation about communication, expectations and boundaries between you and your boss, preferably with HR or someone above your boss in attendace. Also think about the structure and leadership style of the company and whether you can expect retalitory actions. Move from there.

43. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:34PM UTC

    Yes to retaliation risk. Going to the boss to ask about it is the best next step. HR is not our friend.

44. Kimberly AnneJune 3,2023 at 4:03PM UTC

    It’s like the horrible people are rewarded and promoted.

45. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 4:11PM UTC

    Maryann, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I have also been in situations where HR didn't help, but it also did not hurt things. I know this does happen occasionally.

    If OP has evidence (a voicemail) and has spoken the supervisor and/or coworker about this, then speaking with HR will only support her. Firing her will come out as some form of retaliation, ESPECIALLY if she talks with HR. Cynically speaking, HR is on the side of the company, and in this case, the bad behavior is proven to be coming from her supervisor.

    OP, I hope you've seen the posts from HR people. Please report to HR

46. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 4:18PM UTC

    Was the 'crap' connected to your tasks or duties or related to you personally? 2. Could you learn from the 'crap', i.e. was it constructive and could it serve you to do a better job? 3. Was the boss talking to another Manager or 'gossiping'? Remember, "what people say about you is none or your business". I say (as a Manager) if it was productive or beneficial, learn from it, take it away and use the words as a tool to improve. Alternatively, it was personal, shake it off, (never forget it) and use it later when you need it. If you are confident that you are doing a good job with good results and managing and finalizing your deliverables. Rise above it. You got this!

47. Lisa MarieJune 3,2023 at 4:25PM UTC

    What do you hope to gain from "taking it a step further?"

    Either you find another job and move on, or you simply let it go.

    Why. Why do we (everyone - not just women please) *pursue* additional drama in our lives? Why?

    if what he said was not one of the legally taboo thinga that should never be said about anyone (in any situation - not just at our place employment), we should move forward instead of creating a battlefield... where we're constantly fighting some war or another.

    If nothing said was "illegal" try to stop thinking about it and get on with your job tasks, or dind another job... where the grass might not be any greeneer.

    Take care

48. AYANNALYSEJune 3,2023 at 4:39PM UTC

    Honestly. HR is not there to serve you but to serve what's best for them if you take it to HR you are literally shooting yourself on the foot.. plus do you have evidence because hearing it is not enough in the eyes of law..

49. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 5:04AM UTC

    The voicemail recording is not evidence?

50. AYANNALYSEJune 4,2023 at 11:07PM UTC

    It is but she said her boss was recording it so unless she recorded as well ?

51. AnonymousJune 6,2023 at 2:52AM UTC

    The first sentence of OP's post:

    My boss mistakenly called me and didn’t realize he was recording a voicemail of him and one of my coworkers talking crap about me-

    In other words: Her boss mistakenly butt-dialed her while talking inappropriately about her to a coworker. The evidence is the voicemail recording on HER phone., left by her boss...

52. surfnwriteJune 3,2023 at 5:27PM UTC

    We all have different ways of approaching these things in our lives.

53. Amanda SimsJune 3,2023 at 6:22PM UTC

    Whew… I agree with all of this. I’m gonna take it a step further, yall walk with me, just for a sec.

    As I scrolled through the responses, many (not all) of the responses suggesting a conversation with HR were not from Black women… wait.. stick with me.

    Traditionally, Black women who work in corporate arenas are often faced with an array of challenges that many of our non-Black, non-Woman colleagues do not face. Many times (not all the time) we are focused primarily on our tasks, our actions and our attitudes. Anything outside of that is unnecessary - as we kinda have enough sh*t to deal with. Not to mention, many (not all) Black households have a rule of ‘Don’t tell house business’. This basically translates into a wide population of people who dont share all of their business, and are less likely to get in someone else’s business. - As a result, when arguably social issues such as this arise - Black women (some not all) are far less likely to initiate involvement.

    I wasn’t going to say anything but I read a comment saying something like ‘shame on you for not reporting’ and oh my, rubbed me the wrong way. I mean seriously, it’s 2023 and Texas JUST passed the CROWN Act, prohibiting employers from discriminating against someone based on their hair. Why am I going to be initiating an HR investigation when I’m still concerned about the hair that literally grows out of my scalp - amongst my facial expressions, tone, fear of coming off too angry- c’mon y’all. We’re all the same but we all have different lenses and experiences. There’s a difference between what’s ideal and ‘the real’. Let’s consider all angles.

    just sayin.

54. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:06PM UTC

    Yep. I would not report it to the company either - straight to a lawyer or EEOC.

55. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:31PM UTC

    It's not against the law to be a jerk or to have favorites in the office most of the time.

56. Kim RaperJune 3,2023 at 4:52PM UTC

    If you can save the recording, do that first. Then contact HR about inappropriate voice mails etc. and get a feel for how that may go.. you may have to decide not to pursue it or find another job depending on the "climate" you encounter. Do so cautiously as to not make it worse for yourself.

57. surfnwriteJune 3,2023 at 5:16PM UTC

    Oh that is delicious. I would use it in whatever way would benefit me the most - HR, holding it over his head, public humiliation, etc….so many possibilities!

58. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 5:31PM UTC

    I can’t believe how unsupportive so many of these comments are! A voicemail such as this, accidental or otherwise is considered bullying and harassment in the eyes of the Federal employment law. In addition this creates a hostile work environment and “letting it go” invites more of the same.

59. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 7:01PM UTC

    Agree. That’s why I no longer feel this is a safe place to ask for advice. Shaming people here is not supportive. We all need to be professional and empathetic, rather than mean-spirited. We should all be empowering one another, not scolding, making assumptions or ripping others apart.

60. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 8:06PM UTC

    Most definitely agree. Not reporting/letting it go/doing nothing at all perpetuates this type of behavior. It is easy for one to say "Let it go" yet I have seen time and time again that when the shoe is on the other foot, somehow that is different. It's not. We are not the OP and don't know her financial situation or job prospects at all. We do know that she wants to move forward and is asking to be supported with guidance and not shame talk.

61. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:30PM UTC

    It's not "guidance" to amplify something that is in no way considered worthy of litigation. At most, have a talk with the boss.

62. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 10:34PM UTC

    You must have missed this part of her initial question which already addressed the talk with her boss --> "would you take it a step further and take it to HR after having him deny what was said?" Additionally, the talk of going to a lawyer was advising her on what to do/say in case things go left with retaliation, etc for a course of action if she decides to go to HR.

63. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:04PM UTC

    Amen - L A W Y E R. U P and get one year of wages and shake the losers.

64. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:29PM UTC

    Bullying is not illegal in the U.S. unless it is based on specific conditions and occurs so often as to create a hostile workplace. One accidentally recorded statement isn't illegal.

65. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 4:57AM UTC

    I think people are missing the point. It’s not about it being illegal, it’s about it being inappropriate and should be addressed.

    There is no way she should be expected to go on like nothing happened a trust her manager after he got caught showing his true colors. It now spills over into inappropriate work behavior.

    I also get people having negative feelings about HR, but their job is to mediate and make sure people are ethical and in compliance. Being an HR professional, I don’t turn a blind eye to unethical behavior and am not there to protect bad conduct for the sake of the company. We are Business Partners…

66. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 7:36PM UTC

    While bullying in and of itself may not be illegal, bullying in the workplace constitutes harassment which is illegal. The conditions that define the harassment are determined by the "damage" resulting from the bullying/harassment. One incident is sufficient to cause substantial damage. Managers who discuss matters involving their subordinates with other subordinates constitutes an abuse of power, which is easily construed as harassment. That the recording was accidental does not matter. He was caught doing something he shoud not have been doing.

67. Heather FralichJune 3,2023 at 5:33PM UTC

    Definitely report it. How can you have trust with someone who spoke of you negatively to another person? Trust and psychological safety is imperative in the workplace (and all relationships). please do work with HR.

68. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 5:58PM UTC

    A reminder to those commenting against reporting it: this is known as social harassment/social bullying and HR needs to know. They are legally required to investigate, and the employee is legally protected from retaliation for reporting.

    i really can’t believe how many of y’all are willing to turn a blind eye against bullying. Shameful.

69. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 6:06PM UTC

    I strongly recommend against reporting it to HR. Hr's job is not to protect the person who's victimized. It is to protect management. Never forget that. Far too many people have lived experience of HR weaponizing their complaint against them. I remember being at a company where someone cautioned me against reporting blatant bias. They gave an example of a woman who had been damn near raped that the company at an alcohol fueled company sponsored event. While they did fire the offender, they immediately made her life hell as well until she left. That's the way it works in reality. Retaliation is very real though very difficult to prove. Don't put yourself through that stress. Leave!

70. Nicolle Joy WilfengerJune 3,2023 at 6:52PM UTC

    To go a little further, HR's job is to keep the company from being sued by the employee. That being said, often the HR department often do a very poor job and can actually cause more problems for the company than they solve.

71. Susan MyersJune 3,2023 at 8:14PM UTC

    Often times HR gets a bad wrap. My belief is a true HR professional would yes, definitely watch out for the company but I also believe they are there for the benefit of the employee. I have often times had to take things to upper management that were uncomfortable, especially if they liked someone in particular. However, I always cautioned them on being open minded about the situation and doing the right thing for the employee.

    This situation needs reported at the very least to HR. In the meantime, don't less lose of the original recording. Some how preserve it. Give HR the opportunity to handle this in the appropriate manner.

    I value my integrity and have to live with my actions. Hopefully your HR is of the same mind set.

    Keep us posted on the outcome.

    Good luck!!

72. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:00PM UTC

    NO :) Lawyer FIRST. HR works for the Company - not you. They will be the defendant. You don’t go to the defendant and hand them your case. You go to a lawyer and create a demand. No matter who is telling you to go to HR, please lawyer up first and don’t say a word. If you do this, you will probably end up with one year salary and get to walk out the door. If you go to HR first, be prepared for them to fire you.

73. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:26PM UTC

    Bullying is not illegal in most places, nor are gossip or talking about people behind their backs. There's no evidence that this was intentional, nor that the backstabbing is something the boss's boss will care about (and that's the person to talk to after talking to the boss, not HR).

74. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 6:06PM UTC

    Do you want to stay with the company or not, assuming he is not your boss? First, I would consult an employment lawyer to seek their advice. Depending on their advice, I would then consider staying or going. If you want to stay, I would probably reach out to HR and share the voicemail. Ask them how they are going to handle it and how they are going to address your performance reviews, raises, and bonuses, because as of right now, I assume your manager is the one doing those. If you don't want to stay, I would find another job and report it, telling them that you've already retained legal counsel.

75. Brenda FrezellJune 3,2023 at 7:47PM UTC

    Report it to HR but keep the copy of the recording (give them a separate copy if they ask for it), document the date you spoke to your boss, the date you spoke to HR, and document facts. By document, I mean write them down at home. If you can, make copies of emails, performance reviews, etc. There is a lot more to this situation we do not know, but what we do know is that since you tried to speak to your boss and he denied saying these things, he could retaliate against you for even bringing it up to him. Yes, HR is required to protect their organization but they are also obligated to follow employment laws.

76. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 8:58PM UTC

    No, lawyer first. They will fire you and find reasons.

77. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 8:06PM UTC

    I think you should choose whether or not you still want to work there. If you seek legal advice then you need a very good lawyer and case to present which usually causes immediate dismissal from the company you work for. Settlement, if there is any would be later. Good luck and if you can leave that company now is the time. All of this said depends on what you heard and is in the recording and the size of the company. Most large ones have great lawyers to defend them.

78. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 8:57PM UTC

    LAWYER FIRST. Make a large settlement demand to get out of there. No HR. Lawyer will contact HR/Legal.

79. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 9:24PM UTC

    NEVER GO TO HR!

80. AnonymousJune 3,2023 at 11:20PM UTC

    I definitely would not go straight to HR. There is a reason this is a question/debate, and that is that you cannot trust what that particular HR department will do. It could be helpful, but it could also be harmful to you.

    Before you do ANYTHING, consult a lawyer (or 2) before taking steps. Sometimes lawyers will offer a free, short consultation. At least you will have more information about the situation before you do anything.

81. Terry CostelloJune 4,2023 at 5:23AM UTC

    H/R, Is NOT here for the employees. HR’s Only job is to protect the company’s ASSets. Talk to a lawyer

82. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 8:11AM UTC

    I would speak to a lawyer

83. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 1:56PM UTC

    Not HR. HR is there to protect management and the company. I agree that contacting a lawyer is best. And be very careful not to imply to anyone that you know or that you are talking to a lawyer.

84. Marina ChristiansJune 4,2023 at 4:43PM UTC

    Don't trust HR. They may be best friends with your boss.

85. AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 11:41PM UTC

    We went to Upper Management at my work and nothing happened. Our boss denied it all, even though we were all saying the same thing. I knew one person saying it would not work, but all of us, and it still didn't happen. They took her side. Now, sadly, most of the team has quit and they are struggling to even keep a sub. The truth of the matter is no one really cares until it happens to them.

86. Marina ChristiansJune 4,2023 at 11:48PM UTC

    Again, forget HR.

87. Jody BothJune 5,2023 at 1:08AM UTC

    I haven't gone through what answers other people have given you, but don't bother with H.R., they are employees just like you and are in place to put the paperwork, stock, your sick and vacation days and other things along those lines together and updated for you and the company. When it comes to fighting for you, that's the belief, but their true job is to listen to what an employee has to say about what they believe to be unfair, harassment, discrimination, or speaking negatively about the employee and spreading lies, they take that information back to the manager, boss, supervisor, whoever and give them what you told them. So, if you go to them and expect them to fight for you, you have been mislead and should stop yourself right now. There are government agencies, work force agencies, people who specialize in these types of work related abuses who will work to fight for you, the reason these groups are in place is because people found out the hard way that H.R. doesn't do it. Try the EEOC, or google what happened to you, and see what is advised. Always keep records of anything detrimental to your employment, dates, times, who, and what. The companies today have cameras and audio recording devices, if you have the date, time, and location of infraction, they can pull it up and find out who is telling the truth. Good Luck, have a good day

88. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:00AM UTC

    Oh well he's a tool. But there is little you or HR can do.

89. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 12:28PM UTC

    In today's world of employee empowerment, you have to ask yourself if the risk is worth the reward. If you have proof of this "recording". If you don't have proof and it turns into a who said what scenario the risk is too high.

90. Jody BothJune 6,2023 at 5:20AM UTC

    I think this is something I would put in my personal file of things I have to deal with while working this job with these types of people, date, time and save it for when you may need it later on down the line. Or just log it into your brain for when you almost forgot why you can't trust these people, and almost helped them with something, and remembered why your not going to do that, why take time out of your day, when they won't appreciate it, and have already shown you how they really feel about you. That's why you don't talk bad about anyone you work with, you never know when you are going to need them in the future, don't make the same mistake they made with you.

91. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 12:32PM UTC

    A lawyer will ask if you have gone through the proper channels at you work place before filing a lawsuit. You need to create a paper trail. Do everything via email. If they insist on seeing you in person or on the phone, follow up any interaction with an email outlining what was talked about ("As per our conversation on xx/xx/2023 regarding "Issue" the following was discussed. As of now, the resolution you proposed is ...

92. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 1:32PM UTC

    I understand the sentiments posted about HR. HR is employed by the company and rarely do anything to support the employee if they don't have proof of a very egregious act. However, this should be documented. If you have an ethics department to report to instead of HR, I'd try it.

    This sounds like a toxic work environment. I would also pursue new career options.

93. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:59PM UTC

    Just a reminder that a manager is also an employee of the company.

94. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:26PM UTC

    Yes! I would also follow up in writing to HR and attach the audio file. Then if you have issues later on you have a written record.

95. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:53PM UTC

    Depends on how you have been treated, your own performance, and if there is any validity to what was said... Look first to see if you can learn what your manager is looking for from you and (if reasonable) consider it a look into his mind to better "manager upward". If you do decide to make a move, consider that you inadvertently heard what was assumed to be a private conversation ... and though it stinks it isn't necessarily wrong to discuss what is going on in the office.... keeping in mind that HR's role is to protect the company, not you.

96. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 3:01PM UTC

    What exactly do you want HR to do?

    If people think horribly about you do you think HR can change their opinion?

97. Heather FralichJune 5,2023 at 6:18PM UTC

    That’s a very rude comment- I believe this forum is meant for helping each other.

    HR’s job is to ensure a safe workplace and that includes problematic people, managers included, who violate rules of behavior.

98. AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 6:53PM UTC

    Thank you for your response and I agree. It is one thing to disagree and another for being rude altogether.

99. AnonymousJune 7,2023 at 7:23PM UTC

    Thank you for that.

100. AnonymousJune 7,2023 at 7:23PM UTC

     I want HR to realize that there is a toxic work environment going on.

101. AnonymousJune 6,2023 at 11:50AM UTC

     HR protects the organization from adverse affects. Your questions are for self reflection: 1. Can you & do you want to stay 2. If you stay how will this situation impact you? Mental health is important at a place you spend a lot of time on

102. AnonymousJune 7,2023 at 7:22PM UTC

     That’s the problem. I work for the state and want to keep my job but it is clearly an ethics violation.

103. AnonymousJune 6,2023 at 8:09PM UTC

     I haven't read all the comments, but I wanted to clarify that YOU recorded the call, and that you were joined into the call in error (e.g. butt dial). I think in some states there might be issue with you quietly listening and recording the call without announcing your presence. Not sure about the law in a situation like this.

104. AnonymousJune 7,2023 at 7:20PM UTC

     That is incorrect. I wasn’t even at work. He called me and accidentally let it go to voicemail and it recorded their conversation in the voicemail.

105. Marina ChristiansJune 6,2023 at 11:35PM UTC

     HR will back management. So, you can voice your concern so that they know you are aware what happened. They will definitely tell him.

106. AnonymousJune 8,2023 at 1:52PM UTC

     Ask for a meeting with your boss and HR and play the voice mail. Ask for an apology. If you get one, put it to bed.

     You might as well get everyone on the same page.

107. AnonymousJune 8,2023 at 6:09PM UTC

     After hearing that conversation from a boss to another coworker, if I were you I would look elsewhere, where they will respect you, not talk behind your back with favorites. It doesn't end and you will not be able to progress.