Currently a mom of 4, and a VP.

34 Comments

1. SPQMarch 23,2026 at 3:07PM UTC

   I don't even have kids. I got to manager in a chaotic org with a great culture and strong support and realized it was too much after a year. Lasted over 2 years and was able to find an individual contributor role that pays the same. Like you, I just want to live my life and be responsible my own contribution.

   I think the first next step is to work with a counsellor or career coach to find out what's draining you or what makes you feel mentally exhausted. Then work with your org structure so you can create boundaries and delegate more, and take back that time to spend with the kiddos.

2. AnonymousMarch 23,2026 at 3:12PM UTC

   Yes! I have been there. The more I advanced the more I saw everything for what it really was. It took me 3 years to get there, but I developed a financial plan that allowed me to quit. One thing I will say is make sure you are running to something and not just away from something. Being home with kids is hard in its own way. Also the job market is not great right now. I started a business that I really enjoy but I’m also taking care of an elderly parent so I don’t have as much time to put into it to make it as successful as I would like. I’m really glad I had a financial cushion built up because if I was also worrying about finances it would be really stressful. Good luck, I hope you are able to find peace in your situation.

3. AnonymousMarch 23,2026 at 4:24PM UTC

   Not personally but it seems like your world and priorities have aligned for a shift toward life not work. Good for you for recognizing that and hopefully you can get things back into place in the right way for what you personally need.

   No one goes to their grave wishing they worked one more day. Take the pressures off of things at work that don't really matter and are not deadline driven. Those fake deadlines and must haves really don't change your world, and often don't change that of your employer either. Use the time you have at work to just do the work and then visualize pulling the plug at the end of each day. Don't do more than you need to (but do meet expectations) and get others if you can from your leadership role to focus on a balance for everyone knowing that you too need it. You might just have much happier employees and find yourself much happier too.

4. AnonymousMarch 23,2026 at 11:00PM UTC

   Firstly, good for you for wanting to 'work to live' and not 'live to work'. While I don't have kids, I had a similar revelation a couple of years ago and saved up money to take a sabbatical. I personally felt I needed that to recover from burnout before figuring out what's next. But I understand it's not a possibility for everyone. You could try talking to your doctor and getting their help to go on on disability leave to buy yourself some time to figure things out on a break. But like you I felt no desire to keep climbing the ladder after experiencing the level of work required in a senior position--that's very normal. Like others suggested, talking to a career coach or therapist also helps. I hope you get some time to rest, recover, and enjoy your family to the fullest!!!

5. OLIVIA JOHNSONMarch 24,2026 at 4:26AM UTC

   Hi there,

   First congratulations is in order for reaching the goals that you set out to achieve. Bravo!

   Second congratulations on discovering that where you are right now is not serving you in the best way. When we recognize conflict is when we can change it.

   Lastly, now let's work on changing it.

   Here are 3 steps I would recommend to working towards seeing if there is a way to reach fulfillment in this role and obtain the best of both worlds.

   Set Your Boundaries
   This is the toughest one! However, its the most important and impactful to the changes that you want to make. ACTIVITY: Look at your role and responsibilities. Start by identifying who actually set each expectation—you, the culture, or the organization. Self‑imposed expectations: These are the easiest to adjust. If others at your level don’t do it, you don’t need to either (unless they should, or its your niche, etc.). Choose a resolution that works for you and stick to it. Cultural expectations: Some norms (like recurring late meetings) are part of the role. If they don’t violate a true non‑negotiable, attend—but reclaim the extra time elsewhere or maybe you let it slide if it's only once a month, or if it's a 1on1 see if you can adjust the time moving forward (here's the rub, IF it's with a subordinate, they may be just as upset about the meeting time as you but may feel like they can't do anything because you're their boss lol). Expected BUT Unreasonable: Decide what the cost is to you. If they pull you from important family or personal priorities, lead by example and let your results justify your boundaries. High impact work results/performance gives you leverage. IF you close million dollar deals daily when others only close 2 annually and you check out every day at 4:30pm to make it to a sporting event for you kid during a specific season, guess what...no one's going to say a thing! Tip: Don’t announce your boundaries—implement them, especially when they don't impact anyone else. You’re the CEO of your role. Be fair, be consistent, and allow for occasional business needs to take priority. It may be a courtesy to inform your direct management but phrase in a way that you're not exactly asking permission, maybe even gain their buy-in by telling them your kid has a championship game tomorrow afternoon, so I'll need to check out a little earlier than usual. Show them pictures of your kid up to bat throughout the season so they're invested. Invite them if there's a good rapport. Over time, people adapt when they see certain times or things are simply off limits.

   Manage Your Calendar
   The one thing we 100% can't get back in this world is...time! Once you've set your boundary, make sure that your calendar reflects it. ACTIVITY 1: Open a calendar and start with a clean slate. With your new boundaries in mind block time on your calendar that you will NOT be available first. Then add in blocks of time that you will dedicate to certain tasks, open for meetings (if you can in this work environment), review/respond to emails, etc. You can use varying accessibility for these blocks i.e. busy-blocking it out completely, Free-Blocked Time but still leaving open for others to book time or you can make it a calendar invite to yourself and select Maybe so it's blocked out but others can see you may or may not be available which may force them to reach out and ask. IF you would like something more creative try this one. ACTIVITY 2: I worked with an international client that had rolling electricity outages in their country. We worked around this skillfully and it made me think. What if I knew that every day the electricity goes out at my boundary time. How would you design your day to make sure that you got done what was needed to be done and made the most impact? This leads to my next recommendation...

   Deliver Impact, Not Just Job Tasks
   Sometimes we get lost in the task list and we don't raise our heads to see impact. As an Executive this can be paramount. For this ACTIVITY I recommend reviewing your KPIs and making a list of the expectations of your role (not self-imposed). Also include any other impactful responsibilities that you have observed in your time in the role so far that may not have been specifically asked of you but is a pain point for the organization and/or team. Next Prioritize these areas and lastly identify and categorize the tasks that belong in each category. Use this to make decisions on the top tasks that need to be completed. Tip: This can even include things like relationship building with team, and soft skill tasks, not just hard deliverables.

   Based on additional specifics of the organizational culture, job tasks, field, your goals, there are other options to consider. Think about what matters the most to you, what matters the most to the business and find a happy medium (or if a deal breaker, stand on your boundary lines, ethics or any other non-negotiables by recommending/sharing, giving, doing what you ARE willing to do and not focusing on what you're not.).

   I hope this is helpful.

   Best regards,

   Coach Olivia

6. OLIVIA JOHNSONMarch 24,2026 at 4:41AM UTC

   Forgot a huge tip to remember...Operate in Confidence!

7. Cat the CoachMarch 24,2026 at 1:13PM UTC

   Excellent, Coach Olivia! Love your thorough answers with actions! Ill just add one more suggestion. I use The One Thing question with my clients a lot to help them cur through the noise and identify what will create the biggest impact wirh the least amount of effort. "What is the one thing I could do this week, such that by doing THAT, everything else would be easier or even unnecessary?" (Credit to Gary Keller and Jay Papasan for their book The One Thing) If you are still struggling in a few months, I suggest working with a coach before deciding to throw in the towel on the career you've worked so hard for. You got this!

8. Hilda GarciaMarch 24,2026 at 12:09PM UTC

   I think you need an extra hand to keep up with the demands of your work to retain what you've worked so hard. Or, give it up if you already have a back up plan for the family need and sustainability. Whatever you choose to do, I know it will be for the best.

9. Jonna Ferguson, ACCMarch 24,2026 at 1:00PM UTC

   Nothing about what you’re feeling is wrong. When you’ve worked incredibly hard to reach a leadership role, there’s often a shock when you get there and realize there's real pressure, manufactured pressure we create ourselves, a feeling there are constant stakes you're responsible for, blurred boundaries between work and life, etc. You are clearly ambitious and have goals for yourself, and it may help to consider what your next identity is in this chapter.

   I’ve had a version of this feeling in the past. I remember looking around after working toward increased scope for years and thinking, “Is this what I traded my time for?” What helped me wasn’t immediately making a big decision but separating what the role ACTUALLY required, from what I believed it required. Those aren’t always the same.

   One tool that helped me (and might help you) was doing a “pressure audit.” Write down everything you feel responsible for, then mark each item: real expectation, self-imposed pressure, or unclear.

   For anything self-imposed or unclear, ask: What would happen if I did less here? Who could I delegate these things to who might grow from the exposure and experience? Who defined this standard and can I rewrite it? You might find there’s room to take control, reshape the role, and lead more effectively.

   It's also okay if you've realized this isn't what you actually wanted. Wanting to be present for your family doesn’t erase your ambition or everything you’ve built, it just means you're aware that your priorities are evolving.

   You don’t have to decide everything right now. Experiment. Pull back in small ways, delegate more, talk to your family about how they can help, redefine what “good enough” looks like, and see how it changes your energy and available time. You worked hard to get here, and you get to decide what “here” looks like now.

10. AnonymousMarch 24,2026 at 4:35PM UTC

    This is great advice. Take the time to journal or at least document how you are feeling and what is triggering those feelings. It may help you make a better long term decision. You need to acknowledge how far you have come and be proud of that success. As a mother of 3, I completely understand the pressures of being MOM too. Good luck with your journey. :)

11. Ally MorganMarch 24,2026 at 2:02PM UTC

    I'm with you. I'm 20+ years into the legal field and it's been a lifetime of mostly made up deadline related stress. Over paperwork? Like there has to be a less stressful way to get the paperwork done. This isn't what matters most. Hang in there.

12. AnonymousMarch 24,2026 at 2:41PM UTC

    You are in a challenging position in work and life to be sure. You absolutely should give yourself permission to be proud of yourself and take satisfaction in all that you’ve accomplished in your career and family life. I honestly don’t know how you’ve done it.

    You are wise to pay attention to where you are feeling tension in your life and asking yourself important questions about what truly demands your time, attention, and energy.

    There is lots of actionable advice that has been generously shared with you by this community.

    Finding your story, getting clarity, and creating an actionable strategy is what will help you move forward without regret. The right career/life coach can help you accomplish this.

    I recommend the book “The Ambition Trap” by Amina AlTai, a career/life coach. You can also work with Amina if you choose.

    Liz Morrison is a storytelling coach who can also help you navigate this.

    I’ve personally worked with and recommend either of these outstanding coaches and humans who take a holistic approach.

    I wish you the best as you navigate and make decisions about YOUR life - present and future!

13. AnonymousMarch 24,2026 at 3:15PM UTC

    Thank you for posting- this is so relatable. I worked really hard to establish my career, then my son was diagnosed with brain cancer and passed away 16 months after diagnosis. It put life in perspective. After taking time away from work, I re-entered the workforce at a lower level only to realize that the pressure, timelines, and responsibilities were still there without the paycheck. Rooting for you in whatever you decide.

14. AnonymousMarch 24,2026 at 11:49PM UTC

    So sorry for your loss. I hope you eventually find a position with better pay and less pressure.

15. AnonymousMarch 24,2026 at 5:23PM UTC

    Absolutely! I'm 59- have a Doctorate degree, over 30 years of great experience with tons of reference letters, and ultimately thought I wanted to "go to the top". But when I got there - the work was crazy with little thought to my health or unwieldy job load, the pay was worse than ridiculous...so I quit - went back down to the bottom of the ladder and don't want to ever manage another person or program ever again. Just doing my job and nothing extra because you don't benefit from "giving all you got" - at least not anywhere I've worked for the last 20 years....

16. Jayne NymanMarch 24,2026 at 11:49PM UTC

    How did you approach a lower level job where someone would hire you? I retired but stilll want to work some but not the level I was at. I get the overqualified question.

17. Marcia SmithMarch 25,2026 at 5:54PM UTC

    I say that I have already been at the top and at this point in my career do not need career mobility - I just want to work and do what I'm really good at. :)

18. AnonymousMarch 25,2026 at 9:43AM UTC

    I thought a bit more outside the box on this issue. I began creating a side hustle that focused on legal support on a single area of contract management. It was highly specialized and something none of my past employers in construction wanted to deal with due to the training and expertise required. But it is mandatory for government contracts. I learned on the dime of my employers and earned all my certifications necessary. Then slowly built a business of my own.

    At 69, 2 lucrative clients and 20 hours per week earns me a healthy 6 figure salary. My clients (both ex-employers) are more than happy to pay me to take on this niche work because it doesn't lend itself to including it with staff workloads. I require no supervision, work 100% remote and work early mornings leaving my days free. I am free from ageism, pressure and have complete control of my work/life balance. I run my dogs on the beach, take my yoga classes in the afternoon and have 2 monthly deadlines which, at this point, are no brainers and are routinely met on vacation.

    Its not a corporate ladder but easily pays as well and is far less taxing.

    You have to consider the world today and figure out ways not to fall under the control of anyone else.

    I am looking to retire someday but can't help but keep working because it's so easy to keep going.

19. Ingrid FortmeyerMarch 25,2026 at 9:40PM UTC

    BRILLIANT ?✨?

20. AnonymousMarch 27,2026 at 3:42PM UTC

    You are my new hero and inspiration. Thank you for checking in!

21. AnonymousMarch 25,2026 at 1:29PM UTC

    You can DO anything you decide to do...but ive observed Many friends over the years who complain about being so busy and not having time for their family and yet, They still want to receive the lucrative paycheck and benefits and everything that goes with a high level position. It is not possible to do it all unless you hire a full-time.Any or housekeeper and even then, You would be delegating some of your maternal tasks to someone else , so that probably would not solve your problem of feeling that you were missing out on important family time. I have also learned over the years that you can have it all, But not all at once. There was a decade in my earlier life in which I only worked 1 day a week.And we lived on a shoestring, But we made that decision because we had four very busy children , and the clock was running running running. Ten years later, I was able to jump back into full time work and made the most money I ever made in my life for several years with tons of responsibility. You will simply have to make choices and there will be a cost. You get decide if you are courageous enough to take the harder road and do what your heart is pulling you to do. While this all sounds idyllic on paper, Once you step away from that high level position , you will realize that much of your identity was built on the power and prestige that it brings... So be ready for that feeling of "who am I now"

22. AnonymousMarch 25,2026 at 1:41PM UTC

    Yes! I’m glad you hear you realized what is most important to you! Take that and run with it! Make a financial plan to downsize your life so that you can live comfortably on less salary. Then go get the easier job. When your kids are grown you can always jump back in to the executive world. You have the experience.

    Next, plan on aggressively saving the money you earn now. Take the time to save enough. Not in retirement accounts, but in regular savings and investments that you can access to cover expenses that you’re “smaller” job won’t cover. Consider downsizing your home as well.

    I did it. I’m glad I did it. I’m happy. Our retirement plans are still on track and even overfunded due to good investments. You can too. Work isn’t everything. Get your life back! Good luck.

23. AnonymousMarch 25,2026 at 3:30PM UTC

    Experiencing this now, and i've quietly ignored the burden and tool climbing up the latter has taken on me. I am to a point now where I am at a breaking point, I feel like I have exausted all options to work more efficently and it is affecting me on a cellular level. I have recenly been more reclusive at work, dreading meetings, becoming agitatied with any sort of pushback I get from clients. I am noticing cognitive regressions as well. My memory is worsening, I am making more mistakes, misspeaking when giving direction to my team. It is awful and the energy needed to come up with a plan or strategy is just not there. I honestly feel like I want to curl up in a ball under my covers and never come out.

24. AnonymousMarch 25,2026 at 9:11PM UTC

    This makes me cry. .I feel your pain and wish I could offer some sort of solution. I'm afraid this is the reality of the supposed dream of corporate success. It wasn't what we were promised.

    My only suggestion, short of quitting, is maybe therapy to learn ways to survive. Maybe solutions to burnout. I'm so sorry.

25. Ingrid FortmeyerMarch 25,2026 at 9:55PM UTC

    Ruh Rogh Rorge! (said in my best Astro Jetson dog voice)... do you have access to an EAP program at your workplace? You may qualify for services up to and including a FMLA secured leave of absence to take some time to re-regulate your nervous system and take back control of your life before you get past the point of no return either with your job or your health. People fire themselves this way all the time because the are too afraid to stop but too exhausted to keep going (says the voice of experience both personally and professionally working in HR over 25 years). Highly successful over-functioners will hit a wall ? if they don't take themselves out of the crash-test dummy mode. It sounds like you're still strapped in and in the simulator. Check it before you wreck it and the choices are not entirely your own. You absolutely CAN and NEED to do what is necessary to protect your own health and ability to show up for yourself, your family, your team, and whoever else you decide to put all of that incredible talent and experience into supporting... just make sure you protect your ability to do so ASAP!

26. AnonymousMarch 27,2026 at 3:10PM UTC

    I understand. Then we are told "this is the price for..." No. No it is not . It is the price that a man made system has set for any woman wishing entry. I also recommend ALL women look to possibly starting their own businesses, together. I am two more breakdowns away from starting my own company which is an incredible amount of work in and of itself, but at least it would be of my own volition. The only women I see "thriving" at a VP level are the following : Those who are single without children, those who are married with a supportive partner and have no children, those who are married to a supportive partner who takes on the brunt of child raising (yes, the VP ladies do miss out on family time), and those who start their own company. Take a leave/ sabbatical. As others have stated, take a couple of days to decompress, and maybe hire a coach or get into a course to navigate what you desire your future to look like, but please, do not put more on yourself in the way of a project ie "rigorous soul finding," as that can also be draining. Rest reveals so much!

27. Ingrid FortmeyerMarch 25,2026 at 9:26PM UTC

    You're at the perfect place to hit pause ⏸️

    At one point in my life I missed the signs that were pointed in that direction - in computer terms you're ready for a system upgrade - you've outgrown the capacity limits of the current operating systems limitations.

    Take a personal leave of absence. You don't need to explain it, just do it. Do the inner work. I highly recommend taking The Avatar® Course , but anything grounded in helping you sort out the relationship between what you are believing and what you are experiencing to create more clarity and determine next steps will be highly beneficial in deciding from a place of passion and excitement for what is next rather than resistance or "satisficing" too quickly. Best wishes for a successful upgrade experience ???

28. AnonymousMarch 26,2026 at 12:27PM UTC

    Same thing happened to me. I realized I was in a "make work" profession. To make themselves feel valuable, coworkers would take the simplist task and make it into a process. No one every focused on what really matter they were all running around working on "projects" that really never went anywhere. I went back to school. It took a while but I am now in a profession where my work matters. Yes, there are still coworkers who bring up non-issues and try to make work out of it but I feel much more relaxed and focused on what matters

29. AnonymousMarch 26,2026 at 7:18PM UTC

    It depends. :) I took a break when my children were young to teach part time in the arts. Office politics and I wanted a different relationship with my children. I decided the pay was not worth the sacrifices. I was able to re-enter the same field decades later after it had completely transformed. I learned new skills to navigate. It has put me back in terms of where I wish to be with retirement planning but the relationships are more important. Also now that I am mature I can step aside (Shwew missed that one!) when the office politics start because I know what is happening and am prepared when chaos hits the fan so I can calmly handle.

30. Jannie HigginsMarch 27,2026 at 1:02PM UTC

    Being unhappy and pulled the wrong way is too hard to battle each day. I suggest exploring ways to make a shift or career change. At the VP level you must have great skills and experience to apply in other ways. Talk to a career advisor or coach to pursue the process. Or, check out and find that "fun" part time job. Hope you find your balance!

31. Lynn WilliamsMarch 27,2026 at 6:55PM UTC

    Hello I was a VP who had twins at age 40 and had a 5 year old at home. I had a commute of over an hour and had to be in the office everyday. I managed it by volunteering weekly at the twins art class and then hopped over to my son’s music class- it made me feel so connected and it became a norm that the children charished. They are now in their 20-30s and they don’t feel like they missed out on mom. Create your space- don’t waiver and if the company you are working for pushes back look for another organization where you can be the executive and the mom you want to be! Best of luck!!

32. Celena BartonMarch 29,2026 at 12:09PM UTC

    Then quit? You obviously have decided so just do it. Do what makes you happy. That’s all that matters.

33. Heather HaalandMarch 29,2026 at 2:43PM UTC

    Ypur children only grow up once. Each family has to make the choices that are best for them but it sounds like your gut instinct is saying family first. Maybe at another company you can have work life balance as a VP, or see if there are ways they will support you.

34. AnonymousApril 28,2026 at 6:27PM UTC

    Me too!!

    I had a child (our only) at 40, worked my way to VP Finance recently, have a great job, but long hours. Due diligence for acquisition/ sale of shares in our company, combined with purchasing a downstream supplier of ours. I had been working 60-70+ hours a week since last summer. Hubby and son were supportive (son is now 16).

    So I thought.

    I found out exactly one week ago that hubby has been having an affair with a co-worker. He never said anything or indicated he was unhappy. I found out literally by accident when reviewing our bank accounts for "tax deductible items" that he bought HER the Valentine's Love Bouquet, not me. More unwinding and discovery. We have not decided on anything yet except preliminary counseling.

    I may have to leave my VP role, take a "lesser job" that is more punch in/ punch out, and secure my well-being, my own finances, and be sure the relationship with my family is priority.

    I wanted to quit also last summer/ fall/ winter when the hours were enormous, I was in the office 12hrs/ day, and took work home every night and weekend. Over-working should not lead a spouse to stray, but I can tell your firsthand that being "married to a career" does not bode well in a marriage.

    Don't lose your marriage or spouse over this.

    FAMILY FIRST.