I was hired recently by a corporate medical company.

Anonymous

April 15,2023 at 8:00PM UTC

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I was hired recently by a corporate medical company. It’s a per diem position. I stated that I have certain days that I could work for them when needed as it’s per diem. The company was asking me to come in full-time but I have another job that I have loyalty to and I don’t want to leave it. One day a higher-up came in and it was my very first time meeting him. He “dapped me up”. He didn’t give me a professional handshake. He gave me a handshake that you would give a friend or “homeboy/girl”. He went on to tell my coworker that “we have a cool handshake and she doesn’t know this cool handshake”. This office isn’t staffed with POC I’m the only one. I feel weird about this and a little embarrassed because I feel like the handshake was intended because of my skin color.

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GingerintheKitchenApril 15,2023 at 8:13PM UTC
OMG ?
my stomach dropped reading that. I am so sorry, I have seen this type of shit go on for years and while it is a bit more rare the fact that it still happens at all and particularly in a professional setting, is horrible.
. I'm sorry you were put under that uncomfortable spotlight and further singled out by this ass of a man. The fact that he is a "leader" is even worse. SMH. Do you get the feeling he was aware of what he was doing? If he is just a tone deaf boar who is practicing some unconscious microagrressions you may be able to discuss it with him and see if he can understand the situation and how it made you feel....or do you think it will fall on deaf ears or worse, by leading to a retaliatory or more difficult and toxic work environment? What does your gut say?
AnonymousApril 16,2023 at 12:35PM UTC
Hello. Thank you for your reply. My gut told me
that if I brought it up that I would be gaslit by him and the company and that they would make it out to be like it was an honest mistake and that no ill intent was meant by it. Then I’d be expected to suck it up while the interaction gets swept under the rug.
It shouldn’t have happened at all or unless he knew me well enough and had that type of relationship with me to be able to dap me up. I felt sick and embarrassed. More embarrassed because he was telling my coworker about it like “yeah we have a cool handshake that you don’t know about because you’re not cool enough” like downplaying it. I told her i feel like he did that because I’m a POC.
I’m new there. It was my first time meeting him. Head of HR for the region I work out of. He could’ve shook my hand like normal. He should’ve shook my hand like normal.
AnonymousApril 17,2023 at 12:33PM UTC
I know you don't want to hear this but perhaps he was just trying to be friendly to someone new. I don't disagree that he probably should have known it could potentially be offensive (especially since he is in leadership) but I do believe in giving folks the opportunity to correct their behaviors before making a major incident out of it especially if you are new. If it happens again (which it likely will now since he thinks you are friendly) just take him to the side and tell him you feel like his gesture was too familiar and you'd like to keep the relationship strictly profressional. If he doesn't back off then - absolutely go to HR.
Wendy SawyerApril 17,2023 at 4:01PM UTC
Note: Her last remark indicates he is not only in leadership, and behaving that way in an initial meeting, but IS also the head of HR for her region. :(
He needs to be called out, as he should certainly be aware at his level and area of expertise in particular, that his behavior is unwelcome and a liability.
AnonymousApril 18,2023 at 4:59AM UTC
Hi. Thank you for your reply but by you telling me that “perhaps he was trying to be friendly to someone new” is downplaying the issue and that’s a big reason as to why I didn’t want to say anything because my feelings would be invalidated as they have been when I read that phrase.
As far as making this into a major incident the handshake was a major incident in itself. Would bringing up someones insensitivity and possibly getting them upset be the major incident you speak of? Please, correct me if I’m wrong. He also is head of HR in the region that I work in, he should really know better. It was our first time
meeting. I can see maybe the 2nd or 3rd time
trying that but I haven’t even talked to him on the phone. I did my onboarding in the city. We haven’t even spoken to each other. That gave weird vibes.
Cherylee BushApril 18,2023 at 12:14PM UTC
So first of all, a handshake shouldn't be offensive. It's your interpretation of what that handshake meant that is offensive. Not saying you are wrong - but people shake hands all the time so it was more than just the handshake. He isn't going to realize that unless someone points that out. It's not to say your feelings aren't valid. If confronting him is not worth that to you then obviously you can file a complaint with his manager. Unless he has had repetitive complaints for similar issues your complaint will probably result in someone pointing out to him that his actions were offensive and should not happen again. If I were the leader I'd have much more respect for you seeing that you addressed it yourself but you should handle this however you are comfortable.
AnonymousApril 18,2023 at 11:12PM UTC
The handshake was offensive. Do you know what to “dap” someone up is? I understand that people shake hands all the time…lol. This wasn’t a regular handshake that’s why I made the post. I most certainly don’t “dap” my employers up and especially when I first meet them.
He hasn’t done that handshake with anyone else. He even said something to my coworker about her not knowing our “cool handshake”….I’m the only POC in that office. I didn’t mention this to anyone besides this post because I didn’t want to be the talk of the office. New girl stirring the pot type of stuff.
Since it’s only a per diem position I can be floated to other offices where I wont have to encounter that again. That is my “comfortable”.
I mentioned it on this site because it was something that bothered me and I wanted to share.
AnonymousApril 17,2023 at 12:43PM UTC
I am horrified by this! I’ve never witnessed anyone behave this way (or be this inappropriate towards me).
Since this isn’t your primary income, I suggest you bring your talents elsewhere - because this a$$hat may be indicative of an org that doesn’t practice inclusion nor educate their team.
I am so sorry you were treated so unprofessionally and had to experience this!
BethBApril 17,2023 at 1:10PM UTC
This is a good opportunity to practice professional confrontation in a low risk situation since you are considering leaving anyway. Meet with him one on one. He may not have a clue and you could be doing him (and the world) a favor. Assume the most benign explanation. It could even be as casual as a knock on the door, hey, can I talk to you for a few minutes. Be factual. No adjectives. Listen, Jim, you might not realize this. When we first met, that handshake was embarassing. You probably don’t realize how it came across, it was awkward and there are some who might even see racist overtones. I’m sure you were trying to be friendly. Maybe even extend your hand for a true handshake. Make your point. We teach people how to treat us and this is a great chance to stand up for yourself.
AnonymousApril 18,2023 at 4:43AM UTC
Hi. Thank you for reply and giving advice on approaching the situation with him. That was a great reply. I will take your advice into consideration :-)
AnonymousApril 17,2023 at 2:06PM UTC
Echoing BethB and Anonymous. Your feelings are valid. You're a valuable employee. I hope you iron out the kinks soon. Good luck! ?