I am trying to find the will to go into work today.

Anonymous

June 21,2022 at 1:10PM UTC

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I am trying to find the will to go into work today. Within the last week I have had to endure a one-on-one meeting and then a two-one-one meeting due to a co-worker who brings nothing but chaos and strife to the workplace. Every time someone on the team gets recognized for some sort of accomplishment, said co-worker fabricates a story about how the newly recognized team member has wronged her. At first I didn't notice the pattern but one day, about 2 months or so ago, it finally dawned on me. One team member landed a major project, bam, the next day said co-worker insists that the major project was initially given to her and then taken away. Another team member reached a milestone office goal and, bam, said co-worker starts accusing team member of unethically reaching that milestone. Yet another team member closed a major project (which felt like it took forever to close because the client kept switching the parameters and scope of the project), and, you guessed it, bam, said co-worker complained that the huge project was given to that team member because that team member was the supervisor-on-duty's "favorite". These incidents are only the tip of the iceberg; the level of wild accusations that keep getting flung around are unreal. I am sitting here floored at knowing the supervisors are enabling her and allowing her to continue this behavior without any repercussions. She is in no way held accountable for her actions and she's making it where we no longer even want to be recognized for our accomplishments because we know shortly thereafter there will be yet another unfounded accusation. I'm exhausted and burning out yet I can't currently leave (I have to get a few moving pieces lined up prior to being able to quit this job). I guess I'm just looking for encouragement as I attempt to get through the next few months before I can officially be done with all of the nonsensical goings-on. Thank you.

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AnonymousJune 21,2022 at 1:43PM UTC
The best advice I can offer is to keep your eye on the prize of you life, your personal goals and the steps you are taking. Try not to give this person a lot of your energy or focus.
It's a slow burn when certain behavior is allowed, justified or just ignored. So since you cannot stop or curtail the behavior, insulate yourself with a full and vibrant personal life full of joy and laughter and peace. It will help counter the drama at work.
SJune 21,2022 at 1:53PM UTC
I recommend getting HR involved and submitting a complaint after speaking with a supervisor so you can mention that you did to HR and provide them what the response or action item was. Your supervisors are enabling and should be intervening to help morale.
IF HR is not an option, I recommend mentioning all of this in your exit interview once you find another job.
In meantime, I would seek out a virtual therapist. I did when I started to fill like I was at a dead end with my current job among for other reasons. Anyways, to vent to someone who knows nothing about you and can provide you tools...it may not sound much.. but it has helped me TREMENDOUSLY since January. Plus with virtual therapy, more availability options than 8-5 schedule.
Susan HildebrandJune 21,2022 at 1:57PM UTC
Based on the issue, know each and every day is yours. Be the best version of yourself and always act with integrity. This you will never regret. As a former director, I dealt with a similar issue and sadly, it really never goes 'away' - employers just lose invaluable and talented employees.
Chardia Christophe-GarciaJune 21,2022 at 2:01PM UTC
Well she sounds lovely (insert sarcasm) lol. The biggest issue I see here is the enablement that's happening within leadership for this kind of behavior. I think you have to try and center yourself and remember why you're there. She's the kind of person that will eventually cancel herself out of the running. Pour into yourself and be the best that you can be at your job. She can't take that away from you because your work will speak for itself. The reality is these kinds of people exist in all work environments and in life. The best way to cope is to test out ways to focus on your life and look at her as someone irrelevant to your journey! You got this! Good luck.
AnonymousJune 21,2022 at 2:53PM UTC
It's too bad leadership is turning a blind eye because if not already this will lead to a serious brain drain in the company. Clearly something is working that's enabling employees to hit milestones and reach new goals but this is a big hit to morale. Is she a legacy employee? As what others have mentioned since you already have an exit plan, just keep your eye on the prize!
AnonymousJune 22,2022 at 6:27AM UTC
We were all hired around the same time period. We were all trained together as it was a new business. Her main issue is that she's unwilling to put in the effort to achieve these same, rather easily attainable, goals and leadership has chosen to coddle her instead of holding her accountable for her own inaction.
AnonymousJune 22,2022 at 8:44PM UTC
I wonder if you have talked with her yourself.
Sometimes I find people are hurting and just need someone to listen to them. I know it's super hard when we have difficult co-workers. Does this person have any skills helpful to the team? Maybe compliment them on something. I find kindness can soften the most frustrated and bullying type people. It actually shuts them down.
AnonymousJune 22,2022 at 8:41PM UTC
Is a legacy employee a word for older worker? I've worked within a culture of 3 different age groups and loved it. I was just curious what this meant. Haven't heard that term before.
AnonymousJune 27,2022 at 9:40PM UTC
Not necessarily! A legacy employee is typically someone who's been with the company since the founding days or have been with the company for a VERY long time (they're like an institution in the organization at this point, ie. will leave behind legacy in the org). Due to their tenure, they have a very large influence over the culture of a company. This is particularly the case with start-ups and when they start scaling into a medium-sized company, aka the 'growing pains' phase, these legacy employees are typically the first to go because they don't like change and are used to getting things done their way... Hope that helps!
AnonymousJuly 24,2022 at 10:39PM UTC
Yes, thank you!
I would be that person and have learned the less seasoned hate hearing “I’ve been here 13 years” (not by me but another legacy worker). So I incorporate their opinions often so they know they are valued.
Anne KrookJune 21,2022 at 4:25PM UTC
If you know you will leave very soon, then compartmentalize as much as you can and say to yourself, each time the problem repeats itself, "I am leaving soon and she will no longer be my problem." If you want to put this much effort in (I am not recommending it, only saying it is there as an option) you can start documenting specific instances of this problem, with dates and names, and mention them in an exit interview when you are asked my you are leaving. If you don't want to bother with that, I totally understand.
AyianJune 21,2022 at 5:02PM UTC
One of the most important social tools I have is awareness of my circles of control and influence. A person's circle of control is only as large as themselves. You can't control anyone but yourself, but you CAN control yourself including how to feel about this person. Do you want to give them power over you in the form of frustration or your own brain drain?
Second, your circle of influence are all the people around you. Surely everyone else is having an issue with this person's behavior. Perhaps you can have discreet conversations with them to ask for a meeting with management together to discuss this behavior and how it is impacting morale and workplace effectiveness. Document the issues thoroughly between now and then.
If you decide you don't have the energy to do all of that, document anyway and provide it as you exit the company. Management is often blind to interpersonal issues or downplay them unless it is made clear to them the financial burden of failing to address it. If there is an HR department, provide documentation to them as well.
AnonymousJune 22,2022 at 9:31AM UTC
Unfortunately narcissists are an everlasting breed, and no matter where you go you have to learn how to navigate them in the work force. Their ultimate talent is fooling people into thinking they can do no wrong while throwing a recking ball at everything. If you and several others are victims to her nonsense, meet behind the scenes and band together. So that when she starts making accusations publicly, all 4 -6 of you can start breaking down her arguement until she gets tired. You do that often enough and she will give up. The other alternative is you make a pack with your colleagues to limit your interactions with her and recuse to engage with gossip when she starts rumors on other people. Without an audience, she is powerless
AnonymousJune 22,2022 at 8:38PM UTC
The person who is making these comments are in fact "yelling" symbolically to notice them. They are not getting what they need from their job, company or the culture. It's many times the person's own internal issues, but one a manager should recognize as poor behavior and try to correct it. I have known a high level administrator who never gave credit to anyone. They only wanted the spotlight. I've seen so much in my seasoned years of working that I find those who are "me" people, are not my kind of people so I rarely engage with them. It's too exhausting.
AnonymousJune 23,2022 at 4:54AM UTC
Agreed. So toxic. But we still have to learn how to navigate them. Like wackamole they pop up everywhere. But it’s smart to tune out as much as u can like u are doing. Your well being comes first
AnonymousJuly 24,2022 at 10:37PM UTC
Love the wackamole reference. That is so true. They pop up everywhere.
AnonymousJune 22,2022 at 2:24PM UTC
I'm curious. What happens to her accusations? Does anyone take any action/investigation as to the truth of the accusations?
AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 8:10AM UTC
She hurls accusations, a leader (or leaders) get involved and investigate. Nothing is proven (other than she is at best an over-exaggerator, at worst a full-blown pathological liar) and that's the end of it until the next time.
AnonymousJune 29,2022 at 12:13PM UTC
So she ends up looking like a fool. It sounds like she is digging her own grave.
AnonymousJune 22,2022 at 5:10PM UTC
I hear so many times to involve HR. If an org has so many issues like those described here and in similar posts, HR is a finger in the dyke. We are not the "be nice" police. Odds are we know about the person and are helpless to do anything. We can document and file, and hope (and pray) there isn't something that can be litigated.
My HR guidance is get to a mindset where you can let these horrible antics slide off your back, or find another dept or organization.
Good luck for whatever you do.
AnonymousJune 22,2022 at 8:33PM UTC
This is not unusual at all.
But it is aggression in the workplace that hinders employees being able to share and celebrate their good work together. If you are leaving anyway, I would only mention it if you have an exit interview. If you intend on staying, sit down with your boss and let them know you would like their support. Do not get your emotions in it as most managers do not care how you feel, they care how you perform. If it hinders your performance, seek work elsewhere. And a company whose culture does not embrace this. What you have here is simply poor management. And many times, we cannot change it but we can change our path and where we go. I say go for it, get out and use your talents elsewhere! Good luck!
AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 8:07AM UTC
Poor management seems to be the most accurate assessment for this situation. Good luck to the OP!