I am ughh...

Anonymous

April 12,2022 at 12:24PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

I am ughh...

I am at my wits end with a coworker. The other day I was in a meeting with my boss, and she comes over because she can hear us ( mind you the door was closed) and barges in. She admits she can hear us and wanted to hear our convo. My boss said nothing to her. I find out from another coworker that she went to my boss about a complaint about this same coworker, and nothing was done.

I recently pursued leaving my position, and interviewed at another company. I was offered the job on Friday! More money and better benefits. When putting in my notice, do you think this should be brought up ( regarding the rude coworker?) Or would you just exit with Grace and let them see in the end?

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

35 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

35 Comments

Join the conversation

VeronicaApril 12,2022 at 12:41PM UTC
Exit with grace and move on. You can be diplomatic in your exit interview if you choose, otherwise, just move on.
AnonymousApril 12,2022 at 12:54PM UTC
Leave with dignity and grace. Let karma do its thing. You are moving on to bigger and better things!
Chardia Christophe-GarciaApril 12,2022 at 1:10PM UTC
Hi! You should always exit with grace but I do think if this coworker's behavior (I assume there's more too it than above) played a large role in your decision to leave that's important information for leadership to know. Outside of your coworker barging in, if this was an issue for another employee as well and nothing was done to rectify the issue, it speaks to their employees not feeling heard. All important and objective notes worth sharing in an exit interview with HR and or your boss. I hope that helps.
Meghan AndersonApril 12,2022 at 2:17PM UTC
I agree with what Chardia said. If I was an upper-level manager and was told that two employees had gone to their manager about an issue with the same coworker and nothing was done, I'd want to know about that. Especially if this coworker played a part in you leaving. I'm so glad you found another job - best wishes on your new adventure!
Tasha L. SimmonsApril 12,2022 at 2:20PM UTC
Speaking about the rude co worker to someone that will resolve it or at least speak to her about her behavior before you put in your 2 weeks resignation. Congrats on the new opportunity
Diane McDevittApril 12,2022 at 2:23PM UTC
Good for you!
ANDREA RAGGAMBIApril 12,2022 at 2:45PM UTC
Congrats! In most cases I don’t think much happens with feedback from exit interviews. But if this person is also negatively impacting others, it can’t hurt to share the frustration for awareness and say others may also be experiencing the impact from this behavior. Then you share your thoughts and it’s in their hands. They do something or nothing but it’s no longer your problem.
Heather CutlerApril 12,2022 at 3:15PM UTC
While many of us have wanted to leave employers in a blaze of glory by airing grievances (including me!), please use discretion and a filter when raising these issues. Sounds like this woman was a nuisance and you don't care for her work style but what I don't hear are things like intimidation, discrimination, or bullying behavior.
To be clear, I'm NOT minimizing your irritation with this person but tread lightly because complaining about her could backfire and burn bridges with this employer. You will sound like a whiner if you go in and crow about someone being rude.
There's no rule against behaving like an ass so unless you have legitimate HR offenses and actionable recommendations to correct these wrongs, (as others have said) leave gracefully.
Best wishes in your new role!
S.April 12,2022 at 3:22PM UTC
I would just get out of there with grace... and maybe I would address the coworker directly with a goodbye card or short letter. Some people need to know about their behavior.
Joanne RosenApril 12,2022 at 3:24PM UTC
Frame it in a way that it's a helpful suggestion, not a complaint.
"I just wanted you to know that part of my decision was based on some issues with a coworker that weren't resolved by management. Perhaps you could find a way to follow up with complaints to keep the people you want."
Something like that.
AnonymousApril 13,2022 at 2:36AM UTC
i am so glad you are getting out! How it always been toxic with this co worker? I would mention everything in exit interview m.
AnonymousApril 13,2022 at 12:19PM UTC
There is nothing to loose in an exit interview. Plus you are doing the company a favour to keep this on record for future grievances/warnings against this co worker should she continue with this type of behavior.
Rynn StrangeApril 13,2022 at 12:24PM UTC
Exiting with grace does not necessarily mean you should not take this issue up with the right people within the organization. I suspect there are more than just the two of you who have experienced this behavior from this person. Couched in the right terms and with the right attitude and tone, this can be a means of grace - toward the company, the upper management, and ultimately to the offending employee.
Kathleen Norton-SchockApril 13,2022 at 12:32PM UTC
I hope you go through an exit interview process and I hope that your suggestions for improvement will be useful for your previous employer. To that end, this incident probably should become part of your feedback. Then, it is no longer your problem.
KimApril 13,2022 at 12:37PM UTC
First, congrats on your new position!
Second, I would definitely bring up the situation. You’re building a case. From the sounds of it, the supervisor isn’t doing their job. The co-worker has boundary issues.
AnonymousApril 13,2022 at 12:37PM UTC
As an owner of a company that has needed to terminate someone (Person A) in the past with this kind of situation, please mention it. It's one thing to have one person (your friend, Person B) mention that Person A makes them uncomfortable. However, you don't know if Person A has some kind of accomodations on file. If you mention in an exit interview that you are leaving because of Person A and you don't see the work environment as healthy because of them, I as your supervisor can do more about it. I can't do much about the environment if I don't know what is happening.
KelleyApril 13,2022 at 1:01PM UTC
I definitely suggest bringing it up in the exit interview. Especially since it would likely be with someone from HR who might be able to do something since your boss hasn’t.
AnonymousApril 13,2022 at 1:53PM UTC
PS .. the issue we have is HR ... ugh.
Christy SchwartzApril 13,2022 at 1:34PM UTC
That's great you were able to land a new position!!
I would say yes to mentioning if the exit interview is with HR or someone other than your boss.
Just based on what you wrote it appears that either your boss does not find the interruption an issue or has other factors in play with this employee.
AnonymousApril 13,2022 at 1:40PM UTC
You should 100% mention it. And, actually, waiting until you found another position is about as graceful as you can get… Time to be honest. They will actually think twice now if more issues arise with this employee and another person. Basically, mean girl bullies often are successful at work, and good at hiding their bad behavior- This is a problem in most work places, and managers are reluctant to deal with it…
Joanna PoeApril 13,2022 at 1:44PM UTC
Don't burn bridges you don't have to. There might be more nuance to the situation than you're aware, and you could end up working with either of them again.
Anné LeonardApril 13,2022 at 3:05PM UTC
Mention the irritations during an exit interview.
Marina ChristiansApril 13,2022 at 3:24PM UTC
I would definitely advise them ,however ,it sounds as if your boss is letting her get away with a lot. There must be a reason more than you can see. Anyone who has the right to barge in on a meeting with the boss and nothnng said to that person is questionable what her relationship is with the boss.
AnonymousApril 13,2022 at 4:21PM UTC
Sounds like there have been plenty of witnesses who already know about this and have chosen not to address it.
Let it go and move on. Congratulations and I hope the new place has better practices.
Christi MillerApril 13,2022 at 4:59PM UTC
I would go with Grace and move on to the new position. Congrats.
Debra WhiteApril 13,2022 at 5:31PM UTC
Definitely move on with grace. Put your energy into moving forward.
Paulla Fetzek, MSEdApril 14,2022 at 1:39AM UTC
Congratulations on the new position!
If you're offered an exit interview, I would encourage you to say something then. If not, I would let it go.
Crystal HowellApril 14,2022 at 1:40AM UTC
Leave Like a Lady, enjoy your new job. Karma got this!
Annetta MosesApril 14,2022 at 2:56AM UTC
I suggest you exit with grace. You never know when you may cross path with former co-workers.
Congrats on your new position!
AnonymousApril 14,2022 at 12:12PM UTC
I would not get into this. Your boss has made it known that her behavior is not at all an issue and by staying silent he has given her permission to continue.
Since your boss or doesn't feel the need to correct her, neither should you. Don't leave try to make a point. Leave with grace. If her behavior creates issues down the line, it won't be connected to you.
Shannon GallagherApril 14,2022 at 1:39PM UTC
I would put notice in and leave holding your head high. Leave the drama behind and be done with it
Congrats on the new job and wishing great success going forward.
Megan KaleitaApril 14,2022 at 2:06PM UTC
Mention it if you have an exit interview. The problem is not so much the coworker as it is management not saying anything when she barges into a closed door meeting; what else are they letting slide?
AnonymousApril 17,2022 at 6:15PM UTC
all y'all advising not to say anything are the reasons why this kind of thing persists.
Melissa SheetsApril 18,2022 at 12:36AM UTC
If you have an exit interview I would address it then. I have this issue within my group and while I know there are issues and staff are constantly demanding that said employee be written up or fired. What people don’t understand is that sometimes our hands are tied and HR has asked us to approach and/or handle it in a certain way. But please understand your boss probably knows and while she would like to handle it her hands may be tied.
Liz MilneApril 24,2022 at 1:37AM UTC
I would mention that I'm looking forward to not having [name] barging in on private conversations in future! But then, I'm quite tactless and don't necessarily embrace a quiet life if it means that someone's nonsense goes unaddressed!