Really struggling with a passive aggressive boss.

37 Comments

1. SPQNovember 19,2025 at 3:51PM UTC

   If you've been following the posts, you'll see that many either regret leaving or are struggling to find employment.

   At the moment, it feels fitting to say a perspective change is easier than a job change.

   In that vein, it is not about 'sucking it up' but rather, shutting it out (from effecting your well-being that is, not the emotions itself).

   You may want to seek counselling to address your mental models, understand how he's encroached in your values, and assess what you have in your control to change. Change could certainly mean leaving if the pain is greater than the gain, and you've exhausted all other methods (like shutting out the BS).

   Writing down the comments you could have made in the moment is actually really good therapy. I would take it further and seek counselling for the frustration that will accumulate in your notebook. They will be able to suggest something positive and constructive.

   Once you get to that place--where you can clearly and calmly think--then evaluate if his actions are still impinging on your beliefs, values, moral standards, or principles. If they are, you'll be in a much better mental state to professionally tell him to F-off ;)

2. AnonymousNovember 19,2025 at 4:20PM UTC

   This is just passive aggressive talk. He may never retire so if you are going to stay, you must control your focus on him. You are giving him so much power over your peace.

   Try and watch Tedtalks and podcasts on how to deal with difficult people and understand that you hold all the power in this dynamic.

   You need to freaking stop taking this all in.

3. SPQNovember 20,2025 at 1:09AM UTC

   Haha yes! This is what I was trying to get at but much better worded.

4. AnonymousNovember 19,2025 at 6:20PM UTC

   So many options here, Gray Rock, Let Them theory.

   Is there a new requirement that you're in office five days a week? If not, then "Thanks for the feedback," every time he comments on being in the office.

   Trash talk about your favorite team, ignore it. You're in complete control of your own reactions. This one is on you and who gives a shit if he's talking smack about other team members. Not your problem to police that situation.

   As for your constructive feedback, sounds to me like he's neither seeking nor considering your input. So stop giving it.

   You're paid well, your have profit sharing and you're gainfully employed. if this were me, I'd suck it up until I find something new.

   No, there's nothing you can say to make him stop. It's clear he's getting a rise out of you so stop feeding the beast.

5. AnonymousNovember 19,2025 at 8:07PM UTC

   Just ignore it. Simple. I have had so much worse than this and then a sibling died my health declined and I had a disease because crap like this got to me. Not worth it. Its job it is temporary, keep your head down and ignore the commentary.

6. AnonymousNovember 19,2025 at 8:11PM UTC

   Oh I work with someone like that too. The one that provides flexibility is also the same person who is resentful towards us because of it. It's def passive aggressive behavior and all the weird behaviors I see everyday. A good rebuttal is when he says you're not in the office much, say, I am in the office 3 days, and remote 2 days and am available always during business hours. If it were me, I'd suck it up because you make good money, you get flexibility, you just have an inept boss. Roll your eyes and think how many days it will be till this person leaves. Or you can try to find something else which is totally doable. Why don't you put your feelers out, submit a few resumes and talk to others outside of this work circle? I bet you will find better and more normal places to work.

7. AnonymousNovember 20,2025 at 1:29PM UTC

   If everything about the job other than this individual is good, my advice is to limit the reaction you give him and stay. A few years ago I had a boss like this and left. I’ve had nothing but lay offs and finding a job is the worse now. Don’t jump from the pan into the fire. I’d just give it back to him “you wish you could see my smiling face everyday”. Hang tight!

8. Jonna Ferguson, ACCNovember 20,2025 at 1:45PM UTC

   You’re dealing with a tough combination: passive aggression, micromanagement, and someone signaling open discomfort with hybrid work and newer policies. None of that is about you. It’s about his own anxiety, identity, and changing norms as he heads toward retirement. (That career change is earth-shattering for many.)

   A few practical strategies you can try to establish control:

   1. Don’t fight his comments, redirect them. When he comments about you being in the office more, say something like:

   “I hear you. To stay aligned, my schedule mirrors the company’s hybrid policy. What concerns about my performance/project results do you have so I can address them?”

   This encourages him to move from passive-aggressive commentary to a specific concern he has to articulate.

   2. Document the patterns neutrally and consistently. Not to “get” him, but to protect yourself and create clarity.

   Send brief recaps of conversations like:

   “To confirm today’s discussion: I’ll handle X by Friday, and my hybrid schedule remains M/T/F in office. Let me know if anything needs adjusting.”

   It preempts future criticism and creates a paper trail, all while sounding collaborative.

   3. Set micro-boundaries in the moment. You don’t need a big dramatic confrontation. You can use short, calm interjections:

   “Noted.”

   “I’m aligned with the policy.”

   “I'm focusing on the deliverable to get it done.”

   For sports comments: “Ha — noted. Now, about the budget…”

   You’re training the dynamic, not the person.

   4. Choose where you spend your energy. He’s retiring in 2027. That’s a long runway, but the culture post-him might look very different. If the compensation and all-in benefits are strong, it may be worth staying IF you can protect your mental bandwidth.

   You're running a marathon: pace yourself, set boundaries, and stay aware of your options.

   5. You do not have to just “suck it up.” You can’t change who he is, but you can change the way conversations land and how much access he has to your emotional energy.

   A good litmus test:

   If the environment is tolerable with strategies, documentation and boundaries, you may decide to ride out his tenure.

   If it becomes chronically draining, you always have the right to explore external opportunities slowly and quietly.

   6. This may seem bonkers, but on days he seems particularly on edge in general (not toward you), consider saying, "I can see you have a lot going on. In addition to what I'm already working on, what can I do to help?"

   I've used this many times when people are on the verge of breaking and am surprised how often it disarms a bully or aggressive behavior. They're often crying out for help, and their ego prevents them from saying it in plain words. You know him best and how this might land, so choose your moment.

   You’re managing a difficult personality. The fact you’re asking questions means you have options and agency. You aren't stuck. You're more in control than you think!

9. AmyyNovember 20,2025 at 2:09PM UTC

   What a spectacular response! Applause! There’s so much in here to benefit so many people in so many different situations. I could feel the burden lifting off the OP as I read it. Thank you.

10. AnonymousNovember 20,2025 at 2:10PM UTC

    That was awesome constructive advice!! Love that you say they have some control. I also work for a micro manager, passive aggressive person and it really is draining and disheartening.

11. AnonymousNovember 20,2025 at 3:20PM UTC

    I love this advice, it's very helpful and professional! Thank you Jonna Ferguson!

12. AnonymousNovember 20,2025 at 1:46PM UTC

    You don’t.

    It sounds like you very desperately want to be seen as an influence in this person‘s life, and you can’t. The fallacies of modern-day America, where everyone thinks that their opinion matters the most and therefore other people should do what they say is just great, isn’t it? Even if you’re right, you’re not going to change his behavior. Just ignore him. He’s leaving in two years. There’s literally nothing you can do. So don’t be emotionally invested in it. Focus on doing your job and doing it well and maintaining good relationships to the best of your ability with all your coworkers. Have a nice day and good luck.

13. AnonymousNovember 20,2025 at 2:00PM UTC

    Your lucky you get to work from home it’s hard to find these days. I personally wouldn’t complain. It’s better to deal with annoying people at home. Annoying people are everywhere it can happen at any job

14. Hella WillisNovember 21,2025 at 12:23AM UTC

    The grass isn’t necessarily greener. You know what your dealing with…until his replacement shows up.

    Hang in there OP ?

15. AnonymousNovember 20,2025 at 2:25PM UTC

    Working remote or hybrid is nice but that doesn’t mean things don’t bother you. I work remote with crazy making micromanager too. It’s not for the faint of heart. I limit interactions provide him with more updates then he asked for and keep him in the loop most as possible don’t share any personal things with him because these types like to use it as ammunition to get under your skin. Since you know he’s leaving in 2027 and you like most things about the job just gray rock him by giving bland on interested responses and be cordial but focus on your work they usually realize your disinterest and get bored and move on. My manager is same but I don’t like my job so I will look for something else.

16. AnonymousNovember 20,2025 at 2:45PM UTC

    If you love everything else about the job focus on the good things. Know you won't change him and try to let his comments roll off knowing its not you but that he is an immature narcicist who need to put others down in order to elevate himself. Since he has a planned date of departure, see that as a light in the tunnel. Keep a tally of the number of days until he's gone and remind yourself of that the next time he does something awful. In the meantime it doesn't hurt to polish up your resume and let people in your network know you're open to other opportunities. However, with the current job market being uncertain its nice to have the cushion of staying where you are until you find sometime that's the absolute right fit.

17. AnonymousNovember 20,2025 at 2:57PM UTC

    Agree with this. Plus you know his days are numbered. Leaving will not guarantee you won’t end up with the same type of boss (but without a retirement in sight).

    also, I wouldn’t bother with the feedback to bim. He nor the employer is likely to do anything. Do however, keep your own personal documentation trail.

18. AnonymousNovember 21,2025 at 3:01PM UTC

    YES! I love this advice! Having worked for someone similar to the person she is describing I found the best way to get him to stop with his taunting and disparaging remarks was to ignore him. If he would push me for a response I would simply reply with "I honestly have nothing to say" and go on about my business. Many people like this are simply looking for a reaction; it makes them feel powerful. When they don't get one they usually slither off and try to find someone else to taunt or they go wallow in their own misery.

19. AnonymousNovember 20,2025 at 5:55PM UTC

    Why not say to him hey I love working with you but...these things are demoralizing and make me want to come in less because they stress me out. If you have that kind of open relationship with him maybe he will listen. Give him one specific example and let him know how it hurt. Let him know you are not trying to tell him what to say but that you want to distance yourself from hearing those types of things. IMHO if nothing changes buy a good set of headphones and plug in and only communicate via email, if you can. If not then you have to make the tough decision about how long you stay.

20. GirlBossanova934974November 20,2025 at 6:42PM UTC

    When I read things like this, I wonder what my mother would have said. She ran a large group, 75+, at the County of Los Angeles and she was the best manager i ever met. Hmm. She would said.

    This manager has way too much time on this hands! Bored stiff.

    Well, let's give something to think about. The next Monday that comes around, be prepared to needle him about his team. Is these guys really trying to make the playoffs or have they thrown in the towel? Sure looks sloppy to me. YEA, they barely won that one....Let's have some fun! Boy that star player your team paid for is really a stiff? I wouldn't pay for the parking to see that team!

    Next, what is that you wanted to talk with me about the day I wasn't in? Let's schedule a time for that. You set up agenda and we'll go over it in fine detail. MAKE SURE he has to prepare and have stuff ready.

    Finally, I would suggest a book. "Games People Play" by Eric Berne. Has all sorts of solutions for the person who has way too much time on his hands....

21. AnonymousNovember 20,2025 at 11:39PM UTC

    Aside from the book suggestion, in what ways do you think these approaches would prevent a CFO from being passive aggressive toward one of his direct employees?

22. AnonymousNovember 21,2025 at 4:36PM UTC

    Good question. Answer? There are no ways these approaches will stop his behavior. They'll only fuel it.

23. AnonymousNovember 21,2025 at 12:29AM UTC

    Pls don’t take this awful advice. Since you’re in a submissive position as his direct report, you will not win this pissing contest. This will only dig a deeper hole and fast track this becoming an even more untenable situation.

    @girlbossanova - I usually like your advice. This one was surprising.

24. AnonymousNovember 21,2025 at 2:43PM UTC

    I agree. These are tactics that MAY work on a passive aggressive co-worker, but more than likely will do nothing but anger a boss and potentially set the poster up for an "early exit".

    Not all people who behave this way are "bored stiff", many are control freaks or people with low self esteem so they "push" others around or "taunt" others to make themselves feel bigger. I once worked for a man like the one she is describing and he is someone that many would refer to as having "little man syndrome". According to his friend he was relentlessly bullied due to his short stature growing up, so now that he was in a position of "power" he used it to bully others. People like this are difficult to counter and are often times "hot heads" who will not hesitate to terminate those who taunt them, question them, etc. I watched my boss terminate two employees within weeks of eachother for this type of behavior for "insubordination".

25. GirlBossanova934974November 21,2025 at 5:31PM UTC

    This manager in question has already punched his ticket out the door. Already has his retirement date circled 30 times on the calendar. His spouse is probably not looking forward to it. So if anyone thinks that any sort of promotion or advancement is coming down the road for this direct report well good luck to that. Why play the doormat?

26. AnonymousNovember 21,2025 at 4:34PM UTC

    I agree with the other replies to this post. This is the last piece of advice you should follow if you want to maintain your positive brand, professional maturity, be considered for other roles and minimize drama. Insert your favorite saying here: Don't stoop to his level, Take the high road, Be the bigger person, Don’t get dragged into the mud, Don’t dim your light to match their shadow, [and my favorite] You can’t elevate by lowering yourself.

27. GirlBossanova934974November 21,2025 at 5:38PM UTC

    The manager in question is not considering anyone for any future roles. He's done. He's checked out. And you can bet your last dime there is a line around the block of fellow employees who are looking forward to the day this guy leaves.....Having a little sports team banter isn\t going to make any sort of waves unless you are working for WalkingOnEggShells.com. Believe me, I have seen these characters for over 40 years in the working world. The last few have been a bigger eye opener. These managers think they can be the most insufferable people just because they\re leaving. They hold careers back. They gum up the works. Just be gone...

28. AnonymousNovember 21,2025 at 2:07PM UTC

    This job market is an absolute nightmare. Getting a job that has ANY remote work is extremely hard. If you quit this job, you likely won’t secure a hybrid job again for a long time, much less a 100% WFH job.

    Besides, he’ll be gone in about a year and a half or so. I’d wait him out if I were you. As long as you don’t get fired, his comments are meaningless.

29. SPQNovember 21,2025 at 4:16PM UTC

    If you think about it ...

    You have maybe 250 working days left until he retires (this figure excludes weekends and US holidays of a calendar year).

    You also have 2 weeks PTO. So 240 days.you have to deal with this.

    And since you WFH 2 times per week, its 144 days you have to smell his shit in person and the other 96 you can at least decompress in a safe and comfortable environment.

    I get you are in a really awful and stressful situation that no one should be in, but take it one day at a time... And know that it's only 144 days, not 365 (thank God you don't live with the guy!).

    Is 144 a more bearable number? Do you think maybe you could reason with yourself that you'll cross off these days and with a grey rock attitude as much as you can muster, and live your best life for the other 220?

    I get it, at times it's gonna feel like forever. It's gonna be one of the toughest things you face. So while you still have some energy left, invest it into applying to other jobs. It's good to see what's out there and test the job market. You may not have as difficult a time as others!

30. AnonymousNovember 23,2025 at 2:03PM UTC

    Some people have been job searching for months. Your complaints seem very minimal compared to not having one at all respectfully.

31. Kathleen Norton-SchockNovember 23,2025 at 2:05PM UTC

    I think you have already answered your own question. You only have 24 months with this guy; "suck it up" and ignore what you can. Do your job (well!). Make or exceed all deadlines. And MAKE FRIENDS (or at least good acquaintances) among your colleagues, at all levels; do NOT go to HR. They are there to protect the success of everyone, and because you are "hybrid" (and kudos to you for maintaining that situation in the face of pressure), they could consider you a liability if there is any consolidation. Also, you may want to gather all the research about how flexible schedules often create success and growth in most companies. (Check out McKinsey, Deloitte, E&Y, even Gartner studies). If you find good ones, email them, strategically, to those who can benefit from the data. And ensure that your performance reviews are stellar ---- that means meeting and exceeding ALL your goals, and documenting that. Good luck.

32. Lori CasoNovember 23,2025 at 3:29PM UTC

    How about just smiling and saying “when are you retiring again?”

33. M BaazaNovember 25,2025 at 1:08AM UTC

    This is such a funny comment ?

    Thanks for giving me a laugh

34. Evelyn LivantNovember 23,2025 at 4:44PM UTC

    I was at a professional week-long training where some guy was being a jerk. During a discussion, he spoke about 2 clients passing away suddenly. At the first opportunity, I offered condolences and it changed the whole interaction.

    Next time he complains about you not being on site enough maybe say something like “Thanks for such a vote of confidence! I really appreciate you too!”

35. Focused279616November 24,2025 at 2:15PM UTC

    The thing that bothers me most is, if he has such a problem with the hybrid work schedule but has no authority over it because it's company policy, he has no right to hold you responsible for that!! He sounds very emotionally unintelligent. And I know managing up is exhausting - I've had to do this with a few bosses, and you definitely have with this boss. I say, stick it out a little longer unless things become absolutely unbearable to the point that you feel you have to leave and even the flexibility/perks are not enough. This also applies if you feel there are no opportunities for you to move up/advance your career within this company.

36. AnonymousNovember 24,2025 at 3:09PM UTC

    I resigned from my previous position as a CFO because this type of behavior became unbearable.

37. AnonymousNovember 24,2025 at 9:19PM UTC

    Sadly and yet seriously, in this job market, I would just suck it up while taking precautions to anticipate his needs and to be in office when those needs are known.

    Being laid off in March has been awful. I've never had problems landing a new job practically right after my interviews. And only 6 mos of unemployment is horrendous!

    Best of luck to you. Try to stick it out.