The guilt!

52 Comments

1. Barb HansenFebruary 1,2023 at 4:46PM UTC

   The ultimate responsibility for how customers are treated falls to the Company, and if the Company doesn't care about the employees (you) who care for it's customers, then you shouldn't take on that extra responsibility.

   Of course, as humans, we care about others (or most of us do), but it's not your responsibility to "fill the gap" for your customers.

   And no company feels guilt. Companies are incapable of feeling anything, and if the company needed to lay you off, it would and your customers would be in the same place.

   Take care and I hope your job search is successful and soon you'll be able to care for customers while working for a company that cares about you.

2. AnonymousFebruary 1,2023 at 5:40PM UTC

   It's very true that the vacuum of care goes straight to the top, and if this way of doing business is working for everyone (it's certainly profitable) but doesn't work for me, I owe it to myself to put energy into the job search.

3. AnonymousFebruary 1,2023 at 5:00PM UTC

   You remind yourself that your job would not flinch, think twice, or be remorseful if they had to replace you due to no longer being satisfied with your level of work output.
   and with what you shared, it looks like your job is taking a toll on you and running you ragged which is going to lessen your output at some point. And although those customers will care and remember you. Their life will go on so you need to put your well being first because you have to care of yourself at the end of the day, not the customers.

4. AnonymousFebruary 1,2023 at 5:38PM UTC

   I'm a project manager and am running TWICE the number of projects as my more senior peers. They are exploiting their political capital from their tenure at the company. I love to be generous and a high performer, but this is just absurdly unfair. Thanks for the reminder to put my well being first!!

5. AnonymousFebruary 1,2023 at 5:45PM UTC

   The customers deserve better, and you're right that they can go and find better. It is a good feeling that I've been a problem solver for my customers.

6. AnonymousFebruary 1,2023 at 10:48PM UTC

   The bottom line is the customers are the responsibility of the company. It is excellent that you are so loyal to your company and your customers. Still, the sad truth is that companies (generally) no longer show any loyalty to their employees, especially those that go above and beyond. It sounds like It values tenure above ability, so you could double your output, and the results would be the same. Continue your search. Don't look back when you get that next fantastic job, and know that somehow, someone will step up and take care of your customers, or the company will fail, and none of the failures will be your fault.

7. AnonymousFebruary 1,2023 at 10:55PM UTC

   Such a good conversation topic!

   I too am working full-time and looking for another job. I'm a speech therapist and I LOVE the work I do. I enjoy seeing my patients and helping them reach their goals. I struggled so much when debating whether to actually look for jobs or not. I just knew that I would be "letting them down" when I go to quit. I had to learn that when I leave (not if, but when I leave), that it's not in my control anymore. As much as I like my patients, I can't put their needs in front of mine. If I'm not doing my best and feeling my best, my patients aren't getting the best care I can give.

   We have to search for our own happiness in life and that includes our jobs. In the grand scheme of things, the company "doesn't care" because they see us employees as replaceable.

   Keep searching, but don't feel guilty! If your customers understood the situation, they would understand your desire to leave.

8. AnonymousFebruary 1,2023 at 10:55PM UTC

   Feel absolutely *no* guilt at leaving a job in which you are not being treated well.

   You deserve good treatment, which will allow you to be even more responsive to your customers.

   If you happen to depart to a competitor, your current customers may follow you, which would be a win for you and your new company,

   Wherever you go, you will no doubt attract new customers who will benefit from your service.

9. Regina BrownFebruary 1,2023 at 11:09PM UTC

   WHY on earth do you feel guilty? YOU have to take care of YOU!! Your customers will be just fine as your current employer will have to "step up or step out" if they want to keep.

   Personally, my dear, if you're guilty feeling is hindering your job search, maybe you really don't want to leave your current job?

10. Regina BrownFebruary 1,2023 at 11:10PM UTC

    *your

11. AnonymousFebruary 2,2023 at 4:26AM UTC

    Guilt indicates you've done something wrong or unethical.

    Feeling compassion is not guilt. Feeling a sense of caring fir your customers means you will hard to put things in the best possible condition if/when you leave. Surely you can't possibly think that no one can care for your customers as well as you? Trust me someone else will replace you and all will be fine.

12. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistFebruary 2,2023 at 5:43AM UTC

    Guilty about what? Wanting a better job?

    That company could lay you off tomorrow and never think twice about it.

    Those customers could find another supplier tomorrow and never give you a second thought.

    They'll get over it. Trust me on that.

    You have to do what makes you happy. Well, first you have to believe you deserve to be happy.

    Don't look back, use your energy to look forward to the exciting new opportunity you have in front of you.

    GOOD LUCK ON YOUR NEW ADVENTURE!!!!!!

13. AnonymousFebruary 2,2023 at 11:54AM UTC

    I wouldn't leave a job if you feel so guilty.

14. KatFebruary 2,2023 at 4:23PM UTC

    Guilt like that is a trap. I've felt it. You feel responsible for helping all those people and that you're abandoning them (clients and/or co-workers) if you leave. Looking out for yourself is seen as selfish and bad - but it's not. If you're truly happy in your job, you wouldn't be looking for something else. You have to do what's right for you (financially, emotionally, physically) and focus on your future. The old job will figure out how to handle things without you. Ideally, you'll be too busy with your new job to worry too much about the old job after you're gone.

15. meredith eisgrauFebruary 2,2023 at 1:23PM UTC

    Guilt is an emotion that you get to control. Whatever is causing it is what you need to get clear on. If you were laid off tomorrow, who would take care of your customers?

    On the other side, is whatever you're dealing with going away at another company?

    Am I trading this version of issues for another and if so, what's the pros and cons of it? Every company has something....

    Do some soul searching on this before continuing to look for a new job.

16. Charlee HarrisFebruary 2,2023 at 8:08PM UTC

    keep searching

17. Mich DFebruary 3,2023 at 11:30AM UTC

    You should not feel guilty for doing what's best for your well being. Just don't look while on the clock. You're doing the work but not in the best environment if you're wanting to leave. Be good to yourself and shake off guilt.

18. Megan LeasherFebruary 3,2023 at 11:34AM UTC

    You are working to better yourself and you have to keep YOU as your number one priority. Your guilt shows you care deeply about your customers, but you have to remember that you are always number one.

19. Katherine Metres Akbar, Interview Coach & Resume ExpertFebruary 3,2023 at 1:15PM UTC

    Women often sacrifice what's best for them out of an abundance of dedication to the mission. I've made this mistake myself. The problem with that is the mission (customers, execs) doesn't necessarily dedicate itself to what's best for you; only you can do that. "I know once I leave no one will take care of them." I get that's what you fear, but you can't know the future with any degree of certainty. Allow other employees to step up, customers to make empowered decisions to move on if that serves them best, etc. You take care of what you can control--your own life--and trust that others will do the same. Enjoy your search for happier trails and let me know if I can help more!

20. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 1:49PM UTC

    Than you for this.

    OP, I’ve been there. We are trying to save the world to some degree. Let go. Let it all go. I know, easier said than done. You may want to tell them you are leaving. Forgive me, I am having hard time envisioning your customers. Either case, if they are in person or on the phone, let them know. Maybe work with a team mate to do a hand off if that’s even a possibility. I believe someone has already suggested something similar.

    Seriously, no need for guilt. You must make your way. Your customers aren’t directly paying your bills. Take care of you first. Please.

21. Kerry HoganFebruary 3,2023 at 1:30PM UTC

    I have a relative who this happened to. She actively worked with colleagues and management to do what she could for her customers once she gave her notice. She notified her customers as soon as she was able and gave them contacts. If you do that and your former colleagues do not do their job, you have no control over that. You've moved on to something more positive so enjoy that. Don't let guilt overwhelm you and the best of luck in your new position.

22. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 1:35PM UTC

    Guilt?!! Ha Ha!

23. Karen BurkeFebruary 3,2023 at 2:33PM UTC

    Same sentiment here. Companies don't feel guilt about how they treat employees, why feel it about leaving? I understand the feeling toward your customers, but at the end of the day you have to take care of yourself first.

24. Jayne BennettFebruary 3,2023 at 1:37PM UTC

    I tell myself this: a company will always act in its OWN interests, so you must act in yours. It's their problem to solve if they had such an adverse work environment that a good employee leaves.

25. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 1:51PM UTC

    You must remember that though customers appreciate your work they are also frivolous- they are attached to the service more than the person serving them. You will be shocked how they will bounce back and form attachment to your replacement! Look after your own self - they don’t care about your welfare or income because that doesn’t affect them, your service does, if that isn’t there to them you are nothing!

26. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 2:10PM UTC

    I had a doctor advise me to leave a job that I was good at and cared about but the family dysfunction and their lack of concern for my needs was adversely affecting my overall health (read: stress). As much as I hated to leave, I did. It was the best thing for ME.

27. GirlBossanova934974February 3,2023 at 2:10PM UTC

    For the last few decades, Corporate America has shown ZERO REMORSE about getting rid of valuable employees at the drop of a hat. The latest round of TECH layoffs in 2022-2023 have lowered the bar to levels not even dreamt of before. What kind of support is your company showing you when your job is a "living hell"? Why is that? Is Management aware of it? No doubt, they are but as BAD MANAGEMENT always does, they only tackle problems when they absolutely have to. I would have ZERO GUILT in your situation about looking for another job. I have seen some real "winners" in the last few years including managers who got rid of top flight employees because the employee made them look bad or might be a threat. In every case, millions of dollars in revenue disappeared but the manager pretended like it never happened. Then dozens of other employees lost their jobs as a result of the revenue shortfall. As a business owner myself, I am always on the lookout for these sorts of managers. I want to be sure they never get by the front door of my company.

28. MargaritaFebruary 3,2023 at 2:24PM UTC

    Unfortunately you have no choice. If you continue to work there, it would either make you indifferent and affect your relationship with those customers or you will become so unhealthy that you’ll need to resign. Besides your customers, even losing out on your care, will be happy you’ve move along to better-for-you things. Much luck & blessings.

29. Zeecil KimmelFebruary 3,2023 at 2:36PM UTC

    I know exactly what you Are feeling and it is excellent that you are a caring person. I too miss my customers and co-workers - I was the Team Lead that cared about that and went to management to fight for them. But at the end of the day caring people must also care about themselves. So remember when you tell yourself the story "I am kind and loving" it is about loving yourself first in a healthy way.

30. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachFebruary 3,2023 at 2:48PM UTC

    If your job is a living hell, then it's time to move. Jobs are not lifetime commitments. Your customers will survive and perhaps they can choose to take their business elsewhere, as well.

31. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 4:22PM UTC

    That’s a great take on it. If the customers hate it when she’s gone the company will suffer and honestly it’s the only wake up call a lot of them get.

32. Sandra WarrenFebruary 3,2023 at 3:12PM UTC

    Consider and be curious about your WHY. Do you need validation and that is why you stay in a toxic place and jeopardize personal life. Do you not find the love, support and appreciation outside of work? As a women's empowerment coach I can assure you this is common, not good self care, but common. Talk you your self and ask honest questions like you would a best friend. Be your own best friend.

33. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 3:19PM UTC

    For real? Get out and don't look back.

34. Jennifer ShoffnerFebruary 3,2023 at 3:21PM UTC

    I understand the feeling of wanting to "protect" the ones left behind (ie your team, customers, etc) but you have to take care of you and your family. No one else is losing sleep over whether you are treated well at work. Let go of the guilt and make yourself a priority.

35. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 3:43PM UTC

    I bet your customers would understand if they ever realized how bad things were for you. As a previous poster stated, you need to take care of you and your family. It is always unfortunate when we place the wellbeing of others ahead of our own. Best wishes.

36. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 3:47PM UTC

    It doesn't matter. They survived before you. They will survive after you.

37. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 4:26PM UTC

    Your customers will be fine. Don’t fall into the martyrdom trap. It doesn’t pay off.

38. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 5:41PM UTC

    I hate to break it to you but things will be just fine and in 6 months your customers won't even remember your name.

39. LynettaFebruary 3,2023 at 6:21PM UTC

    That is true some times but I've felt roles and taken clients with me.

40. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 5:47PM UTC

    I've been there! I had a job where I truly loved many of my clients, but I had reached as far as I would go with the company both income and promotion-wise. It was hard to leave, but I had a revelation, a lot of times these companies use those client relationships as manipulations to keep you in a role, and down. Sadly, you have to do what is best for you. The company will learn the hard way that you should value and good employees, and potentially lose those clients in the long run.

41. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 5:52PM UTC

    I am there now, a Special Ed teacher for 19 years. Next year is my last year. I stayed because of the students. Well, it was most of them. Now I stay for a handful of them. Our leadership went from decent to mediocre to bad to terrible! I decided to leave the classroom and have no plans for my next job path. I too search for jobs and started a part-time and weekend job at a vet clinic. But I do know that my school and the students will move on fine without me. Thank you for letting me share.

42. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 8:35PM UTC

    No advice, but interested in reading others. I'm also feeling this intensely. I just onboarded a new report and I've been interviewing all week. I feel so much guilt about it!

43. Janet ParkhurstFebruary 4,2023 at 1:33AM UTC

    If you love the job you have been doing and your customers, simply find the same work with a competitor and take your customers with you! If they love you, they'll go where YOU go. Or, start your own business doing the same thing. You'll have instant clients!

44. AnonymousFebruary 4,2023 at 2:22AM UTC

    I'm feeling this a bit too at this time. I am looking to leave my company because I don't feel I am being valued there for all the contributions I've made. And I start feeling guilty that I am going to leave them in a lurch. But then I tell myself you have to look out for yourself, nobody else is going to do it for you. The company is always going to care more about the company than you.

45. AnonymousFebruary 4,2023 at 1:36PM UTC

    This is precisely why I resigned from my job! They tried to offer me more money, because I did the tedious and undervalued work no one else wanted to do. You’re right some companies only cares about the company; not the people. I found a better job with better pay and better opportunities. I’m never going to regret my decision to leave.

46. Bradford McCormickFebruary 4,2023 at 8:09AM UTC

    You care about your customers. It sounds like your employer does not care about you. It's like a mother who has no social support trying to care for her baby when she is not cared for. Except that you are not a mother and these are not your children. Your employer hs been hindering you you from doing your job and thereby not been serving its customers well (although you hve been covering fo them).

    No chance you could go to work for one of your customers, is there? This is really sad but you need to find a place where the ocmpany cares about it customers, because part of that is caring about it employees because the employees need to be supported in their efforts to help the customers.

    Is it possible you could help your then former your customers find a better supplier once you are out of this unfortunate place?

47. AnonymousFebruary 4,2023 at 12:13PM UTC

    you shouldn't feel bad, after all it's not your own business. Go for another job before you burn out!

48. Rosa GoesFebruary 5,2023 at 12:44AM UTC

    It's always tough when looking for a new job. Talk to your boss and discuss how the current job could be better for you (you don't mention if you did). You might feel better about moving on if the boss can't accommodate.

49. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 4:51AM UTC

    Transition phase weighing new opportunities over existing duties and responsibilities. You are not sure of your need to move on. You may want to talk to a therapist.

50. C AnnFebruary 5,2023 at 1:14PM UTC

    Keep looking and don't say a word. It will just be used against you. Your customers will be fine. If they become unhappy with the customer service they receive after you leave, they'll find a new company.

51. Kimberly RobertsFebruary 5,2023 at 2:26PM UTC

    You are not alone in this and moreover, it is not your own thinking that is creating this guilt. This thought is not yours.

    I would highly recommend that you listen to the Unf*ck Your Brain podcast. It really helps me! It is hosted by a fantabulous gal who helps to free women from the societal programming we have all had to endure. Guilt, shame, etc are all societal constructs that taught us to feel these things.

    A man would not feel guilty nor would his self-worth be tied to feeling guilty for looking for another role to improve his situation.

    What was freeing for me from the podcast, (and I'm still working on it, lol), to unravel from these feelings of unnecessary guilt and shame for self-care, speaking up, etc, was learning that these were indeed 'optional thoughts.'

    You are doing something to take care of you. Just like putting on the oxygen mask first in an airplane before you help others, you must take care of yourself so that you can.

    The great thing about business is that your customers will indeed find a company that does take care of them. Your eventual resignation could also help other employees to see it is ok to make a change. And perhaps, your current/future-former employer will then be forced to make necessary changes. You leaving could indeed be a catalyst of change for so many.

    In the end, it will all work out for all the way it is supposed to. Choose your path so that you can take care of you and to play your part in the greater evolution of all involved. You got this!

52. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 9:40PM UTC

    Your company will definitely not feel any guilt should they decide to let you go - for ANY reason - so you need to adopt the same mindset. If your customers aren't taken care of by the company after you leave, that's a huge reflection on the company. Never, ever feel guilt for doing something to improve your own life and career, especially when the current situation is toxic.