Many years ago I had a dotted line report who did not like or respect me as a manager.

Anonymous

January 18,2023 at 7:11PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

Many years ago I had a dotted line report who did not like or respect me as a manager. Since she was dotted line, and her direct manager thought she walked on water, there was little I could do. In the end I ended the dotted line as it was not a business need and I found out through one of my direct reports that she was critical of my team in front of others. However - it was a missed opportunity on her part because the opportunities I could have provided would have supported her career. Fast forward - the boss that thought she walked on water left and I left the organization and she ended up not having the skill set for the job the new department head was looking for. Recently, she has sent a connect request via LinkedIn. I would never hire her or recommend her for a job as (1) I am unaware of her current abilities and (2) the behavior I witnessed in the past was very unprofessional. However time has gone by and people learn and grow. Perhaps I’m overthinking

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

23 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

23 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousJanuary 18,2023 at 8:35PM UTC
So, what's the advice you need?
AnonymousJanuary 18,2023 at 8:37PM UTC
I'm very small minded about such behavior and never invite that back into my life. Professional or Personal.
I have too much to be grateful for and the odds are that the behavior is still there just a bit more incognito.
AnonymousJanuary 18,2023 at 8:47PM UTC
Before accepting, ask yourself what would you get out of accepting this connection. It may seem selfish, but it is your linkedin network after all. What would you want to learn from this connection? Do you truly want this connection? Does having this connection serve your purpose on Linkedin? If you don't connect with this person will it have a negative impact on future opportunities?
AnonymousJanuary 18,2023 at 11:12PM UTC
So don’t accept her request.
Becca A.January 19,2023 at 1:14AM UTC
You can always quietly ignore people LinkedIn request or leave it untouched. I had an ex colleague who I found to be nothing but a brown noser and treated anyone who wasnt favored by management with contempt and blatant disrespect. This same person attempted to connect multiple times despite me pressing "ignore." It got to the point that I had to block them on LinkedIn just to have peace of mind because I would keep my LinkedIn notifications on.
Don't force yourself to connect with people you know will bring you nothing but stress. They probably just want to connect to see what you're up to now most likely given what you shared about their personality.
Let the decision be easy and swift so you can get your peace of mind back.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJanuary 19,2023 at 4:22AM UTC
What's your question?
Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterJanuary 19,2023 at 2:59PM UTC
Separate the two things - connecting with her on LI doesn't mean you have to recommend her for anything, to anyone.
AnonymousJanuary 19,2023 at 3:35PM UTC
A connection on linked in doesn't commit you to anything with this person. However, if she does reach out for advice it may be worth seeing if a mentorship type relationship would be valuable. As you said people change and if she has realized where she went wrong she could learn a valuable lesson here.
ReachingGoalsJanuary 22,2023 at 3:20PM UTC
I get a lot of connection requests on linked in. I ignore a lot of them. If you want nothing to do with her, ignore and move on.
AnonymousJanuary 22,2023 at 5:31PM UTC
Clearly you have a purpose and a good conscience. The right thing to do as women is to support each other. I would send her a response and tell her you would like to chat over the phone or for coffee. Without the restraints of a mutual employment situation share with her the feedback that she needs to hear. You might even share with her your post here. Tell her that you were saddened to hear that she would do what she did in a work situation because you felt she had a ton of potential. See what her response is and let that sway your want to help her in the future. If she doesn't own up to what you know wish her the best and tell her you will watch her growth from afar but cannot participate in helping or connecting. She needs reality to understand her ways.
Vi BrownJanuary 23,2023 at 1:30PM UTC
Connecting with her on LinkedIn is not a commitment to make her a job office. Perhaps before accepting her request, you should reach out to her and do some "catching up" to survey the landscape and find out exactly what's new since you last crossed paths with this individual.
AnonymousJanuary 23,2023 at 2:07PM UTC
You don't owe this woman anything. Yes, we should support each other but look at what you wrote. Why would you want to be connected to this person? From our old friend, Dr. Phil, "The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior."
AnonymousJanuary 23,2023 at 4:50PM UTC
You are not overthinking. This woman has shown you who she is in the past; and perhaps she has changed and grown (one would hope), but it's not up to you to give her the chance to prove this. There is no shame in being cautious. If you feel that you owe her a chance to prove herself at present, then by all means do so...but you are not OBLIGATED to do so.
misskelleypJanuary 23,2023 at 5:31PM UTC
Just ignore the connect request. You owe her nothing.
P TessJanuary 23,2023 at 6:38PM UTC
Ignore her at every opportunity. Do not connect with her on LinkedIn or in any other way professionally. Let her rise or fall on her own
Kathy LeskiJanuary 23,2023 at 6:58PM UTC
As many have already said, a connection is not a commitment. However, as she's out of a job, if you do choose to connect, it will likely be followed up with the "Can you put in a good word for me @ XX." I'd be prepared for answering that as ignoring at that point may be worse that just ignoring the connection now.
AnonymousJanuary 23,2023 at 7:27PM UTC
I would not connect with her. I would delete her request without hesitation.
surfnwriteJanuary 24,2023 at 12:20AM UTC
Sorry but what is a dotted line report? I have never heard this term.
PatriciaJanuary 27,2023 at 7:03AM UTC
Dotted line reporting is a type of reporting structure. With dotted line reporting, an employee has a solid line manager. But in addition to a solid line manager, the employee also indirectly reports to a secondary manager.
surfnwriteJanuary 27,2023 at 2:41PM UTC
Oh I have had that then, and it was excruciating, as I got conflicting instructions from both bosses.
AnonymousJanuary 24,2023 at 3:35AM UTC
I think you're overthinking it. Either accept or ignore it. If you accept it, it means nothing. I've never met half of the people that I'm connected to on LI in person or ever spoke to them in my life. For me it's the digital equivalent of exchanging business cards, but on LI now you get access to the business cards that your new connection has exhanged.
AyianJanuary 24,2023 at 3:44AM UTC
There's no wrong answer to how you choose to accept or decline connection requests on LinkedIn. Being in connection doesn't mean that you're agreeing to a recommendation. It may simply be a way to network with others in the industry through connection with you. Whatever their purpose, the ball is in your court. If you're judicious about connections, be judicious. LinkedIn isn't for making friends, so consider the context of being connected on LinkedIn in particular when you make your decision. Whatever you decide is the correct answer. Don't doubt your choice here, you're good.
IntentionGirl299847January 24,2023 at 10:43PM UTC
Noooooooooope. Do not engage. People only change if they are forced to . And then go back to old habits if they haven't done the new behavior long enough to override the old.