When one is starting a new job, what can one do to disarm any potentially insecure coworkers that they are not a competition and simply want to work alongside in communion?

9 Comments

1. AnonymousMarch 10,2023 at 8:01PM UTC

   If this person applied for the job and lost out to you, it would make sense they feel some resentment. Try to find out a bit of what may be going on. Do you supervise them or are they your peer, on equal footing? If you supervise them, think creatively to institute something like a coffee with ______ monthly to get to know the employees better and find out how you can help them, what they need to do their jobs to the best of their ability. During this coffee, this person may share exactly what you're wanting to know.

2. Annetta MosesMarch 11,2023 at 1:34AM UTC

   The reality is you are in competition. You are in competition for the best assignments, a promotion, a raise, a bigger bonus. That being said, there are things you can do to champion a collaborative environment.

   1) be humble, let co-worker know you heard great things about her work and that you are looking for to learning from her

   2) seek common ground, invite the co-worker for breakfast or coffee (your treat) and get to know her. Ideally, you have something common interests e.g, books, TV show, movies, sports, theatre that will allow you to be friendly co-workers

   3) define the competition by letting the co-worker know you are looking forward to working together to beat the competition, other companies that want your customers and clients. Then we you have a win like when a client renews a contract or you have a higher than last year sales day or receive a great Google review reminder her the we beat the competition.

   Good luck.

3. Rhonda RoyalMarch 11,2023 at 3:00PM UTC

   Work, school, dating, etc. it's all a competition, whether or not you agree, this is true. When a comp. hires new employees please understand that they may get better treatment, better pay, etc. Secure yourself with updated skills, certifications and the willingness to know that Mgmt./Administrators hire 'certain workers' bc they see more of a potential of getting more and THUS giving more. I know it's difficult but you need to work to 'boost up' your skills. Try to see it this way. Good Luck!

4. Mary PoolMarch 12,2023 at 1:41PM UTC

   Read Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg. "Words and they way we think matters. Find common ground with anyone, anywhere, at any time, both professionally and personally."

5. Rebecca MillikenMarch 12,2023 at 8:33PM UTC

   I've had several jobs where I was hired from outside and had to work with people who wanted my job and I was hired instead of them. I know some of them didn't like that fact, but I just dealt with it by doing my job and ignoring anything unpleasant. As I've gotten older, I made the conscious decision to not take anything personally, even if it's a personal attack. If anyone was trying to undermine me to the boss, it didn't really work since all I ever did was do my job and ignore everything else. I didn't have time for office politics. However, at my last job it was a new boss trying to undermine me so I simply found a new job. I don't have time for that idiocy.

6. Bridget HarringtonMarch 13,2023 at 4:07PM UTC

   That is my job as we speak. I had to go one step further - which I don't like having to do, but if the situation warrants it, I will. I had been sharing an office with a woman who was resentful that she wasn't given the job I was hired for. Basically, it came down to skills...I have them and she does not. She has been with the company nearly 20 years and the company offers tuition reimbursement and time off for education, so the fact that she lacks skills lays squarely with her.I tolerated backbiting, public verbal comments and sabotage from her for nearly a year. Our boss is low-conflict and did not intervene because this woman was hired by the company president prior to his tenure (so there is politics involved as to why the company accepts her behavior). Minding my own business was not working. SO. One day I "calmly lost it" with her. After one very public stunt from her, I got her alone in our office and said in so many words, "I don't expect or care if you like me, but I'm not going anywhere. Either you start treating me with respect immediately, or you and I WILL have a problem." I got a dirty look but she didn't say anything back. Funny thing...a few days later, she appealed to upper management to move into a cubicle! She tried to claim that I was difficult to work with, but the reasoning for her wanting to move was obvious. I'd like to say that things improved, but she is still the same. Not having to be in the room with her helps a lot. I have since gotten "a new roommate," and he and I work together just fine.

   This is no different than bullying was in high school. You have to stand up to bullies or the behavior continues.

7. AnonymousMarch 13,2023 at 1:50PM UTC

   Try teaching your coworkers what a collaborative work environment looks like by creating one. It has nothing to do with making yourself “small” for them and everything to do with acknowledging and respecting that all of you bring unique talents to the team. Having someone not like you because you know more than them, or because your lipstick is too red for them is just life.

   I recently had an epiphany about a vocal coworker who constantly complained about the workplace. Policy, one-off situations with clients and business partners, the temperature of her office— you name it, she complained about it. She’d been with the company for a decade and I was new. She didn’t like me much, called me condescending things like “Hon, and Sweetie” to emphasize that I was significantly inexperienced compared to her. I had a tendency to avoid her when possible and keep my mind on silk purses and sow’s ears when avoidance wasn’t possible. My role is senior to hers though I don’t supervise her. Recently I was asked to put together a team to address some internal policy issues. She immediately came to mind as the most equipped person I knew to take a point position. She’s been demonstrating for years that she is not shy about speaking up when there is a problem. Who better? And shockingly, now that we’re working collaboratively instead of inside the resentful vacuum my mind put us in, we get along like a house afire.

   The point is this: your attitude is what will shape your time at work. Not theirs, not your boss, yours. Don’t waste your time making assumptions. Value the team you’re working with and do what you do best to the best of your ability.

8. AnonymousMarch 13,2023 at 3:20PM UTC

   You were hired for that position for a reason. The only way to garner the trust and rapport needed is through your actions. Insecurity is commonplace for those who endeavor but miss the mark (not getting the position). That is not for you to address. Your primary goal is to do the job to the best of your ability, cultivate the team to achieve the objective, and be your most authentic self. You can’t win them all, but you can prove why you were the clear choice for the position.

9. Crystal HowellMarch 13,2023 at 4:20PM UTC

   Yes, there is always someone who is threatened. You just do you, it's there problem., Don't make it yours.