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No, Life Isn't 'Really Simple' - A Response to Privileged Career Advice

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Vanessa Lontoc

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No, Life Isn't 'Really Simple' - A Response to Privileged Career Advice

The recent post here on FGB by Nick Kossovan, "The Art of Finding Work" columnist, caught my attention - and not in a good way. Under the headline "It's Really Simple," he wrote: "The only reason why you're not living the life you actually want to live is because day-by-day you keep feeding the life you don't want to live."

As a woman of Asian descent who immigrated to the US, I find this oversimplified perspective particularly jarring. On a platform like Fairygodboss that primarily serves women, this kind of messaging feels especially tone-deaf.

While I understand the intent to motivate, this "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality completely ignores the complex realities many women and minorities face. It overlooks systemic barriers like immigration hurdles, racial discrimination, gender bias, family obligations, and socioeconomic challenges that can't simply be overcome through daily choices.

Many of us work incredibly hard every single day, carefully weighing each decision, yet still face obstacles that no amount of positive thinking can eliminate. The suggestion that we're somehow choosing or "feeding" our challenging circumstances shows a profound disconnect from the experiences of women, immigrants, and people of color.

Perhaps Mr. Kossovan is deliberately seeking engagement through controversial takes. Or perhaps this perspective comes from a place of privilege - one that hasn't had to navigate the complex intersections of gender, race, and immigration status in the professional world.

Either way, such oversimplified "advice" does more harm than good. It dismisses the very real systemic inequities that shape people's opportunities and places undue blame on individuals for circumstances often beyond their control.

Instead of reducing complex societal issues to catchy one-liners, we need nuanced discussions that acknowledge these realities and focus on creating more equitable opportunities for everyone.

What are your thoughts on this kind of messaging on professional platforms?

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  1. Anonymous

    It's infantilizing and, particularly on this platform, comes across as mansplaining.

  2. Vanessa Lontoc

    It is. I'm glad you saw it too. My knee jerk reaction was similar to when some says, "just be happy," or "if you just smile more."

  3. Anonymous

    I think many learned long ago to just scroll right past his posts because they don't add anything and seem to trivialize the struggles many on this board face.

  4. Vanessa Lontoc

    I've only been actively posting and commenting on Fairygodboss for a few weeks but been on the platform for years so I haven't really seen much of his posts (yet). He's probably here to get more likes and redirect to his blog for views and website traffic. Who knows, but yeah, I had to write something about it because it was upsetting to see.

  5. Anonymous

    I'm one of those people. I fully agree with the OP and finally gave up trying to do anything because nobody seemed to listen.

  6. Anonymous

    The amount of privilege in some advice is wild honestly. Like the “just relocate” advice. Because it’s just so easy for everybody to do so, right? So frustrating.

  7. Vanessa Lontoc

    I agree with you and I completely understand your frustration. (Sarcasm starts here) Sure, it's easy to uproot yourself away from your family, friends, community and support network. It's also so simple to find a new place without seeing it in person and also we have unbudgeted money and time to just move. Sometimes I wonder where some people find or buy audacity. (Sigh - sarcasm ends) Finding a job can be incredibly challenging, and it's important to remember that our worth is not defined by our employment status. Let us keep our head up and continue to explore different avenues.

  8. Anonymous

    For a man is easy to just relocate but for women we need to look into safety and other risk that comes when you are a woman.

  9. Anonymous

    I think he has a lot of nerve and I find his ideas insulting and simple.

  10. Vanessa Lontoc

    It is sad when someone just say things without providing enough context. It is important to consider the impact of our words and the potential challenges others may face. Hopefully, he actually reads the comments and pause to see how others will receive it.

  11. Anonymous

    The term "toxic positivity" comes to mind - although perhaps a person could be so insulated... I couldn't finish "Lean In" for similar reasons. I could read the author's "Plan B" (acknowledged adversity).

  12. Vanessa Lontoc

    I agree. "Toxic positivity" can also be very harmful. It's important to acknowledge the real challenges people face. I actually didn't finish her book as well.

  13. Anonymous

    You have great points. Having a male mansplain what women are going through not only in the job search arena but in our daily work life is fruitless. What do they know? The article would have been best written by a woman for women which is what this site is. I wouldn’t give it any credence other than I personally don’t read any articles here by men nor any comments on this site by men. I don’t want their perspectives I want ours. And when I say ours, ALL women who are different than ourselves who we can learn from each other, help each other grow, and see other female perspectives based on the consistent inequality we have or will face in our work lifetimes.

  14. Vanessa Lontoc

    I agree that women's voices are crucial in discussions about women's experiences in the workplace. It's important to have a platform where women can share their unique perspectives, challenges, and successes. Hearing from a diverse range of women can provide valuable insights and support for others navigating the professional world. I appreciate your emphasis on the importance of inclusivity within the "women's" perspective, acknowledging the diverse experiences of women across different backgrounds and identities. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for actively seeking out and supporting other women on this platform.

  15. Anonymous

    Yes, it's important that women have this platform. I am not sure why I see men commenting. Yes, they could be "pro-women, or pro-people who identify as women", but if they are not in our community or identify as one, they have no place here. I have worked for almost 40 years and can count the times men tried to man-splain or call me endearing names because I'm female. It's exhausting. We need women like us on here who can really listen, understand and offer advice.

  16. Anonymous

    I would read his stuff if it weren't for the fact that he blames women for circumstances rather than looking in the mirror. There are plenty of men out there who advocate for women and encourage them. Most of them will admit to not knowing what women are going through and acknowledge that their privilege is primarily to blame.

  17. Anonymous

    I repeatedly Flag his posts to the admins, but I'm not sure what, if anything, is ever done about them.

  18. Vanessa Lontoc

    I have flagged it as well. I don't know if anything is ever done by FGB admins. I do notice a few more questionable posts and comments that has casino and spam content.

  19. Anonymous

    I think it's garbage. Most of the time, this kind of advice is being given by someone trying to sell something and as part of their whole agenda/persona they present this simply image of themselves as content, successful and they did it with "just 3 easy steps". Coming from a middle-aged white guy who makes his living telling everyone else how to make theirs, it just smacks of slimy used car salesman. He and his content have no business being on this site.

    I do, unfortunately, think we are going to see a lot more of this garbage as DEI programs are ended or denounced. Afterall, women and minorities haven't been discriminated against, the system isn't stacked against them blah blah blah we're all just too lazy. (yes, this is sarcasm)

  20. Vanessa Lontoc

    It can be very frustrating. It's sad to see advice that feels disingenuous and dismissive of the challenges faced by women and BIPOC. Your point about the potential rise of this kind of messaging in the current climate is unfortunately very valid. It is important to remember that there are still a lot of inequalities that still exist, and we need to actively work towards creating a more equitable and inclusive workplace for everyone.

  21. Kat

    I've noticed his posts tend to the "blame the victim" vein (it's your fault you're unsuccessful) and recycle the same tired platitudes that I've seen other places. This advice is usually given by men that are already successful and ignores all the barriers that are invisible to him. Maybe it's aimed at getting clicks/attention, but I don't think it's particularly useful or helpful advice. However, like the useless "resume drop" that FGB promotes, I'm not sure there's much we can do beyond ignoring it. I'll just keep helping and supporting the community the best I can.

  22. Vanessa Lontoc

    I absolutely agree. It's frustrating to see advice that overlooks the very real barriers many people face. I appreciate your time and energy on chiming in this post. I also wonder if anyone ever got an outreach, interview or land a job from the "resume drop". Please continue helping, supporting and encouraging the community. Let's keep building each other up!

  23. Tami L Cannizzaro

    So he manages a call center. Wonder how well his employees heed any advice he offers?

  24. Vanessa Lontoc

    That's a good point! It would be interesting to see how his leadership style aligns with his advice.

  25. Anonymous

    I've been on here for a little over a year and have gotten to the point where I just scroll past his posts. It's not worth the aggravation, and despite a lot of people complaining and commenting on his posts, he continues to stir the pot.

  26. Vanessa Lontoc

    I hear you. It can be incredibly draining to constantly encounter messaging that feels dismissive or out of touch. I am glad you have found a way to protect your mental well-being by scrolling past his posts. Ultimately, everyone has the right to curate their experience in any online platform. BUT it's also important to prioritize our own mental health and avoid content that consistently triggers negativity or frustration.

  27. Nina Johnson

    I wish this site had a feature where we can block some people so their posts don't even appear in our feed, but I haven't found this on FGB. Sometimes it helps self-care to proactively eliminate bad mojo from my feed! :)

  28. Vanessa Lontoc

    I agree Nina, that would be nice especially now there are more spam accounts showing up -- like peddling online games and casino. The features of the platform hasn't really evolved and innovative much. Somehow there's no "god" looking after our well being in the Fairygodboss as one would hope.

  29. Anonymous

    I know, I was looking for that too. It's become too junky, advertising-ish in a way. We should have the option to hide the post or mute it or something.

  30. Vanessa Lontoc

    I do wonder that as well. I have flagged his post but I'm not holding my breath that there will be any action taken.

  31. Vanessa Lontoc

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Tahlora. I am surprised to see harmful content on platforms like this, I suppose I wasn't aware at that moment I read his post that it's possibly driven by financial incentives. I understand the frustration and the desire for action. You're right, ignoring this type of content is often the most effective way to deal with it. Engaging with it can sometimes amplify the message and give the author the attention they're seeking.

    I hope Fairygodboss continue to work towards creating a more inclusive and respectful environment for all users.

  32. Vanessa Lontoc

    That is sad. I did notice a change when Muse took over. I did enjoy the online summit though, but sometimes I feel the webinars are also becoming not as inclusive and thoughtful as they used to.

  33. Vanessa Lontoc

    I didn't click on his link but it is possible that he lurks. (Sigh) To speak or not to speak.

  34. Vanessa Lontoc

    I haven't checked if his post still exists. Besides him, I've also been seeing fake accounts and spam accounts that I flag as well and don't know if they're actually taken down or any action taken.

  35. Vanessa Lontoc

    I just checked. His post is still there getting comments that he's probably hoping for. Ugghhhh

  36. Anonymous

    Thanks for this great comment, Vanessa!

    Add ageism to the list of systemic barriers that confront employees and the unemployed/underemployed.

  37. Vanessa Lontoc

    Thank you for chiming in. Yes, absolutely agree with ageism in the list of systemic barriers. I wrote a similar post on LinkedIn about this but didn't mention his name since it's on here at FGB. The list of barriers I listed and I'm sure there's more:

    → Immigration hurdles and cultural adjustments

    → Gender and racial discrimination

    → Ageism in rapidly changing industries

    → Socioeconomic challenges

    → Family obligations and caregiving responsibilities

    → Limited access to professional networks

    → Language barriers

    → Lack of generational wealth or safety nets

  38. Kim Green

    Is this the old, bald/bearded white guy who does similar advice elsewhere? Because that Nick Kossovan is not tuned into some life journeys at all.

    "You keep feeding the life you don't want to live." That's only accurate if you have options, and are stable enough to both see them and take the leap. For example I'm currently in IT, which is incredibly expensive to get trained, certified, and maintain continuing education in the certifications. I look at 14 bazillion agencies, organizations, workshops, etc... and have to choose VERY carefully and get up at weird time zones to maintain my status on my budget.

    The US is very not good at micro-loans, which have proven to be very successful at a one-time small boost. It can be used for a training session, to buying ahead the supplies you'll need for your small business if you need supplies to produce or grow products.

  39. Vanessa Lontoc

    Yup, that's him, Kim! You're absolutely right. His advice ignores the realities of many people's lives, including the financial constraints and barriers they face. I hope you continue to find ways to navigate your career path successfully.

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