I hate that I have a learning disability and my mom doesn’t want to do anything to help me with my job search.

23 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 13,2024 at 2:20AM UTC

   Not sure how old you are, but if you're needing help with a job search, you should look into working with a staffing agency.

   Additionally, hire a consult to work with you. You will get first hand advice on how to best position yourself in front of employers during the interview process and how to advocate for yourself when discussing your particular needs at the workplace. Interviews are a two-way street and should be treated as such.

   Write down a list of things you really need in order to hold down a job. What does this mean? Identify what your non-negotiables and what your negotiables are before meeting with employers. Example: are you open to working on site vs hybrid days ( 2 days remote, 3 days in office) vs fully remote. Do you need a job super close to home or are you open to a 45 minute commute? Do you need to avoid jobs that require you to be on zooms/phone calls or are you sharp enough to interact with clients?

   Have an idea of what industry you want to work in as well. Some are more accommodating to specified work styles than the other. For example, some creative companies may be more accommodable to your WFH needs rather than a finance company who needs you in the office 5 days a week.

   Half the battle in all of this is knowing what YOU require and want. The job market is an employers game right now, so you really have think about this. If all else fails, you can freelance your work and charge a competitive price for your time and expertise while you continue your job hunt. Really all depends on your professional skills, but it will sharpen you workskills.

2. AnonymousApril 13,2024 at 3:54AM UTC

   Your mom is probably not the person to do this.

   If you can work, you need to be more proactive and take the initiative. There are career centers at your local employment development department both in person and online. The state funds all sorts of learning programs for disabilities. Your local community College provides resources. Even if you say you can't drive, you don't need your mother to take you. If you are disabled you can get a bus pass. Many universities have outreach programs. Your mom is not needed. If you are independent enough to work, you are independent enough to figure out options available to you.

   I taught disabled persons with a wide range of learning disabilities and if they could dream it, they could learn how to do it. And all of them showed independence, ingenuity and intelligence. Trust me you can do more than you know and there are opportunities to learn as well as volunteer. Ask your network of educators, care givers, family and medical providers. One thing our states do welll is fund great programs to assist the disabled .

   You might need some education and to figure out resources before you figure out a job. Have you looked into any resources? Have you worked outside your home before? Start looking online at resources and come up with a what you want to do to be more independent. I used to have my students come up with a goal and then put together a step by step plan of how they would go about accomplishing that goal. I was only there to help them flush out the goal. This was a class. This assignment was their assignment. Not their Mom's assignment. They researched various options, then broke those options down. Who they would call for advice, who were the experts in achieving those goals that they might approach to learn more. They did this on their own. Their plans were well thought out and very personal. It was extremely hard work but each of them were determined. They found many people in their lives willing to help. Many programs and volunteer internships that were available to those with disabilities. What resources are you using now? How do you spend your time now? Clearly you have access to a computer, are able to articulate perfectly. What work have you done in the past,? What work would you be looking for?

   So you need to really come up with a clear idea and break the idea down into actions. Do you go to school? Do you have caregivers other than your mom? How severe is your disability? Do you have medical providers that can prescribe programs to aid you in everyday.functions. what programs are you involved in. Your mom takes care of so much already I'm sure. If a job is your dream then it is you who needs to initiate planning the steps. Ask your doctors, educators, caregivers, friends to help you brainstorm. I've found people love to help others who show a sense of initiative. Who have done some work to come up with a well thought out dream plan.

   If.you want a job, then you want to figure out a plan to get that job. That plan shouldn't be driven by your mom. You can do better.

3. CMTApril 14,2024 at 2:37PM UTC

   Not sure if we have all the facts here but if your mom is keeping you from working because she doesn’t want you to that is different from not helping you however, I definitely think that if you’re old enough to use the Internet, then you certainly should be doing job searches on your own.

   There are many websites out there that are very user-friendly, and there are ton of local companies that are small that would love to have help from you. I feel certain that that you would probably be an asset to many small employers. Also ask around at your church find out if there’s anybody that knows of anybody hiring there are many ways today to look for jobs get on Facebook. These are just a few ideas, but there are jobs out there. I feel certain that you could find a position. I hope this helps.

4. AnonymousApril 14,2024 at 3:22PM UTC

   I empathize with your frustration of feeling overwhelmed with something that's challenging even for people without a LD.

   And here's the "but"... but unless you are under 18, your parent is likely trying to encourage you to learn how to do this yourself, as other adults, with and without LDs do.

   If you have a career center in town/at school, that might be a good place to start for support. You can't take your mom with you on the job, so getting that job should be without her effort as well.

5. Me!April 14,2024 at 4:37PM UTC

   Information is limited here. I want to say, In some cases it is important to struggle through challenges in life without help. It provides opportunities to learn and create your own path and understanding of what works for you. Even if you stumble or fail, worst case it is a learning experience. These will build over time and you will find your way. Go for it!

6. AnonymousApril 14,2024 at 6:35PM UTC

   Write down a manual for yourself on how you learn new things easiest. Think of the last hard thing you learned and how you did it. Then share this with your Mother. If she doesn't support you because she just can't (not saying why or what her issue is) then take it upon yourself to find a mentor perhaps at/or with your advisor at school and share with them the same manual. Take a hard thing that you have to learn next and use that to take on the next hard thing in your job search. You got this! Often the things that might be the toughest to learn make you the strongest. If you have a disability that needs an accommodation on the job decide when and how to share that with prospective employers. Good luck.

7. Maggie StoneApril 14,2024 at 7:34PM UTC

   Without knowing the nature or severity of the learning disorder, it’s hard to comment.
   Could your mom be nudging or pushing you to be more independent? I am guessing that she is not just being mean and unhelpful.

8. carolina girlApril 15,2024 at 12:14PM UTC

   Don’t let your mother hold you back! Go on indeed and create an account. Be HONEST about your learning disability and a big majority of managers will help you. If you are lucky enough to have access to public transportation, use it! if you’re 18 or older , find out about independent living and move out! Trust me, sweetie, you DO NOT want your mom to control you because she will! Believe me I know! The fact that she doesn’t want to help you is a clear red flag!

9. carolina girlApril 15,2024 at 12:20PM UTC

   Btw, there is NOTHING WRONG with having a learning disability. You are just as capable as anyone else and NO DIFFERENT! even the most intelligent people in history had a learning disability and famous actors .

10. Michelle TompkinsApril 15,2024 at 1:08PM UTC

    If you live in California, this link will help you. Not sure if other states have this same program. Hugs.

    https://www.dor.ca.gov/

11. Lindsey OsterhoutApril 15,2024 at 4:04PM UTC

    Why does this surprise you?
    Do you plan to bring her to the interview and the job with you as well? Welcome to the world of independence.

12. maria roseApril 15,2024 at 6:07PM UTC

    If you are legally old enough to work and already have an idea/awareness that you have a learning disability—I am assuming from your school performance assessment—and not some internet search—you no longer need your parent to control your career path. You should be able to get a doctor to certify your disability status if it will affect just b performance. But don’t lean on the disability to hold you back from improving your performance. You don’t need to wear a label that declares you a disabled person but you do need to fit the job skills for your chosen field of work not expect the job to create a position for your ideal work expectancy. In other words don’t blame others if you are not successful enough in your job search, as it’s up to you to make sure you have the skills for the job. I wish the OP here success in your job search

13. carolina girlApril 15,2024 at 7:02PM UTC

    It sounds to me like the mom wants to control her. If she was trying to encourage independence she would have said” I want you to search on your own, but I’m here if you need help.” It sounds to me like mom is trying to hold her back. Believe me I KNOW from experience!

14. AnonymousApril 15,2024 at 7:13PM UTC

    Control her by not wanting her work you mean? If the daughter has a learning disability,aren't there programs for people to be placed in certain positions designated for fair employment? If not, I don't understand how someone helping you with your applications means less control.

15. carolina girlApril 16,2024 at 7:50PM UTC

    People won’t understand what I’m saying because they have never been in my shoes when it comes to controlling mothers. I can relate to this young lady when I was her age. Her mom wants to hold her back. If she wanted to help her daughter succeed, she would’ve been supportive.

16. AnonymousApril 19,2024 at 6:39PM UTC

    Enabling people through constant codependency, often stifles the growth they could have had were they to figure out how to overcome obstacles on their own. The mother can't be there every day on the job with this daughter. She will learn new skills by attempting this job search on her own (or with the support of professionals, not an aging mother) , and be better for it.

17. AnonymousApril 16,2024 at 3:13PM UTC

    Your mom? Why is your life your mom's responsibility? A learning disability doesn't mean you are incapable of being independent. Why would your job search be her responsibility? I would read the advice offered and figure out ways to be independent of your mom.

    If you can post on a social platform, surely you can figure out a way to find a job.

18. AnonymousApril 16,2024 at 8:22PM UTC

    I’m going to say this isn’t on your mom. This is on you; you’re an adult. There are plenty of resources and organizations that can assist…. Even this forum could provide you with resources, just ask.

19. Jessica CardApril 19,2024 at 12:16PM UTC

    Hey Joyce, you’ll feel great about yourself and your career when you take control. Learning disabilities can be tough, but they won’t stop your career if you learn to work within your strengths. Remember, the company is hiring you, not you and your mom. Take the time to learn how to handle that.

20. AnonymousApril 19,2024 at 1:04PM UTC

    As I woman with a learning disability I have gotten many jobs on my own.

    Don’t use your disability as an excuse.

21. AnonymousApril 19,2024 at 1:53PM UTC

    Your disabilities don't define you. I have ADHD and I'm a successful lawyer. And guess what? I'm not the only one with diagnosed ADHD at my law firm. I had a classmate in law school who was deaf and had an ASL translator at all her classes. We have a family friend who became a nurse even though she is dyslexic. You have a different path, but that doesn't mean that there is NO path to any destination.

    Without knowing more, there is only so much I can recommend. But a good start is this:

    1) Identify the destinations. Where would you like to be in 30-40 years? Business owner? Doctor? Lawyer?

    2) Figure out the steps to get there. E.g., if you want to be a lawyer, figure out what you need to be a lawyer (go to law school, pass the bar exam...)

    3) Now take those steps and figure out what you need to do to get the steps done. E.g., if you want to go to law school, you need to go to college, and take the LSAT. Repeat this step until you've walked all the way back to where you currently are. E.g., if you want to go to college, you have to take the SAT/get a GED/go to community college.... whatever the answer is.

    And it is ok to have a job just to make money and get work experience, too. Not everything has to be on the path to your end goal. Those things can work together. Good luck.

22. EMILY KIKUE FRANKApril 19,2024 at 2:54PM UTC

    If you need help with a job search and you're in the US, workforce centers are a great place to start. Google the ones in your area. They'll be glad to help.

23. Suzanna LouisaApril 21,2024 at 1:18PM UTC

    In Pennsylvania, there is the office of vocational rehabilitation or OVR. They should be able to help you however I know locally there’s a waiting list. Calling 211 provide you information for other social service agencies. Good luck!