I was in a situation at work where there was error on my part.

25 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 16,2023 at 5:08PM UTC

   Discuss how he made you feel in a private 1:1 session when you have time. Depending on the layout of your workspace, he may not always be able to do things like this in private, and he may not have thought of it as criticism. By letting him know how you felt, he may learn from what happened and think before he does it again.

2. Lisa MarieJune 18,2023 at 9:41PM UTC

   She's no longer at that job. Did you miss that?

3. AnonymousJune 19,2023 at 1:32AM UTC

   She asked how to avoid it in the future....

4. AnonymousJune 16,2023 at 5:38PM UTC

   Turning this around to be a "teaching moment " for your boss isn't going to help you be better prepared on any front.
   So making this about him isn't an approach I would ever take because his behavior is a separate issue that could be handled one on one.

   Next time pull the boas aside, if you think it will help, and let him know that micro managing you wasn't helping the situation.

5. Lisa MarieJune 18,2023 at 9:40PM UTC

   Your response shows you either didn't read the entire post, or you didn't understand what the OP wrote.

6. AnonymousJune 16,2023 at 5:58PM UTC

   You are human and humans make mistakes. That said, it doesn’t sound like you are owning it. You made a mistake, it didn’t just happen.

   In the future, go to your supervisor or manager, explain what happened and offer a solution before acting. As far as your manager handling this in public, you can speak up. You can ask if you can discuss this in their office. Mary, this is an important conversation, can we have it in your office?

   How a company handles employee mistakes says a lot about their culture and values.

7. Liz MilneJune 18,2023 at 2:38AM UTC

   How on earth do you get she isn't owning it??? She clearly states it was her fault and she took steps to deal with it! Her manager was out of line for reprimanding her in front of anyone else: it's unprofessional and rude, as has been his behaviour since the incident. Good managers accept occasional fails from their staff, reprimand in private and put steps in place to ensure it doesn't happen again - not turn into a nitpicking a-hole... :/

8. AnonymousJune 16,2023 at 7:12PM UTC

   Next time, ask, can we take this conversation in your office? It's always ok to ask them to say 'I would be happy to go over this experience once you're available to take this in private'.

9. Liz MilneJune 18,2023 at 2:36AM UTC

   Unfortunately, it sounds like your boss is one of those one-strike people, who only ever see the fault, not the steps taken to rectify it... :/ I hope you have a better boss now?

10. Sarah BurkhardtJune 18,2023 at 11:47AM UTC

    Honestly, I get feeling stressed out about something and I totally understand why you wanted to solve it ASAP and take responsibility yourself.
    You honestly did the right steps to solve the problem…

    Besides, the App sent the notification, not you!

    What they don’t teach you in college is that older generations see emailing something like that to a whole team as a power move, and many managers would see that as overstepping your role. You and I weren’t taught this but as I am reading your story and recalling a similar situation I experienced… this is very real. I love your approach to it of wanting to learn- please keep that innocence even though honestly it is kind of unfair!

    Personally, I studied communication as a major on school and because of that I don’t see the things from a psychological perspective like this and don’t understand when a manager gets angry about things like that. I’ve been fired for even just writing individual emails without my manager’s (who I basically trained) consult/advice/knowledge. That was just how the culture was, and in the end, so I have seen in many jobs I’ve worked…

    From a fellow younger person to another, I really get it. Unfortunately, it’s just a reality if you are working under an older manager (or multiple), you need to be very transparent about what you communicate to others. ESPECIALLY before you send an email putting the company under the bus in any way, which includes apologizing for a mistake. You would have needed to explain the whole problem to your manager (even though you truly do know more about the issue than your manager) and probably given him full control of the situation… (He does sound a bit controlling, though, and this whole approach is rather “old school”… some cultures are trying to be hip and don’t have this same approach, but often other issues come with that.)

    As far as the “in public” part, that’s very real. Having that protection of privacy is important. It sounds like you deserved not to have that other employee be part of your conversation, Especially because this was a situation that the whole team did know about. I bet it made it harder for you to want to go to your boss in the future because he hasn’t shown he will keep your mistakes private. Probably the best is just to what has been suggested- ask for a conversation in private. You could also try to encourage your coworkers to request the same if there are other instances where this occurs…

    Unfortunately, in an entry level position, or even sometimes a mid-level, it’s often not a good idea to email a whole team about anything…. because someone above you will take offense unless outlined specifically in your job description that this is your role (For casual things, like woohoo team, the group chat is great). Depending on how strict the culture is, it may have been appropriate to say something like “Oh no team, I noticed something wrong on the app!” on Slack/Teams and then proceed to 1) talk to your manager/the manager and 2) consult the app makers (with or without informing your manager, but either way, relating the information to him so that he can relay that to the team, not you).

    In this situation, if your job was also customer-facing or even if your manager is also in charge of customer facing people, he may have just decided he can’t trust you enough to be in charge of customer/client interactions. (Or he could just be projecting something else he’s angry about or stressed about onto you… but he probably would just say he can’t trust you.)

11. Joy StewartJune 18,2023 at 1:00PM UTC

    I agree with the majority of this feedback. However, I do find some of the mentions of the manager’s actions to be somewhat ageist. While it’s true that some traits of workplace behavior seem to be associated with certain generations, any manager of any age can (and do) make the same missteps and show the same types of behavior she encountered.

12. AnonymousJune 18,2023 at 2:34PM UTC

    INCREDIBLY ageist. Wow. I’m an older person too and was a little disgusted at the tone of that comment. (Not yours the original responder…the communications major.)

13. Karen PatwaJune 18,2023 at 4:01PM UTC

    Did you send any emails to your manager about the incident to document it? I've seen many make much bigger mistakes with no consequence, or a quick follow up chat. Did you observe others making mistakes and look at what their consequences were? Did you have allies at work who might have shared what others may have been saying about this so you know exactly why you were getting the nitpick treatment? Sometimes the apparent reason for it may not be the actual reason. In your next position, you might try to find a way to establish norms for feedback with your supervisor, and recognize when there is potentially sexist and/or demeaning behavior occurring, and have tools to do something about it before it gets out of hand. Managers should not belittle people. Sometimes they pick and choose who to belittle based on who will respond to the behavior. And sometimes it's illegal. Just some things to keep in mind when setting yourself up in a new place. Finding a balance between setting norms, and positively building yourself up while making sure you are not being taken advantage of or disrespected is challenging, but one of the most important things to support the sustainability of your working environment.

14. AnonymousJune 18,2023 at 7:19PM UTC

    I understand how this felt for you. I tend to make a mistake or two during the times that I: 1) am eager to get things right the first time; 2) want to be sure that the individuals made the right decision with hiring me. I know this is over the top on my part, however, I think this is a great lessons-learned bucket for you.

    If you can help it, don't dwell on it and try not to bring it up again. In the next 1:1, you may mention something to your boss about how this made you feel if you haven't expressed it. I would state that it was important to you that you did the right thing blah blah blah. I'm sure he knows how much you cared, you may need to remind him.

    Put this in the "Lessons Learned" Folder.

15. AnonymousJune 18,2023 at 7:49PM UTC

    I think your manager is incredibly immature, inexperienced and very insecure. Managers are trained to MENTOR, PROTECT AND BE THE WALL between you and the others. Your manager was upset because he thought (inaccurately) that your mistake would affect his Performance Review and therefore, wanted to get rid of you. It appears that he is totally green, newly promoted to management and has no clue how to manage at all. My question is, were you the only female in the team? If so, this would be considered discriminatory behavior which would be deemed possibly illegal by HR. He seems to be shortsighted by overly focusing on your 1 mistake rather than seeing the big picture of all your accomplishments during your tenure at the company. I will guarantee that if he hires the new person to replace the position you vacated, this new person probably will make mistakes and perhaps with more consequences due to lack of experience with the company. Will your manager fire this new person as well? In conclusion, it is NOT you but him. Karma will not happen overnight but will happen eventually because he will bully someone else who will fight back enough to put him in the hotseat instead. I would work on setting up healthy boundaries with everyone, including colleagues, managers and even family members since that is mentally healthy to do....

16. AnonymousJune 19,2023 at 1:55PM UTC

    As a long time technology and people leader,

    I hope you take comfort in knowing that it is your manager that needed constructive feedback on crisis (barely) management. Sounds like you took accountability for your error and have a lesson learned. I would suggest incorporating your feedback on his response as part of an exit interview, or direct email to HR along with your resignation in the future.

    Consider this a blessing in disguise. You deserve better than what he has to offer as a leader.

17. Rosa GoesJune 19,2023 at 4:16AM UTC

    I think you did the right thing. You owned it and took responsibility. There is nothing more to do. It's important to learn from our mistakes and then move on. Unfortunately your manager was unwilling to accept it. It seems the mistake was a blessing in disguise, you want a manager that will understand and help you grow.

18. AmyJune 19,2023 at 3:45PM UTC

    This POV highlights why all companies should offer ongoing leadership training and coaching for anyone with direct reports. It doesn't matter how YOU see things; the perspective of your employees is what is important here and no leader can be successful when they put their own agenda ahead of their teams needs. Any conversations around performance should be done in private. To your point, you never know how your words will be perceived, so best to make sure everyone feels safe in this conversation.

19. AnonymousJune 19,2023 at 4:05PM UTC

    There is nothing more that you can do abut how he treated you. However, I'd definitely recommend applying for unemployment right away if you haven't found another job yet. Many states would consider what you did to be eligible for unemployment because your supervisor created a hostile work environment and any other reasonable person would do the same thing, therefore, they wouldn't consider it a voluntary quit that would leave you ineligible for unemployment in your state. Not knowing all the details of what your supervisor did, you may consider filing a complaint against him and the company with the EEOC for creating a hostile work environment.

20. AnonymousJune 19,2023 at 6:19PM UTC

    This has nothing to do with "Personal" or being "sensitive" but unacceptable professional conduct in any workplace. This manager created a hostile work environment and tried to publicly humiliate her rather than setting up a 1X1 meeting to discuss. If HR needs to get involved, then a PIP should have been documented rather than chewing her out in front of everyone. STOP making sexist stereotypes that "females attach emotions to situations" etc. Your post seems to be rather chauvinistic....

21. AnonymousJune 19,2023 at 6:22PM UTC

    Why did you quit? I would have in private as you wanted him to do for you, spoken to him and let him know that you are fine to take feedback and acknowledged your big mistake to the team. You could have let him know in private that you won't let that happen again but prefer to take the feedback and corrective action in a private way. You have to train your own manager and set expectations up front about this and what you need from them. Going forward and while interviewing if asked why you left former company you could say lack of leadership. Ask the prospective new manager to describe to you a time that someone failed at their role (without naming names) and how they turned it around. Ask them about at time perhaps they couldn't turn it around. If they ask why you are asking that let them know you want to understand expectation setting in your new company and how they correct if things don't align. Let them know that for you, you need to be able to do your work, and if you do something wrong pulling you aside and working together on a fix or solution is how you work best.

22. AnonymousJune 19,2023 at 6:25PM UTC

    Your input here reads as emotional.

23. Nirupama RaghavanJune 19,2023 at 7:22PM UTC

    It sounds like you took ownership of the issue. Good for you!

    You mentioned that your manager asked you a lot of questions in front of your colleague and that upset you. Was he being disrespectful in the questions themselves, or was your concern about the fact that your co-worker was there? I agree 100% that that "praise in public, criticize in private" is the right approach, but it's not automatically unprofessional to do otherwise. Was there yelling or profanity involved? I ask these questions to get a better sense of what happened and how to advise you.

24. Sarah StadtherrJune 20,2023 at 7:08PM UTC

    I think as soon as the questioning started (in front of the coworker) I'd have interrupted and said "Bob/Sally, I accept responsibility for the mass email but if there's something further we need to discuss may we please go to xxx where we can cover it more in depth?" That stops him/her cold and gets you out of the uncomfortable place in front of coworker. Perhaps you should keep that in your back pocket for if a similar situation arises in a new job.

25. Crystal HowellJune 21,2023 at 11:20PM UTC

    You did apologize, and your manager should have backed you, but they took it to the streets. When he started growling, you should have stopped him and ask the colleague to leave.

    If the colleague didn't leave, then you say well when your temper drops, and you can have an adult conversation with me alone, I will return to my desk.

    Write and document the events and send to him and HR, so there is a record. Resign only if you had other reasons, managers need to be called out and trained, obviously. Good luck on your new job.