I thought I found my dream company, role, and the dream team.

25 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 13,2022 at 6:10PM UTC

   She wants the glory. She doesn't necessarily want to perform all the mundane work that goes into make the work really great

   Other than speaking with her about tge issues, there is little you can do. She's not going to get out of your way abd certainly not going to allow you to take center stage.

   So while you are shy and anxious and not one to advocate for yourself, you will need to learn to do just that or get bulldozed and hand over your work.

   You have to have that conversation and those difficult follow up discussions to stay associated as an owner of your work.

   It's either that or give it up and leave without a fight.

2. AnonymousMay 13,2022 at 6:58PM UTC

   There are millions of dream jobs, dream companies, and dream roles.dream teams. That's just reality.

   So what if this one was short lived?

   But one thing is clear, you need to stand up for yourself at some point.

3. TeenieMay 13,2022 at 8:51PM UTC

   This is not an uncommon situation, I would advise you to understand your own strengths vs benefits of where you are.

   If you have a strength and you are able to find a way to come out from under this manager - find that way.

   If you have benefits by way of being less exposed to risk/ targets and you deem them as benefits, maybe find a way to work with your manager. Ask what her comfort is... how would she like to utilise her strengths.

   ... btw this is how coasting happens. People realising it's too much of a fight to "work" and contribute. An advisory conversation with a mentor within the firm OR HR may also help.

   All the best.

4. AnonymousMay 13,2022 at 9:56PM UTC

   Since you are starting to shine, start putting in for leadership and or lateral roles every chance you get. Once a boss is jealous there is no way around that. They will become visceral until you leave no matter how nice and respectful you are. It has nothing to do with you but everything with them.

5. JYJMay 15,2022 at 1:50PM UTC

   I was in a very similar situation with my previous company. It will not get better. She will continue to take credit for your work, withhold promotions,etc... You deserve better! Update that resume and begin looking elsewhere. Based on what you've described, you ARE a BOSS. Find a role where your abilities shine and leave this place far in your rearview mirror. It's still an awesome market out there and I have a feeling you will get multiple opportunities to choose from.

6. AnonymousMay 15,2022 at 3:21PM UTC

   At surface level, your boss's behavior towards you, along with her unwillingness to give you credit for your work, says a lot about her lack of self-esteem and how she sees others only as pawns to use for her own gain. It also leads me to believe that she will continue to *use* you until you leave or get out from under her.

   In my experience, people with toxic work patterns will rarely change. And if you confront the person in some way -- no matter how kindly or with the intention to be constructive or helpful -- your efforts could be misconstrued as an attack, and she could instead find a way to make your work life more miserable and/or unfair -- or worse, could attempt to use others to assist in her attempt to triangulate you out. But this is only if you imagine the worst case scenario.

   The fact that you state that you are "confused," means that something is not straightforward or right with the situation *for you*. The mental space that it takes to be "confused" is taking away your mental space from other, more positive thoughts that would lead to having a truly fulfilling personal life and productive work life. No one deserves to be in that space, and furthermore, it's exhausting. And if it's exhausting now...imagine this a year or two from now: is this where you want to be?

   Other things to consider:

   • How long were you at your last job(s)?
   • How many overall years of experience do you have in your field?
   • Is there something that you wanted to learn at your current company upon joining -- and have you had a chance to learn that skill or work with that client yet?
   • Is there something your boss promised to teach you when you joined her team -- and has she followed through? Can you work with her to create a plan where that happens before you make an exit?
   • Is there another team or manager at the company that you have met that you think you would enjoy working with? Can you create an informal coaching relationship with that other team member?
   • Do you work for a hierarchy-based company or a flat organization? Is it normal for a boss (any boss) in your organization to do presentation introductions before the team presents?
   • Look at the situation from a different angle: is your boss presenting your work as the "team's" work, or specifically as "her" work? How do other managers in the company present their teams' work?
   • Does your boss thank you for your contributions, privately or publicly?
   • Does your boss give you the proper level of autonomy in you executing your work?

   You didn't say what industry you are in, or how many years of prior experience you have in your industry, which may affect how and when you decide to make a move.

   This can be a tricky situation, but please don't be confused: Make a serious plan to network internally and externally until you feel you have enough information in order to make your best, next informed move. You never know who could introduce you to your next opportunity.

   The best part of this situation is that you *have* a great job (to everyone on the outside), so you can take some time to ensure that your next move is the right one -- here's hoping that you find a true mentor and champion in your next boss! And good luck with your decision!

   Whatever decision you make will be the right one *for you*.

7. BethBMay 16,2022 at 12:22PM UTC

   Have you heard of the imposter theory? It’s when we don’t recognize our own worth and doubt our abilities. I’ve suffered from this and it causes me to be way too modest and has me scared to look at other jobs. It sounds like they played into this when they hired you. What kind of person tells you that you aren’t their first choice? Or makes you feel that way?

   Why not have a conversation with your manager? I’m a little confused on the change from introducing my own presentations. Is there something I wasn’t doing?

   And from someone who has been there, beleive in yourself and toot your own horn when it’s appropriate.

8. GirlBossanova934974May 16,2022 at 12:57PM UTC

   I had the same thing happen to me from 2014-2018. Eventually my boss rode me out of the company by deliberately withholding everything I was doing from top management. He downplayed everything even to the end of shutting off an ad platform which was making the company millions of dollars per year. He was doing you guessed? ZILCH! In your situation, it is NOT going to get better. You have 2 options. 1) Transfer to other division or group within your company 2) Leave the company and work for another outfit. People are very very petty these days. Instead of upping their game, they seek to put others down or flat out POUT! As a matter of fact, I have 1 of those POUTER meetings on my schedule today. I showed up a wanna be last week and today is their day to POUT.

9. Veronica Z. NievesMay 16,2022 at 1:02PM UTC

   Never dim your light for someone else. I personally had a conversation with my boss about this and when I saw nothing was changing I made the decision to accept another position elsewhere. It’s unfortunate that instead of empowering an employee they feel intimidated and choose to keep them in the shadows. That is not leadership. At the end of the day, you need to advocate for yourself, it is your career.

   This is where “it gets lonely at the top” comes into play. Choose you.

10. Karen GongawareMay 16,2022 at 1:40PM UTC

    So look at your employment contract and your duties/responsibilities. Then have a meeting with her and someone who is neutral but can intervene (another supervisor, HR, her boss) and ask how you being admin is helping to reach personal development goals? She's terrified you will have her job. AND in this day and age, with all the assertiveness training and counseling available everywhere, hiding behind shyness as an excuse is just that. An excuse. Your boss may have felt blindsided as you presented as on type of person and then changed into another type. Be yourself.

11. AnonymousMay 17,2022 at 1:44PM UTC

    Most people do not have an employment contract

12. Alicia Eubank DewarMay 16,2022 at 1:41PM UTC

    Companies have to invest in training their management on how to manage talent. This happened to me and it was awful. Insecure managers yield a horrible experience for strong talent. You can always change your behavior but jealousy and insecurity are strong emotions and you cannot change them in others… this is where you have to count on the leadership

    of your company to reward the work of the individual not the manager.

13. AnonymousMay 16,2022 at 2:42PM UTC

    This is a terrible situation to be in that robs you of energy and morale to keep putting your best work forward. I'm sorry this is happening. I’ve been there and I actually have a question to tack on to this to those who have moved on. Since the OP says this is her manager behaving this way, did you ever put them down as a reference for future roles? So many places ask for past direct managers as references but what if you leave gracefully (find another role) but may need to put them down as a reference. Would you trust doing so even if you left on amicable terms?

14. AnonymousMay 16,2022 at 2:58PM UTC

    you have identified that you don't speak up for yourself, so now is the time to do so. I find your post very interesting, in that both you and your boss are "discovering" your talents, skills and worth. BRAVO. And, your boss might be struggling with a bit of insecurity. This can happen. Can you speak with her and tell her that you're feeling discouraged/disheartened and not challenged with the "inconsequential work"...? Ask for more work. Be direct, nice, but speak up for yourself! Please let us know how this turns out!

15. AnonymousMay 16,2022 at 3:49PM UTC

    I have never and will never be able to understand this mentality. If you hire someone who does a fantastic job and excels that is a direct reflection of your skills as a manager. Why would anyone try to dampen or make that smaller is beyond me.

16. RiaMay 17,2022 at 1:42PM UTC

    That's because you have healthy thinking. This manager's thinking is warped.

17. AnonymousMay 16,2022 at 4:09PM UTC

    If getting up in the morning to go to my "dream company" no longer brought me joy, I might consider a search to find one that does. I would hang around for a few more months to see if things change for the better, and if not, I would begin to make plans to move on.

18. AnonymousMay 16,2022 at 4:15PM UTC

    You deserve better than this. Your boss is exhibiting signs of narcissism and low emotional intelligence. I feel you have two options. 1) Speak with her about how this new change has made you feel or 2) take those awesome skills elsewhere so some other lucky organization can benefit from your awesomeness. Good luck.

19. tiffany birchMay 16,2022 at 4:46PM UTC

    The only thing I can add to our Anonymous who wrote "You deserve better than this" is take this behavior as a red flag. Good luck,

20. Megan JohnstonMay 16,2022 at 4:52PM UTC

    You have met a Queen B. This is a difficult personality to thrive under and a real risk to your employment success. The advice below about starting to look for other opportunities is worth paying attention to. Confronting this person will not work and will likely exacerbate the behavior or escalate the risk of employment consequences, I don't recommend this. One option that may work is to go "one-up". Bring the hard evidence from your job description and performance goals, anecdotes of feedback in writing and examples of relevant work to a meeting you request confidentially with your boss's boss. That person is the only person who can help you with the situation. If they take your concerns seriously they may be able to help and can protect you from negative fallout. But be aware that often managers like yours are in place with endorsement of their behaviors from above. Either way, knowing which situation you are in will help you know how quickly to hunt for a new opportunity. The real dream is out there, go find what you deserve!

21. RiaMay 17,2022 at 1:41PM UTC

    Well said

22. AnonymousMay 16,2022 at 5:45PM UTC

    If you're considering leaving anyway, you have little to lose by raising the conversation first.
    It's not uncommon for employees to avoid confrontation by leaving or changing roles and also for managers to feel like they could have perhaps done something differently if only the employee would have spoken up before making that decision. That may not be effective with this particular issue, but there is a way to bring it up in a more positive light. Instead of saying I'm dissatisfied with the switch to more admin tasks, you can say something like I was really enjoying preparing and delivering presentations and ... That type of work was really energizing for me and helped me see how I could bring my skills to work for the benefit of our team. I'm happy to do whatever it takes to get the job done (the admin work) but can we talk about how I might be able to get back to doing more of those kinds of tasks?

    In this way, you're not calling her out for swooping in and you're giving her the opportunity feel like she is the decision maker. Plus you're promoting shared success around how you can be collectively best positioned. Good luck!

23. Sarah LarsonMay 16,2022 at 7:07PM UTC

    While I haven’t been in your exact situation, I’ve been in similar situation.

    Like the other posters’ said, you can do better. I had a boss like this and it continued to get worse. After taking credit she then gave others credit for my work and told me that I’m too quick and I produce work that’s too good. Basically, I needed to dull my shine to allow others to shine. It was backwards and took a lot of therapy to work through.

    This behavior is a red flag. Regardless, whatever decision you make is the right decision for you.

24. AnonymousMay 16,2022 at 7:21PM UTC

    I’d say if you’re not too invested there , look elsewhere! I recently joined a company where my hiring manager and HR said I was overqualified, but they could use my talent.. my hiring manager also said she had big plans for me! Well, within the first month of hire , it seemed like she was already threatened by me and started making decisions for myself and my team without consulting me. That turned into weekly negative observations about my team and office within 90 days into my role.. she went as far as hiring 6 people to fill my open requisitions without even interviewing them nor talking to me about it. She also transferred 2 employees to my team that were on written warnings.. which I addressed with HR since it’s not supposed to be allowed and it was swept under the rug. Long story short? I’m climbing uphill trying to manage problem people out and put out the fires she has created! It’s exhausting and unfortunately, she has been with the company almost 20 years and has a history of doing this with no consequences. She should not be in a leadership position and it’s best at this point to simply look elsewhere! I was super excited about this opportunity and really was happy to work for her, until I came onboard. Do what’s best for you and your mental health. All the best!

25. HannahMay 16,2022 at 11:15PM UTC

    My dear friend, I have a question for you, before I pour in my suggestions.

    My question is this, if you leave and find another employment opportunity that has your current skills in addition to the admin work and it pays 4 times better than your current salary, will you apply for it or you'd opt out because of the admin element?
    That's my point, I hope you get my opinion. I won't downplay the pain and the stress it put you through, but it's also time to take advantage of the system and learn new opportunities that you didn't apply for, but one day can help you somewhere else. If your boss has a job opportunity, that allows her to operate in that direction, you too can get an offer which can enable you to play that role with much paycheck and better condition of service somewhere else. So don't see it as a terrible thing and runaway from the first sight of discomfort, but be a learner and take up new challenges and roles and do them. You may not even know how good you might be with your admin work untill you try, and don't limit yourself to only things you know and are familiar with. Here is my plan or solution.
    1. Give yourself ample time to learn other things you think you're not good at or are not shining in them. This must be known only to you
    2. Prepare to leave when you are confident and on top of every duty you were given both written or unwritten
    3. when the opportunity comes, just leave quietly, knowing that you've prepared yourself for a better offer.
    PS: Don't runaway from the first sight of danger, challenge yourself and prepare to battle it until you're certain that you can stand and land on your two feet, when that disaster or drama is over
    When you're employed, don't limit yourself to anything when the opportunity is giving. She may be fired and you'd take up the mantle. I wish you well