Oh, my goodness.
If I had a dollar for every time I've seen this kind of encounter at one of my companies, whether I was the manager or not, especially with lower-paid, entry-level workers in teams of many who perform the same role, I'd be retired. Something about that environment, no matter the culture, often breeds drama and blame.
I really hope that some of the people who routinely cause issues like this in the workplace (the 20% managers spend 80% of their time on rather than better and more productive activities that fulfill objectives) are reading this and in their heart of hearts, seeing themselves, and recognizing how childish and wasteful this type of behavior is. It's embarrassing. With love and hope for the mature and contributing future version of you, you aren't in high school (no matter your current age). You are an adult in a job that has been defined for you with a job description and company policies. Your bosses aren't your parents. You have choices you get to make when you accept a job (to do it and follow the rules) or leave it without the added drama. If you aren't happy in your role, think about what you DO want to do and pursue that with passion. Go for it. Many times, the discontent has nothing to do with your manager or your job if you are honest with yourself. It has to do with being in a role that doesn't excite you or fulfill you. You feel trapped. We all get it, but stop blaming those around you for the choices you make or the things you don't like about your job. Do it because it's what's required in exchange for your pay and benefits OR go get what you want. You deserve it! If you cannot leave the role, then do what's required, even when you don't want to, and focus on how you can single yourself out in positive ways. Ask for mentoring. Share what you want with your manager or HR and ask for help to get there. But be better than this kind of behavior!
Now for the OP... I've definitely been here as stated above. It sounds like you have your ducks in a row, but for those newer managers who might be reading this...
You need to lead her out the door. Every time you do an improvement plan or meet about it, you list all the ways that the employee can expect support during the improvement period and then bring two copies of the policy from the manual AND a copy of the resignation form just in case. One policy for her, one for your documentation. You use the language from the policy in the improvement agreement. You have measurable ways to define and monitor the improvement. Make sure that you are documenting that you have done these things. And then meet again in 2-3 weeks to update where you are. If it hasn't improved, you come prepared with a write-up #2, then #3 if you need them, or if the employee becomes insubordinate in the meeting. Bring a blank resignation form each time. At the third improvement plan meeting, if things haven't changed, you terminate the employment agreement. (Speak with HR in advance.) If she won't sign these, then you note on them that she wouldn't sign them. You note in the documentation that a copy of policies was given (and attach with the documentation) every time.
In meetings like this, you don't let the employee redirect the blame game on you. You stay calm and refute the claim with facts. "I'm sorry, but that's not true. For the past several months, these are the specific ways that you have been supported, including the plans for your improvement, and the copies of this/these policies each time. It has been your choice to comply." List every kind of support they've been given. If they say, "Well YOU'VE done 'x' and 'y'...", then you remind them that the meeting is not about you or your actions. You always direct back to the reason for the meeting.
Turn that question about letting her go around. Unless it's the last meeting and you ARE about to terminate her, you say something like, "During our conversation, I have not said anything about ending your employment with the company. Are you telling me you plan to resign?" If she says something like, "I'll just quit", then you take her up on it immediately.
Having stated all that, if the employee improves, then make sure that you are giving them a solid chance and work on mending that relationship. Try to turn them into a fan and ally and help them get to where they want to be. It is possible.
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