How do you manage complaints, entitlement, negativity, in the moment?

Anonymous

August 7,2022 at 6:01PM UTC

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How do you manage complaints, entitlement, negativity, in the moment? I work in a helping profession. Please don’t tell me to let them go. That’s on the table. What I’m looking for are helpful tips for addressing negativity and lack of gratitude.

Over the last year, our team members have demanded many things that have been offered, created, and shared to increase job satisfaction. Because we work in a corporate environment, there’s a culture of demeaning “corporate puppets” like myself. I actually make decisions not determined by our corporate staff. Additionally, they continually complain about the “system” being problematic despite their feedback creating a “better system.” It’s never good enough.

I’m exhausted.

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Robin LampertAugust 7,2022 at 6:39PM UTC
From what you say, you've been making improvements. Great!
Try to increase the focus on what's already been done. Announce and celebrate the things that have already been done. Ask for feedback like what they like best about working in your team - use prompts like that to increase the positive comments.
There is always room for "continuous improvements". it may be a good thing that your team members are "engaged" enough and care to make the suggestions. It also says that they feel safe enough in the environment to speak up - so you can take that as a compliment.
Smart employees know that not all of their suggestions and feedback can be acted upon. And even those items which are acted on may take time. You can make it clear in your responses that there are competing priorities - some of the things they ask for may require that other things go away because there is a limit to the budget, just like there's a limit to their household budget. Unless they are very immature, they'll understand. And remind yourself that sometimes people just need to vent, they don't always expect you to fix everything. See if just listening helps?
AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 6:43PM UTC
In a prior position, we had to fill in frequent mini-surveys. One regular question was "what can be improved?" There were variations of this question, like "what roadblocks do you encounter?" Because of the way these were worded, it increased the focus on problems. There were rarely questions like "what do you like best about our environment?"
AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 7:02PM UTC
Define your boundaries and lead by example.
You must demonstrate the change you'd like to see.
It's enough if you embody the positivity, gradutude and grace.
You cannot make everyone happy but you can make the most of the changes and by being the example.
AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 11:08PM UTC
I want to. I get tongue tied. What are some phrases I can say?
AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 3:39AM UTC
Something along the lines of "I'm going to give this a try", I think this is going to work", "can I count on you to help me try this,", "I've got a good feeling about this" , I could really use you help"
AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 7:58PM UTC
Complaining about systemic issues is common helping professions, most people go into those fields with the hopes of changing them. First, determine if they actually mean you or if they mean the metaphorical they, when they talk about corporate puppets. If it’s you specifically, that’s a conversation about work place respect. If is a metaphorical they, as hard as it may be, don’t take it personally. It also can’t hurt to remind them of the changes they’ve helped to bring about so that your organization doesn’t perpetuate some of these larger systemic issues. It sounds like there’s a cultural disconnect—your colleagues are used to talking about social issues and political systems as part of their work, and you are not because you come from a more corporate background. One is not better than the other, they’re just different.
AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 11:00PM UTC
I’m actually a social worker, too.
AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 12:37PM UTC
Okay, are your colleagues complaining about 'the system,' or are they complaining about your organization? As a social worker yourself, you should be aware that those are two separate things. Again, if they're complaining about you specifically, that's a conversation that needs to be had, but if it's about structural inequity more generally, then ignore them.
AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 8:19PM UTC
Thank you for asking this question. I am in the exact position you are in and I too am exhausted. Leadership has bent over backward to make sure the teams have what they need but it isn't enough and they continue to complain about their jobs and the methods we measure success/productivity which I believe are easily met. The responses are reminding me to NOT take this personally but I'm struggling to internalize their toxic gossip and constant complaining.
AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 10:59PM UTC
Yes!!!!
AnonymousAugust 7,2022 at 11:10PM UTC
I loathe toxic positivity.
AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 10:39AM UTC
I applaud you and your message! The truth as clear as daylight.
AnonymousAugust 8,2022 at 12:33PM UTC
I think you need to be honest in the moment. If some of the demands are really out of whack say its not possible and why. If the demands are something doable then I would accomodate that demand. My attitude is to give my employees whatever they need that helps them get their job done but it has to be within reason. If you have done all you can and there is nothing else you need to state that. If they don’t understand your position that may not be the job for them. Some need to experience that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Best of luck!
AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 12:47PM UTC
So sorry that you're feeling exhausted. I wonder if there are ways you can put the problems back in their court. For example recruit employees for a workplace improvement group (WIG) where they are tasked with prioritizing issues and developing solutions.
AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 2:20PM UTC
Clearly delineate your decisions from the decisions of others that you have to implement.
Shut down complaints by acknowledging frustration and pointing out that complaining is self-destructive when there's nothing that can be done to change things. (Study negative rumination in psychology - complaining is an externalized version of that)
If you're exhausted because they're complaining to you, just ask what they would like you to do about it. If they just want you to listen, just keep it short and pivot to the actual work they are doing (or supposed to be doing).
AnonymousAugust 9,2022 at 6:06PM UTC
Because of my own situation I thought of something else that I am working on with my team (also in the helping profession) Could this be the result of compassion fatigue and or change fatigue? Perhaps providing tools and educational/inservice opportunties might help them address the root of their complaints. Also, I read a great meme the other day that reminded me that each of us bring our own trauma/histories to work. Considering the constant complaints and badgering lobbed at me through the lens of the other person's trauma has helped me breath through it and NOT internalize the complaints.