HR says I am loud

28 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 12:30PM UTC

   No insights. This job is clearly not a fit for you, your temperament or work style.

   Since you have only been there less than 90 days, you should keep your head down and try and get through the time until you find a more suitable job while collecting a paycheck.

   There is no secret here. So your declarations of toxicity, detriment to your health and the CEO's penchant for instilling fear are your observations and things you'll need to work around until you can leave or until they let you go. You haven't been there long enough for any serious damage. Count yourself lucky.

2. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 1:49PM UTC

   I also have a bit of a loud laugh. Sounds like you see not what they gave in mind for the company. It’s not you. It’s them. It’s totally ok that they are letting you know who they really are.

3. CMTDecember 19,2024 at 2:00PM UTC

   I definitely agree with you and your assessment I’ve never been told I’m loud, but my husband told me constantly when I was married to him that I was loud and workplace and social environments do not like that. Well to each their own yes a lot of times people feel threatened by somebody that tends to be enthusiastic and it comes out a little bit louder than they’re used to. A lot of times in today’s working culture We are way too sensitive …being enthusiastic comes along sometimes with being a little bit louder being a cheerleader is being a little bit louder… people just need to get used to that everyone is different. You’re probably closer to my age since you said, you’ve been working 30 some years in the workforce there are just some jobs that need a bigger personality and that comes with sales. Personally, I don’t know how long she’ll last considering how you described her at the job and the company you’re with so you may wait her out. If not move on life is too short. There’s a better fit out there for you.

4. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 2:28PM UTC

   The advice I would provide is to be aware that even though you may work in a toxic environment, there is a certain decorum so to speak for offices. Being loud, be it laughter, talking, etc. can disrupt other's work modes. I work within a cube farm as they call it, that is an open work environment. It's good practice that if you are typically a loud person, to step away and take your calls outside of the space. It's really just being cognizant that sounds can interrupt others. Determine how loud you are, then adjust your volume to be respectful of others. If you have an office, and are taking a call, simply close the door to drown some of the volume. I couldn't work in a completely silent office, but there are times that some people are not using their inside voice and when I'm on a call or in a meeting, that sound carries over. Just adjust and then seek an environment that may welcome your volume. Using head canceling ear phones can help drown out background noise. I live with my earbuds as well to drown out the loudness sometimes around me. It's always tricky in offices where everyone's needs are different.

5. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 2:39PM UTC

   One of the many reasons I disliked a move to open floor plans pre-COVID is the volume of others. We had an individual on our team (our assistant, in HR) that basically the entire floor could hear. In general, people are very hesitant to point out anything negative in another until it gets to the point of frustration for others and then someone will fall on the sword and say something.

   Now, with all that said...I think your real issue here isn't being told you are loud, but the CEO and the company you work for. You may want to consider resuming your search.

6. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 2:43PM UTC

   HR telling you are loud means someone reported it. We used to sit by someone similar with a loud laugh, it was jarring at times since she was too loud.

   I was told I typed too loud, I took some reflection and holy cow I did, it sounded like a bunch of hammers on my keyboard. I switched to quieter keyboards and worked on typing less aggressively.

   Be more aware and it is in your control to adjust and definitely don't read all these other theories into it, she's threatened, etc, it is what it is, a small adjustment to make to better contribute to the work environment.

7. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 2:49PM UTC

   I wok in a similar environment. Nightmare bully CEO , HR person is her slave. They’ve danced up on several of my colleagues and it’s pretty nasty. I’m sure you’ve seen the same crap. Luckily we have actually banded together and made the board aware of this threat to the organization. This has put a small check on the CEO but not enough in my opinion. You have to be careful pretty careful in these situations. Now re the note that you are loud etc. was this just a verbal commentary with no request or steps for change? If so, just ignore it for now. Do pay attention to yourself and how noisy you are and be mindful and respectful of your colleagues. That can’t hurt and you may learn something. I too am a very expressive person and have learned that some people are intimidated and overwhelmed by my presence. So I’ve learned to tone it down because it’s good for everyone. You sound like a good strong smart person …which bullies like to mess with and curtail but they also want you on their side. So take this as a message and enjoy your days doing the best you can and staying out of the drama.

8. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 3:43PM UTC

   I find it interesting after 2.5 months you're analyzing someone else's performance/health and not just taking the advice to be more aware of others around you. We can find toxity almost in any company as all respond and take in events and relationships different ways. Being new to the organization my serious professional recommendation is to not make that bigger than it is. Put yourself in their shoes with a loud laugh, it's new to them and it sounds like it's an adjustment as they first need to get to know you and 2.5 months is not enough. Be aware of others, easy. Thinking that adjustment is only one way is not going to help you, it needs to be both. With your experience they may benefit from you as you build those relationships.

9. maria roseDecember 19,2024 at 4:00PM UTC

   For a supervisor to approach you about you being loud, means that they received and recognize that you are unconsciously making more noise in some way, that is perceptually louder than it could be. Best example, I can make is the screaming sound made by child playing in a playground that is much louder than everyone else. There’s no reason for the higher volume sound that can be toned down if explained. The loudness of your laughter just makes you appear less involved in your work tasks to supervisors and probably annoys your coworkers who think you’re not working as efficiently as you should. I also get the impression that you tend to talk louder than others and don’t realize that you do. So if you don’t have a hearing problem, your tendency to be loud is a learned reaction to make you feel more visible to others by your voice. But your workplace is one of those areas where your voice noise is not the reason you are judged as efficient but your work performance and that loudness is not what you want to be judged by. Think about it before getting offended by the comment.— Perhaps have someone tape you and see/ hear how it sounds. Also perhaps get a hearing test to rule out a physical cause of your tendency to be loud verbally.

10. Mikini N WilliamsDecember 20,2024 at 1:44PM UTC

    She literally wrote in her post that the person complaining is NOT her manager. Then you add insult to injury by insinuating that this person being called loud should justify the HR person’s comments to her. You sound dumb.

11. maria roseDecember 20,2024 at 6:06PM UTC

    Hmm, if the OP knows who complained about their loudness and know this individual through the workplace, what stopped the OP from directing asking for a better explanation of the complaint other than a vague statement of loudness. It doesn’t take 2,5 months (10 weeks/70 days) for loudness to suddenly become a noticeable issue that needed addressing by HR., especially since the person who made the complaint has been working with this OP for the same amount of time. But I thank you for pointing out that point because it illuminates that there is another unspoken issue that caused the remark to have been made. I am not sure if this was a reprimand or an attempt to help the OP remain employed at the present company. I get the unhappiness with the job-we all have experienced resentment—but blaming others is not clearing the mind of focusing on the way forward. The biggest thing I see is that the OP just needs to focus on their goals— getting another job and not to cause waves at present job, however upsetting, if they can’t just quit because they need the income from their paycheck. Sometimes you have to ride the wave.

12. AnonymousDecember 19,2024 at 4:17PM UTC

    You probably are louder than your colleagues. Some environments are quiet and less energetic. You are probably used to being loud and boisterous. Nothing wrong with that but there are just some environments that it doesn't work in.

13. AnonymousDecember 20,2024 at 2:30PM UTC

    I think this is an opportunity for self-reflection. If you are the only one in this office (no matter your past experiences) talking and laughing loudly during the day, are you disrupting other people's work? Their train of thought or actual calls? Perhaps tone it down during working hours and be your bubbly self outside of the office. Instead of getting defensive, if there are people you connect with there, ask for their input with an open mind and see if others feel the same way or it's specific to this one person.

    I would also discourage judging someone else's health or performance, unless you have direct knowledge of that. Being forgetful is not necessarily a health issue. It can be from being overwhelmed or it may not be as pronounced as you think and is just part of normal life. Everyone forgets the occasional thing and unless you are supervising this person, how do you know about her job performance?

    I would encourage open and honest dialogue and accepting feedback gracefully. None of us are perfect and while no one likes to hear negative feedback, it can be taken as an opportunity for growth.

14. AnonymousDecember 20,2024 at 4:45PM UTC

    Yes, tone it down. A hearty laugh is good and clearly you are not so thrilled with your work environment either but loud noises especially in open offices is a trigger for some people. You are the newbie here and you need to fit into the place you joined, which may be a quieter more introspective spot. The sound of your own voice is not the only one in the room that matters. Whether or not she succeeds or fails is not your affair as she is your co-worker, she is additionally tenured and clearly has some leverage and a relationship with the CEO that suits her. Let her do this on her own. Focus on you and finding something where your fit is better and you feel supported.

15. AnonymousDecember 20,2024 at 7:43PM UTC

    The fact that HR had to be involved for "being loud" tells me something about the lack of maturity (and a level of fragility) in your office. I'm an engineer, I like my quiet thinking time and my office environment can be like a library. That said, its an easy thing to simply pop over the cube wall and ask someone "Hey, I don't want to ruin your vibe, but I'm over here trying to solve a complex problem, can you help me out and tone it down?" And expecting a recruiter to not be somewhat animated? That seems off to me. My other question is "Would they say that to a man?" Likely not. Your instincts are good - this place is not a good fit. It sounds like even an introvert like me would find it toxic and petty. Take your talents and lively personality somewhere where both will be appreciated.

16. AnonymousDecember 23,2024 at 7:19PM UTC

    Maybe past people in your life were too nice to tell you. Consider if there is any truth to what they said. No use being defensive, what if they have positive intent.

17. Megan LeasherDecember 24,2024 at 1:30PM UTC

    A comment like this is always an opportunity for self-reflection (like other commenters have shared), but I think the bigger issue is that you are unhappy there and the culture is not right for you. My two cents? Keep laughing loud and get out of there as soon as possible.

18. AnonymousDecember 24,2024 at 1:32PM UTC

    I disagree with many of these posts here. I recall a lady who started a position after me. I was soft spoken in tone and she was quite the opposite. Her natural voice tone was deeper and her register and delivery was louder. When I met her I initially thought she was too loud. But I realized this was her natural tone. It wasn’t that she could not speak softly, it was that her tone carried differently. She had a voice and personality for journalism. If she laughed you could hear her down the hallway. She was the person that carried one of the most positive attitudes.

    If she got quiet, and didn’t say anything then she would have been accused of not being friendly or sneaky.

    If you have been working for 30 years. It’s them and not you.

    We never had to tell my coworker, (at the time) you’re too loud? We knew that was a natural part of her tone. Hey voice was heavy.

    I would say, consider the person’s intent. Because if you were just being yourself when you were hired.

    Why would laughing be something to strike against a person. If be different if it were something as being disrupted.

19. AnonymousDecember 24,2024 at 1:34PM UTC

    maybe you are "loud" and no one has told you before this? I always say "where there's smoke, there's usually fire". So this comment from the HR specialist is "smoke"- it indicates something amiss. Pay attention to it, and maybe tone it down a little whilst looking for your new gig.

    Also, you seem to have analyzed other players alot here ("forgetful", "toxic", owner "treats employees like slaves", "people fear the CEO", etc). And while all of this might be true, you've only been there for 2.5 months. You have not yet earned credibility; you are too new. I would simply tone it down (whether you think it's needed or not) and continue to watch the situation. Also- another story: - so YEARS AGO, when I was a student working in a hospital setting-- one of my professors pointed out that I was "smiling and too chatty" in the ICU. That hurt me; i was used to being well liked....but she (who was stoic and a former Vietnam War Vet) was right. I was young and carefree; I was not toning my behavior to the "setting" (very sick patients in ICU). That professor clipped my wings, rightfully so. Maybe your wings got clipped? Take it for what it's worth, push your pride aside and learn...and stay under the radar. You are still in a 90 day grace period. Good luck!

20. AnonymousDecember 24,2024 at 2:08PM UTC

    Dear Debbie Downer, It's difficult to provide any suggestions or insights because I don't think you would listen to any constructive feedback; doesn't sound like you would be open to it. I'm pretty sure the dark clouds at this company will follow you to the next. I wonder why?

21. AyianDecember 26,2024 at 1:28PM UTC

    Excuse me, but exactly how do you think your message was a good use of your time to write or anyone else's time to read? Every thought you have does not merit being shared. Frankly, if you don't think you will be heard, then posting on a professional advice site with YOUR Debbie Downer attitude is not helping anyone. No small wonder you posted anonymously.

22. S MaishaDecember 24,2024 at 2:36PM UTC

    I would ask for specific instances where you were unnaturally loud, and why it is impacting your coworker so much. You mentioned a couple of things, like a toxic work environment and phony coworkers. If that’s the case, then shop your resume around and see what else is out there. But always remember to keep your opinions to yourself and never let anyone know your next move. Above all, stay professional, and keep a record of all conversations you have with anyone else in case you have to bring a case against them for hostile work environments.

23. AnonymousDecember 24,2024 at 4:22PM UTC

    Maybe she was trying to be helpful in letting you know. As you say, work environment isn't good, and this person is taking the path of being quiet and agreeing the CEO.

24. Christine Brush, MSW, MBADecember 24,2024 at 11:28PM UTC

    Offices will always have both exuberant extroverts and earphone wearing introverts (I call them innies and outies). Learn which of your coworkers are which, and adjust your tone with each - introverts get very enervated around enthusiastic extroverts and need time to recharge - they aren't anti social, just need to be allowed time and space to process social meetings and information. Extroverts need the energy of others. Your coworkers will notice when you match their personality and energy by adjusting your own to work with them, and they will appreciate your consideration. It's another way to win colleagues over and develop teamwork abilities.

25. AnonymousDecember 25,2024 at 5:52PM UTC

    Some of my colleagues have been loud. One example stands out. This person was the loudest from day one. It bothered nobody when she was positive at first because her good mood was communicative.

    But when she started to criticize everything and everybody in their back (claiming how toxic the place was after the least disagreement about any process or unexpected answer to her, making lousy jokes about people, depicting them with basic predjudices she found hilarious, trying to set people against each other while looking overly social...) and finally started to make people feel bad about their job particularly if it they kept all this for themselves, it began to be annoying.

    My point is that it also depends on what you say out loud. It's possible to create a hostile work environment while still being supposedly fun and lively, showing off all is wanted is to enhance the workplace. I don't say you do the same but that might be a clue for you, I don't know.

26. AnonymousDecember 26,2024 at 2:23PM UTC

    There are 2 possibilities:

    A) Maybe you were loud indeed. And in the past 30+ years nobody was bothered but in your new workplace people are different. Maybe they want people to behave professionally and their way of doing it is by being earnest.

    B) In this place it's not OK to show personality.

    I worked for a toxic boss and he told me that I had a loud laugh. Something I never imagined to be noticed because I wasn't in good mood around him. I laughed with my coworkers and only when feeling relaxed and safe (this didn't happen often). He was basically bullying me in the last 6 months of being his employee so I guess that this was just another thing to say to make me feel miserable. Feeling good at work wasn't allowed.

27. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netDecember 26,2024 at 3:09PM UTC

    Sometimes people who are loud do not realize how annoying and disruptive this can be in close quarters. It is a matter of manners--keep your voice and laughter down and be aware that there are people around you who are trying to work. You may not be aware of this but now you are so see what you can do to fix the situation without going into toxic and all kinds of other things.

28. AnonymousJanuary 1,2025 at 6:34PM UTC

    From what you shared, I encourage you to look at this as if it weren't about you, but an employee of yours. What lessons would you want them to learn and what actions would you want them to take (for their personal growth and the growth of the company environment)? Then do it.

    You've been given insight into how to interact with others. Build allies not enemies in the workplace. While it's true that haters gonna hate, this scenario sounds more like group dynamics. What can you do to win some good favor here?

    If what the colleague said is true--In this environment, lower your personal volume, reduce the hearty laugh --this isn't your home, this is place of business where others have to work. (I think a lot of talkers/louder folks don't realize how hard it is for others to do their work when they cannot turn your volume down - and it's considered rude to tell you to do so).

    If you've never heard this comment before, perhaps ask trusted colleagues to verify if what the HR specialist said has merit. Just a sample of folks. Here's the thing, she may think you're loud (so be quiet near her). Others may think you're loud and not tell you. Start some introspection.

    Next, separate the above topic from organizational structure and power dynamics. People not speaking out to a CEO has nothing to do with your volume, though I could see it conflating with a perception of boldness. The two may live in you, but they are separate and can have separate outcomes.

    Your observation of dynamics may be spot on. If you're loud and want to be loud --this just isn't the right environment for you. If someone more senior to you is messing with you due to the [toxic] culture, it's still not the right environment for you. You deserve to be where you're celebrated and I hope you find your tribe (maybe at work, maybe just at home, who knows). You're right, that bad matches, bad environment can lead to detriments in your health. Start looking elsewhere. Find a better fit (mainly if you sense a fear power dynamic where folks would rather stay silent than lose income---though we are in tough times).

    In the meantime, I hope this helped. Find some perspective, make some changes of your volume--you'll win influence- if you need help, perhaps ask a trusted colleague to be a friendly volume monitor ("Am I being too loud?")--maybe you just don't know how loud you are.

    If you're in recruitment, you likely have access to HR training. You may want to peruse organizational structure, management, dynamics. It could help you navigate this from a different vantage point (not just defending yourself).

    I'm glad you're asking. Your growth and insight will take you far. Good luck!