I have a current job I've been at for almost a year.

34 Comments

1. Rosa E HearnMay 7,2023 at 2:04PM UTC

   Was it communicated to you when these projects are due?
   Do you send them a progress report?

   All my projects are high stress, but I make sure my bosses knows it is done on my time line unless they deem it urgent.

   That being said, I always, always provide a status report. "This is where I am on this project" so they understand my status: 1) I didn't forget 2) I'm working on it 3) they are aware of my progress and 4) it serves as a reminder of where I left off.

   Everyone is grateful because communication is key. Knowing of my status puts everyone at ease and off my back. Plus they know they can 't accuse you of not doing the work.

   If you already do, they maybe talking to them about lightening your load would be better.

2. S BrennanMay 7,2023 at 2:39PM UTC

   First of all, I recommend you go see a professional about getting your general anxiety under control. Its common to have anxiety, however when the symptoms are so debilitating that you physically get ill and cannot do your work, then that is something else entirely. It best to seek help now versus letting this spiral and it affect your health, personal relationships and future work prospects.

   And although told your boss about your anxiety, he frankly does not care that you told him about it. He cares that you are able to deliver on your ability to do the work assigned in the timeframe that it is expected.

   Grad school is going to be the same way - high stress and deadlines. Good luck

3. Marissa CoyneMay 9,2023 at 12:41PM UTC

   I was going to say exactly this. Especially if you have been fired or laid off from other jobs. You've got to seek professional help in dealing with your anxiety and develop coping mechanisms. Life is stressful. Jobs are stressful. Relationships are hard. Grad school is stressful. Owning a business is stressful. Until you are able to develop coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety, it may be hard to see things through in all areas of your life, so that would be my first priority.

4. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 1:21PM UTC

   100% this. I was more stressed out in grad school than any job I’ve ever had. Grad school with full scholarship even more so ( must maintain GPA for funding etc). Multiple projects due and tests all at once is the grad school norm, and there are rarely extensions on deadlines. If you are having issues at work you most likely will have them in school as well. Address these now so you can be successful in the future.

5. AnonymousMay 7,2023 at 4:43PM UTC

   You need to prioritize your health. But if you think your severe anxiety won't return if you're going to start your own company then I would seriously suggest rethinking your plans.

   Good luck with grad school. During the summer consider service work or something that is more manageable.

6. AnonymousMay 7,2023 at 6:41PM UTC

   I would first try for paid work like am internship. Everyone deserves payment for their work.

7. AnonymousMay 7,2023 at 6:40PM UTC

   Every time I had ever mentioned my anxiety, I was treated less than and pushed out the door. It’s sad. I’m lucky to be older and not need the extra income. My heart goes out to those whom have my issues and have no choice but to hope they won’t be let go. I’m trying hard to stand up and be a voice for those of us whom have anxiety but honestly no one seems to care.

8. AnonymousMay 7,2023 at 8:00PM UTC

   I would have a discussion with the boss and let him know the specific status of your projects, and a realistic breakdown of what you can feasibly accomplish in the time you have left. Discuss who will be the best person(s) to hand off to in completing the projects when you depart.

   Ask him directly if he has shared your pending departure with the higher ups.

   Keep your dates of status updates with him frequently. You can do Teams or Zoom meetings to track your dates and make notes or record the meetings.

   If you have to use him as a personal reference, consider not sharing any more info about your anxiety. But do seek medical assistance before it becomes any worse.

   Congrats on Grad school and your future!

9. AnonymousMay 7,2023 at 11:19PM UTC

   Stop making your boss read your mind and guess what you’re thinking. You’re a grown woman so start acting like one. Skipping out on this job because you can’t have a professional conversation with your boss about workload and wrapping up your time in this role will absolutely burn a bridge.

   Would I refuse a reference because of a health issue or anxiety…absolutely not. Would I refuse a reference because someone abandoned their role…100%.

10. Melissa NobileMay 8,2023 at 12:47PM UTC

    First - discuss the projects that are due with your boss and knuckle down and get them done. Basically, you need to suck it up.

    You also need to deal with your issues before you go to grad school. Stress is always and everywhere. Projects are due both in the workplace and in school. If you’re going to create your own business - you’re going to have stress you can’t even imagine. Get yourself to a therapist and figure yourself out.

11. AnonymousMay 8,2023 at 2:10PM UTC

    All of this!

12. AnonymousMay 8,2023 at 2:08PM UTC

    Can you ask to partner with someone who will be taking over your job duties in order to train them? That will lift the burden a little.

13. misskelleypMay 8,2023 at 4:00PM UTC

    Talk to your boss about all the high priority project due at the same time and see if you can get some help or send a couple of them to others. Trying to do everything at the same time just sets you up to fail. The bigger issue is how you personally handle this stress, clearly it's a problem for you. I think you need to talk to someone to help you figure out a better way for you... Having your own business is stressful too, and you need to be able to manage that - it's an important life skill.

14. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 12:07PM UTC

    Protect your reputation. That’s the one thing that is hard to rebuild.

15. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 12:22PM UTC

    Get the projects done.

16. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 12:26PM UTC

    I disagree with the one comment about reputation. You can build your name reputation for years but that won’t stop other managers from trying to add bad things to it. My advice is to take some time to rebuild your strength for this exciting opportunity and get some therapy for the years ahead. When you leave just let them know you will be taking time to prepare for the time to come and that’s it. If you stay you risk your health and sanity and it STILL might not help your reputation in the end. The job just isn’t worth your health and emotional stability. Best of luck to you and enjoy fully!

17. Kim RaperMay 9,2023 at 12:26PM UTC

    I think you need to talk to your manager - not necessarily about your personal health issues but the load of work and how you have concerns about being able to complete them successfully and will need to transition work anyway so perhaps asking for help now is the best course of action. There is a lot of advice stated kind of bluntly about getting control of things and anxiety is everywhere... its true - life is tough and not likely to get any easier - school, career, owning your own business... Nothing light weight there. Best of luck to you.

18. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 1:22PM UTC

    I agree. Get some help from others to finish the projects you have. Some of them should go to others since you are leaving. If you get pushback you can argue that the organization needs continuity and you're not able to offer that in your position. Good luck and feel less anxious.

19. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 12:32PM UTC

    I would recommend finding someone to help you with the anxiety. Work is work but stress is a fact of life, double so if you are planning on starting your own business after school. You need to find ways to be able to manage the stress and the anxiety so that you are able to work through the rest of your life. I did not figure it out until far too late, and some days I'm still struggling with it all. The opportunities I have cost myself by not taking care of my situation are numerous and are regrets I have to live with, hopefully your path can be different.

    As to the job, for me it's important to see things through to the end but ultimately, it's up to you if you feel the cost is too high.

20. ANDREA RAGGAMBIMay 9,2023 at 1:03PM UTC

    Your health is the priority because without it you serve no one. Seems this can be a major life lesson. Stressors are bound to increase, not decrease so the external environment is really just highlighting an internal issue which is your ability to cope with and manage stress. You will also need to learn to have assertive conversations, set boundaries and do what’s best for you. The fact that your boss called you says a lot even if you didn’t like the way it went. Give your boss the benefit of the doubt and don’t assume the worst outcome just because you feel uncomfortable about it. Bottom line is we are all replaceable and our employers rely on this fact to keep business moving. You moving on shouldn’t be a big deal in the scheme of things. Get your anxiety under control and then approach the conversation with a win-win negotiation approach. It feels like you have an all or nothing mindset which doesn’t have to be the case. Ask for what you need but share that your relationship with them and that departing on good terms is important to you so how can you meet in the middle? You got this! Good luck!

21. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 1:28PM UTC

    Stress? Anxiety? Need therapy in 2023? Yep, join the club, get the tshirt. I wont lecture you on how you need to work on your anxiety. I will say that if you quit early, stay + finish your projects, stay + not finish your projects until you go to grad school will it really matter in the grand scheme of things? Probably not. What does matter in that time period is taking your Michael Douglas stress level down 1,000 degrees. He’s an actor always playing a really high strung man in a corporate environment. Just know either way you’re on to bigger and better things. Congratulations.

22. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 1:29PM UTC

    Most people experience anxiety especially when they have a lot going on. I suggest trying to figure out ways to relax (that work for you) and work with your boss to figure out how to spread out or share the projects somehow. In this way you will demonstrate how you work through challenges. This will help to maintain a good reputation, which is so important - especially in these days of over active social media. By all means protect your health though!

23. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 1:41PM UTC

    I agree with the others about talking to your boss about your projects and what is expected. If you want to leave, don’t do it abruptly. You can always say you need to move the date up in order to prepare. Let them know you will stay until your current projects are completed- if that is within a couple of weeks. If not, give them a new end date with at least 2 weeks notice. Don’t mention anxiety. Just say you need more time in between work and school to prepare.

    That being said, you need to address the anxiety. As someone who went to grad school, I know you are going to face deadlines and pressure there. I’m sure starting your own business will also have challenges.

24. Kristin BurnsMay 9,2023 at 2:01PM UTC

    In your position, I would try to minimize the stress where you can in your current role and find methods to handle anxiety before grad school. As you said, you will always have stressful situations and have to deal with anxiety. So it's probably time to find ways that work with you before grad school so you are successful and happy there.

    Luckily the role you are in is lower pressure than grad school since you know you are leaving soon. I'd talk with my manager about what you plan to do - take time for therapy, share the workload with colleagues, restructure due dates, etc. - and ask for more suggestions.

    Especially if you plan to create your own entity after grad school, you will not have less stress. If you want to quit now to use the time to prepare for grad school, that might be a solution but if you are then stressed about money, I'm not sure that will help.

25. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 2:35PM UTC

    No job is more important than your well being. No person, place or thing is more important than your mental wellness. Look up Kara Lowentheil and her podcast Unf*ck your brain. Anxiety is a real thing but there are definitely ways to manage it. From the small amount of info you've shared it seems like you expect anxiety to be a part of your everyday life so I encourage you to stop inviting it in. She will teach you how. Regardless of which way you choose to deal with this situation I highly recommend some type of coaching so that you can learn that anxiety does not have to cripple you. I wish you the best outcome possible!

26. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 5:22PM UTC

    I agree! See a doctor about the anxiety and seek counseling to learn coping skills BEFORE grad school. Take a note from the doctor to your employer- perhaps they can offer a lighter load (maybe with a pay cut since you are not concerned about the job long term). If not, give them two weeks notice, leaving for medical reasons, and help transition the projects. I would consider this a health problem, and I don't think it's burning a bridge to leave for a medical reason. Take care of yourself first. You may work for a good company, but they will also take care of themself first.

27. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 2:57PM UTC

    Grad school can be a very stressful experience. Please do what you need to ASAP to get your anxiety under control so that it doesn't impact your future plans. If that means staying at this job because it has benefits that you can use to see a therapist or doctor about this, then it may be worth considering.

28. Focused721350May 9,2023 at 3:02PM UTC

    Good Morning,

    Well! You knew what you were getting yourself into. You need to focus on not overloading your plate! How are you going to handle Grad School? Your repeating the same thing and it's not working! Start! Taking some Yoga or doing some personal me time. Your brain is all over the place! I know! I run a small business and take care of my 85 yr old dad, my home etc..... I LEARNED TO SAY NO! Also! I've managed to get MY PERSONAL TIME! trust me it helps! Remember! YOUR #1 and If your having issues your not good for anything or anyone!

29. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 3:19PM UTC

    You seem to lack self confidence. Are you stressed about not being able to finish the projects?

    you just need to do what you can do until you leave. No one is taking points off of you or grading you on these projects.

    I feel like this is mostly self projected. You are leaving in few months. Do the best you can until your last day and whatever isn’t finished isn’t finished. What are they gonna do? Fire you ?? Stop driving yourself crazy. No one is expecting you to save the day.

    and about your anxiety that might be deep seated, try to get a handle on yourself and seek help if need be

30. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 8:28PM UTC

    It may be helpful to research anxiety. It comes from inside your brain. It does not come from external circumstances. If it did then your co-workers who also handle multiple projects would have the same problem. If circumstances caused anxiety then every human being would be a crumbled mess who cannot function. I do not mean to discredit the way that you feel but I hope to help you see that it is something that your mind created and therefore something that you have power over. Feelings come from thoughts and thoughts come from your brain. When anxiety enters , it usually means that you're letting your brain do the "thinking" on autopilot. Please realize that you are in the drivers seat here. Whether or not you do anything about it at this current company is up to you. None of it will matter until you learn about anxiety and how to control your own mind. You'll be a grad student with massive anxiety, and then a business owner with massive anxiety, and then a boss with massive anxiety, a parent with massive anxiety etc... You will benefit infinitely from learning how to get a grip on it. There are plenty of successful people whose plates are likely fuller than yours; they are not better or smarter than you, they've just learned how to control their mind. I hope that you look into it so that you can find the root of your belief system and discover why you react this way. Best wishes to you!

31. AnonymousMay 9,2023 at 11:10PM UTC

    Congratulations on being accepted to graduate school - and your full scholarship! I will echo others who have suggested contacting a medical/mental health professional. Graduate school is inherently stressful. I watched my daughter work on her Masters, Ph.D., and law degree while dealing with debilitating migraines. I sincerely hope that you can find a way to address the stressors you are/will face so that you can deal with the stress without becoming physically ill. Best of luck in your new adventure!

32. Kristie WhiteMay 10,2023 at 7:38PM UTC

    Grad school is going to bring anxiety as many have mentioned. But starting your own business is going to double or triple that. I have been an entrepreneur for 20 years and there will be constant ups and downs to deal with. So I recommend a 2-step process. 1) find a therapist to work with to determine the source of the anxiety and how best to deal with it. 2) start dealing with it by working your notice and gathering as much money as you can before you let go of the paycheck. Of course your health is important! But you are thinking about quitting early because you can - you have a plan and you would love to take that time off. Don't blame you. But when you start building your own entity, there will be lots of battles to fight - for references, for new business, with clients, with vendors - battles are a constant. So you need to develop your skills to weather the storms. Based on your description, your path is not toward calmer seas.

33. AnonymousMay 11,2023 at 6:28PM UTC

    I am the OP and I approve this message :)

34. AnonymousMay 11,2023 at 7:01PM UTC

    OP here. Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond. I hear from the aggregate that I should encounter what is really at the base of the "Severe Anxiety".

    I believe the anxiety is largely due to Fear of Financial Insecurity. In light of this, sticking it out in the current job until the time I had originally planned, as Kristie White said, is the course of action I am following. I know others were pointing at this too.

    In the longer term, I will continue to research Anxiety and other forms of debilitating mental illness.

    Thanks for the valuable feedback. I hope to continue to benefit from FairyGodBoss.

    ??

    OP