My spouse and I are looking to relocate closer to family.

Anonymous

May 24,2022 at 12:19AM UTC

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My spouse and I are looking to relocate closer to family. We are both final candidates for positions and hoping the timing works out. If one of these jobs doesn't work out we may stay where we are. The frustrating thing is at least two employers my spouse interviewed with insisted on references from current employer or colleague. He is in education. Is this normal? It's certainly not normal in my field. He also doesn't want to jeopardize his current position if he decides to stay. How should he respond?

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Anne MatsushitaMay 24,2022 at 1:22AM UTC
Congratulations! I worked in education once and they required a reference from my current manager, who didn't know I was looking. I had an offer on the table at that point and felt comfortable letting her know, and she was supportive.
Maybe your husband can find a peer who can keep this confidential in case it doesn't work out.
Or maybe he can let the companies know his current employer doesn't know he's looking and see if they will accept other professional references. And maybe supplement that with his most recent performance review. Hope they understand!
AnonymousMay 26,2022 at 12:35PM UTC
I am not in education but from what I have heard from others this is not uncommon in that field.
Amanda CampbellMay 26,2022 at 12:53PM UTC
I had a work around on this in a past job. I expressed my concern and they allowed me to use someone who was no longer employed by the company I was working for, but had been a prior manager of mine. And that manager was my manager at the start of my 20 year career there, and they allowed it. Maybe that is an option.
Anne McDonough MeadeMay 26,2022 at 1:00PM UTC
Yes I am in education and this is completely normal unfortunately. I always get references when I can from a colleague or past supervisor to try and fill the gap so I don’t have tell my current school I am looking. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t.
Jennifer FingerMay 26,2022 at 1:03PM UTC
I would respond that I need to keep my job search confidential from my current employer and therefore I can only provide references from anyone there after accepting a firm offer. Meanwhile, I can provide references from (if applicable) former employees of my current employer (if you can provide trustworthy references) and from other sources. If the employers still insist on current employer references without an offer on the table, I would withdraw my application. I agree that having to do that sucks, but I don't see another way to resolve the problem.
Mara Jevera FulmerMay 26,2022 at 1:20PM UTC
I work in education and that is completely normal. I would ask a trusted peer in his field for a reference. Depending on his relationship with his boss, that could work as well. I’ve had to do this in the past and my boss knew I was exploring options. He was a great guy and provided a glowing reference. When I got the job, he was a little surprised when I actually took it (an overseas opportunity). But we’ve remained friends over the years. So it’s really up to his particular situation. But yes, it is very common in education.
Mara Jevera FulmerMay 26,2022 at 1:22PM UTC
I’d like to add: For top leadership roles, there are measures taken for confidentiality. Those are usually managed through specialized search firms.
Lisa R ParrishMay 26,2022 at 1:30PM UTC
The concern is real but the solution is simple. Identify a couple close colleagues to list as references to contact after he has talked with them about the request. He can explain that as a couple you are exploring options to be closer to family not because of any issues on the job. Having done the same life change you are working towards it is rewarding but I didn’t find a job before relocating and am finding it challenging. So best of luck to you !
AnonymousMay 26,2022 at 1:37PM UTC
He should be honest with his current employer. Because of Covid and being locked down for 2 years they will understand. You are not the only people thinking to move to be closer to family. With all that is happening in this country our country the USA his job will understand. The goal should be the goal and a job should not be the deciding factor. You want to move to be closer to family or you don’t? In the end the truth is better than anything.
Joanna PoeMay 26,2022 at 2:05PM UTC
Wow, I'm in higher-ed, and I've never heard of anyone insisting on references from a current position; how awkward. Letters of recommendation, sure, but those can be up to a year old and from anyone. I'd call BS.
AnonymousMay 26,2022 at 2:20PM UTC
I have worked in Education administration, and this was normal. In every position, I have always had close colleagues that I could ask for a reference who would be discreet and were familiar with my work. Another strategy that I have used (if you have a good relationship with your boss), is to request confidentiality until you are a final candidate and provide your supervisor as a reference contingent on the condition that you would be given a heads up in advance so you could have a conversation at that time. Once I was a finalist, I had a sit-down with my boss and explained the role, and my hope for their support.
AnonymousMay 26,2022 at 3:58PM UTC
I worked in Education and saw this occur for high level positions. If he feels uncomfortable sharing he wants to move closer to family with his boss; ask colleagues he trusts to keep it confidential.
Crystal HowellMay 26,2022 at 4:07PM UTC
If he has a good review from his company or a letter he received from his company, he can produce that. Let the recruiter know it would put him in a hard position. Unless they can guarantee he is the one?
AnonymousMay 26,2022 at 5:10PM UTC
This is completely up to your own moral code, but if you or your husband are really concerned about keeping your plans private, make up some references and have your trusted friends and/or former colleagues handle it for you. They'd have to be on board with this of course.
Denise MillerMay 26,2022 at 6:00PM UTC
Share high-level comments from a supervisor from his past performance evaluation? Student evaluation scores? And can he also ask a trusted colleague that works with at current place to write a letter of recommendation? I think it's best to try and meet what a new "potential" employer is asking and also provide what you can on your own terms that also work for you and keeps your comfort level intact.
Bosslady520080May 26,2022 at 7:56PM UTC
I have supplied letters of recommendation but not references. Use your colleagues as references. In this post-COVID age wanting to move closer to the family is not a stigma. Are your parents near where you want to move to? Do any brothers and sisters need help? All of these are mitigating factors.
Robyn McCabria KelsoMay 27,2022 at 2:02PM UTC
Yea, in education that's pretty common. It can be problematic if you don't have someone to fill that role for whatever reason. I think your hubby leveling with his bosses might be a good place to start - no shame in wanting to be closer to home. Except I know well that can be problematic, even if he has good bosses.
Good luck!