This is more of a rant, but I'm open to suggestions on coping and/or job hunting advice:

13 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 9:59PM UTC

   It's not clear from your post if you're just adding a meeting to the calendar b/c your boss told you to do this, or if you're responsible for managing the meeting.

   If your boss is asking you the purpose of the meeting, then I would attach a very detailed agenda, and goals and objectives for the meeting. I'd also tell people what they need to prepare for the meeting and send meeting minutes to everyone with any assignment afterwards.

   If you don't know what the purpose of the meeting is, then ask him for an agenda and what's expected out of everyone.

2. Nova SmithFebruary 25,2023 at 2:50PM UTC

   Stop scheduling meetings if they won't attend and tell them so. You can get a little rough with them. They have no problem being jerks with you. If they fire you because you stand up for yourself, take a vacation while your lawyer irons out the details.

3. Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachFebruary 26,2023 at 8:31PM UTC

   Have you thought about (or might already be) scheduling the meetings and then have them approve the itinerary for the meeting? This way they can see who will be apart of it, what information will be covered, and why it's needed.

4. GirlBossanova934974February 27,2023 at 1:32PM UTC

   I am little unclear here. I have sent out meeting announcements for decades. I have listed a group of people that I wish to attend. If they don't attend, so be it! The meeting goes on without them. Your boss is clearly using you as some sort of meeting manager. He or she is making you into the meeting police. The attendees either attend or they do not. They can go ahead and explain it to your boss while they were not there. Another alternative is you can go see your boss and ask him or her if it is even worthwhile having these meetings in the first place. The world seems to be getting along well without these meetings. Maybe they can just be scrubbed and taken off the meeting calendar. Propose a weekly email or maybe 2-3 Powerpoint slides. Quick updates........Read them at your leisure.

5. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 1:55PM UTC

   Sounds like we work together… LOL.

   Your overall post isn’t clear so I’m making a few presumptions based on my experience.

   You’re leading a large event at your company and due to their hierarchy they have to be a stakeholder/approver of the event.

   However, they aren’t attending any of the team meetings - that they requested - where overall status, updates and next steps are discussed on a regular basis.

   Then, they are bombarding you constantly with questions via email and work chat that they would know had they attended the meeting.

   Which you’re exhausted by because you’re wasting more time with the ongoing meetings and constant follow ups by the manager who won’t attend the meetings.

   My suggestion would be to take a few steps back and stop stressing yourself out. You’re dealing with a manager who is overwhelmed and trying to get up to speed but going about it the wrong way - that’s where the gaslighting and micromanaging comes in.

   You aren’t doing nothing wrong here because I’m certain you were handling this event long before they were hired. So continue to do what has been successful for you thus far in terms of process and decision making.

   If they cancel, don’t sweat it. Provide a recap of every meeting regardless of if they show or not via email and in the work chat that includes a timeline, next steps, who’s on point for what and any relevant doc links that the team needs.

   Even if these meetings are 1:1s do the same thing. Recap what you planned to discuss and advise of any next steps plus anything requiring their approval to move forward.

   Ultimately, you’re going to be responsible for this event so you have to ensure it’s successful even when a bad manager is in the mix.

   In terms of the job search, you have to determine what you want. You are leaving a bad manager over the work/job so make a list of must haves to be happy in the next gig because bad managers are everywhere. Also, see if you can move to a different area of the company if possible.

6. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 4:52PM UTC

   Thank you. You have everything right from my message.

7. Mary PoolFebruary 27,2023 at 2:02PM UTC

   I don't understand why you are making this your problem. Their attendance is on them, not you. Why are you taking responsibility for actions that are outside of your control? These are adults. Stop behaving like a school mom and start acting like the professional you are. You schedule after that what happens is between the attendees and your boss. If you are responsible for the outcomes of the meeting, do whatever is agreed upon by those who attend. If you are the only one who attends, congratulations, you get to do it your way! Are these people acting in the way that you desire? No? Then stop enabling them! When you reschedule, nag, or get frustrated, you are taking ownership of their poor behaviors. Stop. When they start not liking the decisions of the meetings (as I am sure you will send everyone an email telling them the decisions that were reached), they will step up. Obviously, this is unimportant to them, so be it. Accept that and move on. Just keep documenting.

8. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 4:49PM UTC

   The problem is the meeting was set up for them and I was required to attend. No decisions could be made without them because they are the only ones who can sign contracts or agree to any spending on behalf of the company. It would be less of an issue if these were all internal meetings, but these are all meetings made with external agencies and/or external individuals. I cannot move any aspect of the project forward without the ED signing off on it. Their lack of attendance doesn't mean I get to do things my way - it means I end up behind schedule on the projects, which then effects my performance reviews.

9. Mary PoolFebruary 27,2023 at 6:59PM UTC

   I can hear your frustration and lack of feeling in control; I am so sorry this is happening to you. I'll tell you what I say to my people: "Stop spinning, walk forward; if you step in a mudpuddle, at least the splash will get a reaction." You can't make people care; you just can't; you don't have the power. So document and make recommendations. One of my favorites is to say: "If I don't hear back by next Thursday, I will assume everyone is happy with the current plans and start moving forward."

10. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 3:14PM UTC

    I have had work situations like this ... it sounds like disorganized chaos. And you are correct, they have no respect for your time either. But that's just a small piece of a much larger problem that you're not going to be able to fix. Don't even waste a minute of your breath and energy trying to teach these people how to be organized, responsive, and respectful of your time period they are a whirlwind of a mess and you won't be able to fix it, all you can do is protect yourself. When I worked in a situation similar to this, I stopped mentally fighting the chaotic system. I accepted what It was and realized I had no power to fix any of it. I simply did what was asked I put in my 8 hours A-day and collected my paycheck, all while quietly looking for another job it took about another year but I was able to move on. That's all you can do you're going to drive yourself crazy trying to set these people straight ...it will never happen. Make peace with what is and move forward

11. Marcia SmithFebruary 27,2023 at 5:56PM UTC

    this is great advice. Do what you can while realizing you are powerless to change the situation and look for another job. Sending love and light!

12. AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 6:38PM UTC

    I would strongly suggest you ask them to prepare a short list of agenda items before you do any work to plan a meeting, give them a grid to put the info on and then time box the deadline for this before you do any additional work on it. Don't do a half job only do it if they provide all the info you need. I would suggest creating a google form with both mandatory and variable sections they have to complete. Have it come into your inbox and then save the copies. If you don't get a response don't do it. If you have concerns that you could be subject to disciplinary action if you don't follow their request let HR in or your manager on what you are doing so they know your goal- not to waste peoples time and to control time management.

13. Julie EFebruary 27,2023 at 9:01PM UTC

    Send out an agenda priori to the meeting along with action items clearly highlighted and with due dates and then minutes after, also with action items and due dates. If there’s a hard deadline on something bring that to their attention. Since they’re new they’re probably unorganized and relying on you to be organized for them.