Has anyone experienced infantilization at work?

24 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 12:11PM UTC

   I really cringe at the concept of family at work. And so many people, of all ages and experiences and backgrounds still think of and act like work is a family. I suppose some places can be but I have only seen and experienced those that take dysfunctional to whole new levels.

   I have heard subordinates referred to as kids, and then have seen them act like children.

   I hope the CEO was trying to be funny, I hope.

   Btw are you looking for another place to show your adult talents at work?!?

2. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdFebruary 3,2023 at 1:39PM UTC

   I'm TOTALLY guilty of calling coworkers younger than me my "kids". But, in all fairness, they also refer to me as their "work mom". I don't take either as being disrespectful.

   HOWEVER... I've been at my job nearly 20 years and have worked with several of these people for at least 10 of those 20. We're a very close-knit group and know each other well.

   I would never refer tp one of my team or a younger coworker as "my child" unless I'd gotten to know them. And these terms aren't thrown around on a daily basis.

   Perhaps the CEO was trying to be funny or just light-hearted?

3. AnonymousFebruary 3,2023 at 10:46PM UTC

   I would’ve hated that in my 20s but I definitely don’t tolerate it in my 40s!

4. AnonymousFebruary 4,2023 at 1:51PM UTC

   I am not sure about your location, however I am from the Midwest, and instead of us saying “y’all”, we instead say “you guys” in an all encompassing way that is neutral gender in our brains. I have seen southerners get thrown off by this regional dialect, and it is not our intention to offend. We are raised since birth to say “you guys”. I hope that this helps to understand different dialects throughout our country, rather than force those dialects to conform to another regions dialect.

5. AnonymousFebruary 4,2023 at 2:30PM UTC

   I don't understand the context of the question. Was it like an ice-breaker question in an introduction part of the agenda, or was it directed at a specific person? As one who lives far away from my adult children, I would find the question hurtful. If it were an ice-breaker, I would decline to answer. If it were singling me out, I would probably come back with something snarky, like, "what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?" (My mother always said this when someone asked a nonsense question.)

   Since you were the only one from your team, could he have referred to the team as her "children?" Context can make a big difference in how to answer this.

6. AnonymousFebruary 4,2023 at 9:07PM UTC

   The CEO was calling staff members (including me) “children”.

7. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 8:09PM UTC

   I re-read the post and realized that was probably the context. Regardless, it was inappropriate. I can't even imagine how anyone thought this was appropriate. Even in a very casual culture, the C-Suite is supposed to have more diplomacy than that. If they talk like that individually with the supervisor, it is one thing, but not in front of the entire staff.

   If I were your supervisor, I would have said, "They are adults and are adulting, but I have one that took the time to be here." But I can get snarky like that when someone says something inappropriate.

8. Vanda LeeFebruary 4,2023 at 2:37PM UTC

   I'm assuming he was referring to her team members & not the supervisor's actual children. I would have responded with " my kids are away at college/ at daycare or wherever they actually were" and acted like I didn't get the "joke". That's really disrespectful & unprofessional when there are so many other words to use to refer to staff teams...like "superstars" maybe.

9. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 1:19PM UTC

   Oh my goodness. I can’t even begin to describe the level of disrespect that comment shows. I would’ve just asked what they meant by that. Seriously, things like that need to be called out. Gross.

10. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 1:53PM UTC

    I had to read this again to realize the CEO was talking about the staff. Just because you’ve ridden the elevator to the top of the C suite doesn’t mean your brain followed. Idiotic statement but chalk it up to being clueless

11. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 2:02PM UTC

    You are definitely on the other end of the country from me if "you're misgendering my team," went well. Here in the flyover states I'd tell you that when layoff time comes you'd be first out the door.

    Good luck out there. It can be hard to point out casual misogyny. And sometimes there's a bill that comes due for it much later.

12. AnonymousFebruary 6,2023 at 2:33AM UTC

    How do we make better? How can we help others see the need for accountability in this way to make the work place more inclusive of women and others?

13. Christine SchmidtFebruary 5,2023 at 3:34PM UTC

    There is a lot of background information missing from this post to determine if the comment was appropriate or not. For instance:

    Does the CEO and your supervisor have the kind of relationship where asking about children is caring and appropriate rather than critical?

    Is the company family-oriented and this was intended to be normal conversation?

    What tone of voice was the CEO using?

    What other conversations were going on prior to the CEO’s question? In other words, was this question relevant to any small talk going on at the time?

    Plenty of other questions about context…anyway…

    Family status has nothing to do with a person’s ability to do their job. As long as everyone realizes that, there’s no reason we can’t talk about our families at work. Talking about families at work is not a bad thing. It’s how we learn about each other and create relationships, including professional relationships. It helps build trust. If someone is working in an environment where family is never talked about for fear of discrimination, is that job really worth it?

    I talk about my daughter and being a single mom at work all the time and it has NEVER interfered with my professional growth, promotions, or other career opportunities. My coworkers (peers, supervisors, management, and those junior) all talk about their families, too. It has created an environment of trust for us, regardless of what anyone’s family dynamics are (single, married, divorced, adult kids, grade school kids, no kids, taking care of elderly parents, LGBTQ+, cis, etc…and any combination of those). All are included and valued for their contributions to work. When someone has a family emergency, we all work as a team to make sure that employee has the support they need to take care of that emergency and the team’s work still gets done so when the employee gets back from handling that family emergency they can pick up where they left off.

14. Lisa NellisFebruary 5,2023 at 4:19PM UTC

    The supervisor was calling other employees "children." You misread the comment.

15. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 5:14PM UTC

    You completely missed the point - CEO was calling employees in their own company children.

16. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 5:12PM UTC

    This is bullshit. It’s problematic and a sign that your CEO is out of touch and clearly invested in maintaining power dynamics that center seniority over impact.

    In the moment, I would have said, “Hi, this is “your name” from “superviso’s” team. I missed that last point, could you repeat it?”

    And afterwards I would have asked my supervisor how they addressed it in their individual meetings with the CEO, opening the door for their allyship.

17. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 5:33PM UTC

    What was your response? No, you did not have to step in and respond. It could have been just ignored. You don't say, but, it appears your supervisor is a woman. "Questions about marital status and number and ages of children are frequently used to discriminate against women and may violate Title VII " Pre-Employment Inquiries and Marital Status or Number of Children | U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (eeoc.gov)

18. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 6:13PM UTC

    Has nothing to do with the supervisor’s personal marital or motherhood status.

19. AnonymousFebruary 5,2023 at 6:10PM UTC

    OK ~ a lot of you ladies are assuming the “male” CEO was asking a supervisor of a multi-person team, who only had 1 member present, about her literal “children.” This smart ass CEO was likely referring to the Team Members not present, who were also likely supposed to be there.

    This was directed at the supervisor not the one who posted here. The one who posted this should have said nothing, as she does not speak for the rest of her “team members, ‘,and most importantly, because the remark was not directed at her.

    It was a smart-ass flip comment that deserved a flip answer back ~ by the supervisor, NOT the team member.

20. AnonymousFebruary 6,2023 at 2:21PM UTC

    Or it could have been a bad day for the person asking the questions. Frankly, if you work in HR some days it feels like you are a nanny or babysitter who must do everything for the staff. It was not the best phrasing but I can understand why some days it feels that way.

21. AnonymousFebruary 6,2023 at 4:26AM UTC

    There's a direct correlation between leaders who are in touch with their employees at any level and those that make off comments like this. The latter don't succeed. I'd move on and make a mental note of it. You could choose to look for another role, but if you like/love everything else, then just know to not let him get to you. I've dealt with a few idiots, some I've called out if I was a near their level- others I chalked up to being out of touch. Don't engage with the behavior and don't let them have that control over you.

22. AnonymousFebruary 6,2023 at 6:15PM UTC

    You don't respond. If the question was not directed toward you stay away. Clearly this person needs some basic training about what is appropriate to ask in company meetings of their employees, a private mention to your HR person might help educate them for the next time in private.

23. AnonymousFebruary 26,2023 at 8:40PM UTC

    I find it just as concerning that your supervisor seemed to defer to you on a reply to this question. The correct response was not, “Oh, employee, where are your colleagues?” It was, “Not OK, CEO. You will respect me and my people.”

    Sounds like a toxic culture of disrespect that is perpetuated from the top down. Personally, I would have responded in kind like a snarky smart-ass. “Well, I’m not in a committed relationship right now, but maybe that’s in the cards for later.” Or, “None for me, thanks. How is your family?”

24. Ellyn Specker CharapMarch 8,2023 at 9:28PM UTC

    Good lord! I'm so sorry you had to go through that! What a lousy thing to have done to everyone.