Your Thoughts Please

32 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 19,2025 at 3:19PM UTC

   It's time to sit down with your co-owner and develop a strategy. Depending on your financial position, you could encourage him to take an extended leave, potentially for inpatient therapy (as it sounds like he could use it). Not having an employee's current address is not an option, so he can do direct deposit or a P.O. Box if he prefers. Perhaps the best way to address it is for you both to talk with him, and if you decide it is best for the safety of you and the rest of your staff, you can give him a choice between accepting a mental health leave of absence or termination with a generous severance. Living in fear of an employee should not be an acceptable option.

2. AnonymousApril 19,2025 at 5:06PM UTC

   I am sure as you re-read your post, you can see how you have failed to keep yourself and your employees safe.

   Like others have said, you have the option of without cause termination, or providing them a leave of absence. You may want to retain an employment lawyer because of the employee's volatility.

   If the employee has a problem with alcoholism, let say, they could sue and say it was they failed to provide medical support. In any case, it's time to invest in exiting this person and effective risk mitigation.

3. AnonymousApril 19,2025 at 7:06PM UTC

   OMG, the tail is wagging the dog! You’re the business owner and you’ve been relegated to crouching in a corner as an unstable employee ruins your business? You’re lucky the rest of your staff haven’t quit.

   You have an obligation to everyone on your staff, not just this loose cannon. They’re a great employee but are dismissive, scream at people and refuse to come into the office?! Read that again! And you have to have other employees pick up their slack?? Make it make sense.

   You and your co-owner need to get this car crash under control, like yesterday. Cut the cord, you’re probably in an at-will employment state. My god, end this suffering.

4. AnonymousApril 19,2025 at 10:17PM UTC

   Imagine you would do if they left. You would need a collegial team player working hybrid at a lower rate of pay. Carefully review your HR policies, standards of conduct, etc. See if they require good behavior, professionalism, etc. Then go to an employment attorney and have them help you a roadmap to termination. In addition, explain to your boss that even though this person works from home, their outbursts and behaviors create a hostile work environment and the absence of documentation that boss has addressed leaves you open to legal action from the workforce. It also encourages people to act like bullies so they can work from home. Your organization is responsible for having an environment that supports healthy people’s mental health. You are not responsible for creating an environment where someone with poorly managed Mental health behaviors is free to exhibit them at the cost of their coworkers mental health.

   and yes, when you fire the person they could sue you. Anyone can sue any one for anything. You can’t let the fear of a lawsuit hold you back. Get your ducks in a row, talk to an attorney, and terminate the person. It’s probably going to cost you in terms of attorney fees, and a severance check in exchange for them not showing the company, but this is your boss’s fault for letting it go on so long. Failure to act just means that Chuck will be bigger and increases the likelihood that more checks will be written for the victims of this bully.

5. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistApril 19,2025 at 11:40PM UTC

   Why is this person still working for you? You are a manager - manage already.

   Since you're a small business, I would consider consulting with an employment attorney to determine the best way to fire this person as soon as possible.

6. AnonymousApril 20,2025 at 12:17AM UTC

   If you haven't had a consistent documentation process I'm afraid you will be at risk if this person decides to sue and burn the place down. It would help to plan with your outside attorney the best path forward. Be smart so you don't lose your business.

7. Paula Manczuk-HannayApril 20,2025 at 2:01PM UTC

   I agree. Since the employee has disclosed that they are in counseling, the smart move is to consult an attorney who specializes in labor law from the employer side to help you resolve this. It will be an investment in the future of your business. In the meantime document everything.

8. AnonymousApril 20,2025 at 12:50AM UTC

   Consult an employment quickly. Have documentation. Then terminate. Consider it like this, it’s NEVER better to save one versus your good employees. If this continues it’s a reflection of poor business practices and your good employees could quit. Don’t save an employee that has anger issues. You have a business to run. Give them a nice severance which attract bees to honey. Your attorney will guide you but get ready to let them go. Save your business.

9. AnonymousApril 20,2025 at 4:49AM UTC

   These types of people are extremely dangerous when they've been placated because they supported your business plan and were allowed full reign. You've set the wheels in motion in his favor. You need to try with everything you've got to protect the company and not allow him to hold everyone hostage. At this point he is merely getting away with everything you've allowed. Speak with an employment attorney for pointers on how to best cut ties [eventually] if it's not too late.

10. AnonymousApril 20,2025 at 12:33PM UTC

    You owe your other employees more than you owe this person. No one should have to work in an environment where another employee is “mad” at them for no reason. He should have been gone long ago.

    You need to protect yourself and your business legally and physically but get rid of him ASAP.

11. AnonymousApril 20,2025 at 12:47PM UTC

    This person has to go. No one is irreplaceable. You make it imperative that everyone works in the office When there is pushback, you can offer going out on disability If you provide it, termination with a positive reference or resignation.

    I would also consultant an attorney to ensure that there is no way you or your business could be harmed by this person.

12. Alexis GladstoneApril 20,2025 at 2:05PM UTC

    I know how hard it is as a small business owner to let a knowledgeable employee go but it's time. As you point out, the environment they are creating is not good for anyone. As someone else pointed out, you owe it to the rest of the team to do something.

    Because the individual is so volatile, I would talk with an attorney with how to best handle this and have whatever safeguards you feel are necessary in place. I would also insist that your business partner is part of the conversation so that it isn't coming from just you.

13. GirlBossanova934974April 20,2025 at 2:17PM UTC

    This has nothing to do with male vs. female or any other gender conflicts. This employee of yours is a NUT! He needs to go. You should have been training his replacement a long time ago. No one, I repeat no one tells any company they are not coming into the office because they don't like their coworkers. That all being said, you need to DOCUMENT this rogue employee's actions and prepare a written reprimand ASAP. Make sure he signs it. List corrective actions. From there, move to a PIP. Make sure your HR rep is there for all of it. My biggest concern is that this employee is in a protected class aka over 40 and may try to force you into a big severance payment to avoid litigation. That is why a very formal stream of written documents will be required to properly fire him. And when you do fire him, a severance payment of 2-4 weeks pay might be a good idea. MAKE SURE he has ZERO access to company data the minute you let him go.

14. AnonymousApril 20,2025 at 2:49PM UTC

    If you are planning on doing or saying something when they are there after hours, PLEASE DON’T BE ALONE. If they are that volatile and mood swings, you need to be safe. Also, sounds like it would be best to have a witness either way so he can’t twist anything you say.

15. AnonymousApril 20,2025 at 3:21PM UTC

    I am sorry that you, as a business owner, are being subjected to these actions and behaviors by an employee/subordinate. Hopefully, you are documenting the employee's behaviors/actions in a date/time/place format for a future forum. If it were me, and I have experienced this type of situation in the course of my career, I would have put an employment attorney on retainer, fired the employee and let the chips fall as they may. Simply put, you cannot let an employee be that disruptive to a workplace, other employees nor hold an employer hostage.

16. AnonymousApril 20,2025 at 5:56PM UTC

    If you are the owner of the business you definitely need to take control and make a decision that benefits the entirety of the company and the safety of all concerned. Consult an attorney that can guide you toward the best options for how to terminate and at what cost. Perhaps a good severance and recommendation letter can also help this person to move on. You cannot allow them to make these choices as an owner because you will lose control and not be able to get it back should something dire happen. Good luck.

17. misskelleypApril 20,2025 at 6:11PM UTC

    I would change the locks, you don't need someone you don't trust on the premises after hours. And it sounds like you know that you need to terminate this person. The whole bit about him not wanting you to know his current address smells fishy too. Get rid of this guy. As you say, your business will continue to function, and probably do better without his toxicity.

18. Rosa Drake-TateApril 20,2025 at 6:21PM UTC

    This statement tells you everything one needs to know "This person is very good at the ‘work’ part of the job, but intense mood swings can run from being polite to being dismissive, to screaming at people." You already know what must be done and you are allowing this person to hold your Company hostage. Document all the instances that these things have happened and start a disciplinary plan to get rid of them.

19. AnonymousApril 21,2025 at 1:22AM UTC

    He had everyone scared to death. Your accommodation has him running things without fear of repercussions.

20. AnonymousApril 21,2025 at 6:54AM UTC

    What do the other employees think?

    Have you tried suspension? I am not sure about pay though. You could train someone else, if you don't want to keep him. Is there a third alternative?

    Why is he so secretive?

    I think he is trying his best aswell. Some people have health issues aswell. That they can't help.

    Your co partner needs to be involved in this as well. It is his or her responsibility aswell and actually he/she should be involved in this discussion first. It can feel intimidating to meet a volatile personality as well.

    Based on what you have described I don't think it is a good idea to confront him. You could have the co-owner have meetings with him and ask to be in the loop..

    I don't want to give you a suggestion on a decision, because I don't want it to backfire. Safety should be prioritized in approaching the management. Prioritize respectful communication within the rest of the organization. You could come up with a company values with the rest of the team. You could have someone else as a secretary and have someone else in the room with you, so that you are not alone with him. Ultimately it is your and your co owner's and your decision..

21. AnonymousApril 21,2025 at 7:04AM UTC

    If he doesn't want to see people who are mad at him. He kind of needs to grow up.

22. AnonymousApril 21,2025 at 7:05AM UTC

    It is a difficult situation for you to be in.

23. AnonymousApril 21,2025 at 7:06AM UTC

    It is unusual for people to go to counseling a couple of times a week. Usually it is once week or every two weeks or once a month.

24. Meredith SappApril 21,2025 at 12:39PM UTC

    I would reduce their pay as soon as they decided not to be a leader they were getting paid to do. How do they get to just decide that?

25. AnonymousApril 21,2025 at 1:12PM UTC

    There are so many things in this, but I am going to address this one issue you stated above. Their "ATTITUDE". From an HR standard don't ever mention attitude it should be behavior. Attitude you can not change, but behavior you can offer guidance and can document. I realize it is a subtle difference but in HR/Lega settings -behavior is what you mention in PIPs, discussion, etc.

    Just think about it - if I were to say she has an attitude issue - what can I help her work on. But if I say today she was disrespectful when she wouldn't let XYZ talk. She continued to talk over XYZ and stated they didn't know what they were talking about.

    Someone will surely say I am nitpicking, but I am just saying it like it is.

    For the rest, if this person is creating a work environment where you are fearful then that is something that must be dealt with immediately. This is creating a hostile/unsafe work environment and in most companies it would be dealt with immediately to prevent any kind of lawsuits.

    IT sounds like you are a small company and do not have a formal HR department. I highly suggest at this point you need to contact an attorney versed in HR and have them help you sort this out. Then after this is settled, look at outsourcing your HR work so you have a knowledgeable place to go when situations like this arise.

26. Diana SchneidmanApril 21,2025 at 1:16PM UTC

    I scrolled back up to the top of this discussion to clarify how the company is organized. As I read the situation, you are co-owner. You do not have a boss or supervisor to discuss it with it. However, you have a co-owner who should be heavily involved in this situation, whether he's on the road or not. If the co-owner has no responsibility for what's going on internally, there is something very off about this company.

    The other comments have given good advice on how to handle the employee, but the other owner is not entitled to walk away and simply watch television in his hotel room every night.

    It may be that your business does not have the money to follow all of the suggestions posted here. I would lead lead with security, both in terms of cameras and such as well as guards if necessary. Most certainly do not show up by yourself at night to confront him by yourself.

    My last priority would be severance pay. Whether you give him 2 weeks or 2 years, it will never be enough

27. AnonymousApril 21,2025 at 5:07PM UTC

    My mother owns a small business and she runs into this in varying degrees of intensity every few years. What I've learned from working through these situations with her is that there's no version of this that plays out in a way you're happy with; Either you fire him now and have to pick up the slack and take the time to hire/train someone else, or you try intervening/suspending/lowering his pay and have more drama to deal with between now and when, more than likely, you're still going to have to let them go. It's absolutely worth a candid conversation about their behavior (not their "attitude", like someone said) and the responsibilities they've let go of at your detriment if you feel safe doing so. Uncomfortable is one thing, and unfortunately part of your job, but if you're feeling unsafe, you need your co-owner to help you decide the safest way to get this person away from you and your employees.

    Your comment about not being able to mail their paycheck made me really nervous -- Bring your co-owner into this, consider shelling out a few bucks to speak to an employment attorney about how to make absolutely sure you're insulated here legally, and get this person out. The amount of work you have to do to replace them is surely worth the peace of mind you'll get about your safety.

    Think of this, too: If you feel uncomfortable and unsafe around this person, how must your other employees feel? You have an obligation to them, too.

28. Marie KnowlesApril 21,2025 at 6:03PM UTC

    It's time to part ways and this is a priority -- for your business, your employees and your mental health. It sounds like the rest of your employees would celebrate you let this person go.

    Bring the co-owner into the discussion because this is a priority and you both need to address it together. There's no shame or weakness in that and I would think that this is reason to not be on the road a day or two.

    I agree with the person that says you need to hire an employment attorney to help you out. Based on how volatile this person is, if you let them go, you need to be prepared for this emotionally unstable person to seek some sort of legal action. Just be prepared and document everything you can.

29. AnonymousApril 21,2025 at 8:32PM UTC

    Either you put the people first or you don't. From what was shared I see that it's impacted business more than you may think. Right now, you're showing the team that you don't value them as much as you value the unstable one. You're saying they can treat others, and yourself, any way they want and still have a job. You have a decision as a business owner to figure out who you care more about. Once you land there, you will know your next steps. Just imagine where your business could grow without this as a hurdle. Buckle up, IMO you need to be a leader and not doormat.

30. RaquelApril 22,2025 at 4:15AM UTC

    i would put this individual on a performance improvement plan and let them know that while they’re valuable, the mood swings and the way in which the individual is interacting with other employees is not professional.

    i’ve learned the hard way that keeping somebody onto too long because you think they have institutional knowledge or knowledge that you can’t live without or it may take time to transition is not worth it, especially if they’re disruptive, and your team will value the fact that you terminated an individual or dealt with an individual that wasn’t conducive to the business

31. Tina MorenoApril 22,2025 at 8:48PM UTC

    Thank you for sharing this—it doesn’t sound ridiculous at all. In fact, this is a situation that many small business owners face at some point, especially as a company grows and long-term relationships evolve in ways that aren’t always sustainable.

    There are a few key things you mentioned that stand out:

    -This person is creating a negative and unstable environment

    -They have abandoned leadership responsibilities

    -They’re exhibiting behaviors (like screaming at you) that are completely unacceptable

    At this point, you’re not dealing with a “challenging” employee—you’re managing a liability. Their behavior is impacting not only you but the morale and performance of others. And while this person may be skilled in the work itself, technical ability can’t outweigh toxic behavior. The people who are stepping up in their absence are showing you something important: your business can continue without them.

    If they’re not under contract, the next step should be a clear Performance Improvement Plan (PIP)—outlining the specific behaviors that are unacceptable (e.g., volatility, insubordination, refusal to collaborate), what the expectations are moving forward, and what the consequences will be if those expectations are not met. This gives you a structure to move toward termination if needed, and also helps protect your business legally if any issues arise.

    Whether or not he is male and you are female, no one should be allowed to intimidate or verbally attack you—especially not in your own business. That power imbalance is real, and your discomfort around him is valid. No paycheck, skillset, or history justifies being made to feel unsafe.

    You’re already doing the right thing by putting your team and long-term stability first. Keep documenting everything. Recognize and support the employees who’ve stepped up. And trust that when you hold a boundary, you’re not losing control—you’re taking it back.

    You’ve got this. And we’re here to help you figure it out, one step at a time.

32. AnonymousApril 23,2025 at 12:11AM UTC

    One don't go meet this person alone.

    two had similar situation at a global Co. did this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dWuTzWfTas

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjQf0g_MiV4

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re7mlS_YPNs

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbW9rzh_LW8

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaYN5lDsdpE