What sexual harassment have you seen at your jobs before?

23 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 8,2023 at 12:29PM UTC

   this was before the "me too" movement. My construction company in Alaska pulled a 1950's advertisement with a man in bed and woman kneeling at his feet. They put my husband's name on the man's shirt and my initials on the woman's robe and the caption said, "Show her it's a man's world." I did nothing because, 1) very small community and I would have been blacklisted, 2) I had to stay until I was vested in retirement or I would have lost thousands of dollars and 3) this was before Me too and I was in Alaska construction and I needed to keep working.

2. AnonymousJune 8,2023 at 3:05PM UTC

   I’m so sorry you had to deal with that nastiness

3. Rena HolcombJune 8,2023 at 6:34PM UTC

   So sorry you had to endure this--totally understand the why.

4. AnonymousJune 9,2023 at 2:16AM UTC

   I am so sorry you had to deal with that.

5. AnonymousJune 8,2023 at 1:09PM UTC

   As a supervisor, I dealt with several. One was a man who put a "pin-ups" slide show as a screen saver on his computer. Since this computer was in the view of other employees (some women) and even clients, I made him remove it or be written up. A guy sent out an email to the entire department with a sexually charged joke. I wrote him up, especially since the CEO had reposted the sexual harassment policy just a week before to the whole company. The write-up pointed out exactly which part of the policy was violated.

   I also had co-workers who had affairs with their bosses that were no secret to the staff, and some that had dire consequences when the spouse(s) found out. There were also stalkings. I also had one I had to write up for making advances to a client during a training session.

   Sexual harassment is more than just sexual advances toward a person. It can include any sexual material or other things that make people uncomfortable.

6. AnonymousJune 8,2023 at 3:04PM UTC

   My god where do you work?!?!?

7. AnonymousJune 8,2023 at 3:10PM UTC

   This was with a previous company. I am now retired.

8. AnonymousJune 9,2023 at 2:15AM UTC

   I was thinking the same thing.

9. AnonymousJune 9,2023 at 3:15AM UTC

   Oh my. You had your fill of sexual harassment I bet!

10. Coach Nancie Kay ShumanJune 9,2023 at 12:19PM UTC

    I worked in the Entertainment Industry. Let's just say that Harvey Weinstein was not as unusual as we like to think. The way it was handled was that those of us who knew coached those who didn't in the proper way to interact with him and his ilk.

    But saying, with conviction, if you don't remove your hand from my ass, I'll remove it for you, all the way up to your elbow, usually got the message across.

    I am writing a dissertation on Compassionate Leadership in the Entertainment Industry. I think I may have a bias. . .

11. AnonymousJune 9,2023 at 1:00PM UTC

    Currently, there is a VP and his EA who flirt constantly with each other, they make it very uncomfortable for everyone.

12. AnonymousJune 10,2023 at 1:34PM UTC

    Let’s see:

    I have worked in entertainment and the Harvey’s are rampant.

    There was once the man who would send periodic emails to various people in the publishing industry, one of which was a wildly misogynistic “joke” about women in Victoria’s Secret lingerie. Almost everyone cc’d (not bcc’d, mind you) was a woman.

    And my personal favorite, a couple of years ago, I agreed to a date with a colleague (normally, that would be a straight no, but we worked in different departments, had minimal contact at the office, so I made an exception). The date itself was wonderful - nice dinner, great conversation. He was a little socially awkward, but that’s okay. After that one date, he turned into a complete psychopath; trying to control who I spoke with in my personal life - for example, he was furious that a man I used to date would be seeing a play that I was working on - even though we were no longer dating, had not been dating for some time, and regardless of our relationship status, is a huge supporter of my theatre company. By the way, he’s still good friends with his most recent ex, and he saw no problem with this. He was mad that I was taking a weekend to visit my sister - without him. I was the assistant to the president of the company at the time, and he was mad that I would have to email men. I set him very straight on his role going forward in my life, told him to never contact me again, and requested that IT never send him to work on anything of mine or my boss’s going forward. He emailed me relentlessly to tell me about stuff being updated around the office, would “pop by to say hello” and once, even tried to follow me to an event I was attending when we ran into each other on the subway platform after work. Months of stalking because I said yes to one dinner. Never again.

13. Liz MilneJune 11,2023 at 11:29PM UTC

    Omg... What a horrendous man! I hope he's well out of your life?

14. AnonymousJune 15,2023 at 2:15PM UTC

    I was pretty glad that the pandemic sent us all home pretty much permanently - it really cooled him off, and even when we were allowed back into the office, I wasn't seeing him too much. I also have since left the company, and he has no idea where I am now, thank god.

    I didn't report him, but I probably should have. We had such minimal contact before that date (though we did get to talking over email, which is how this all started), and I honestly didn't think that he would use his position to try to weasel into my life like that. I'm glad it's over!

    And there's a cute IT guy at my new job but rest assured that I'm staying FAR AWAY! LOL

15. AnonymousJune 10,2023 at 2:35PM UTC

    my field is female dominated so despite all the stuff about reporting, in my experience the guys usual get away with it. it's been worse with the older ones. making a report HR is extremely serious and depending on the person you're going against and your personal power, sometimes it's better to laugh it off or leave. because in our society workplace retaliation is 100% a thing that is not always enforced. (complaining makes you a 'problem')

16. AnonymousJune 10,2023 at 4:46PM UTC

    In my last company we had an employee get sexually harassed by the CEO, he was a notorious womanizer.He would glare at her and make comments about her clothes. Another woman was shown videos of a sales guy wanna be actor who did a movie about being a rapist. And lastly another employee was verbally attacked, mocked and berated by her manager who showed her no support at all. All 3 women are suing the company. Sexual harassment can take many forms, it's not just about sex. It covers any type of suggestive behavior.

    https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-harassment

    If you see it or experience it do make a formal complaint. If you don't you are complicit.

    I was the HR person at the company and quit because I could not and would not support the company side to sit in a courtroom and say they were innocent.

17. AnonymousJune 10,2023 at 7:05PM UTC

    I worked in a department where we used a lot of temps to do data entry. We had three rooms and each had a lead. One of the leads had an under-performing temp, and we let him go. As I was talking to the temp agency, he said that the person we let go told him that there were people looking at porn in the room he worked in. I had to review the browser history and found a ton of porn websites. Based on the time stamps, I found it was the supervisor’s boyfriend. Needless to say, they were both let go.

18. AnonymousJune 13,2023 at 9:06PM UTC

    In a recent job from which I recently resigned, I experienced incidents of sexual harassment that profoundly impacted my work environment and overall well-being.

    Throughout my time at this job, I encountered several instances that were indicative of sexual harassment. These incidents involved comments and behaviors from my employer and colleagues that violated professional boundaries and made me feel deeply uncomfortable.

    For instance, during a lunch meeting, my employer made inappropriate comments about me and another employee being around the same age. The accompanying smile sent a chilling message, creating a hostile environment and leaving no doubt that unwelcome attention was being directed toward us.

    Another incident involved my employer asking me to buy coffee for female colleagues and treat them in exchange for updates on work-related matters. This request made me uncomfortable and reinforced gender-based favoritism, a form of sexual harassment commonly known as quid pro quo.

    Furthermore, I endured invasive questioning from a coworker about my personal life and online activities, leaving me with a sense of violation and intrusion. These attempts to extract personal information contributed to a toxic atmosphere in the workplace.

    Regrettably, when I took the brave step of lodging a formal complaint with my employer about the behavior of my colleagues and expressed discomfort regarding advances made by his student, my concerns were callously dismissed. My experiences were invalidated, and I was even blamed for the situation, leaving me feeling unsupported and vulnerable.

    It is crucial to emphasize that no one should ever have to endure sexual harassment in the workplace. The impact on mental health, job performance, and overall well-being cannot be underestimated. In this specific situation, my employer attempted to use my gender as an excuse, enabling the harassment, isolating me from my support system, and even trying to harm my personal relationship with someone I deeply care about, all to manipulate me into compliance with his chosen individual.

19. AnonymousJune 14,2023 at 12:08PM UTC

    I was casual friends with this guy first when I was new with the company (I'm married, btw). I noticed he's stalking me sometimes. I became uncomfortable with him and minimized my interaction with him.Then a few weeks later he handed me a love note that says he would like to buy me lunch sometime, if I like jewelry, etc. that kind of interests. I avoided him and showed this note to my recruiter and he called it subtle sexual harassment - because he's using amiable tactics. My recruiter notified their HR and he was given a restriction on dealing/interaction with me. I discovered he does this all the time with new employees and these ladies have reported his behavior but to no avail - he's been with the company for 30 years. My contract ended and I heard they let him go.

20. AnonymousJune 15,2023 at 2:08PM UTC

    No. No. No.

    You do not need to tell him you value him as a colleague. You do not have to accept gifts from him. It does not matter if you remind him of a loved one, or if he finds you beautiful. You are not responsible for his feelings - you are responsible for your job and your job only, and you have a RIGHT to exist and not be harassed for that existence.

    Anon, I'm sorry that that happened to you, and it really sucks that men can't get their shit together and learn to treat women like human beings. I'd like to say that I can't believe that a person with that much of a harassment file is still employed, but such is the world we live in, I guess. UGH.

21. Paula BrantnerJune 15,2023 at 5:02PM UTC

    Given my work, I've heard hundreds if not thousands of stories throughout my career.

    Here's a few tips that I share with people.

    1) Document document document. Create a time stamped document on your phone the first time something happens that doesn't feel right to you. Keep adding to it if things escalate.

    2) Tell at least two trusted people, one at work and one at home/outside of work. You don't have to tell your partner if you don't feel safe doing that, but tell a friend instead.

    3) Consult your employee handbook to see if you have a reporting system. You may not feel safe using it right away, but figure out whether that's a viable option. If one doesn't exist, then enlist a manager level person to advocate for a process.

    4) If it continues to escalate, contact the Time's Up Legal Defense Fund to consult with an attorney. An attorney can help you assess whether you have a legal case based upon the harasser's conduct, and how to handle reporting to your company (if you have a legal obligation to do so, which you may.)

    5) Take care of yourself. It is traumatic to go through this, and having guidance from a therapist will most likely be useful. Figure out what resources you have, whether an EAP or what's covered by insurance. It later will factor into your case if you go that route.

    6) Carefully....do what you can with the whisper network to see if this person has a history and reputation. Almost never is it just one person -- there is almost always a pattern of behavior.

    7) Don't ever give in, not even an inch. I do not blame the victim, but others will. It's a legal strategy to claim it was consensual, so do everything you can to make clear it is not. Try to not be alone with this person, not be friendly or flirty with this person, and try not do anything that they will misconstrue if you can help it. And then, when you rebuff them, keep track of their reaction and changes in their behavior. Even when the harassment is not as severe, the retaliation for saying no can be very serious.

    8) I cannot guarantee that when you take all of these things to HR, that they will respond the way that they should and take action against the harasser. Obviously, employers have a long history of doing nothing. But many are now running scared due to the increased visibility of #MeToo, so when you come to HR with a record of behavior, hopefully someone will understand the need to act decisively.

    9) Be looking for work -- getting out may be your best option, particularly if you don't want to pursue a lawsuit or the company has a history of fighting everything in court. It's sad but it's true -- you will almost certainly be better off the next place you work.

    I hope this is helpful to you and any others who may be facing harassment.

22. Paula BrantnerJune 15,2023 at 6:06PM UTC

    None of these responses confront behavior that is simply unacceptable in a workplace setting. Even if it's a misunderstanding, if he finds the OP beautiful, if she reminds him of a loved one, that *intent* does not matter. It is outweighed by the impact on the OP, and all the individuals with whom he has engaged in the same behavior over the years.

    Your post bends over backwards to justify his behavior, instead of giving thought at all to how his conduct made her feel. There's not a category for "subtle sexual harassment." If it's unwanted conduct that impacts your work environment, it counts. The company knows it and wouldn't have given him that restriction if they didn't know he's been doing this for 30 years. Temp workers are considered disposable, and he knows that.

23. Stephanie H. WicalJune 20,2023 at 1:31PM UTC

    I had a colleague give me a “dammit doll.” My first professional job after graduate school my boss joked “You must always accept a gift.” Unfortunately when a colleague made a dinner for me and members of the search committee it was the meal that prostitutes prepared for their gentleman friends. Another person on the search committee posted a picture of me and my then boyfriend on the reference desk to dox me. I enjoyed working with scientists but had to get advice from a person with a security clearance on how to call off a date with a guy who gave me a tazer in my apartment. I advised my friends who carry not to park on campus, but across the street at a church. These same friends would never enter a church and open fire on people. Nothing infuriates people who fight wars more than being used and being played against each other. I am not a character on “Welcome Back…”. I have no interest in teaching your children or doing the jobs you were unwilling or unable to do. You have already screwed over conscientious objectors and insisted on cancelling things like Christian Science Monitor. This is my last post in this forum.