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Workplace bullying

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Workplace bullying

I work for a non-profit. I am concerned about workplace bullying. I would like feedback about potential toxicity in my workplace. We have two colleagues who are named Bert and Rich. I am on good terms with both of them. They seem to be on the lower end of the social structure at work. Last year someone began to jokingly refer to them as Bert and Ernie. I was taken aback as I was a new hire. Now people are using those names more often. They are now basically referred to as Bert and Ernie in every meeting that I attend that they are not present for. I find this behavior unprofessional. Do you think referring to two colleagues behind their backs as Bert and Ernie would constitute bullying? How concerned should I be about the culture of my workplace overall?

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  1. Anonymous

    I think it is if it's not used on a positive way toward the recipient (all subjective, of course).

    Probably until THEY say something - nothing will be done -- if at all.

    Nothing wrong with you standing up for them but HR or whomever will probably say not to get involved and/or they can't discuss their issues with you.

    Regardless, good that you are looking out for other's interest. We need more like you!!

  2. Afo Ogbeyalu Kalu

    If I were within earshot of a reference to my colleagues being referred to as muppets, I would be direct and plain in my language and feelings on the matter.
    I would correct the person by noting that our newest teammates are Bert and Rich, that I find the Muppet reference offensive, and not conducive to an open and inclusive workplace. This way, the conversation focuses on your discomfort, doesn't rely on the new hires to file a complaint, and the statement gives a nod to teamwork, DEI&A, and whichever relevant in-service I'm sure your team had been exposed to.

  3. Anonymous

    I think if they don’t feel bullied you should let it go

  4. Anonymous

    No she should not.

  5. Anonymous

    Behind their backs? No, that's not bullying. There's likely other categories for this behavior, but bullying would not be one. How do you react/respond when this is brought up? When they are mentioned, what is the context? Like, is it overall negative?

  6. Anonymous

    I am curious about the context as well. The OP mentioned claimed a "lower social structure" at work, leading me to believe that the context was negative.

  7. Anonymous

    I think that Bert and Rich have been scapegoated to some degree. People have made comments about Bert’s weight behind his back and I was once present when the executive director behaved very condescendingly towards him. People have also criticized Rich, his clothes and appearance, as well as his perceived social gaffes over the years.

  8. Anonymous

    It creates an toxic environment and it’s unprofessional and just not nice.

  9. Anonymous

    While Bert and Earnie may be endearing creatures to some, referring to them this way shows an unprofessional and disrespectful attitude toward your co-workers. They are being portrayed as someone a child would only take seriously. As for bullying, it's not unless it is done directly to them.

    It begs the question, however, what they say about you behind your back (perhaps you should ask). One should never say something about someone unless they would say it to the person to their face.

  10. Anonymous

    Good point! On a couple of different occasions, my boss or someone similarly situated to him will rant about someone else to me and I will on occasion ask him - or rather, I tell him: I hate to hear what you say about me to others!

  11. Anonymous

    I recently left a job where I was bullied. I ended up crying in the bathroom everyday. Life is just too short.

  12. Anonymous

    Last year I was bullied by some teachers and students. Consequently, I left the college such as this toxic environmental class. It was really horrible time.

  13. Georgia Singh

    I've been there.

    (Sending a hug)

  14. Erica Doss

    I feel if it is not something that they say to their face, then is it not being used in a "lighthearted and fun way". I know of a co-worker at my place that is jokingly referred to as "Eeyore" due to his deep and kind of monotonous tone of voice when speaking. It is definitely used to poke a little fun at him and is never used to his face.

    Just because the reference comes from an adorable and cuddly little donkey with a pink bow on its backside does not mean that is not being used in a negative and potentially hurtful way.

    I have seen a LOT of Muppet/Sesame Street jokes/memes on the internet the last several years that do NOT paint Bert & Ernie in a fun & childlike manner and this could be being used in a less than flattering way. Unless this pair of coworkers is fully aware of AND amused by the nicknames themselves, then it is not just lighthearted and fun.

  15. Anonymous

    It’s very rude and disrespectful and should not be tolerated. I would not allow this behavior.

  16. Anonymous

    That is unprofessional and rude. I hate it when people call me something else besides my name. The team needs to be reeducated on proper office protocol.

  17. Anonymous

    Unfortunately, workplace bullying is not illegal unless it is discriminatory. It could, however, violate company policy, and you should report it.

  18. Mary Pool

    The real question is, "Does it bother them?" If yes, something must be said whenever the reference is made. If not, then let it go. Have you ever asked them?

    Here is my example. I am very short, and my husband is very tall. We met at work, and people started referring to us as Mutt and Jeff (a cartoon series that began in 1907 and ended in 1983 about a mismatched pair of friends (one very tall, one very short). We loved it! If someone outside of ourselves had made it stop, we would have been distraught and confronted that person about minding their business. After all, we are adults and able to speak up for ourselves!

    We did have people ask us if it bothered us, which we appreciated. But they all respected it when we said, "No, we love it!"

  19. GirlBossanova934974

    As some posters have asked, do Bert and Rich feel offended by this? Are they even aware of it? I think many have gone off the deep end these days. Everything is now TOXIC and BULLYING. It is not. On the flip side, it is best not to refer to one's coworkers with offhanded names or expressions. That is unprofessional but that is a long way from bullying.

  20. Afo Ogbeyalu Kalu

    Google search "Ernie and Bert" for clarity . . . .

  21. Anonymous

    Why are you inserting yourself into this situation? They are 2 adult men, if they want to deal with it, they will. And no, this is not bullying.

  22. Georgia Singh

    Interesting response.

  23. Anonymous

    100% agree

  24. Anonymous

    she is being ethical and pulling up inappropriate behaviour in a professional workplace.

  25. J C

    I work in an environment that has a lot of blue collar workers and they frequently use nicknames. Many times the nickname is on their uniform, which they pick what is put on the shirt, so those nicknames I use. If I hear someone called a nickname and it’s not on their uniform, I ask, which do you prefer. I’ve gotten about a 50/50 mix of nickname and real name. I make sure to use the name they prefer. I guarantee that these 2 have heard the Bert and Ernie nickname. Just ask.

  26. BethB

    I can understand your concern about what it says of an organization that allows unprofessional and possibly hurtful behavior to occur publicly and behind peoples' backs. The Bert and Ernie names could even seen as hidden swipes in terms of the jokes about whether they are gay. You didn't ask for advice, you asked you should be concerned. Yes, I would be concerned that this is happening and being condoned. My unasked for advice is to speak up. The next time this happens, you can say something like hey guys, it isn't right to call them Bert and Ernie behind their backs and leave at that. If they don't stop or you find yourself with a target on your own back, look to get out of there.

  27. Anonymous

    Call it out, if you don't you become part of the problem. In their absentia let the team know that you are uncomfortable with the joking about their names, and that while it was funny once it no longer is funny. Document what you say in the meeting and send a follow up note to HR and your manager. Make sure you do this because it will show your maturity and respect for others in the team. It's not terrible what they are doing but good for you for caring enough to not let it continue.

  28. Anonymous

    Sometimes bullying and disrespecting, it is difficult to approve. Then what to do in this case??

  29. Georgia Singh

    I wonder who else in the office has a special name assigned to them?

    It may be beneficial to ask both Rich and Bert what names they prefer to go by. And when the office ding dongs referred to them by the wrong name: you can correct them by saying, "He prefers to be called..."

    Keep in mind, it's 2023 and not 1980--silence is no longer golden, but it is an answer.

    Seriously, what kind of person does this? My friend, you are on the right track, it's the insecure ones who need to feel superior to Bert and RICH who have the REAL problem.

    Be concerned. Because they will go after anyone who doesn't support their version of ignorance.

    My thoughts...

  30. Cindy Gross

    You don't have to decide on what to call it. Regardless of any label, their behavior is mean, rude, and harmful. When this goes unchecked it becomes the norm and likely escalates. Report it. If they retaliate, report that. If it continues, leave while you still feel mentally healthy.

  31. Anonymous

    Well, I guess it's better than being called Beavis and Butthead, no?

  32. Anonymous

    No. Calling people names or referring to them as "cartoon puppets" is disparaging, disrespectful, and childish.

  33. Anonymous

    No!

  34. Anonymous

    Not bullying. UNLESS Rich is uncomfortable with the name. There's not any negative connotation to the pair, Rich may like it. To me, it's not much different than individuals that use an odd nickname. I had one employ whose name was David, to call him Rogee. Another was Skippy for an indivdual whose name was Nick. At some point prior to my time had called them the nicknames and the stuck. They are endearment names.

    Bullying is performing tasks, repeated comments that in some way abuse the individuals in question or make them feel highly uncomfortable or worse.

  35. Anonymous

    The part that you might have overlooked is that it is done behind their backs. Not to or with them. There is no endearment here. It is nasty belittling. I would be very worried about that workplace culture: what are they saying behind OP’s back? And others? It’s toxic.

  36. Ms. S.

    Exactly.

  37. Anonymous

    It’s toxic behavior that should be stopped.

  38. Anonymous

    I agree it’s unprofessional, and if it’s being said when they are not present it would be assumed they are not aware of this

  39. Debra Ogston

    I agree with the sentiments expressed below that, if it's not to their face, it's less about "bullying" and more about disrespectful behavior, which is equally bad. I would raise the concern with your leader and/or report it to someone you trust in the HR team. If the behavior is not checked - that would tell you everything you need to know about the culture of that workplace.

  40. Anonymous

    It's offensive and disrespectful to refer to anyone by anything but the name they tell you to use. Be aware that by raising the issue to HR, it's like adding fuel to fire, and the collateral damage is you. It's better, since youvare new to ask the employees in the team setting, how to you prefer to be called, no buts or explanations and honor that in your discussions. When others use Bert and Ernie, a kind reminder, you mean Rich and Bert ( or whatever names they said) and reinforce it their instruction. Be flat in tone and delivery.

  41. Kerry Hogan

    It is definitely disrespectful, especially when done behind their backs. I think the "nickname" belittles them. But what do they think ? They might know about it and don't want to make waves by making an issue of it. You could check in with them. I would speak up when I heard it again at a meeting and make clear this should not be done when they are not present, or not at all. Who will be next to earn a nickname they did not give themselves ? Accepting this can open the door to other nicknames that are disrespectful.

  42. Anonymous

    It is mostly just stupid and immature behavior. I was bullied at a job and it was the most humiliating thing I had ever been through.

    People have feelings, and even though they don't show it, it hurts them on the inside. They know you are calling them that.

    At one job, I was made fun of being gay. They called me Nathan Lane, and made these snyde offensive comments.

    The moment the bullies are talked to, or called out, then they get angry. Bullies are either bullied at home, were bullies at school, or even bullied at school.

    They also love the attention. I think it is great that they are turning the other cheek and still getting their job done.

  43. Anonymous

    It's meanspirited and disrespectful. You can bet your butt that a member of management would never put up with THAT!!!

  44. Anonymous

    I am sorry you have to see two of your coworkers getting bullied behind their backs. I don’t know the work culture but when they say Bert snd Ernie say they’re real names , in calm non confrontational tone. I think giving subtle gestures speaks volumes.

  45. Robert McGrath

    While it is disrespectful, I don't think it qualifies as bullying. I have worked in an environment in which on a scale of 1-100, this would be a 2. People fall into patterns, and the "Bert and Ernie" may be one. Unprofessional? perhaps, but who knows how we are referred to behind closed doors. While it may somewhat reflect the culture of your workplace, I don't see it crossing the threshold of some of the real mean-spiritedness I've seen in the workplace.

  46. Lisa Thompson

    No, not “perhaps”. It’s very unprofessional. That’s how adult workplace bullying starts. It’s disrespectful and unnecessary. Oh and childish for sure.

  47. Anonymous

    It is 100% bullying in the work place. There are definite undertones of discrimination and what started as a “little” Sesame Street joke has actually developed into workplace harassment - how can we know how many individuals are actually offended or affected by this type of behavior in meetings - work production decreases, people talk about the issue no one addresses - time gets wasted, the “company” suffers, the workers suffer and bullies go “unchecked”

  48. Ann Marie Shrader

    Not culture I would like. I had people bad mouth me behind my back during meetings. I would either ignore it (unless it is about you and you have a recording of it-slander) or move on to another place. Definitely don't play into or be a part of the culture. Bully starts out with remarks like this. Bert and Ernie? What next - or who next?

  49. The Swirl Experience

    This is not Reddit! Please don’t bully this person who is genuinely asking for advice. This could be bullying if the coworkers attached a sexual orientation to the moniker of Bert and Ernie. It’s a known trope. Stay away from HR questions if you are not going to be helpful, try picking a fight, or don’t understand the law. Thanks!

  50. Anonymous

    Absolutely nothing professional about calling people different names behind their backs. This isn’t high school, it’s supposed to be an adult workplace. They should be acting like adults instead of being so childish. When you start using other people as the base of jokes you’re taking away from the work environment and the focus isn’t on work. I’m sure the below posters who think it’s “nothing” would not at all like being called a joke name. In fact, they would probably be the first ones to speak up about it.

  51. Anonymous

    I’m sorry… are you there working with her and know for a fact she’s creating problems that don’t exist? Dee Gralak Roe, don’t respond if you can’t be civil. You do indeed sound like a bully yourself

  52. Ms. S.

    You spoke truthfully.

  53. Jeff K

    If it was something the two workers found funny or entertaining and used in front of them and they don't complain I wouldn't call it bullying but atype of buddy-buddy nick name. Alone it's unprofessional bug maybe a slip up. Continually referring to them by these names are inappropriate for a bunch of reasons. A) if you only say it behind their backs the person saying it isn't bullying but creating a hostile work environment for these two ppl who don't like the nick name amd yet it's used casually amongst ok ther coworkers but only when not around. If you have to switch windows so to speak or suddenly change topic it's creating a gossip-like, toxic and unprofessional environment. Beyond that some ppl feel burt and ernie were more than just friend and they don't like the imitations c) and d) are either pixk and choose or just select the one most comfortable before escalating. Do you have an hr dept? Does your email have first.last@domain.com or firstinitial.lastname@domain.com that unless someone says of you can just call me X for w/e reason and keep email accounts active but with officially request they use your proper ir preferred name (as long as It's super long 20+ characters before the email domain. If you have any friends thar can record audio or video discreetly and notify HR that even though your name is being respected properly, you coworkers and managers continue to use sesame steet names even when it's been asked to stop being done and they do it when not around in front of other coworkers, managers, and the IT ass acceptable kts not full ok bullying but its taking away their own self identities and grow resentful.

    Ir sounds like your In a situation where there's a major lack of respect. Toy mentuon it to manager via email witg read receit. If that doesn't help shown the email requesting to be shown respect bt having your name used and not abs that better if the two want to ve referred to as sesame Street letters. Than you include the and continually chase them bring it to HR for a number of reasons in no order. If my.firstname and given name or preferred nickname then they're actively sorta gaslightint them by using inaccurate name, during all the meetings thus djmkn

  54. Anonymous

    The workplace should remain professional and each individual has the right to take something of this nature “up the chain of command” - 1) some people who are bullies do not recognize that they are bullies - they will not “know” until approached by a supervisor, 2) if it bothers you report it, work culture matters, and undoubtedly there are others bothered by it, too - don’t get caught in a cycle of “I thought someone else would report it,” then no one will say anything and things cannot get resolved, 3) if your supervisor/manager does not stop the problem go above them - they might be the real problem, 4) if things do not get resolved you will have to decide whether you truly want to continue to work there - that type of behavior unchecked leads to all kinds of chaos for the workers, not just the targeted individuals.

  55. Georgia Singh

    Probably the most unwelcome comment ever. And it is a problem.

  56. Anonymous

    This is not right, of course, but I feel you should leave it to these guys to speak up, if it bothers them. It is unprofessional but its not your fight. I get why you would be concerned down the road, if this type of thing is common in your place, but if its not about you....I would let them handle it. And I have a feeling if you don't see any more evidence of bullying/ unprofessional behavior besides this, I would let it go.

  57. Alice Stoker

    Do they know that this is occurring? She stated that it occurred when they were not in attendance.

  58. Susan C

    It's bullying. Speak up now! If not, you're condoning it. It will never change unless the abusers are called out.

  59. Anonymous

    It's bullying, the only time it wouldn't be if they asked or wanted to be called that

  60. Anselm D'souza

    money makes people arrogant

  61. Crystal Howell

    You could say I thought his name was Rich? If they know that's how they are referred to, and allow it then it's not bullying, if they don't like it, they need to speak up.

    Just monitor the office, and always keep your resume updated.

  62. Anonymous

    Toxicity and bullying is everywhere in society so you're gonna need alot more people and branches allover the world to fix it all. I ain't working again for anyone especially after being bullied out of work in 2020. Everywhere in society is all the same so you're gonna need to work real hard on it and a lot of people on your side and I don't think there's enough good people like us in this world who would fix everything

  63. Kimberly Anne

    This is why I don’t work. I have my peace and health and less money

  64. surfnwrite

    Well you're very fortunate. Most people have to work.

  65. Liz Milne

    The real question is whether Bert and Rich mind. Ask them, if they do mind, tell people to stop it without letting on that Bert and Rich have 'tattled' about disliking it - maybe phrase it like, "would you like it if the whole office came up with a disrespectful nickname for you?" (Or ask them if they are 100% sure that Bert and Rich don't mind, if they claim it's just banter.)

    If Bert and Rich embrace their nickname, leave it alone: your offence doesn't count in this situation...

  66. Renata

    While this may not fall squarely into the realm of actual bullying per see, it is incredibly disrespectful. This level of mockery is just not acceptable in any professional environment. No one should need to decide if they are okay to be mocked even in jest. It takes the same amount of time to refer to someone by their given name as it does a mocking name. So frankly I don't see why they can't call/ refer to him by his given name.

    If it were me I would respond t this in the following manner - when they refer to Rich as Ernie I would simply say Oh you mean Rich don't you... I would do this each time someone refers to him as Ernie and I would be sure to get the seriousness of my discomfort at this mock across.

    The point for me is if they can do it to one person what stops them from doing it to others behind their back? That level of adolescent mean behaviour should have been left behind in middle/high school - for goodness sake the world-of-work is for adults so adult behaviour is a minimum requirement. What kind of emotional maturity does it display when something as fundamental as referring to a colleague by his given name is reduced to mockery.

  67. surfnwrite

    I think it's bullying, even if, and in fact ESPECIALLY if it's behind their backs. If someone is present when they are being ridiculed, they can fight back, but here the toxicity just grows unmoored. These people are juvenile and just plain mean. And yes, I'd be concerned about what they are saying about your back as well. I would find a way to craft a response to shut that crap down, and you might have to go after the bullies' weak spots to do it.

  68. Georgia Singh

    So you're saying that it's time to grow-up and stop being oversensitive. But, it's not time to stop joking around. Did you read this before your wrote it, or did you just vomit a triggering response in order to get a response?

    Disturbing response.

  69. Anonymous

    Thank you to everyone for your comments. I have learned a lot and will take all of your feedback very seriously as I craft my response to this situation. We all deserve to work in a safe and respectful environment.

  70. Anonymous

    Some people call this teasing. But of course it is inappropriate and rude, because it is done behind their back. I heard once I've been called some name in my presence, and these people thought I was not aware of it -- which is really hurtful. Glad I resigned in that job, so toxic.

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