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I started a new job in March.

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Anonymous

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I started a new job in March. I had been job searching for almost two years, but working contract roles after pivoting my career. I’m older, in my 50’s, but finally doing something I love, and work for a good company. The problem is my boss. He’s my age, more experience than me, but he’s got an untouchable complex.

I’ll bring up an idea, and immediately it’s a “no.” I’ll ping him on Teams with a question, and he won’t answer. I’ll send an email and he won’t answer. He always says that he has hundreds of emails, and has to prioritize, but he’s delaying my responses to my internal clients. He also made me look bad in front of our Vice President because of my “delay” in communication.

I have two kids in college. I’m being paid very well at this job, but I’m getting disillusioned fast. I really don’t think I could go somewhere else and make the same money. Also, my boss is sort of a job hopper. In fact, this is his longest stint in the 30+ years he’s worked.

Please don’t tell me to go to HR. They’re here to protect the company, and rarely help the employee.

I’m venting, but what would you do? Just keep plugging along?

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  1. Anonymous

    In the subject line of your email, put “response requested”. Be sure your emails are short and to the point. Close the emails with a “no response is a go response “ sentence where you indicate your next step if you don’t have a response by a specific date and time.

  2. Brenda Crawshaw

    Riffing on this approach, perhaps spell out why you need the response. For example "Client X is asking that this information be shared with them by {date}; without it the timeline will be pushed, interfering with their launch date. This would not reflect well on our company." (And always say "our company", not me, you or us.)

    And send that with "Response Needed by {DATE/TIME} - {CLIENT NAME}. This provides him with the information he needs to prioritize HIS responsibilities AND covers your ass if he tried to claim he didn't know" since your deadline will appear first in the subject line.

    And never ever send an email that isn't a priority. That will train him to respond, cover your butt and inure him to your being a positive factor in getting him actually do his damn job.

  3. Susan Michael

    Have you asked your boss for expectations on turnaround times for his feedback/input so you can communicate with clients? Must you attain the feedback first or can you advise him of the approach of: I would like to communicate directly with my clients to increase productivity, would you prefer I cc you on all comms or recap the emails with a final status update? If you truly are reliant on going through your boss to get things done I recommend building a relationship with your VP as to advise of your work.

  4. Anonymous

    If you're doing work that you love and getting paid well for it, I would focus on what you can control within your position. Is there room to take some more ownership of the process instead of deferring to your boss? For example, send an email along the lines of "my internal client needs X and I am going to address that by instructing them to do Y. I plan on answering them tomorrow at 8am. Please let me know before then if I need to adjust my approach." I would also seek out people who can be mentors outside of your boss so that you still feel fulfilled in that regard. Like you said, he job hops so I would just keep the mentality that you'll outlast him and see where you can take charge a little more to alleviate some of the approval frustration.

  5. Anonymous

    Consider cc’ing someone involved in the projects who will see his non-response or better yet make him think about not responding.

  6. Anonymous

    I would speak with him 1:1 and tell him your work & communication with clients is being impacted and you are wondering if there are others on the team you can go to fir answers, information or direction because you don't always have the answer.

  7. Kathleen Powell

    Yikes.
    I hear you on the HR thing. They are trying to change that rep but the function is the same in the end.

    First, all the stuff listed below is sound advice, and if you have already run that gammut, here is a next step.

    My course of action...I am sorry because I don't know how big/ structurally the company is so I have to be general/ high-level.

    It sounds like due to his history and treatment of you, there should be an actual spotlight on him, but you shouldn't suffer for it.
    Start by doing a little research on the chain of command. Do you have another arm of business that runs parallel to your role (i.e. sales will have "enterprise" or "small biz" and they are run by two people of the same level, possibly reporting up to the same manager)?

    Whether you do or don't have this due to company size or nature, see if you can find someone that is at the same level of experience as your manager. Construct a thoughtful email that is as non-accusatory as possible (just imagine that your boss will read this so give it no reason to make you look bad). Before you send anything check that you didn't accidentally add your boss to the cc line. Neutrally explain that you are soliciting advice. Give your situation and state that you really don't know where to go to understand how you can get what you need and that you want "feedback" on how others manage situations such as this.
    IMPORTANT-Start small by only stating what hits the company hardest: Your overall ability to service your clients.
    Be sure you explain that you don't want to bother your manager with this again because he has stated he gets hundreds of emails so you are back to square one without any movement, and you feel this is going to impact xx [bottom line, retention, etc.], and you are trying your best to think outside the box for solutions.

    If that gets the right attention then you may feel your way around the rest of your woes and whether to talk about them or how they surface. What needs to happen is an anonymous peer review because he isn't doing his job. Be as inquisitive as possible, listing out why this could possibly be a "you" issue, which it isn't. Ask about training, chain of command, process when someone is out, etc. Get creative so you don't feel or look like a whistleblower. You are simply looking for ways to better your ability to do your job.

    In the end if this doesn't work, I know you don't want to hear it, but you should take this up the line to who it really matters to- his boss or the owner. These are things your leaders need to know, and won't know unless they ask, or someone is brave enough to bring it to the table. If anyone else has this issue, be sure to collaborate.

    The reason this is important to do is because eventually it could affect how you look or your overall performance down the line, and the end result is the same. Unless you think you can maintain your job at this level and look the other way. He is clearly giving you this treatment for his own short-falls, and that should be addressed and corrected so you can maintain and grow. Best of luck.

  8. Anonymous

    If I received an email like this, soliciting advice on how to deal with a boss (at the same title band in a different line of business) the first thing I’d do is pass it onto the person and flag for their awareness.
    That’s being generous because most people would send an email that says: get your folks under control or WTF?! No established leader will become a confidant for a new employee, an unknown commodity, over that of a peer. This is a high-risk activity, very shaky advice.

  9. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    I completely agree with Anonymous below. Under NO circumstances would I recommend the OP send an email like this.

    Going behind your boss's back and reaching out to someone on another team? Hard no from me.

  10. Terrie McWhorter

    Personally, I would schedule a meeting with the boss. Ask him if he has the time to make you a priority. IF he says no or does something flippant, go up the chain. Supervisors should be held to a higher standard. He isn't meeting your expectations and you don't even know if you are meeting his. He hasn't given you the time of day and making you look bad for HIS lack of time is NOT professional. best of luck

  11. Anonymous

    Leverage help from your peers.

    Get to know your peers and what their strengths are and see if you can leverage their skillset to seek the answers to your questions. He can't possibly hold all the answers. If you have to coordinate with other offices within your company to find your answer and your boss allows it, do so.
    "I'll bring up an idea, and immediately its a "no" Suggestion: Don't take this personel, maybe your idea might seem good on the surface but it could create other unforseen challenges, that you don't know about and he does not owe you an explanation for it because he is the boss. If you plan to stay at the company, try to learn and adapt to his leadership style without attempting to change it, especially if you are new to the environment. When you bring up the fact that your boss is the same age as you and is a job hopper leads me to believe that perhaps on a subconscious level you want his job. If he leaves and a bid opens up for it, have at it. But until then, respect is position and authority.

    "He has hundreds of emails and has to prioritize" This is an excellent reason why you should try your best to leverage help from your peers. Learn who all the SMEs are in certain areas of your job build a rapport with them and make them your goto. Also ask them in a roundabout way how do they nagivate their daily activtities, when the boss is not available.

    "He made me look bad in front of our VP" because of my "delay" in communication. The easy solution is to take offense to it. The productive solution is to try to schedule some one on one time with him to unpack that and ask him in a humble way; "hey sorry if you feel that there was a delay in my communication. How do you think I can be of better support to you so that it does not happen again". Approach him in a positive way so that he understands that you have positive intentions.

    If you think you hit a mute point and do not think you can adapt to his personality, as long as he is your boss, your other alternative is to leave to an environment where you have better synergy with your boss. Even that is hard to gauge during an interview. So if that is your choice goodluck. Either way, you deserve to be happy, supported and respected in your workplace. Get intel on how much more time he has left at your company. If less than 2 or 3 years, it might be worth sticking it out until he leaves.

  12. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    Regarding the not being responsive - I just experienced this. For the first time - I've never had a boss that ignored my IMs or emails before. It was disconcerting.

    What I found that did work with him was to schedule time on his calendar - 15 minutes to ask my questions or go over what I needed to. He always accepted my invites.

  13. Sue Gordon- retired Career Coach

    This is tough.
    I would start with documentating whenever he fails to respond to you. Then if you accuses you of a "delay" in communication, you can request a meeting with the VP and share your evidence. Teams and email are perfect for this because you have a record.

    He's possibly a job hopper for a reason- he looks good for a while then the chinks start to show so he moves on before getting dinged. You probably won't have to wait too long for that to happen, though you don't say how long his stint is so far.

    In this case, try to outlast him for as long as your mental health allows. In the meantime, document, document, document and present any evidence calmly when the time is appropriate.

    If the VP doesn't hear you and sides with him, then it's a sign to leave.

  14. Sue Gordon- retired Career Coach

    I also agree with the advice to get a regular time on his calendar, and ask how he best likes to communicate.

    If he can't make the time, that's also a sign.....

  15. Terra Wolfe

    I’m an HR Professional and it makes sense why you wouldn’t want to go to HR at least as a first solution.
    This is definitely a tough spot for you because your boss doesn’t appear to respect you or empower you. Before we jump to conclusions on this, give the benefit of the doubt first. Here are a few suggestions:
    possible solution#1: the blunt approach. Flat out ask him if he’s ignoring you.
    possible solution #2: some of the older generations are not big on Teams or email for collaboration and prefer in person. Plus, there isn’t any body language in typed communication. Is he disregarding to you in person too or just dislikes digital communication? You could ask him about this or just send a calendar invite to request a 15 minute meeting to debrief and ask questions. Sometimes, the solution is more in person communication. If he blatantly ignores you after this and you’ve asked him about it then see another last.resort solution below:

    Document everything on the side. Dates, details, help you asked for, saved screenshots and saved emails. Those will become evidence later if the situation escalates, and it will in the form of you potentially being a scapegoat for something that goes wrong, especially after your experience with the Vice President,

    Speak to your Manager privately to discuss the situation. Don’t put him on the defensive. Write down all of your well thought out points on paper before you meet with him so he can’t derail the conversation. Be assertive and just state the facts and the way it affects operations. Explain that you understand he has a lot on his plate but appreciate his experience and how important to you that he is accessible for professional questions. If this conversation escalates, then hold your ground calmly and explain to him that it isn’t right for him to ignore your questions. Document every detail. If the behavior continues, meet with him a 2nd and even a 3rd time.

    if you have met to discuss your concerns and documented everything else in writing and this manager refuses to see reason or tries to retaliate which is illegal, then you have a duty to report it.

  16. Anonymous

    Being in HR over 15 years and having been in different industries and companies, this is by far the best advice I’ve seen regarding this situation.

    Hopefully, it can resolved quickly. I can’t imagine the stress from this.

  17. Alison Scott

    Hopefully he’ll leave soon!!

  18. Anonymous

    I think he feels threatened by you and is keeping you at arms length or trying to make you look bad so you don’t take over part of his job or replace him completely.

  19. Kristie White

    Everyone always says HR is here to protect the company, but they are actually there to protect productivity. Sounds like your boss is threatened by you and wants this to be his last job. So he is doing a little sabotage to make sure you don’t look better than him and he can keep his thumb on you. The problem with these types is ego. They like the power and changing their behavior won’t happen by force. Can you ask questions in person? If not, is there another resource that you could ask? If you make a decision that is wrong, you didn’t want to bother him because he is so busy. Does he have a peer in management that might be more open to coaching you? It is unlikely his behavior will change until he feels less threatened and stops protecting his turf. And who knows how long that can take.

  20. Anonymous

    Interesting how this is written by someone in an organization that provides consulting services for HR.

  21. Anonymous

    Wow, does everyone get doxxed here now?

  22. Anonymous

    What does "doxxed" mean?

  23. Atiya Davis

    I believe the HR consulting comment was specifically for Kristie since she shared her name and u can see what field she's in. "Doxxed" is a term used to basically say checking up on someone. Kristie was "doxxed" because the commenter clicked her name and saw the info she had on her profile and shared it here.

  24. Anonymous

    It's not doxxed when you choose to share your full name and company logo as your picture.

    But yes, the consulting comment was related to Kristie, not the OP.

    Just saying someone who consults for HR is coming to the table with a certain viewpoint and to keep that in mind when they say that HR cares about productivity vs protecting the company.

    Do you all know any productive employees who still got screwed over by their organizations? HR is definitely there to protect the company and interests of senior management.

    HR may treat "productive" vs "unproductive" employees better, but when push comes to shove, they protect the company and act in the interests of senior management.

  25. Anonymous

    I’m not employed by a consulting company. Not sure where you got that.

  26. Anonymous

    Please don’t go to a peer in management for coaching on how to deal with a not ideal boss. They will immediately notify your supervisor that you’re having problems with them. This is a betrayal and will be punished.

  27. Anonymous

    I would speak to my manager first and talk though my concerns. You may be able to resolve, make sure to send an email thanking him for listening to your concerns. Keep the email in case he should try to retaliate against you in any way, if so then report him to HR.

  28. Anonymous

    May have already been suggested, but see if you can get a weekly meeting on his calendar. You need information from him, and his delays are making it difficult to do your job. Without knowing more about him, he could be the type of person that does better with in person interaction than emails. Carving out a time each week where you discuss things in person might help him give you the focus you need.

    Also, for your internal clients you can tell them that you have to get the information from your boss and if you haven't heard from him by your standing meeting you will remind him then. If you feel comfortable doing it, send him an email with the question and copy the internal client. That way he can't get away with blaming you and the internal clients know you aren't the problem.

    As for the "no" remarks, see if you can get him to say why. Something along the lines of "can you help me understand why that wouldn't work in this case so that I can learn and make better suggestions in the future" might do the trick.

    Alternatively, you might try to wait him out. If he's really a big job hunter, he might be getting bored and ready to move on.

    Hope some of this helps. Good luck! :)

  29. Crystal Howell

    Try speaking with him and see if there is anyway to work together, then request a meeting with the VP and have your documentation and let VP know you know your stuff. Lastly, find some place, https://www.aarp.org. Good Luck, good employees leave because of management.

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