Dealing with an over-enthusiastic co-worker

Anonymous

June 29,2023 at 6:18PM UTC

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Dealing with an over-enthusiastic co-worker

I have a co-worker in my department who means well but that can be difficult to deal with. They are CONSTANTLY pitching ideas. Sometimes, the ideas are great, which I will always acknowledge when they are, especially when they are successfully implemented. However, there are oftentimes when these ideas aren’t realistic and don’t really fit in with my needs. I always try to gently tell them that it’s a good idea, before giving the reason why it’s not feasible at the moment. But because they are always coming up with ideas, I feel like I am constantly turning them down. Their implementable ideas often get overshadowed because of how much they are always trying to come up with ideas. Every time they have an idea that I nicely turn down, the dynamic of the conversation completely shifts because they take the rejection so personally. My manager has also dealt with this issue and has also struggled to come up with a solution other than what we’ve been doing . It is exhausting and frustrating to constantly be the “I like your idea…but” person. Their enthusiasm is great, but it just needs to be channeled more appropriately. This is mostly just to vent, but any advice on how to better approach this situation would be greatly appreciated.

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AnonymousJune 29,2023 at 9:23PM UTC
ahhh ok. You really don't need to go in to the reason why it won't be feasible. Just say thank you, we will take that in to consideration. And leave it there. In addition, you mention that "it doesn't fit in with my needs" Unless its your company, I would encourage you to use "the company's needs"
Erin VegaJune 29,2023 at 9:44PM UTC
First, don't be so quick to dismiss their ideas, don't respond immediately, whether it's good, bad, won't work etc. The absolute worst thing you can do is dismiss their ideas right away. Do challenge them, ask them questions and take a look at their thought process and why they believe this idea would be feasible at the moment. Asking them questions on their idea is to get them to disconnect and see that the ideas brought forth just really are not feasible. You basically want them, when they are thinking up ideas, to think like you and your manager and hopefully prior to giving you these ideas they will have a better understanding of what is good for the company.
Also the greatest word you can use is "interesting".
AnonymousJune 29,2023 at 10:58PM UTC
Let them try it!
Maybe it will work. Maybe the idea is totally useless.
For example, if it's a report layout, tell her to do the expected to get it done. Then say she can work on idea after- adding visuals, tweaking the layout, creating links to source data, etc. This way , in her "leisure" she can think the process through and maybe it won't work, but another and better (?) idea come. Meanwhile, you got her to prioritize the required.
Or maybe you can use part of the idea and tweak another portion for something completely unrelated.
Maybe there's an old PowerPoint presentation that needs some TLC and you are slammed but she knows all the animation and other bells and whistles.
Better to have an Eager Elly than a Lazy Leslie.
---
People are really quick to judge as managers. Give her a chance - she might actually help!! Or she won't and she can better understand why you have the established process in place
Plus, if you feel she is "bothering" you , this productive idea research will not only help you (some peace AND innovation) but also help her and the organization.
**Give her a chance to succeed.**
Rt WlJune 30,2023 at 1:08PM UTC
"Eager Ellie" and "Lazy Leslie"! How funny! I never heard those terms before. What area of the country uses those terms - midwest, southeast, Pacific northwest...? I'm from the Philadelphia area, but have worked in Texas/Louisiana for many years.
AnonymousJune 30,2023 at 8:09PM UTC
Truthfully, I made them up on the spot when I was trying to convey a brief point :) Glad you liked them!
I think somewhere is a "Narcissistic Nellie" though
I'm from Knoxville, TN
Debra SesholtzJune 29,2023 at 11:50PM UTC
Since some of the ideas were implemented, they must have been good, so you don’t want to discourage their enthusiasm. Can you channel their efforts to specific areas where you need improvements? You can thank them for bringing forth new ideas, tell them it’s appreciated, but it’s not possible to implement everything and ask them to focus their efforts on these 2 or 3 areas for the next period of time. Perhaps tie their “idea areas” to their KPIs.
Rt WlJune 30,2023 at 1:05PM UTC
I would say this person feels insecure and is trying hard to be a good worker. I'd say something to them like,"your ideas are great many times, and I appreciate all your dedicated brainstorming. Let's work together on doing some fine-tuning of the ideas before the meeting so we can focus on the ideas we can make happen." Ask your coworker to write things down and develop some costs and benefits for the alternatives before presenting. Another idea for what you could say (look, I'm doing it, too!) is, "I think your creativity is great, and that's an important requirement for project development and your professional development, too. Let's think about what comes next. How does a manager put ideas into play?"
Vivian LeeJuly 2,2023 at 5:22PM UTC
Guilty! Especially when I was started my career and in positions when I was told I had to prove myself.
While I was trying to add value to the team with ideas and constant presence, I didn’t realize how disruptive I was with my “overzealous” behaviour to the team dynamic.
It takes courage to speak up in meetings. ENcourage them with a check-in meeting about team dynamics, project leadership and direction to better understand how the world works.
Don’t DIScourage with a surprise meeting involving their supervisor to deliver a verbal warning to stay in their own lane.
AnonymousJune 30,2023 at 1:53PM UTC
Definitely insecure (or overly confident and looking to climb the ladder). Tell them "Your ideas are awesome and I love them! But I can't use all of them. Don't feel bad if I turn one down. Keep 'em coming."
AnonymousJune 30,2023 at 8:06PM UTC
I don't think she's insecure; she's passionate and wants to make an effective contribution.. I do agree that she should be more focused though
AnonymousJuly 2,2023 at 12:15PM UTC
I'm autistic and ADHD. I have tons of ideas, and I share them. Please be considerate about generalizing people.
It's better to work out a way for this employee to share their ideas in a way that is more constructive.
We don't all process social situations the same, and sometimes need support with awareness and guidance.
AnonymousJuly 2,2023 at 12:32PM UTC
I was just reading thank you for your prospective on this. I was in an environment where I had some great ideas. I was told No it will not work. Later into the meetings someone else would say the same thing I had just said and everyone applauded that person for coming up with the ideas.
AnonymousJuly 2,2023 at 2:00PM UTC
I've been there as well- what one person says is irrelevant but someone more "important" - it's a terrific idea! Infuriating.
What's worse: management asks why I haven't contributed to the process. Well, I did. You said "no" to ME yet....
AnonymousJuly 2,2023 at 12:42PM UTC
Unless they’ve been told they have those disabilities, there is no way to make accommodations for them. We can’t assume someone’s behavior is caused by a disability. And we can’t ask so….
AnonymousJuly 3,2023 at 12:52AM UTC
No, you can't ask. But you can also not assume whether they do or do not have a disability. Assuming someone doesn't just because they "don't look disabled" or haven't told you is just as harmful as assuming they are for any reason.
A LOT of people will never tell an employer unless they have no choice, because discrimination is real, and we ARE treated differently.
You can learn to work with others in a way that's considerate whether you know whether or not they have a disability.
This isn't about accomodations. Accomodations are about changing specific things about a person's work environment to make sure they have the same opportunities for success.
This is about not assuming someone is "insecure" because of how they share their ideas. I shared my personal experience for context, and to give an example of a possible scenario.
The point is to be kind and considerate about how you treat people in the workplace (and everywhere, really) because you never know.
AnonymousJuly 2,2023 at 4:28PM UTC
Yeah, that’s a wild generalization, especially without knowing the person. The rest of your comment is good advice, but think about your unconscious bias.
AnonymousJuly 1,2023 at 1:43PM UTC
Some people just need to talk processes out in order to understand them.
I would suggest having them submit ideas in writing or having a set time to debrief after challenging situations. Then they know there is a specific time to vent and it's on your schedule.
TigaJuly 2,2023 at 12:51PM UTC
Maybe you could compile a set of criteria that any idea needs to meet before you can consider them. That way they can pre screen themselves.
AnonymousJuly 2,2023 at 12:53PM UTC
Are they interrupting meetings with their ideas? Why don’t you set some time aside every month for idea sharing and ask all your team members to come with their ideas. And then come with firm meeting agendas and be deliberate in guiding the conversation where you want it to go. As for the idea person - if they are not interrupting time that you
designate deliberately for other topics - I feel for their wasted creativity and hope they find an environment better suited to their skills and talents where they can be appreciated and thrive.
AnonymousJuly 2,2023 at 4:26PM UTC
I wholeheartedly agree with this.
Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachJuly 2,2023 at 12:55PM UTC
I need context into what type of ideas we are discussing. If it’s daily ideas about how to change the execution of current projects, which can be disruptive, it’s one thing. If it’s constantly coming up with new ptoduct or project ideas it’s another. The former requires an immediate response, the latter may be handled by creating a “parking lot” for her. It could be a whiteboard where you come back to the ideas later.
In either event, perhaps you or your boss could have a conversation about work styles. She’s an extrovert who is very idea oriented and spontaneous. Perhaps you are more planful and introspective. You could ask her to to take a step prior to presenting her ideas. Give her some factors to consider so that when she presents her ideas so she’ll show that she’s prepared and done her research. Present this is an opportunity for professional development, perhaps as a mentor to her. Because this will be a problem where ever she goes in the future.
GirlBossanova934974July 2,2023 at 12:58PM UTC
It is unclear if you are this person's manager. If you are this person's manager, you should spend the time to teach this person how to make a BUSINESS CASE for these ideas. What is the business case? Put together the financials and see if it works! Model the various scenarios. Then teach this person how to write an executive memo. These sort of people are hard to find these days and need to be CONSTRUCTIVELY encouraged. Compare that to most organizations these days where everyone sits around, waiting for someone else to make a decision. If you bring up a financially viable idea, the idea usually goes no where with middle management as middle management is always worried that they might be upstaged.
AnonymousJuly 2,2023 at 4:30PM UTC
Have them write down their ideas, pros and cons, really sell them to you and have them up in a review process.
If you verbally reject the ideas in a moment on the regular... They'll stop entirely.
Clearly this person is eager and passionate, perhaps overcompensating or just plainly an extrovert.
What kind of work is this?
AnonymousJuly 2,2023 at 5:00PM UTC
I would advise them that they should filter. The best way to do this is to set a frame around what does work. Give an example, then suggest a limiter to the how many or how much and agree to both in principle. Ask them for cost, timeline, resources and benefit. Do this with the manager in the room both of you and then see how things shift. Also when they do have something that does not fit give them the why. If it is adjustable then work with them to do so. If it's not then give them the business reason (note not personal) of the why it doesn't. A few times of this and that should adjust the behavior. First at the top of the conversation acknowledge that they are an idea machine and that is appreciated but....
Liz MilneJuly 3,2023 at 12:47AM UTC
Tell them to investigate their ideas BEFORE bringing them to you: look at the logistics, costings and workability, and ONLY bring you the ones that hold up. That way you'll get the good ideas, not the unrealistic ones, and they will get more kudos per idea than they are currently getting?
Rosa GoesJuly 3,2023 at 10:51PM UTC
Provide a guideline to help them determine if their ideas are good. It sounds like this co-worker is blurting out ideas with no road map in place. In the meantime, you can leave out the "I like your idea...but" and just tell them directly it will not work because of xxx.
AnonymousJuly 4,2023 at 6:13AM UTC
My first thought about this was that “this person is likely Neurodivergent”. Of course I’m not there, but based on what you wrote, it’s probable. Neurodivergents typically see all types of solutions at one time and love sharing them. It’s not an effort generally to “come up with ideas.” They just have them. They also often “ speak to think”, rather than think to speak. It’s the way their brain works. Guidance in how to manage this within meetings would likely be greatly beneficial to you, the manager, and the person with the ideas. Sometimes I’ve even found labeling sessions as, brainstorming, aligning, regrouping, and expectation setting can be really helpful in these types of circumstances.
Jennifer WuolletJuly 5,2023 at 12:43PM UTC
I would say, have them come up with a list of ideas and meet with them once a week or month depending on how often this is happening, to go over them, then you are likely to have at least one in the list that is a good one and you can keep the positivity focused on that one or 2 that will work out.
Vivian HwaJuly 5,2023 at 9:11PM UTC
Help them harness their energy and take on more responsibility and ownership. Make them write out full blown project proposals, budget it, propose resources needed, timelines, deliverables. If it's a lot of work, they'll internalize and only float their best formed ideas and if they are workable, you have a lot of legwork done already. I am not nuerodivergent, but I am an ideas/thoughts on everything person and while I don't take it personally when turned down (I recognize I am overly optimistic most days), I do like the feeling of being heard and given consideration.
Kat ReelJuly 6,2023 at 11:48AM UTC
Currently dealing with the same situation. A girl tried to implement her new idea during the meeting. She called me the day before and said this is my idea. I didn't hate it, but I didn't like it either as this does impact my job. Anyways, I said I wanted time to think about it. Well the next morning, she sent out an email saying we were presenting this idea. I didn't get enough time to think. I messaged the VP and told her I didn't agree to this completely as the idea takes up extra time. The girl was so mad. She said I obviously hate it, was rude, and hard to work with. This girl almost always gets her way and I wasn't rude about it. I was really upset and of course the rumor's flew around the office, but my coworkers encouraged me not to feel bad and how they really enjoy working with me. This made me feel better, but I also know my management will have my back and set them straight. In my business class, I learned about decision making models. This is something I want to discuss with our VP and maybe she can have that discussion with my coworker.