Need advice.

Anonymous

September 16,2021 at 10:31PM UTC

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Need advice. I am starting a new job at the end of the month, and recently found out I am pregnant (after accepting the offer). As some additional complication, I am already 14 weeks along due to the fact I was apparently carrying twins and had what I thought was a miscarriage in mid-July, but just found out I am still pregnant with a single baby. By the time I start, I will be close to 20 weeks. This is a director level role, second in command and reporting directly to the owner of the company. It's also a small company ~30 employees. I am effectively also the HR department along with someone who reports to me. My question is, given this is not an ideal situation, when would be the best time to inform my new employer? I am torn whether to say something now (would it risk rescinding the offer?), shortly after my first day, or wait as long as possible to prove myself. I should also note I was in a similar position once before where I had a child 9 months into a management role, and due to careful preparation on my part, that turned out fine. I was hoping this could be some reassurance to my future employer, but that situation was also at a larger company so maybe I shouldn't even bring that up. Thanks for your help, very much needed!

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AnonymousSeptember 16,2021 at 11:54PM UTC
So sorry for the loss. I would tell the person who extended the offer exactly what you said above. Is it a company that will enable you to have flexibility for daycare and school in the coming years?
AnonymousSeptember 17,2021 at 3:54PM UTC
I think it is. Not sure on flexibility yet, but it seems that way, as an organization with a lot of women who stated they value work life balance. But I have no idea what their leave benefits are, for instance. I am ok with that however it turns out, just don't want to damage the relationship with the new boss/owner. Don't know the best time to share the news without concerning them or undercutting my credibility.
AnonymousSeptember 17,2021 at 6:57PM UTC
I would be upfront with it right away and although graphic especially if the boss or hiring manager is male, why you did not now you are 5 months pregnant. Also may be good to describe your experience with your first born and how you successfully balanced a career and child care.
AnonymousSeptember 17,2021 at 6:58PM UTC
dang auto correct...why you didn't know until just recently that you were 5 months
AnonymousSeptember 17,2021 at 1:11AM UTC
It’s going to work out, just remind yourself of that.
Generally, this is not something you are required to discuss in an interview. it’s also not a reason they could pull the offer. If it will help you feel less stressed, you should tell them.
AnonymousSeptember 17,2021 at 1:36AM UTC
This is a fearful situation. As a reader it’s also affirmative of someone in HR basically sharing HR is afraid of the employer and totally not in charge if labor and the boss’ values collide.
Jacquelynn LucasSeptember 18,2021 at 12:29PM UTC
First, it is illegal for them to rescind the offer due to this. In my opinion, it would be better to tell them sooner rather than later in order for them to prepare and you both understand the expectations during your leave. Especially since you don't know what that leave is yet. In my experience, I was extremely nervous telling my future employer after the offer letter, but in this day and age people seem to be much more understanding.
Good luck with this and the rest of your pregnancy!
AnonymousSeptember 18,2021 at 12:36PM UTC
I would tell them but I’d have 2/3 power point slides with my plan. Nothing calms a potentially nervous situation like already having an approach in mind.
You got this!!
AnonymousSeptember 18,2021 at 2:14PM UTC
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Your little blessing is a fighter and very determined. I would wait a week or 2 after your start date to tell your boss. The reason for waiting is so that you can establish rapport with your boss and colleugues and also gain an understanding if the organisation, their operations and the flow of work. This will allow you to formulate an informed plan of action and then explain the situation about the miscarriage of the 1 twin which is why you were unaware of the pregnancy. Wishing you all the best .
Victoria NoltenSeptember 18,2021 at 3:33PM UTC
You don’t have to disclose anything and I wouldn’t before starting. It’s a protected situation. FMLA won’t apply to your situation.
Are you showing quite a bit?
I’d wait about a month and then just tell them straight out. I will be taking leave approximately on day x and expect to be out of the office for x amount of time.
Then wow them with a developed plan that shows who will be doing what.
Right now you don’t have enough insight into the company to have a solid plan. This may be a great growth opportunity for the person under you.
Don’t apologize for being pregnant. Women need to stop doing that.
P.s. congrats on your surprise blessing and my heartfelt sorrow for the miscarriage.