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What do I do about my boss not reporting a director's abusive conduct when he witnessed it?

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What do I do about my boss not reporting a director's abusive conduct when he witnessed it?

This is against our work policy. The director was belittling and degrading in a meeting to me. She tried to humiliate me. She insinuated I wasn't doing anything at my job for two years and that I didn't know enough to have earned my job. This also implicated my boss as being incompetent for not tracking my work. My boss stepped in at that point to refute that point. She asked rapid-fire questions in batches, then interrupted me to ask more rapid-fire questions, not letting me finish answering her first set of questions. She immediately accused me of lying when she misunderstood me. She kept going off topic when the meeting was about me initiating peer-to-peer training.

We desperately need good training but this director, who says all the time that she is very busy, thinks one outdated guide, that I had to persuade her to start updating, and 9+ people at a given time coming to her for questions is sufficient. It's not enough.

She kept trying to make the idea of us needing training as a personal failure of mine instead of what it is, a systemic issue that needs addressing for 9+ people. No matter my reasoning of how it benefits all of us, she kept demanding my personal reasons for training and then only attacking those.

I spoke to my boss about this meeting. My boss told me his role was "to bring two professionals together" to talk. He says it wasn't his role in the conversation to mediate, only facilitate. He said he wouldn't do anything further and felt the matter was closed.

What should I do? I found the policy he is violating. Do I approach him first or go directly to HR?

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  1. Anonymous

    You are not required to address an interpersonal issue with the aggressor directly.

    That said, HR exists to protect the company. Make sure all harassment and relevant conversations with all parties are documented, in writing, in a non-work spot. That way if there's any retaliation from reporting to HR, you can bring in a lawyer to protect yourself.

    Verbal conversations need to be followed up and summarized via email. Keep it as professional as possible.

  2. Anonymous

    I need to understand what your goal is in the end. What do you want to happen?

    If your hanging on a breach of a policy as proof that you are in the right. Fine, then what? What's your desired outcomes?

  3. Anonymous

    Find another job. Regardless of whether or not she was abusive, she obviously doesn't think you can do your job. Best to find another one. HR won't do shit in this case.

  4. Interesting

    AMEN - HR is worthless when it comes to problems of this nature. They always side with the upper management, even if they are wrong.

  5. Beth Whight Morales

    If she’s getting results, HR isn’t going to help.

    she was mad about something, see if you can find out what that is. If it LOOKS like you are attacking her personally, even if you don’t think you are, change your approach.

    How will this benefit her? How will it alleviate some of the pressure she feels? Can updating it free up some of her time? It’s likely she feels like if it needs to be done, she should have identified and delegated it.

    If you want this project to move, the burden is on you to demonstrate how it benefits the company.

    Going to HR isn’t not going to help and quite frankly, you would be on everyone’s shit list of you did. Spin it, drop it and apologize - or look for a new job.

  6. DeborahORell

    If you're asking if you have a legal claim, in my opinion, no. What's happening is wrong, not right, immoral but it doesn't sound illegal. Very briefly, the only law your employer can break is to violate your civil rights. Therefore, it is the WHY YOU believe this person doesn't like you. And if that reason has anything to do with your age, race, nationality, gender, sexual orientation, religion, disability, pregnancy, etc then and only then may you have a potential claim. If this is the reason, you need to reach out to a qualified employment attorney asap to learn what you can do to protect yourself.

    If none of those protected statuses are the underlying cause, get out of there as soon as you can.

  7. GirlBossanova934974

    Short and sweet, your Director "LOST IT" aka blew her stack and you were the unfortunate one standing in front of her at that time. This is the true sign that someone is in a Director role and shouldn't be in the role. BUT going to HR? Waste of time. Your boss is a weasel. BACK TO BASICS! Who is responsible for an updated travel manual and who is responsible for employees knowing what is that training manual? IS that you or your boss? If not, it is time for you and your boss to schedule a meeting with those responsible, get the training manual updated, and people trained. Please inform your out of control Director of the progress or lack of progress.

  8. Tami L Cannizzaro

    Sounds to me as if there's a difference in opinion in what you believe or understand should be done for training and what the boss wants to do for training. You want to update existing policies/procedures. Boss basically wants to "tweak" existing guide to work for her in her "very" busy schedule. You were hired to help her achieve her goals, to make things easier for her. The way to do that is to give her what she wants. It may not be the BEST way to do things, yet it's what will make her happy and she will think she's (and you) are doing a good job. That's all she wants, is to check a box on her lengthy to-do list. Yes, it's bad that she had a breakdown and took it out on you. That's not harassment, as others have pointed out. Sounds more like extreme frustration that boiled over in someone who is not a good communicator to begin with.

  9. Anonymous

    I would go to HR and cc legal too and let them know that yelling in meetings is considered hostile workplace and that you expect civility in getting corrective action. Ask for an investigation into this incident and document what happened in detail. Be forewarned that your bubbling this up may affect you in ways beyond what you have shared but if they cannot mitigate this then is it really where you want to continue your career? Don't expect an apology but the alternative is let it go and know that your manager will not have your back and was only protecting theirs.

  10. Anonymous

    I have always heard that the definition of hostile workplace includes repeated actions, so keep that in mind OP. Do you feel you can request a meeting and hae someone from HR attend? Remember that HR works for your employer, not you but having the HR person there would at least allow someone to see you're trying to improve the situation and are very open to guidance. Cool, calm, collected. That way, you can't be accused of something you haven't done. Go into the meeting with an 'I want to work on this relationship, we're clearly not communicating well and my goal is to improve that, etc.' Leave past hurts in the past. Talk about moving forward. Then have a few talking points that you' like answers to. What specific things does this boss want you to do? Is this person willing to read a proposal from you about training (who what where why)? It may not be a great meeting, you may not be able to get buy-in to the things you think are important, but at least it'll be a way for HR to see who you really are. That might be the best thing you can get out of this situation. No matter what, do what the big boss tells you, and do your best to let resentment go. You'll be happier, even if you're less satisfied. Good luck.

  11. Anonymous

    I am going to completely disagree. Please do not make HR out to be the bad guys here. A good HR team will move to find out what is truly going on. Adding in legal lets them know you are serious. Once is enough to file a formal complaint. I work in a role that crosses over both and would take this very very seriously if it hit my desk.

  12. Liz Milne

    If he says the matter is closed, well, it's closed to him. HR next stop, BUT make sure you can back up your claim that it's a systemic failure, in such a way that the director cannot just pin it all on you and your 'incompetence'...

  13. Anonymous

    Finding a policy that he violated? Really? What now? You go to HR and you will have a target on your back.

  14. Anonymous

    Nothing. Your boss does not find it is an issue.

  15. Jill Decker, RN

    Go to HR. He showed the card he is playing.

  16. Anonymous

    I would say, you went to him, now go to HR. Better yet, if you have an ethics or whistleblower hotline - contact it. Usually those hotlines are manned by an outside legal firm who is there to give guidance and keep the company from a lawsuit. HR on the other hand isn't always as knowledgeable about the law and isn't usually vested in preventing lawsuits. We had something happen at my company. The person went to HR - HR didn't do anything. 2 or 3 people then contacted the whistleblower hotline. Man things started popping then. HR had to answer to an outside company and the Board of directors. Someone is not longer with the company and it wasn't the person being abused.

  17. Anonymous

    I am sorry about your situation in your job. You may need to try to improve your performance. If you have a mentor or a job union, you may want to get some legal advice.But you may need to consider applying for a different position at another position if possible.

    Be sure to document everything. Start looking for another job outside the company.

  18. Anonymous

    Unfortuantely, I had a situation last year in that I was hired to work full time. Yet, the HR director seemed to create a toxic work environmentment for me.I winded up having to leave the company. Ironically, the HR director quit the same company shortly after I left.

    Try to document everything and start looking for another job. You could possibly try to file an EEOC against the boss after you talk to HR.

  19. Anonymous

    Sorry you are experiencing this. As others responded, definitely document it all. HR looks out for the company and will not support you, unfortunately. Outlive the boss at this company, but update your resume and start searching.

  20. Titra Hamilton

    I am sorry that you had to endure this. To answer your question, I recommend that you take a second look at your role and responsibilities. Be honest with yourself and see if you focused on an item that is not a priority, stated or implied, for your upline. Doing so may clarify what frustrated your director. Because of how this was handled, consider gathering evidence of your accomplishments (e.g., valued delivered, problems solved, monies saved and kudos, preferably direct quotes), use the results to update your resume (You need hard facts to counter their narrative), and find another opportunity. Gather any reusable assets that you could leverage in the future, especially if you developed them. Start sending evidence to your personal email. Consider ending each day with a journal entry email to describe what you did, what you said and to whom, what you think and feel about how your day went. Also, consider looking for someone else who you can use as a reference there. Start thinking about what positive things you can say when future employers ask why you left, or why this employer cannot be a reference for you. Continue to do your work and gracefully exist as soon as you can. Any employer that allows executives to respond in this way to real or perceived performance issues is not a good place to work. Big hug and good luck to you.

  21. Anonymous

    I deal with difficult stakeholders all of the time. That is what it sounds like you have on your hands. She is ticked off and doesn't think that you or this team (is it your team) are doing what is needed. You have two choices. Fix it or leave. Personally, I'm a fixer. Give me a broken process, team, or whatever and I'm going to get it fixed. In the end, if you do that, you will find that this difficult stakeholder becomes your advocate but she is going to continue to be difficult until the situation is repaired. You either need to take charge and fix it or if that is not your nature, I think you probably want to look for a different company or role. She is not going to become easier to deal with. If you go to HR, they are going to discuss with her and she is going to say the same things she said to you, basically that you are not doing what is needed. Your boss is a weasel as someone else stated. He should have stepped in and said, you know what, "I hear you and I will take this away" and ended the rant from her. He didn't and now you know, he never will. That means you have to take charge of this and fix it or decide that isn't your role and walk. He is of no help. What do you want long term? Do you want to be the leader, decision maker, and the driver of processes and change long term? If so, step in and do that. This is an opportunity to shine. Find another person you respect that you see do this and ask them to mentor you. Run ideas by them of how to fix the situation, how to get the processes aligned, the training in place and documented and fix the issue. This is one of those decision points for you - what do you want from your career? In the end, you may still decide the culture of this company is not for you, but you can use this as an opportunity to grow your skills if you want.

  22. Anonymous

    WOW. It seems that your biggest problem isn't so much the director that's belittling you, but the person that you directly report to. His reluctance to advocate on your behalf tells me that he lacks the ability to both lead and guide. It's as he's letting you be thrown into the fray to fend for yourself, while he's stands on the sidelines, watching. It could very well be that the director is deflecting her anger towards him onto you. In any case, this is something that should be taken up with HR. You deserve to be treated fairly and with respect in both cases.

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