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HR Specialist acts like my mother

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HR Specialist acts like my mother

i started a new job almost 3 months ago as a recruiter and the HR Specialist acts like my mother. I had to call her out a couple of times jokingly calling her mother and she has finally calmed down and in some instances stopped. I do not directly report to her though she initially trained me.

For example, she would wait for us to leave out together. She doesn’t want for me to walk in the parking lot alone. She told me that I should not eat lunch later than 3 . Even though I did once because I had back to back interviews. She told me I had to wait until exactly 6 pm to logout for the day. All this happened within the first month and a half though things are getting better. Also there is such a contrast in personality- she is low key, talks very slowly and I am energetic. Deep down I feel she is threatened by me and I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her. She often tries to suppress my voice but I never allow that to happen. The other day I had a major win and the CEO applauded me. She tried to dampen my enthusiasm.

I really don’t enjoy working with her as I like upbeat, energetic co workers. She is negative and a bit of a downer. I noticed that many people that work there are like that.

The CEO always tells me that I bring new energy to the team, but this HR Specialist is such a negative Nancy, I feel she is pulling me down a bit.

Any insights or suggestions on how to navigate through this would be appreciated.

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  1. Anonymous

    appreciate your work and try and see her efforts as coming from a good place. No reason to get all twisted about such inconsequential things

    Happy, successful and satisfied people don't sweat the little things. Emotionally Intelligent people can navigate people from a myriad of backgrounds, temperaments and styles and still contribute at a high level and lead by example. These types of different people

    usually don't throw dynamic people off balance and bring down their energy levels. I'm wondering why you are struggling so much

  2. Anonymous

    THIS!!!

  3. Anonymous

    Keep being you. Clearly the CEO sees you as you’re standing out. Negative Nancy, however, is a wallflower. Each day write down an aspiring statement or something you hear that strikes you. I have song lyrics, statements, positive thoughts for ex. Put them on sticky note pads. If she comes into your office or cube she’ll see the power behind those words. You’re a bright light in a company that is dim. Keep shining girl you’ve got this!

  4. 1stBossLady

    Insight: She admires your spirit and wants to be like you. But, she's scared. Life has beaten her down so much that she likes living vicariously through you. PLEASE keep being YOU! I LOVE the compliment from the CEO! ? ❤️

  5. Anonymous

    The silver lining..people try to help people who they want to succeed, She trained you and seems to have a vested interest to see that you do well. I don’t think she’s doing it to be malicious. Pray for a new perspective of her intentions ?

  6. Anonymous

    3 months in. Energy is a current reflection of the office. Just keep learning, please don't call her mother, ever, that's an issue, even if you think it's funny. Show respect and keep learning. Nothing wrong with your enthusiasm, however, the proof will be in the value you bring to the job. Focus on that and appreciate how much it seems she cared. Take her advice with a grain of salt, that's all.

  7. Jacqueline Cutler

    These sound less like motherly intervention and more like HR doing its job. Logging out at 6 sounds like a company rule, and she could have been saving you from embarrassment or reprimand had you logged out even a few minutes earlier.

    Maybe walking in pairs to the parking lot is another for safety. Eating lunch after 3 may have also been more about the company than trying to parent you, especially if you are also due for a paid break. Could the late lunch - with good reasons - affect work? It sounds as if she is trying to help you, and even very experienced people need some guidance when transitioning to new roles.

  8. Anonymous

    Geez really? Sounds like you are over reacting to a simple management communication style.

  9. Anonymous

    Do not lose your sparkle because of the negative nancy's out there. Keep bring your positive energy in the workplace. Find an outlet off work to replenish your joy. For me, that's exercise and reading my Bible and spending time with my sisters in Christ. Whatever avenue you take, preserve your integrity and don't let others bring you down.

  10. GirlBossanova934974

    The world is full of negative Nancy's these days. And let me tell ya! Negative Nancy has all sorts of company with her favorite office buddy, Pessimist Paul! Back 25 years ago, my friends where I worked, referred to them both as THE TURTLES! Always hiding in their shell and not exactly the fastest movers. My take? YOU JUST BE YOU! Your CEO is looking for things to move a bit quicker. Because that is what drives business results and bigger paychecks. I know. I own my business.

  11. Looking for a change

    The lunch break and clocking out could be a company rule that everyone has to abide by. I wouldn’t call her mother again that’s really disrespectful. Walking out alone can be a nice thing depending on the area or time of day- but you can always say no thanks I’m comfortable walking on my own. The other stuff really might be a company thing.

  12. Anonymous

    I once worked for a company that was methodically working through a job satisfaction quiz. One of the items was “I have a best friend at work”. To check this box they assigned someone to be my work friend. Nice lady but very introverted. Awkward as hell. Could it be that this person was encouraged to “take you under their wing” so that you didn’t feel so alone? It feels like there are good intentions somewhere behind your challenging situation. Do you feel you could find one thing to appreciate about this person each day and watch for an opportunity to match them with someone else?

  13. Anonymous

    Wow. Do you hear yourself? You are highly critical and especially Of this particular co worker. You have an elevated view of yourself. I have advice for you but I don't think you're the kind of person that wants to hear anything at all...

  14. Anonymous

    You are doing just fine. Continue with the good job.

    I like the way you handled the situation.

  15. Anonymous

    Yes, this is simple. Teach her how to work with you. Sit her down in a private 1-1 and let her know what works and doesn't. You didn't come with an instruction manual and then find out how she likes to work and take feedback when things go off course next time. Let her know that negativity doesn't belong in your company and while ray of sunshine is not always going to be the theme being above the fray is what she should do in her role. Track how things have changed or not after that conversation and meet with her 1-1 once per month to check in and sort things out privately if they haven't shifted.

  16. Anonymous

    So, the other person, the person who has been at the company for a while and does Not report to the OP, is to be told that they need to change who they are to suit someone else because it's just not working for the newbie? Did I just read that right? So much for 'authentic self'

  17. Anonymous

    No, you read that wrong. Working well with others who are different than you in terms of style and communication need to be shown the path if it is not clear to them that you need to interact differently than them. It's called collaboration, please don't make my comment above into something negative when it was clearly a positive piece of advice to the person who posted originally.

  18. Malisha Neal

    It can be challenging navigating a new company and new work colleagues. You just want to fit in as best as you can. I think it's great that you’re reflecting on how to handle this situation effectively. While it’s natural to feel frustrated, it’s also important to consider her perspective and intentions, which may stem from a desire to help or protect you, even if her approach feels overbearing.

    Her actions may not necessarily be about feeling threatened or trying to suppress you; they might reflect her personality, habits, or an effort to ensure you succeed in your new role. Recognizing this can help you approach her behavior with a bit more understanding and depersonalize it. That said, it’s okay to set clear, professional boundaries. You might consider a direct but respectful conversation, such as, “I appreciate your support, but I’m comfortable managing my schedule and responsibilities on my own. If I ever need guidance, I’ll be sure to reach out to you.”

    Your energy and enthusiasm are clearly assets, and the CEO values your contributions. Keep your focus on maintaining that positive momentum and let your achievements speak for themselves. While you may feel a personality clash, try to find areas where you can connect or collaborate with her. This might ease tensions and foster a more collaborative working relationship. At the same time, if you find her negativity draining, it’s important to protect your energy by limiting unnecessary interactions and seeking connections with coworkers who align more closely with your upbeat outlook.

    Every workplace has a mix of personalities, and part of professional growth is learning to work effectively with different types of people. This situation could be an opportunity to build your adaptability and interpersonal skills, which will serve you well throughout your career. Continue to focus on your contributions, stay professional, and let your energy and enthusiasm remain a driving force for your success.

  19. Anonymous

    You said you do not report directly to her - who do you report to? Is it the CEO? Perhaps that is why you were hired as they're looking for "new energy" as he put it. As a professional, the subject of your post is probably aware of this. You may very well be her replacement. I would align with whomever you report to and reconfirm the direction they envision for your role. That conversation may present the opportunity to covertly mention some of the issues you've encountered thus far.

    I do not mean for you to throw this lady under the bus directly, but point out the contradictions you've observed thus far. It may give you more insight and confidence when dealing with her moving forward.
    At the very least, confirm that this specialist is who you are supposed to be paired with for training, lest she purposely lead you in the wrong direction with this organization. . .

  20. Anonymous

    I tend to agree with what some others have posted. I don't know your age or how experienced you are, but I'm guessing you're still fairly green. Instead of being critical of this colleague, see it has an opportunity. It sounds like she's coming from a supportive perspective and not a competitive one, though you assume so. Take some time to be introspective and consider alternative perspectives.

  21. Anonymous

    Life is a journey and people come into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime --with all the good and bad lessons sprinkled in. All are opportunities.

    A sign of maturity is to observe the full extent of a situation and not take it personally. Emotions are fleeting. Advice and knowledge can come from anywhere.

    From an outside perspective, most of what your colleague has told you was gold/ free advice. And even if she is older and a bit of a downer, she's also been there a long time so she's seen some things. Consider your career trajectory and if you want to make an ally or an enemy. Allies help you along the way (and they don't have to be buddies. You don't have to lie either--find somewhere decent in between, especially if you're different).

    Consider taking her to coffee and have her share about her life (again, you don't have to be friends, but you can gain perspective). BE a teammate. Lift up other boats. Congrats on the new job and the recent win. It sounds like you thrive on encouragement and high energy. Not everyone is motivated that way. If you grow in your career and manage, you may interact with folks you don't like. How will you handle it? By complaining and ridiculing and seeing what they can do for you and your feelings? Or by separating your feelings from the work and managing and helping them grow? (Note- your feelings are valid, but they are fleeting)

    Recognize your persona and hers are different. And, that difference can be an asset. Believe it or not, this teammate is going to help you grow. The CEO recognized that praising an upbeat new recruit is a wise managerial tactic (it's also good to highlight the wins to the company---if you stay long enough, you may become part of the furniture---and that's okay too).

    Be respectful and direct and kind. Leave the passive comments aside (don't call her "mother " in a derogatory way- it's also not clear. she may not know how to proceed. ) That's beneath both of you, and the HR roles you're in. Many workplaces are mixed ages. Many cultures rely on shared knowledge and energy. Believe it or not, you were hired to make it work together.

    Remember to be human. If you want her to treat you a certain way, yes you could ask her for it. You could also show her how you want to be treated by treating her that way.

    Best of luck. I see good things on the way.

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