How do I tell my former coworkers “get out”?

Anonymous

May 9,2022 at 2:59PM UTC

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How do I tell my former coworkers “get out”?

I left a very difficult job about 8 months ago for an exciting new one. I knew the environment and my then-boss were bad (micromanager, burntout, no recognition) while I was there but as time has passed, I realize how truly bad it was.

I’m scheduled to have drinks with my two junior coworkers who are still there soon, and I really want to convey to them that they need to get out. I was there for almost two years, and I know they are talented and hard workers, but it’s also both of their first real job, so I think they need some sort of guidance. I know it’s not my place to make decisions about their career, but I feel the situation is such that I should say something, should I? And how do I phrase it without sounding like a bitter former employee?

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AnonymousMay 9,2022 at 3:14PM UTC
I realize that you think you're doing a public service by "advising" these junior colleagues to "Get Out," but you're projecting your own trauma from this position on them. Please...unless you're asked specifically for this career advice, tread lightly. I think you know already that these two junior staffers will be submissive and will sit there and listen to you unload about your own negative experience. You also run the risk of being accused of slander which could nip you right in the ass down the pike.
Sarah MetzMay 9,2022 at 3:17PM UTC
Unfortunately, you can't. They have to make the decision for themselves. Now, if you specifically knew that they were inevitably going to be terminated or something of that nature, then I would share something. But if its just a bad culture, then I wouldn't tell them to get out. I would simply offer up yourself as a resource if they ever need anything, a reference, etc. But don't use the time you spend together to tell them to leave the company. They have to decide that on their own. And when/if they finally do leave, then at that time you all can share together.
AnonymousMay 9,2022 at 4:05PM UTC
You need to either offer them jobs or be supportive if the jobs they have.
Please know that your experience us not necessarily their experience. So while you would like to mentor them and offer guidance, please only do so if asked and only share professional tips on building long and healthy careers. Don't share your opinions of where they work and try and predict what mighy happen to them.
Be professional and ask more questions than chatter on about what you think.
Support them and share professional guidelines but no specific actions to take to Get Out. They are young professionals and will make their decisions themselves.
Sabrina CortesMay 9,2022 at 4:53PM UTC
I agree with what's already been said about letting your co-workers decide for themselves how they feel about their jobs and the company. You might want to ask thought-provoking questions to understand their feelings and thoughts better.
It may be difficult, but try to stay objective and actively listen to their responses when you ask them what they think about this or that thing/person.
You can learn a lot about someone by listening and then making mental notes to compare your experience. They might not share the same feelings as you.
Joanne RosenMay 9,2022 at 5:34PM UTC
Plant a seed. Ask what things they LOVE about their job? Then, tell them what you love about your current one.
Praise them about their talent, work ethic, etc. Let them know that other companies would be lucky to have them. Finally, offer to write a recommendation on their LinkedIn profile and be a reference for when they decide to look for a new job.
You've said nothing wrong about the old company. Just that you are happier now and want to help them in their careers. It's called mentoring.
Cheers
Joanne
JJMay 10,2022 at 12:02AM UTC
Love this!
AnonymousMay 9,2022 at 5:39PM UTC
It's been said below, but coming at them with judgement about what they might think is a good situation will not help them see the light (that you think they need to see). It's okay however to share how excited you are about certain aspects of your new job, WITHOUT being overly critical of their current workplace. The conversation could plant a seed, and help them see ways that they are being treated poorly and didn't realize it. But yeah, don't go on a rant; be positive and be supportive of their choices. Being a supportive connection might show them you're open to mentoring or something if they DO get to the point where they want to leave.
AnonymousMay 9,2022 at 5:54PM UTC
It sounds like you are a bitter former employee. Are you the junior employees' mother? Otherwise, your advice should be limited to what they solicit from you. I left an extremely toxic environment and luckily landed in a position that is the complete opposite. No more micro-manager with a god complex, no more whining co-workers who believe they're entitled to work 5 hours a week and expect you to do their other 35 plus your own 40. It's now been 9 months since the transition, and I've had lunch with my replacement several times to answer questions and to offer support where I can. Although they have begun to experience some of the issues that drove me away, I have never, ever presumed to tell them they should "get out". I share possible solutions or just offer to listen while they vent. Working in that environment but no longer being a part of it has given me unique perspective and appropriate distance. I am now able to offer advice that may (or may not) have worked for me when I was there but which I was unable to come up with while I was in the middle of the issues. I understand exactly what they are going through, but that does not mean it's my responsibility to "save" them. They made the decision to work in that position. They have to decide for themselves if it is something they want to continue to do.
JJMay 10,2022 at 12:01AM UTC
One person’s trash is another’s treasure. ?‍☠️ They may love it there still, so unless they are crying in their drinks, maybe don’t mention the old job. It’s hard not to be bitter, believe me, I am still so bitter some moments, but put your professional reputation first and only dish the work dirt with your personal friends.
AnonymousMay 10,2022 at 12:37PM UTC
They probably already know they need to get out -- maybe that's what they want to discuss with you over drinks!
Anna C AdamsMay 10,2022 at 12:53PM UTC
I imagine they are aware of the situation already and they might want to talk with you about it and ask about opportunities in your new org. If that's not the case, you could ask them questions to gauge their feelings and mention to them that there are loads of opportunities "out there"
Julie HumbirdMay 10,2022 at 8:44PM UTC
I know how you feel. I left a toxic workplace and it made me sad for those left behind still being abused. All I had to do was start telling them how amazing my new workplace, salary and benefits are. I referred 6 of them into new jobs.
AnonymousMay 10,2022 at 11:33PM UTC
I'd just share my new experience. When you are in the toxic workplace/relationship/situation, oddly it usually doesn't seem all that bad until you actually leave. Just build them up when you connect with them and show them what's out there!