I’m in a leadership role.

25 Comments

1. AnonymousSeptember 17,2021 at 12:26PM UTC

   Here's a few tips. 1) Trust your gut. 2) Be honest with yourself. What are you really afraid of? 3) Ask questions
   4) Except that everyone may make a mistake. 5) Start talking more positive to yourself. (USE FFIRMATIONS)

   Reach out if you would like to chat. Good Luck!

2. Natalie MicaleSeptember 17,2021 at 12:35PM UTC

   Hey friend. This is so incredibly common, and while it sucks that so many women feel this way, knowing what to call it and how to fix it is can be powering. Look up imposter syndrome and see if this describes what you’re feeling. I’m betting it’s a yes. I cannot recommend the book Presence by Amy Cuddy strongly enough. I work with so many women who feel this way, and the only way to overcome this is to continuously and intentionally work through it. If you get a few minutes, give Amy Cuddy’s tedtalk a watch. She describes this and walks you through her research and personal experiences in a way that is highly informative and so entertaining.

3. Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterSeptember 17,2021 at 12:51PM UTC

   It's always you - never the culture. While that may sound like bad news, it's actually the best possible news - because the only person you can ever change is yourself.

   Doing work with a coach around your self-beliefs would help you tremendously in EVERY area of your life. Here's a good, free start I highly recommend because her work has changed my life (no exaggeration): Brooke Castillo's podcast, The Life Coach School.

   While I don't recommend starting at episode 1 with many podcasts (definitely not my own LOL), I DO recommend it with Brooke's to get the foundational teaching she will build on in subsequent episodes.

4. Rebecca Van HoutSeptember 17,2021 at 12:52PM UTC

   This is called imposter syndrome and it's actually very common. Start keeping a list of your successes and keep it where you can see it often. It does get better over time, especially if you continue to remind yourself where you shine. Toastmasters is great for building self confidence and any opportunity where you can invest in your personal growth should help.

5. Sarah MuddSeptember 17,2021 at 1:14PM UTC

   This is so common! I think many women feel it at some point (or all) of their careers. Counseling and reminding myself of examples of when I was good at my job.

6. Margrit PatelSeptember 17,2021 at 1:24PM UTC

   This hit a soft spot in me as I am my own worst enemy when it comes to evaluating my professional performance. I think it's quite common - especially amongst women. Continue to remind yourself of the successes you had and try to remember that everyone is figuring things out as they go ... no one expects you to know everything but it sounds like you are someone who figures things out quickly and is able to succeed in her endeavours - that's the secret sauce! Great job!

7. AnonymousSeptember 18,2021 at 6:15PM UTC

   You must be my twin! I'm my worst enemy as well!

   I'm in accounting and cleaning up my predecessor's messes, done three audits, trained three people, learned a new job and more piled on.

   I started 7/1. I love my job and the challenges. Management has told me I rock but this week, I've been either more tired than usual or just feeling "down".

   You are right, figure as you go like many that WON'T admit it and focus on the accomplishments ?

8. Megan LeasherSeptember 17,2021 at 1:52PM UTC

   Imposter syndrome is REAL. I feel like it happens to all of us in one way or another. I have found that sharing my fears with a friend helps dispel it very quickly, as good friends will respond with something loving like "are you freaking crazy?! you are amazing and deserve that job." :)

9. AnonymousSeptember 17,2021 at 2:14PM UTC

   In my experience, this has been entirely normal for me. Even when I'm at the top of my "game" I feel like I'm missing something, that there's something more I should be doing, and someone is going to see the one thing I did wrong as my "grading factor" rather than all of the things I've done right (this unfortunate mind-trap has been sadly reinforced by poor previous leadership, making it harder for me to claw out of the self-doubt pit).

   To overcome it, I surround myself with people who see my worth, love and respect me, and those who mentor me and who I mentor. Their belief in me reinforces my belief in myself, and helps to diminish the negative selftalk that sneaks out of nowhere from time to time.

   It hasn't gone away yet, but it's quieter when I listen to those who believe in me and lift me up rather than the ghosts of poor leadership and lessons learned of my past.

10. AnonymousSeptember 17,2021 at 10:40PM UTC

    yeah. I think I have one of those bad bosses. He told me that no one wants to work with me and he has gone to length to ensure that I am not placed on projects with those people. I probed further. I asked who. When. He said well I assumed because… (insert falsehood here). Then I asked him what actions he took to ensure I was t on projects. He said, well none actually. And there are 10 more scenarios like that. I’m starting to feel like my boss is plotting against me and it’s really shaking my confidence. I feel like a failure most days.

11. Käte DavisSeptember 17,2021 at 2:50PM UTC

    There's another resource on this site that can help: The ASK-A-COACH: Imposter Syndrome group. Lots of helpful reading and tips in there, too!

12. Courtney PaulSeptember 17,2021 at 3:45PM UTC

    Sigh...imposter syndrome. Try to keep a list of your various accomplishments and use it to remind yourself that you are qualified and good at what you do! And also remind yourself that just because you have a thought, doesn't mean that that thought is true.

13. AnonymousSeptember 18,2021 at 6:11PM UTC

    Thank you!!! I'm not the OP, but I can totally relate- so thanks for the awesome advise!!

14. AnonymousSeptember 17,2021 at 4:10PM UTC

    Yes it's called Imposter Syndrome and there are a ton of books and online sites dedicated to managing it.

    Therapy is the fastest way to figure it out and form a plan to address it so it doesn't cripple you.

15. AnonymousSeptember 18,2021 at 7:49AM UTC

    Thanks for the suggestion. I do feel gripped by it. One tiny thing comes up in the day and I get completely upset with myself about it.

16. AnonymousSeptember 18,2021 at 2:47PM UTC

    Yes, these triggers are overshadowing all you're accomplishing. And what you don't see/know is that no one, not a single soul, sees it but you.

    Honestly once you get a little help in understanding this syndrome, you will be able to stop this triggers from taking such a strong hold over you.

    This Syndrom is more common than people think. And the severity runs on a spectrum. So I would say, get moving on educating yourself and figuring this out so it stops stealing your joy of accomplishment.

    You're going to be more the fine once you start working on this. You're going kick yourself for not figuring out sooner.

    Trust me, no one thinks you're not super capable and doing a great job but you.

17. AnonymousSeptember 18,2021 at 6:58PM UTC

    Thank you. I needed each and every one of these insights today.

18. Stephanie TrevinoSeptember 17,2021 at 5:58PM UTC

    I agree with all the wonderful suggestions in the comments about combatting imposter syndrome. One thing to add... you may have noticed that the other leaders aren't rockstars. There is a perfect leader myth that we are sold early in our careers and try to live up to. I've found that once you get to the table, everyone else there is just the same as you, all trying to figure it out as they go.

19. Kimberly CarterSeptember 18,2021 at 3:07AM UTC

    Wow, thanks for posing this question. I feel the exact same. I've accomplished so many things and I always feel like I'm a fraud. After reading the comments I now realize this is a "thing". I have some studying to do. I just love this platform!!!

20. LisaSeptember 18,2021 at 12:19PM UTC

    It's called Imposter Syndrome.

21. AnonymousSeptember 18,2021 at 6:09PM UTC

    Ditto here! I have the best job and told by management I'm rocking out at it.

    Why am I so insecure when I KNOW I'm more than competent???

22. AnonymousSeptember 20,2021 at 1:57PM UTC

    It’s known as imposter syndrome, you can work on coping mechanisms with a therapist :)

23. Stef FlorieSeptember 20,2021 at 2:08PM UTC

    Imposter Syndrome is *real* - and it can be crippling.
    One of my friends buys herself a charm each time she does something she is extraordinarily proud of, that reminds her she "did a thing, and it was awesome." On days where she thinks she might need extra confidence, she wears her charm bracelet. She calls it her "I don't suck" jewelry.

    As part of my undergraduate degree, we each had to prepare a professional portfolio, and include things that showed our excellence; the book we used was "The Career Portfolio Workbook" by Satterthwaite and D'Orsi. Totally worth a read, also.

    If you already know how you're awesome but are struggling with how to let others know, these two books might help:
    Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It, by Peggy Klaus.
    Brag Better: Master the Art of Fearless Self-Promotion by Meredith Fineman. This one is also available in Kindle Unlimited and Audio, so I listen to it in the car.

24. AnonymousSeptember 20,2021 at 6:24PM UTC

    That is a good idea. Something visual and tangible.

    In a way, people in the military have their rank and stripes on their uniform. This is poetically similar.

25. Bobbie LloydSeptember 20,2021 at 3:51PM UTC

    Hi Anonymous,

    I am suggesting you find an executive coach that can help you focus on the areas where you are feeling vunerable. I have a mentor that helps me talk through concerns without judgement.

    I will offer to listen if you need to chat until you can find a resource because I believe in having a safe place to express your thoughts without judgement.

    Please message me at lloydbobbie@yahoo.com if you desire.

    Thanks,

    Bobbie L.