I need advice.

19 Comments

1. Crystal DerstineMarch 15,2022 at 2:00PM UTC

   I'd just be up front that the reason you can't work is because of your pre-scheduled medical appointments, and if they aren't willing to work around that then revoke your acceptance of the job offer.

   If you really want to keep the job, then ask if you can work modified work hours, but that's really not the type of arrangement that is fitting for a first week in the office.

2. harriet farnhamMarch 15,2022 at 3:31PM UTC

   Thank you. That is my thoughts as well.

3. AnonymousMarch 15,2022 at 4:05PM UTC

   Red flag in that he is inflexible. Can you imagine what he will be like when you're his employee? Just food for thought.

4. AnonymousMarch 16,2022 at 12:38PM UTC

   Jobs always want you to start immediately. Tell them the start date you need - this is normal because many people need to give a notice period at their current employers. I agree with the other commenters that if they don't want to be flexible about your start date then they aren't going to respect your time otherwise. I assume your start date in question isn't like 3 months away or something like that.

5. Saria Carter SaccocioMarch 16,2022 at 12:49PM UTC

   RUN!!! Trust your gut and the red flags you have recognized. This is not an empathic employer.

6. Maggie StoneMarch 16,2022 at 2:09PM UTC

   I wouldn’t jump ship immediately.
   She told him she was “booked”, but It doesn’t sound like she has necessarily told him about the medical issues or that the delay was to deal with doctors’ appointments. I agree with Kristie, he sounds desperate, not unempathetic. Agree with others that she should be upfront and see if that doesn’t get through. If not, she can offer the compromise of working part time for the first week.

7. AnonymousMarch 16,2022 at 12:53PM UTC

   I had a manager insist I start on a specific week (the Monday after my last day of my previous job on Friday) because there were other employees starting on the same day and wanted us to go through orientation together.
   There may be a reason why he wants you to start. Maybe you can compromise and ask to work a couple of days during that week or even half days. My manager told me if I was there for 2 of the days, it would be very helpful so that's what I did. She was an amazing manager!

8. Kristie WhiteMarch 16,2022 at 12:58PM UTC

   I don't think starting your work relationship by letting your new boss demand adjustments to your ability to care for yourself sets a good precedent. He is going to be a demanding boss - and you have to train him on what your boundaries are. The red flags I hear are - he wants you immediately, he doesn't mind your limited experience, he doesn't care about your age, he is ignoring your needs - so this guy is desperate. His desperation says either he is too demanding and can't keep employees, he pays too poorly for the demands, or he is difficult to work for. Tell him you can start part time and give him the exact schedule you can work during that week. Set the boundaries respectfully, but don't run back and forth, stick to your guns. Because you are establishing the foundation of your future working relationship right now.

   You are also right that jobs at "our" age are difficult to get and you are in a situation where your need is increasing. So I wouldn't turn this down. This is your first step back into the workforce and it is always easier to get a job when you have a job. So if the demands and disrespect of this boss become too much, you will be in a stronger position to make a change - and in the meantime, your finances will improve. But you also need to be thinking about how you replace employee wages if social security isn't enough. So a side hustle might be something to start working on.

9. Sarah StadtherrMarch 16,2022 at 2:43PM UTC

   Very good post!

10. Christi MillerMarch 16,2022 at 2:14PM UTC

    I would turn down the job if he is not flexible on when you can start. This would be a sign to me that he will not be flexible in the future. Keep looking. You will find the right fit.

11. Focused721350March 16,2022 at 2:27PM UTC

    Good Morning,

    It's obvious! Take care of your health and personal business first. Otherwise! Your risking a major mishap with potential jobs. If $ is a issue! Consider down sizing or a tight budget. YOUR NOT GOING TO BE GOOD FOR ANYONE IF YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH "FIRST".......

    Good Luck and God Bless, Ms. T ;)

12. Diane RiveraMarch 16,2022 at 2:39PM UTC

    Please look at the red flags here.
    Employer obviously needs someone, but if they cannot court you, think about the relationship later...this time before hire is when their best face should be showing!

13. JoAnn Marinelli HoppeMarch 16,2022 at 3:03PM UTC

    Do you have appointments booked everyday in the week he wants you to start? If not, say. I have commitments I must meet on Monday- Wed-Friday but can be There on Tuesday/Thursday or morning vs. afternoon. Of offer to telemeet for the first week. This will show flexibility and out of the box thinking.

14. AssistantMarch 16,2022 at 3:07PM UTC

    I am at the opposite opinion of everyone else and say take the job, start next week but tell him when your appointments are and that you can’t be there at those times. If you need a job, you need a job, and if it’s work that interests you, take it! Yes gas is pricey but it is what it is. If it’s a 40 minute commute, again, it is what it is.

15. AnonymousMarch 16,2022 at 4:08PM UTC

    Of course they would like you to begin immediately. If you do that you teach them your boundaries are easily violated. It usually takes at least two weeks from hire to start date, so they are lucky to get you sooner.

16. Joanna PoeMarch 16,2022 at 6:51PM UTC

    Having a firm start date that they don't stomp on is non-negotiable, frankly, regardless of the reasons; if they want to steamroll you on that, take the cue and say 'thank you for the opportunity, but I'm unable to start on that date.'

    If you're still reluctant to lose the opportunity, perhaps ask for an early-start bonus or something, to cover your extra transportation costs?

17. AnonymousMarch 18,2022 at 6:01AM UTC

    You are not available until the following week, as you have previous commitments. If the employer wants you this week, a remote or flexible schedule should be accommodated.

    If you allow this employer to railroad you now, conditions will deteriorate further once you are employed.

    Stay strong. If the employer will not accommodate your needs, the company is not worth working for.

18. AnonymousMarch 18,2022 at 6:01AM UTC
19. AnonymousMarch 25,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    Thank you everyone for your informed and honest comments. Just FYI - I turned the job down. After a discussion with my family we determined that my health has to be first and foremost and this employer's demands were just not what I want at this point in my career. I am exploring other areas of employment that are a better fit for everyone.