I seem to have the same issue with every position I’ve held.

18 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 13,2023 at 4:11PM UTC

   You are the only one responsible for how you respond. Keep your composure by breathing and not replying with, "But...."
   The way it's always been done is typical. What if you present a plan of how to change something to make the process flow better? Bringing a workable solution to the table may help.Take up a hobby and get some exercise, outside activities, even walking is great for our feel good hormones and reduces stress immensely. Sleep is better too.

2. AnonymousMay 15,2023 at 1:41AM UTC

   Box breathing is good.

3. Christi LopezMay 15,2023 at 2:37PM UTC

   I second putting together a plan before you ask about something. Is it more efficient? Does it save money? What training will be required to change the way things are done? It really is helpful to have that information to back up your idea.

   That being said, sometimes even when leadership is supportive, it doesn't work out. For example, I spent over a year leading a team that developed a process for moving to shared documents (using SharePoint, instead of what everyone was doing which was emailing multiple versions of documents back and forth). We had naming conventions, detailed processes for approval paths, an implementation timeline and developed training to support those who were less tech savvy. Director said she loved everything we put together...but never actually put it into use.

   Then the pandemic hit, everyone was forced to use SharePoint, and all of our work was ignored. Our file organization is a hot mess, people still email copies of documents in SharePoint instead of just sharing the link...it's total chaos. Did it upset me? Yes. We spent a lot of time and effort developing a strategy, process, and training specifically addressing what we were forced into using. But I had to stop, take a breath, and let it go. It's not my responsibility to enforce what was developed, and it was a good learning experience. It is what it is.

4. AnonymousMay 13,2023 at 9:17PM UTC

   If you decide to stay then you keep your head down and do the job. Pay attention and spend the effort on building the rest of your life.

   Create an amazing life.

5. AnonymousMay 14,2023 at 4:27AM UTC

   Maybe start-up culture would be a good fit for you. I have worked in traditional companies and was also very frustrated with the lack of process improvement and "that's how it's always been" attitude. Start-ups are very dynamic and the leaders often seek actionable feedback for continuous improvement from employees, so there may be a better culture/values fit for you in that space. I can relate and I prefer start-ups for this very reason. Best of luck to you, cheers!

6. AnonymousMay 15,2023 at 1:41AM UTC

   Sounds like you've chosen a profession that favors stability over agility.

   You can only change what's in your own job duties, so if you're being stymied, have a talk with your boss about autonomy. If it's in someone else's purview, you need to learn acceptance. Whether it's silently going over the Serenity Prayer or getting therapy for radical acceptance, it can be done. You don't need to make yourself miserable.

7. AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 12:15PM UTC

   You could always respond with something along the lines of "I understand that we have always done it x way, but I was hoping you would be willing to try it X way for x amount of time and give feedback " make it a trial run. I was manager at my last job and the hard thing was to get people okay with change, we want to stay where we are because they know how to do it. They may not have to think about it, or they are nervous about changing things up. Remember this when you get frustrated with team memebers- it may help you understand their stance. But definitely give it a shot and don't forget to give them the WHY behind the changes you want then to test out

8. Erica LanyonMay 16,2023 at 12:49PM UTC

   omg, this is the same thing that happens to me! I thought I was the only one.

   We should talk.

9. GirlBossanova934974May 16,2023 at 12:53PM UTC

   I would say three things based upon several decades of experience. 1) You cannot change everything every day as fast as you would like. You have to pick your battles. 2) You have to pick your employer carefully. IF you always find yourself working for stale cannot get out of their way organizations, you should look at how you are asking questions during the job interview process. 3) You should work with people in your company who will change things. Worker bees who have zero incentive to move any faster are probably not a good place to start. Expand your network and find out who runs what and try to find a way to work with them.

10. AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 1:00PM UTC

    This is so much more common than you would think. I have the same issues. I also get increasingly frustrated with the work ethic or lack thereof that seems to always infiltrate my space.

11. AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 1:18PM UTC

    I found "Turn The Tide - Rise Above Toxic, Difficult Situations in the Workplace" by Kathy Obear to be very helpful. It taught me to look at my own reactions and change my response to situations. You can't change anyone else, but you can change how you allow situations to effect you.

12. Paula BrantnerMay 16,2023 at 1:22PM UTC

    I think others have given you some good coping strategies -- for now. But I encourage you to chart a path that will eventually allow you to run your own business. I was like you for a very long time, and made improvements to the process where I could, but was still left frustrated with the pace of change. First I carved out a job where I could work very independently: remote, setting my own schedule, being able to tinker with things. Then once I had done all I could do in that job, I started thinking about how to go out on my own. I've never looked back: it's so much better being able to chart your own way. Depending on your career level and financial needs, it may not happen overnight. But the promise that you will do it someday, sooner rather than later, may be enough to keep you focused on what you need to do to get there.

13. AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 1:42PM UTC

    Your advice is so helpful. Thank you!

14. AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 5:43PM UTC

    Seconding this. I'm working on building a business myself - between the lack of integrity from the corporate level and my neurodivergency, I can't tolerate the 9-5 type gig anymore.

15. Angela CarrollMay 16,2023 at 1:45PM UTC

    Start your own company.

16. LouAnnMay 16,2023 at 2:26PM UTC

    Anonymous...I'm with you. Thank you for asking the question and thank you for the responses. I have wanted to start my own business and now I know my direction.

17. AnonymousMay 16,2023 at 7:13PM UTC

    Thanks everyone for your responses, it helps to know I’m not alone and there were some great suggestions. I’m currently in a customer service role and get lots of pushback when trying to help customers because they either “should have known, or they are playing you because you are new.”

18. AnonymousMay 17,2023 at 5:16AM UTC

    “customers should have known" - this should be a company red flag.
    A. It's the customer and they don't. A better answer would be digging into common customer questions and making sure the should have knowns are either in a contract or available in multiple areas depending on the user and the customer journey.
    B. That message is 100% useless and suggests the customer doesn't matter. There will always be a % customers that don't work like a partner, but if for example it was "playing you because you are new", sounds like communication is broken. I'd never suggest that unless it's a problem child and with that the org should have support paths on repeat behavior or a red account.
    C. As a passionate team manager, it is critical to provide more color around decisions and share more details on priorities, a better understanding of the impact to make certain changes (resources > time priorities) including why XYZ is prioritized over this, and share/promote/encourage innovation and solutions to help tackle. This scenario comes up often in start ups, yet doing the above, results from individuals and teams can end up building new product, increasing client satisfaction, and giving people important space to grow.
    Above said, 20+ years in CS has led me to continue to say It's not that hard. So many individual cases that seem unrelated on the surface, could be solved together. Post sales operations, internal data strategy, process, alignment, and ownership most often are not part of the discussion or prioritized. Takes alignment across and down. I've chipped away, but it's exhausting. My former teams and I are still connected. I measure my personal success and the growth of individuals, driving to give space for cross functional team work, and staying close enough to hands on support work knowing the impact and outcome of good communication and making career path more than just a check box.
    At a former company, a form (g-doc) was initiated to capture career path. It included a due date. Note: Career Path is the first focus with team as a new manager coming in, and always an ongoing discussion.I asked leadership what's next. <crickets> and then suggestions that this is "blah blah blah" and you need to ....
    ME: OK, so are these pulled into performance reviews and how is leadership reviewing the completed docs. Is there a follow up for mid management so we align with ....
    COMPANY: <crickets> + gets looks on zoom like I'm an alien. Then "I don't understand what you're asking / looking for"
    ME: Got it, OK. I'm passionate about career path and can manage with my team. FWIW I anticipate and understand a follow up Q from our employees is what's next?
    Me after hanging up: Is it me? Is what I asked weird/crazy? <insert self doubt>
    Enter 1x1s: Made it not about the company use of these and focused hard on the actual value for folks on having these discussions and opening up opportunities to lean into passions.The above story honestly crushed my faith in corporate and pushed me hard to consider going out on my own.
    So here I am. Dipping my toes right now doing free work (hands on for a friend with a small biz) and happy to consult for others. I battle that with sending resumes to roles with 600+ candidates and daily rejections. Like my teams, I want to see and help local, individual, and small businesses succeed. An artist selling their work should focus on the art, I can help with the tech, UX, SEO, and marketing. What comes much easier to me causes stress to someone else. I'm not suggesting a quick eject.
    Maybe not a "disconnect" after work, but focus on what you love to do, lean into your passions, and constantly reassess your core values and bring those into your mental gymnastics. It sounds like you genuinely want to help clients or you wouldn't have posted this. Feel good about that. No doubt most the clients see and appreciate that from you even if they are frustrated. I too am finally dipping my toes in starting my own business.