We just had yet another meeting with part of our team and it was horrible.

8 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 5,2022 at 11:57AM UTC

   You can't fix toxic. Dust off the resume and get out there.

2. AnonymousMay 5,2022 at 12:50PM UTC

   Find a way to phrase your concerns differently. Give specific examples of the lack of respect for your time and how that affected your work and say, "How do we fix this?" It's not a meek comment about concern. It's a direct question that requires an answer. If you get blown off, you know what to do next: get the resume out there.

3. AnonymousMay 5,2022 at 1:10PM UTC

   Start networking and update your resume.

4. Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterMay 5,2022 at 2:34PM UTC

   I would start with the part of this equation you can change: yourself. I highly recommend working with a coach who specializes in verbal communication to make sure you are presenting your ideas, questions, and concerns in a way that is easy to understand, business-focused (rather than personal), and solutions-focused.

5. Barb HansenMay 5,2022 at 6:35PM UTC

   Keep your resume up to date and keep your eyes open for a new job. You don't have to be actively looking right now, but you can be ready to go if a new job appears.

   Now, on to some suggestions:

   1-Become a detective;

   Does your manager listen to anyone? Who is being listened to in the meetings? What suggestions does your manager like? How does your manager or this team like hearing about tough issues in these meetings or are meetings just a "high-five" festival

   2-Pattern what others are doing (based on the detective work above)

   I'm not suggesting that you become someone you're not, but patterning the things that are working for others is worth a try. If your managers only like to hear good things in meetings, then save the sticky issues for a 1-on-1. If your managers respond to a compliment sandwich (good thing, bad thing, good thing), then do that.

   3- Find Allies

   Who on your team can you lean on if you need to vent? If you have a difficult subject to discuss in the meetings, is there a favored person who can lobby ahead of time to get them on your side or get them to bring up the subject if you think you'll be shot down.

   Personal experience: About 10 years ago, a peer of mine refused to listen to me in meetings. She would immediately shut down any idea that I had - no matter what evidence that I had that the whole company and our customers needed and wanted what I was talking about. I did a test to prove my theory - I asked others to bring my ideas to her and loe and behold, she loved the idea! (How amazing was this idea! How smart the person was who mentioned it! What a great new service we could provide to our customers!) Ugh! It was super annoying but - for me - I wanted the ideas pushed forward. My career didn't need the credit, so figuring out an alternative way to bring the idea to light meant success to me. If my career needed the recognition, I would have had a meeting with my peer and our manager to resolve her complete blockage of my ideas.

6. AnonymousMay 5,2022 at 8:02PM UTC

   I have already done part 1 during the time that I have been employed at this company, the manager only listens to his next in command because she is a "yes" woman even when she KNOWS she's making the wrong judgement call. Other than that, he listens to no one in regard to decision-making when his mind has already been made up.

   Part 2: I can't be a "yes" woman otherwise I will continue to be taken for granted and have my time not respected.

7. AnonymousMay 6,2022 at 9:07PM UTC

   Not sure what the details are behind you not being heard, but if you hit a mute point and plan to exit stage left, you should stop drawing attention to yourself and operate covertly.

   STOP COMPLAINING IN MEETINGS! Not because you are not justified in your feelings/opinions, but your managers are who they are and they are not going to change for you unless someone above them directs them to, accept it and start looking elsewhere.

   Realize that your current manager may be contacted as you try to interview elsewhere so dont give him a reason to say things that would interfere with you getting away peacefully.

   You made an excellent point, you have kids to raise. Your paycheck needs to be your priority now until you can obtain a similar or better paying job that fits your desires and needs.

8. AnonymousJune 19,2022 at 1:31PM UTC

   FOLLOW UP:

   We recently had yet another monthly meeting and it was just as bad, if not worse. This time, I kept all of my suggestions to myself because I knew they would get brushed off. There was a moment where another co-worker mentioned that I gave her some amazing advice that she wanted to share with the group. Backstory to the advice: she had asked me how I approach a certain situation because I always seemed to be able to handle said situation and I answered honestly and she appreciated the insight. This was WEEKS before this meeting. Anyway, my co-worker begins to share my advice to her with the group and the manager running the meeting cuts her off almost immediately and dismisses what she is sharing because he "already mentioned that approach the day before in our weekly meeting" as though he is the one that came up with the idea and as though I hadn't given the advice WEEKS prior to this meeting. I just wanted to share that even when someone else is attempting to give me credit where credit is due it gets dismissed by this manager. Then, right on time, the drama queen of the group throws me under the bus again about a situation that she not only caused by being underhanded, dishonest, and greedy; but had already been addressed MONTHS ago. Between her antics and those of the manager, my self esteem and will to get up and go to work every day is rapidly eroding.