I have just been given my lay off notice from a place I have been at for 10 years.

Jennifer DeBeneditto

September 8,2023 at 1:14PM UTC

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I have just been given my lay off notice from a place I have been at for 10 years.

Right now I am the caregiver for my 80 year old Dad. He is fairly independent, but a few months ago he had open heart surgery and was diagnosed with Chris Heart Failure. We have quite a few medical appointments and while he doesn't require physical care I need to go with him to his appointments.

My question is how do I bring this up when I job interview that doesn't make the interviewer immediately reject me. My current boss knows that I am good to make up all hours and keep my production levels high. I am not sure how to handle this during the interview process. People are telling me I should just work retail's...but then I will not be able to keep my House.

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AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 1:43PM UTC
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Try to sell yourself first, but have a rehearsed sentence ready that is specific about your time away needs. For example, “I take my father to all his doctor appointments. I’m the past 12 months there has been 6 times I missed work. I used vacation time twice and made up the time within the week the other four times.” This will give them an accurate understanding of your needs. I’d love that sort of transparency when I’m hiring.
AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 1:48PM UTC
Frankly, it seems unnecessary to bring up directly in an interview process other than to state that you might need some occasional schedule flexibility over the course of a day or a week. If they need more information, then you could state that it's for a family member's medical appointments. I would not indicate it's an elder relative.
You have made this work at your current job, and you can make it work in your next job.
Best wishes!
AnonymousSeptember 8,2023 at 2:43PM UTC
While it's great that you want to bring this up in interviews and there may be potential employers that would certainly be as accommodating as possible, I would advise against it. What I would do, though, is make sure you are targeting employers that you know offer a bit of flexibility, not so much a structured schedule. Good luck to you!
KatSeptember 8,2023 at 4:06PM UTC
I'm sorry you are going through a layoff when you've already got so much on your plate taking care of your father. Taking some of the financial, physical and emotional pressures off of you will help with your job hunt. Does his insurance include coverage for a home health aide/caregiver/CNA to help support him with his daily activities so not all the burden is on you? Are there friends, neighbors or other family members that could help out? Look into state/local programs to support you as well. My state has a program that pays family members to be caregivers to keep older adults in their homes. It would provide some income for you while being a caregiver. If your father still owns a home, is it possible to sell that home and have him live with you, or sell yours and live with him?
Can you file for unemployment or get a severance package from your job? That might help alleviate some of your financial stress while you look for a new job. As for how to broach this subject in an interview, don't mention it until it's brought up. Like if they expect you to work overtime or irregular hours, let them know you have caregiving responsibilities. If you find a job with a schedule that is flexible enough to accommodate your other job (caregiving) then that's even better. Good luck with this new chapter in your life.
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 12:09PM UTC
Must be so stressful. It will be a hard ask on a potential employer, let's all be honest here. You have not proven yourself to get the job done before starting. I would look for any possible programs to help with a caregiver support. It's not going to be a smooth transition. Outside of emergencies I would see if you could get any and all appts set up for the next 6 months and provide that way beforehand. Yes, it will take time to get those set up, and YES things happen that may need to have an appt rescheduled. but YOU need to think outside the box and come up with options. Other than 3rd shift jobs,
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 12:38PM UTC
I, too, am a caregiver involved with my mother...She doesn't need me all day long but certainly with appointments and will need me "more" along down the road. Now, you need to be realistic regarding how "much" time you'll need to be gone, helping your Dad. have his appointments accelerated to alot....or a little? And, we can ALL experience a dramatic change in our circumstances with a spouse, child, or our own person-- in which we would NEED to attend appointments to receive medical care...so my advice is to NOT bring this up in interviews. you will have to budget time...as we all do....to make these appointments with your Dad. Take vacation time, personal time, schedule them late, very early, on Saturdays, virtually-- space them out a bit more--whatever you need to do. It sounds like you can't work retail- you need the income--otherwise, perhaps you can become a paid caregiver to your DAD...? and take that lower paying position in retail....But NONE o us have the leisure to simply change work schedules- you've been really really lucky with this with your current boss... you'll also need others to step up, should your dad not be able to attend an appointment, here and there, alone....
Barbara BurkeSeptember 9,2023 at 4:40PM UTC
You’re assuming there Are others who can step up. Often there aren’t. She could be an only child with no spouse or children of her own or she could have siblings living thousands of miles away.
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 12:40PM UTC
excellent response. having raised 4 children, this situation is very similar- 4 kids might be worse in terms o schedule craziness-- must be organized, creative, and ask others to help.
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 12:46PM UTC
I am so sorry you have to go through all this. I agree with both of the current responses. Set up your schedule as far out as possible and ask the questions the other poster talked about.
The other thing I’d look into is your support system and back up help. I would be willing to bet your support system would be more than happy to help sub in from time to time once you find a new role and get established.
Sending you good vibes
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 1:02PM UTC
You don’t, schedule as far in advance as possible, and do what you need to do to keep your bills paid. Ask about flexible hours, etc. but in the context of general medical appointments/personal obligations.
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 1:19PM UTC
Don’t bring it up in an interview. It has nothing to do with your job. Make sure whatever company you’re looking at has FMLA. Get the job and then do the paperwork for it. It protects your job while you go on appointments as a caregiver. https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla/final-rule/faq#:~:text=In%20order%20to%20be%20eligible,for%20the%20employer%20for%2012
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 1:30PM UTC
You often need to be with a company a specific amount of time to exercise FMLA.
misskelleypSeptember 9,2023 at 5:34PM UTC
You have to have worked for a company for a year or 1250 hours to qualify for FMLA....
Katherine Metres Akbar, Interview Coach & Resume ExpertSeptember 9,2023 at 1:33PM UTC
With so many professionals working from home nowadays, working flexible hours isn't a big deal for most employers. I am glad to offer it to my staff, as long as I know what hours they are working and they make up the time (or take it as sick leave). So I would wait until the last stage of the interview/offer negotiation process (i.e., when they have decided on you) and then find out if occasional flex time for elder care is an option, before you accept the offer. Chances are good that they may actually bring up flexibility before you get to that point. Please don't worry about this. Focus on how you will make the hiring manager's life better and benefit the employer.
I put all my best wisdom on interviewing into a five-minute video, which you can watch on my website, YESwriting. If this interests you, go to Resources, Interviewing, and it's the one where I'm wearing a green jacket. LMK if you need any more help with interviewing and please accept my best wishes for a great offer soon!
Kathleen FisherSeptember 9,2023 at 1:37PM UTC
Katherine. It is so generous of you to offer your advice and expertise!
Stephanie EricksonSeptember 9,2023 at 4:55PM UTC
I completely agree with this, but would approach flexibility before the final stage. When I am hiring, I don’t like surprises or requests at the final stage.
Katherine Metres Akbar, Interview Coach & Resume ExpertSeptember 10,2023 at 4:31AM UTC
I didn't see it as a request--more as a point of what the offer includes.
RachelSeptember 9,2023 at 1:38PM UTC
That information doesn't belong in an interview. If you are offered the job, ask them how doctors appointments work as you have to take your father to them. If you're salary, typically doctor appointments are covered under that as long as it doesn't haooen every day
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 3:13PM UTC
Hiring managers are human too. They know that life happens. Going into an interview with your truth is the best thing you can do for yourself. They will hire you if you are the best person for the job. If they don’t, no worries you were not meant to be at that organization.
Maggie StoneSeptember 9,2023 at 3:51PM UTC
i think that there is no reason to offer this information in an interview. It is time to think about what works for your current situation (part time, flexible schedule, work from home) and look for that Good luck
Audrey KirschSeptember 9,2023 at 3:56PM UTC
Any possibility of working remotely? I'm full time remote, with a boss who doesn't care if I have to go to appointments during normal business hours as long as I get my work done and am available for clients when they need me.
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 4:07PM UTC
I commend you for caring for your dad. You have to take care of you first so you can continue caring for your dad. Get the best job you can find to support you and your home and look for alternatives to help care for your father.
Angela MartinSeptember 9,2023 at 4:46PM UTC
See if your state allows you to be paid for caretaking and look for something flexible. You may be better off getting unemployment, but I would look into it.
Rosa GoesSeptember 9,2023 at 5:35PM UTC
I had a similar experience. Let the interviewer know you are the primary caretaker and would need flexibility to take him to his medical appts. Don't over explain or provide additional info unless asked. Keep it simple, i.e. one sentence. I would also recommend you display confidence in your interview and ability to get the job done. Sometimes these types of events can be overwhelming, but if you can keep a chin up and focus one day at a time, you will do great. Good luck to you!
Afo Ogbeyalu KaluSeptember 9,2023 at 5:49PM UTC
i advise that you do not bring up any personal, or health related topics during your interview. That information could be used against you. . . . .
Instead, secure a position. Once you are with an organization, exercise your rights and benefits pertaining to medical/caregiver/family/personal leave . . .
As you stated that your dad is relatively independent, consider securing shuttle service/transportation for him to get to his appointments. It may be a provision under his insurance plan.
On those days when it would be difficult to be physically present at his appointments, consider video calling so you could be "in the loop". . .
AnonymousSeptember 9,2023 at 6:45PM UTC
Have you checked into FMLA as his primary caregiver? Perhaps you can take advantage of that during this difficult time with your current employer if they are large enough. Seek that out. Should that not be relevant to your situation then I suggest you get an offer first and when you have accepted let them know that. You truly don't have to disclose anything but you might want to let them know you need some flexibility to do remote work when he has to be taken to his doctors. It may mean that you work some off hours to make up time but you only get one Dad so it is worth it.
AnonymousSeptember 10,2023 at 12:38PM UTC
Ask about flexibility in a general way. You won't be eligible for FMLA until you've been in the role for a year in most places. In the job I started a year ago, I wasn't even allowed to take a vacation day for the first year!
Try doing delivery or rideshare for awhile to see if you can make enough to cover expenses if your severance doesn't do it for you.
LORI-ANN BURLINGAMESeptember 10,2023 at 12:56PM UTC
Did HR explain to you why you are being laid-off? If it's due to an acquisition or merger -- this is out of your control. In addition, ten years with a company is a good sign that you are a loyal and hardworking employee.
When interviewing, be transparent. You are a caregiver and companies hire men and women with caregiving responsibilites all the time.
I wish you much success in your job search. Remember, you are worth it and much more!
Jennifer DeBenedittoSeptember 11,2023 at 8:22PM UTC
The company plan is to go digital and they are moving to a smaller building. They eliminated my position to make space.
AnonymousSeptember 10,2023 at 3:27PM UTC
I'm in the same situation regarding being a caregiver. I'm a caregiver to both of my elderly parents in their 80's. They are still independent, but I take them to their doctor appointments and it can be overwhelming. Hopefully, your previous employer provided some severance. Make sure to file unemployment right away. I am in HR, so this is what I am doing as I recently was laid off and am now starting a new job soon. FMLA doesn't start until you have been employed for 12 months and meet the hour requirement. Therefore, my plan of action is that I did not tell my new employer that I was a caregiver as I don't want it to be an issue or cause any negative feelings to my committed work ethic. I am currently reviewing their PTO plan and if I don't feel it will be enough then I am going to negotiate for more PTO as this will be covering the days I need to take them to their appointments. I have calculated about how many appointments it is a month to determine how many days I might need and am willing to do half day PTO to just save some of my time off as well. So my plan is to use PTO for the appointments needed and then when I have worked there for 12 months then I can evaluate whether or not it is a good time to file for intermittent FMLA or wait until it might be more necessary to file if any of my parents conditions become more serious. I hope that helps and definitely hang in there with a positive mindset through your layoff experience as it is a lot to handle but also take time for yourself and update your resume and interview skills to have your experience shine in those interviews! Good luck!
BNSeptember 10,2023 at 4:59PM UTC
If you haven't done so already, please check your local laws regarding family leave. More states are providing paid leave to care for a family member, which would also allow job protection. For example New York provides Paid Family Leave (NYPFL) after 26 weeks of consecutive employment.
AnonymousSeptember 10,2023 at 6:06PM UTC
Good suggestion for the original poster of the feed. However, where I reside there are no state or local laws regarding family leave.
Barbara BurkeSeptember 12,2023 at 5:11AM UTC
FMLA applies to all states, however, it’s only paid in a handful so far. But per the US Dept of Labor, FMLA applies, meaning that while the company doesn’t have to pay you in all states, they can’t stop you from taking it.
AnonymousSeptember 12,2023 at 6:09PM UTC
The individual that posted this is being laid off Nov 3 so she doesn't qualify for any leaves right now.
Jennifer DeBenedittoSeptember 11,2023 at 8:21PM UTC
Thank you. Yes, my employer is providing me with severance. My termination date is Nov 3. I can sign papers then for the severance. I asked about unemployment and they said they would not contest it, but told me I was on y own for any filing questions. I didn't know if I could apply a week early to get the ball rolling or just wait until November 3.
AnonymousSeptember 12,2023 at 3:14AM UTC
You can use FMLA time to take your dad to the doctor. FMLA time can be used by the hour, it protects your job until your last day Nov 3.
Brenda MattesonSeptember 10,2023 at 4:13PM UTC
Don't share your personal needs in the hiring process. It is not relevant to your qualifications to do a job. Get a letter of recommendation from your current manager -- focusing on your management of your workload, quality of your work, and timely completion of assignments and NOT mentioning anything about your time flexibility needs. That will help a lot. And KEEP IN MIND that the workplace has never been as flexible as it is these days -- ask about remote work options. You wouldn't believe how much flexibility younger workers demand who don't have any personal responsibilities -- it's completely antithetical to our Boomer work ethic, but don't be afraid of what you need. Today's workplace is all about supporting flex time and vacations -- follow the lead of the Millennials! Good luck!
Jennifer DeBenedittoSeptember 11,2023 at 8:17PM UTC
The company does not allow management to make recommendations for people they have laid off. The people interviewing me can call a 1800 number to verify my employment for a fee.
BNSeptember 10,2023 at 4:54PM UTC
Question, when you say you've been giving your layoff notice have you officially laid off or are you still employed?
Does your state have family leave?
Are you eligible for FMLA under your previous company?
For interviews, I wouldn't bring up personal issues. You can broach the subject as asking expectations of workload, deliverables, work-life balance. The bottom line is if you were given sick days appointments for your elderly parent apply.
Jennifer DeBenedittoSeptember 11,2023 at 8:15PM UTC
I will be terminated on Nov 3. My State does have family leave, but my situation does not require that now. I just need to be "able" to go to medical appointments. I have worked in a place where they felt you should take PTO for all appointments and I know I cant get cardiologist appointments after 5 or 6 PM.
I will ask about workload, deliverables and work life balance when I get to that stage of the process.
AnonymousSeptember 11,2023 at 1:14AM UTC
No need to share that info until you actually receive a written offer.
Maria Paula CalvoSeptember 11,2023 at 11:21AM UTC
Jennifer, we all go through important personal situations along our lives. I am happy to read your dad is improving and you are committed to help him on the way.
When you interview for your new job, the first and most important thing is that you get wanted by the company because of your great skills and experience. So first in the process please just focus on that: convey clearly and consistently what makes you valuable for that company. If you arrive to the stage where they are making you an offer, then you will think of opening to them your specific needs at the time and I am sure there will be more than one way to accomodate so that you can deliver what the role requires while also keeping up with your dad´s appointments, or with any other personal circumstances you need to consider and don´t want to give up.
Good luck in your search!
AnonymousSeptember 11,2023 at 1:42PM UTC
You won't be eligible for FMLA until you've worked in the new position for a year or have worked a certain number of hours, and only if your employer is large enough:
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/28C-fmla-eldercare
AnonymousSeptember 11,2023 at 3:21PM UTC
You can use FMLA up to 12 weeks off for a family member that you live with that needs medical care.
AnonymousSeptember 11,2023 at 6:06PM UTC
Not true when you are a new hire.
In order to be eligible to take leave under the FMLA, an employee must (1) work for a covered employer, (2) work 1,250 hours during the 12 months prior to the start of leave, (3) work at a location where 50 or more employees work at that location or within 75 miles of it, and (4) have worked for the employer for 12 months.
AnonymousSeptember 11,2023 at 7:57PM UTC
Check into government programs that let you get paid for taking care of elderly family member.
Connie Walters BrocklandSeptember 14,2023 at 6:37PM UTC
This is a great suggestion. Jennifer, you may reach out to your local health department or Adult Protective Services with your local DSS to find out more about how to connect with this resource.
Jami ThamesSeptember 21,2023 at 7:23PM UTC
I agree with this! See if you could qualify for respite pay
Farah BajwaSeptember 13,2023 at 4:47PM UTC
I'm so sorry you're in a challenging stop. I was also blindsided with a layoff in my 9th year with a company. First, IMMEDIATELY file for unemployment as that takes a week or two to kick in. If you and your current manager are willing, use them as a reference. To save on some expenses, I know from experience that there are some discounts through the internet and electric companies if you apply. Being 10 years with an employer looks good to potential employers - people don't stay that long in one place anymore even though they may want to.
If you're uncomfortable with being completely straight with potential employers (some will appreciate the transparency), then reframe it that you're looking for positions with flexible hours. Work/life balance and flexible hours are new buzz words. Or maybe consider roles that are fully remote. Good luck to you, dear. I'm in a situation myself where I don't know what is going to happen and things have been in the air for 2 weeks now. I'm doing my best to stay open and trusting that wherever things land will be the best thing for me.