Can work be too casual?

13 Comments

1. Melissa Mellor, COOFebruary 24,2022 at 3:56PM UTC

   Always remember that you set your boundaries. You can find a healthy balance in building rapport while maintaining your limitations.

   I personally used to feel like this. I use RRT and that helps me release any prejudice or frustration I have with situations like this. These types of situations don't REALLY MATTER but they also REALLY MATTER :) Those good ol' conflicting relationships. You noted you don't care, but it feels invasive. So you do care, you just don't care that much - but enough to prompt a question on the matter :)

   I am being facetious obviously so I hope that you can sense my humor on the matter.

   RRT helps me release these frustrated emotions and allows me to allow other people to do what they want without it impacting me (or annoying me, frustrating me, etc). One thing I learned very early on in my career was the number of times I was giving my power away and didn't realize it. On little things that seemingly didn't matter but it frustrated me. This situation for example - they are too casual and are giving away personal information unnecessarily in the workplace. If that's frustrating you because you want boundaries set. Such that if THEY change what they share, you will feel better at work. So they need to change their behavior so you can feel differently at work (thus giving your power away). I do this with my kids and husband all the time. If my kids just got along, I would be happy. If my husband did the dishes, I would have time to work out. It's a very external experience.

   My best advice to anyone in the workplace (or anywhere in life) is to lock into if you are asking someone else to impact your feelings... if you are it's time to start understanding your emotions and why they are there. Once you can start understanding that - it's amazing what you can accomplish.

   This is something I have learned using RRT and has helped me in literally every facet of life. Doesn't matter if it's a question such as this, or more serious emotions.

   Long story short, I think 'too casual' is all a matter of perspective. I want my employees to feel comfortable and connected. Some people are all the deets, others observe. I ensure we don't place judgment on whatever side of the fence a teammate is on. We focus on seeing people for who they are and where they are at and not casting judgment for prejudice based on that :)

2. Paula OlsonFebruary 25,2022 at 3:55PM UTC

   What is RRT?

3. Melissa Mellor, COOFebruary 28,2022 at 7:02PM UTC

   RRT stands for the Rapid Relief Technique and it's a technique that removes all the things you don't want in life, to make space for the things you do want.

   As a society, we have become completely tolerant in our lives. We accept things we don't like, and hope to just 'make it better'. RRT helps to identify what you are tolerating (even as simple as people being too personal in the workplace) and heals the emotions around it so your body doesn't have a visceral response to these things. It's amazing for stress, anxiety, overwhelm, exhaustion, frustrated parenting or relationship experiences, etc.....

   It's hard to explain in a chat but feel free to message me. The company has some good information on RRT for free that I can share with you if you'd like :)

4. Paula OlsonFebruary 28,2022 at 10:24PM UTC

   That sounds like something I need. Thanks.

5. Melissa Mellor, COOFebruary 28,2022 at 11:21PM UTC

   I honestly feel it's something all humans need

6. AnonymousFebruary 24,2022 at 4:18PM UTC

   Every work place is different but what you are comfortable with is what you need to set boundaries for. If you don't feel comfortable hearing that information or sharing it for that matter you need to set those boundaries and limitations which isn't always easy.

   My office can be very casual as we share a lot with each other but we also know each others boundaries. We check in with each other in both personal and professional life because we choose to as an office. Keep in mind there are also only 5 of us. But the key point is we are all comfortable doing so. You set what you are comfortable with.

7. Sabrina CortesFebruary 24,2022 at 4:26PM UTC

   I understand your feelings that sometimes TMI is just that - TMI, and people don't need to hear about it. You can't do anything about what people share at work, but like you already said, you have boundaries that you don't cross and prefer to have your work relationships friendly yet professional.

   On the other hand, it's good that the atmosphere is so relaxed and that people feel comfortable enough to share parts of their personal lives with others at work. That can be a good support system, especially if someone is going through a really tough time. It would be best if your co-workers hung out outside of work and shared their personal stories then.

8. Beth ConsugarFebruary 24,2022 at 4:31PM UTC

   I agree. Not that we don’t care, but sometimes we just want to work and not hear every minute detail of someone’s life.

   Perhaps you can have that conversation with your co-workers to set some boundaries.

9. AnonymousFebruary 24,2022 at 4:33PM UTC

   Different culture and different levels of comfort. It human nature. We are all very different.

10. Lauren Erickson PiedyFebruary 24,2022 at 5:22PM UTC

    It's definitely invasive. And then I feel as though if you don't participate, it turns people off. I have had a bad experience both ways, staying professional only or being too open about my personal life. It's like you can't win.

11. AnonymousFebruary 25,2022 at 12:38AM UTC

    We all have our own comfort zones. If yours are different from theirs, just stay with whatever you're comfortable with. If challenged, use white lies to keep from playing along without coming across as a snob. The oversharers won't want to be considered unprofessional or inappropriate, and with their lack of boundaries, they are the kind to gossip. Good luck with this!

12. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistFebruary 25,2022 at 7:27PM UTC

    I'm a very private person and don't particularly like to share things about my personal life. Luckily it seems like people love to talk about themselves so I mostly listen and get out of sharing about myself that way.

13. Jenny Cox, PHRFebruary 25,2022 at 8:34PM UTC

    It sure can be a tricky balance. How do you set boundaries that work for you without alienating yourself from your coworkers? I've had success with just being honest - if someone asks me a question that feels too personal I will just say, "Oh, I have a personal policy against sharing details about XXX at work." Some of your coworkers may surprise you and feel the same pressure you do to share too much.

    You setting healthy boundaries could be a relief to them AND could lead to others feeling empowered to do the same.