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Manager issues

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Manager issues

I Started with my company 3 years ago as an LOA specialist. I was then promoted and was always giving autonomy to make decisions and revamp processes where I saw fit. We then decided to outsource and that's when my new boss was hired on. She wanted to fully transition me to benefits bc she felt there was no need to handle LOA since we had a 3rd party. I told her from the start i still feel we will need to manage the relationship and work closely with our 5 HR sites on everything. She disagreed. I was happy for the opportunity to learn about benefits but shortly after I started I gave birth and went on mat leave for 4 months. I came back and was expected to know everything benefits. I had zero training and was expected to look at SOPs and figure it out. A year later I'm feeling more comfortable but that's not why I'm posting. Everything you've read so far is just the tip of the iceberg. My boss is a mean girl. She always has been since she started and no one likes her. I was always on her good side but as of lately I haven't been. The other problem is my coworker too. I found out my boss called my coworker one day when I had covid. It was our in office week and I got covid and told her I had it and would be working remote. She said ok thanks for telling me. Not, ok feel better or keep me posted on how you're feeling. Instead, she calls my coworker to bitch that I didn't go in and "covid guidelines don't even have any restrictions anymore". Ever since I found that out I cannot trust her. Why is she calling my coworker about me?! That is so unprofessional. She doesn't know I know. Things have continued to escalate and I notice she doesn't even look for my input in meetings or give me updates and goes straight to my coworker. It's made me so uncomfortable and that she doesn't want me on her team. She also told me months ago she was ok with my doing local AE meetings bc I have little kids. Then last week tells me she's sending me to CA. Which is the most difficult location to get to bc you have to rent a car and drive over an hour to get there. I had told her previously i don't drive much and she still is sending me. I'll do it but the sudden switch makes me feel uncomfortable. I love the company but also feel I can't find another job bc I have so little experience in benefits. Idk how much more I can handle. Please help with any advice!

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  1. Erin Vega

    First off, sorry to hear you are going through this. Just horrible as a professional to be the mean person. Sending virtual hugs your way!!

    The only advice I can give is to do your tasks, don’t get caught up in the office drama, and document everything you can.

  2. Anonymous

    this is terrible and I really feel your pain. But...DO NOT get caught up in the drama, gossip (with other coworker) etc. I've been there/done that. Once you start being concerned about your "mean girl", talking with others, etc...you are pulled into that toxic vortex. See all of this for what it is. Do NOT personalize it. Create mental roadblocks about work and home life. Be your best self at work. Do not over emote on how she's handling you (even though it's crappy). The less you get pulled into her vortex, the BETTER. please hear what I'm saying. Do your best, don't over explain yourself, don't make any excuses, tow the line. You cannot change a mean girl, but you CAN control how much of her poison gets into YOUR life. Boundaries- establish mental boundaries for yourself. Stop talking to your coworker who seems to know more than she should! XO. Listen, I've been there- and there is no way to change a mean girl, mean boss, etc....I lost a very good job, eventually, from a "mean girl boss" who is still on her power trip and very despised. My advice (in hindsight)- Be nice, be professional, do not question anything (no suggestions to her, etc), stay under the radar. She will hopefully find another target soon. Hang in there. I'm sorry.

  3. Anonymous

    When I was in a job I didn't like, I reassessed what "I want to be when I grow up" (which is precisely where I am right now, by the way). Sit with someone who can help you reassess your skills, desires, and values, and then start looking for jobs where those skills and desires would be valued assets. It may no longer be in HR, or it may be in a different part. If you can, take online or in-person classes that will introduce you to other fields. You may find you have a talent for TA, sales, or customer service. You may also be well positioned for management since you have experience in two aspects of HR.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's not your fault. The only one you can change is you. Trying to change anyone else's behavior rarely works.

  4. Anonymous

    I would try to separate the drama dealing with your boss and the work. Concentrate on learning what you need to know to move your career forward. That means continuing education, seminars, classes. Take the initiative and do all you can. This doesn't have to be about your boss. This can be about you.

  5. Anonymous

    Like other posters have mentioned, no need to get "caught up" in the drama and gossip that seems to be swirling around you. Your only concern should be about your career trajectory: what you've learned and will learn in the future that will allow you to progress to that next level.

  6. Anonymous

    Have you meet co-workers in person? Look into your contract, paper contact in records, oral hiring is not legitimate. To see if anything you are not aware of, not from you in person, such as the employment verification, payscale, tax filing.

    Remember any company who wants to do business in U.S. have to follow the same standard as local companies, they need to follow trade compliance.

    It sounds like scam, you should leave that company immediately. Tell that mean co-worker it is not her business, not something she should be interfered with.

  7. Anonymous

    Hang in there and pay your bills. Don't quit until you line up the next job. I would be proactive and take classes and earn some certifications.

  8. Anonymous

    Take a deep breath here, remove the need to be liked from the equation and the side conversations with your co-worker. Next time you meet 1-1 with your manager let her know that if she has some feedback about your being out or covid rules to speak to you directly about it because others (don't name your co-worker) have told you that your situation was discussed with them. She is clearly not an empath and that is why she didn''t say get better. It seems like you are being given some grace to attend local things for meetings which is good because you have small children. Perhaps during your time away for mat leave her confidence in your co-worker has increased and she considers that person the lead on her team. Your manager might consider her a favorite by the way you say she is communicating with her. Let that go because that is just your ego wondering why you are being treated differently. Frankly nothing in your post is really troubling other than your need to have more TLC from your manager which may just mean you and this manager are simply not compatible as a match. So what can you do? a- stay there let go and just do your job and keep going and when you feel you have enough extra experience find a new job. b-stop letting your need for someone with an empathetic style and more warmth get in the way of your continuing at that company. This manager is who she is, instead figure out a way to manage your manager and find a happy ground.

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