Hi community,

Anonymous

November 1,2021 at 4:24PM UTC

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Hi community,

I am hoping someone can suggest a diplomatic way to handle a work situation. I am on the administrative side and interact with various people throughout the organization. We are given instructions to process throughout the day. One of my colleagues often makes mistakes that I raise to him very kindly. Occasionally, when I make a mistake, he goes on and on asking me to repeat it and say that I am wrong (joking that I make so few mistakes he can't help but gloat). I am really tired of this and would like him to treat me with the same level of courtesy that I do him. Again, he presents in a joking manner but it's really not funny to me.

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AnonymousNovember 1,2021 at 4:35PM UTC
Be transparent and just let him know.
Margrit PatelNovember 1,2021 at 5:08PM UTC
Are you comfortable speaking to him about it? You could lead into the conversation with something like "Look, I know you are just trying to be funny but I'm not taking it that way. Here is how I feel when you say xyz ..."
Lorna Rose, J.D., M.S.November 1,2021 at 5:28PM UTC
“I corrected/resolved this error after you brought it to my attention the first time, so there is no need to waste time discussing it further. If something new arises that requires my attention, please let me know. Thank you.”
Deborah PavekNovember 1,2021 at 6:23PM UTC
If he said it once in a joking manner, he would be kidding; because he continues, he knows it bothers you and does it for that reason.
I would suggest asking him to stop after the first go round and if he continued, ask him how he would like it if you did the same to him each time he made an error? I, personally, might throw in an aside that it would probably take up most of my day, but I can be bitchy like that.
Sarah StantonNovember 1,2021 at 7:10PM UTC
Depending on how the work relationship is would be how the convo could go. I would let him know in a kind way and if he acts insensitive to it then create boundaries to protect your peace. You don’t deserve the bullying and it seems like he has some issues on his own to sort out if he’s acting that way. Let us know how it goes, we rooting for you!
Sabrina RahmanNovember 1,2021 at 10:10PM UTC
He makes it funny because he’s awkward about the fact that he is not perfect.
Once you see it that way, it is a case of him trying to turn the tables on you.
So maybe a chat to management or HR would be a good idea. At least have this recorded and of the company chooses to do nothing to mentor him, then that’s on the company, not on you.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 12:36PM UTC
I would be very careful to involve HR. The problem is that HR is usually not helping to improve your work environment unless it is a violation of rules or laws. They may even blame the OP for 'acting superior' and claim she is the problem.
Sabrina RahmanNovember 3,2021 at 2:47PM UTC
That is a really good point.
I would only raise the one instance one time.
That way it starts a paper trail of repeated behaviour from his side.
Rene LetendreNovember 1,2021 at 10:30PM UTC
I would tell him exactly what you said here: “I feel like you present my mistakes in a joking manner, but I don’t think mistakes are funny at all—from anyone. I think our teamwork can improve if we handle mistakes with grace and kindness instead of jokes or sarcasm. I want to support you in your role, and I am asking you to do the same for me. Is this something you can join me in doing?”
Karen lindquistNovember 2,2021 at 12:13PM UTC
Perhaps when he does this thing, you could simply not take the bait and instead say politely “What makes you say that/ask me to do that?”
I am trying very hard to stop my response to people who do these passive aggressive things, and simply ask innocently “what makes you say that?”
It’s very good for handing back a shit sandwich to the giver. Puts a person on the spot to account for their behavior and words without actually getting a rise out of you. Do this enough and people fear pushing boundaries because they end up looking like the insecure passive aggressives that they are.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 12:21PM UTC
Speak to him about it, but also consider whether he appreciates that you point out his mistakes to him. I am guessing this is his way of saying he does not. It might make it easier to approach the conversation if you also ask him how he experiences it when you point t out his errors to him.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 12:32PM UTC
Here are a few question for you. Do you need to let him know of his mistakes? If they don’t come back to bite you, why is any of your business? He obviously doesn’t see your help the way you do and maybe it isn’t really your place. It’s also possible that what you see as being helpful isn’t being perceived that way.
My advice is to stop offering him help he doesn’t want. And practice a reply for when he “teases” you, that way it slips right out and you say exactly what you want to. We all know that no one is perfect and the same joke over and over isn’t funny.
Victoria AbramsNovember 2,2021 at 12:43PM UTC
Sometimes being direct is the best way to go.
_______, when you make a mistake I don't dwell on it or treat you unkind. I would like the same from you. Mistakes are going to happen and in that moment it is identified, we are helping each other and it should be positive.
Madam anon663November 2,2021 at 12:47PM UTC
Do his mistakes affect you and your work? If they don't, then stop pointing out his mistakes unless you want yours pointed out too.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 12:48PM UTC
If it's not your job to supervise him, stop pointing out mistakes to him. When he points out mistakes you make respond with "Well you are the expert on mistakes" and walk away.
Bretley DannerNovember 2,2021 at 1:00PM UTC
I think you just answered your own question. “You may think that it’s funny to tease me in this situation, however, I would like you to please show me the same respect I do you. ie; Making me aware of my mistake in a professional Manor, and then we both move on from there”. Thank him for his time, and walk away.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 1:01PM UTC
Poster, why are you pointing out his mistakes?
I suspect he is joking with you to point out that it isn’t your business. That is the job of his boss.
If your goal is to help him, then say that. If you’re just policing him for your own ego reasons (we’ve all been there, right?) then that isn’t helpful.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 1:03PM UTC
Is it possible that you have a standard of perfection that your office isn’t asking from you? Perfection is the enemy of progress is what they say at my office. I had to learn to slow down to “meet our clients where they are.”
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 1:15PM UTC
I think you are taking this way too seriously. Loosen up. It IS good not to take mistakes so seriously. Joking is the “very kind” way your co-worker is bringing up the mistake you made. Everyone communicates differently.
Maggie StoneNovember 2,2021 at 1:25PM UTC
Well, no one likes having their mistakes pointed out to them. It sounds like this person is feeling really frustrated and insecure about their mistakes. I am not sure how often this is coming up , the tone you are using, or if you are pointing these out publicly. I am sure your intent was good, but it seems something has rubbed him the wrong way ( that is probably his issue) and that has started a tit for tat game. Rather than speak to him about it, I would probably stop pointing out the mistakes unless you are in a position where you are managing, supervising, or training him, or the mistakes impact you (e.g. you have to send out a set of reports and he gave you the wrong report.). If you do have to point out a mistake, do it privately and keep it factual or phrase it as a question ( e.g. I had a different figure, can you please confirm?). Good luck.
Nicole ChristensenNovember 2,2021 at 1:26PM UTC
I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that they are not being deliberately annoying. While some working environments make it extremely challenging to be honest (which is unfortunate), I still believe that if we treat others with dignity, we cannot go wrong even if the environment may not support treating others with dignity. As such, I would ask him if you could speak to him for a moment one day apart from a moment when either one of you are pointing out errors. It may be that while joking about your rarely making an error, he is making a poor attempt to ask you to refrain from pointing out each of his errors. Perhaps asking him how or even if he is okay with the process for sharing any errors noticed. If not sparked by one of these errors, you could have a conversation regarding how you each wish to be treated when there is an error, this could save a LOT of guessing. The main keys here are:
1. The conversation happen NOT when an error is being discussed.
2. Both of you get a chance to talk about how you wish to address any errors noticed.
3. Recognizing that this does require vulnerability and if successful, acknowledging his engagement with being vulnerable as well.
Sarah BordersNovember 2,2021 at 1:44PM UTC
I am making the assumption that these are mistakes made in the procedures you both complete, and that if they are not corrected it could be embarrassing or even damaging to the team. In this instance, correcting mistakes is imperative.
Based on these assumptions and what you say, I think that, the next time this colleague corrects you and harps on about it, you should turn it around by asking, “Does it bother you when I correct your mistakes? Your joking response to *my* mistakes bothers me, and it makes me think that you might have a problem with the way I offer corrections to you, and I’d like to discuss that.”
If you are honest and vulnerable about how his actions make you feel, he should be more open to having a real dialogue about it. If he’s not open to discussing it or dismisses your feelings (which could happen), you may want to take it to your supervisor or another colleague to mediate.
Just based on what you shared, it seems like he might feel embarrassed about his mistakes, and he needs to be reassured that your corrections are not meant to be a comment on his competency or his ability to do the job well.
Joanna PoeNovember 2,2021 at 1:59PM UTC
First of all: Wow, to all of the people telling you not to point out his mistakes because it's not your business. You work on a team, and if you can prevent someone from looking like an ass to management or the customer, you should, and they should be grateful. Anyone ignoring coworkers' mistakes and allowing them to turn that work in should take a long, hard look at themselves. Would you want someone to keep it to themselves if you had spinach in your teeth before you met the CEO?
When he seems to gloat over your mistakes, all he's revealing is his own insecurities about how many he makes. Allow him a moment of triumph next time, then ask him if he's modeling the behavior he'd like you to display the next time you help him out.
Remind him that this is what coworkers do: they help each other out, and if he wants you to stop helping him improve his work quality, then gloating when you make a mistake is absolutely the way to send that message.
Trish Calles WilliamsNovember 2,2021 at 2:33PM UTC
I get that. She should be diplomatic, and not make her teammate look bad, but at some point she can't do it forever. If she's quietly pointing things out, and he's not listening, then at some point she needs to let him suffer the consequences. She can only protect him so much.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 2:52PM UTC
You don't mention whether or not it is your job to review and correct any mistakes your colleagues makes, but since you refer to him as a colleague, I suspect that's not part of your job. You also don't mention the nature of the mistakes or how crucial they are in the grand scheme of things. Will business grind to a halt because of one of his mistakes? Will money be lost? Will someone be injured or die? And why are you the one pointing out all of his errors?
The very nature of how you refer to him and his "often" making of mistakes speaks volumes about how you perceive yourself as an employee versus how you see him. Clearly you believe you are a superior worker and despite your "kindness" in pointing out his many mistakes, you're likely not being as kind and helpful as you believe. On the face of it, it appears you're the one causing the rift. His reaction to your own "occasional" mistakes is evidence of that. He's telling you in a very non-confrontational way to lay off him. You should take his advice.
Karen GongawareNovember 2,2021 at 3:26PM UTC
Joking is a form of aggression. Snipers hide behind joking and belittle you. You are either his boss/manager/supervisor or you are not. People mistake kindness for weakness always. So when he starts tell him to stop and be firm. "Stop. You are not joking. This conversation is over." And when you are discussing mistakes, be factual and state "there are errors that need corrected. Get this back to me by (fill in the time and day) with the corrections."
Be his boss, not best friend.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 3:36PM UTC
Unless it's your job to review/double check his work, let him make the mistakes and take the repercussions for putting out lousy work. Don't help him any more.
Focused721350November 2,2021 at 3:52PM UTC
Good Morning,
Straight up! Tell him in a polite way that it bothers you. Your a smart person.
Good luck and God bless ;)
AyianNovember 2,2021 at 3:57PM UTC
Clearly he has not followed your example and need to be redirected. Do so very clearly with your end result in mind. Jokes are just things people actually think put into a tone that socially 'obligates' you to take lightly.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 4:02PM UTC
Send his mistakes to his supervisor. When he asks you to repeat yourself when you make a mistake, just say, "That's not necessary". After that, ignore him.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 6:08PM UTC
Say: "I really like you, but those jokes are getting old." The jokes are probably some form of self-soothing for the shame of making mistakes, and the emotional labor of making him feel better can be done by someone else.
Monette AndersonNovember 2,2021 at 6:26PM UTC
I get the impression that maybe this colleague doesn't take your criticism of their mistakes as kindly as you think you may be giving it (whether that's on your delivery or their being extra sensitive I can't say). I would use the DESC model to handle this: Describe, Express, Specify and Consequence. Something like "I feel that last few times I've made a mistake you've made a big deal about it. I feel that when I point out mistakes I do so in a kind and attentive manner and move on. I think it is important in the workplace that we feel that we can point out mistakes with each other, take responsibility for them, and learn and I worry that this behavior is counterproductive to us being able to have that experience. I think if we can agree on how we handle pointing out mistakes and resolving them that we can have a more productive working relationship.
Kari ParkerNovember 2,2021 at 6:54PM UTC
Say something like: "We all make mistakes, we learn from them. No reason to constantly rehash it. Please make a note for next time."
Maura van der LindenNovember 2,2021 at 8:23PM UTC
Personally, I would look at him and say (firmly) "Stop now, thank you." and not engage in more discussions after the initial acknowledgement.
AnonymousNovember 2,2021 at 10:23PM UTC
Unless you are this person's supervisor or you've been specifically tasked with pointing out his mistakes, how do you reasonably expect him to respond? You're sure dishing out a lot of perfection with all of these call outs but when the tables are turned, all of the sudden you're upset by his delivery? Please, apply some self awareness here! Stay in your lane on this one, its just not your problem to be the office mistake police!
Lindy SpencerNovember 2,2021 at 11:30PM UTC
You might stop "kindly" pointing out others mistakes, They may not feel it's kind. If you do not like it, neither does anyone else. After you stop pointing out mistakes of others, when one does that to you, say. sternly, "I need you to stop that". If they react by laughing, tell them if's not funny to you - no smiling by you - stern face! Move on quickly to another place so there is no time or place for discussion
AnonymousNovember 3,2021 at 12:33PM UTC
With love, it sounds to me like he's not the only one who lacks emotional intelligence. Why are you tasked with pointing out the mistakes of others who are colleagues but not direct reports? From one perfectionist to another, this isn't your job. Focus on the quality of your own work so he doesn't have a reason to hold it over your head and rub your nose in it as he seems to feel you have done to him. Try to be a bit more forgiving of yourself and others when mistakes happen and mind your own business if it isn't your specific job to correct him.
AnonymousNovember 3,2021 at 4:13PM UTC
Hi all - I am the original poster. I really appreciate all your feedback and guess I should have clarified my role. He (and a team of others), on a daily basis give me (and others on my team) work to process. Very often there are mistakes that, if I were to record in our system, would present issues in financial reporting and customer satisfaction. When I find them, I send an email (dropping any others that were on the original email chain) saying something along the lines of "Hi, I think this should have been "x" instead of "y"; would you please confirm?" That's the extent of it. I've jotted down some really good suggestions you've given and expect to us in the most diplomatic and non-confrontational manner in the future. Thanks so much!
AnonymousNovember 4,2021 at 4:47AM UTC
Don't help him any more. Focus on your own work. Stay busy all day.