Should I stay or should I go?

49 Comments

1. AnonymousNovember 21,2021 at 2:00PM UTC

   Yes. Start looking. I’m glad you are aware of your limitations, anxiety and depression. Seek help fir those issues and any other before you press ahead for a promotion. This will help you to present better and perform well. Trying to climb ahead without your mental well being in check may hinder your success.
   The issue about having a job that doesn’t pay a living wage will add to your stress. We work so we can live without being dependent on our parents.

2. AnonymousNovember 21,2021 at 2:37PM UTC

   Thank you for your response! I do have a therapist and am on antidepressants, but the last time I worked two jobs, I ended up in the hospital. I’ll start looking.

3. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 6:32PM UTC

   Go for it!!!! I understand that dealing with family always put an extra spin on any decision you make. I think that you are hard working and willing to learn so you need to find a company that will really appreciate your talents. Just take a deep breath and start applying for jobs.

4. Stephanie LekowskiNovember 21,2021 at 4:36PM UTC

   Yes, they are treating you like garbage. It blows my mind how some companies or firms today have the overconfidence that they can treat workers however they want, what with the Great Resign. If you can't afford to quit without another job (at all or for the same pay), hang in there and find a place you will be valued :-)!

5. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netNovember 22,2021 at 1:29PM UTC

   At least they are not terminating her....

6. Hilary OborghayujieNovember 21,2021 at 5:01PM UTC

   You can go

7. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 12:56AM UTC

   Yes

8. Melissa NobileNovember 22,2021 at 12:16PM UTC

   Run!

9. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 12:32PM UTC

   There is no need to include other managers in meetings regarding your lack of growth. You need to hear them out and figure out ways to grow professionally. Whether you stay at this company or not. Seek advice from a career coach and consider the fact that you love and ability to help others will increase with additional training and education.

10. Cheryl NeasNovember 22,2021 at 1:15PM UTC

    It never hurts to look around. Even just looking at position descriptions for jobs you want and figuring out how your skills fit, or what you’re missing, can help you chart your career.

    If your manager told you you could “learn management skills from your current position” then ask for a training and professional development plan that helps you get them. I don’t think it’s unusual for a company to not promise a specific timeline for a promotion but you can push them to help you get the skills. And if you train and are not promoted in your current organization then you are better positioned to get a new one.

11. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 1:15PM UTC

    This is a no brainer. Start looking like…yesterday.

12. Ari MiceliNovember 22,2021 at 1:22PM UTC

    Yes! It doesn’t hurt to take a look around and explore other avenues especially now that you’ve seen the writing on the wall. As another commentator mentioned, pursuing professional growth now for a career in what you love, good work and helping others, will also be beneficial in the long term. Best of luck in your journey!

13. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netNovember 22,2021 at 1:27PM UTC

    Start looking. Salaries are up and the labor force is down so a great time to look. It feels to me that they are not going to promote you. I would not put this off.

14. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 1:30PM UTC

    It’s time to go! While in your role, seek a leader to mentor you in your development & management skills. Create your own development plan & timeline for your career track. You can always do work to continue helping others. Yet right now, you need to put yourself as the priority. Take 6 months to aggressively build up your skill set & leadership skills. Find yourself in a new role, where you are also compensated well. Good luck!

15. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 1:36PM UTC

    Take the time to look. There are other great opportunities that you can be proud to work with while feeling a sense of value, worth, growth and development. I stayed at a job I loved, was promoted but it never 'went through'. Cut backs and I found myself jobless and was devastated! Got a new job that is a true step up, pays better, treats staff far better and I enjoy what I do. It was scary to be the new person, after 10 years of comfortably doing what I knew but it is the best thing that could have happened. Best wishes on your future endeavors!

16. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 1:45PM UTC

    You can also gain management experience on a volunteer basis. Chair a committee in which you oversee others. Civic organizations always need volunteers. Better to work for a for profit company with a better work/life balance where you can volunteer for causes you care about. Temping is a good way to gain experience in different industries.

17. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 1:52PM UTC

    Hi - I'm sorry, this sounds really rough.

    This article was really helpful when I was thinking through the same decision, it walks you through exactly how to make this decision. Hope it helps!

    https://elpha.com/resources/post-covid-career-moves-should-you-stay-or-should-you-go

18. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 1:59PM UTC

    I’ve spent my career in a non profit. They can’t promote people unless there is a vacancy for a management position. NFP have bare-bones budgets. It is much different from for-profit. Which is why they can’t give you a timeline. Also, how can they promise a promotion to someone who takes a class? They need to see evidence of leadership skills in your work. If you need a solid timeline, move out of NFP. If you want to stay, relax and enjoy your work.

19. Shelby CNovember 22,2021 at 4:04PM UTC

    I have always worked in corporate environments and we never put anything on a timeline. We used benchmarks instead. You're given clear, measurable goals to work through with a mentor (when done correctly).

20. CosmosMomNovember 22,2021 at 1:59PM UTC

    You can’t help others if you don’t help yourself. You don’t have to work for a non-profit to make a positive impact on society. Sounds like you want growth they aren’t offering.

21. Ladyboss737918November 22,2021 at 2:03PM UTC

    There are a lot of additional factors you can consider when going through this.

    "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't." An old supervisor told me that when he was changing out - and he was right, he was a pain, but we knew how he was a pain and what he was a stickler for. The new guy was worse.

    You said you love the nonprofit and you find the work fulfilling. There is no guarantee you're going to find that even if you do manage to find a better paying job. You spend at least 1/3 of your time at work during the week - it's important to have an environment you enjoy.

    Some things to consider:
    -What you can do to cut expenses to help with your financial independence
    -What personal debt might you be able to afford to kickstart your escape (if needed)
    -What non-monetary benefits does your company provide now that you might miss? (Are you on their medical plan? Do they allow flex time for appointments? Is there someone you know that would make a good mentor to help with the manager experience?)

    Promoting someone because they are good at their current job without reviewing and assessing the skills needed for the next higher level is usually a recipe for failure. You're right, they might be limiting you, but they also might be right and are trying NOT to set you up for failure.

    There's a lot more gray area - this is not just a black and white question with a simple answer. There are a lot of good suggestions in this thread worth exploring!

22. Shelby CNovember 22,2021 at 4:02PM UTC

    Yes! Perfect response.

23. KellyW43November 22,2021 at 2:10PM UTC

    First and foremost, you need to take care of yourself. First step is to seek help for your anxiety and depression. (In order to successfully help others, you need to help yourself.) Second step is to evaluate where you are. You say you want to cut off your parents and be self-sufficient. How do you plan to make it happen?
    Will it be in this position or another one?
    Then figure out your skill set and go from there. Like others have said, you don't have to work for a non profit to help people. There are so many positions that pay well, where you can help people on a daily basis, so you don't have to settle for not enough money to do it.
    Make a list of where you want to be in the next year and figure out how you plan to make these things happen.
    You may not see it in yourself, but you are a strong, capable person and you can accomplish anything you want.
    Start right now. All of us here, believe in you.

24. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 2:15PM UTC

    There is no risk in at least looking for a new role - by updating your resume, networking, figuring out your short and long-term career goals. You will be able to decide whether you are ready for a move up if you are able to land a new role at a higher level. Then you can figure out whether you'd like to move on or stay in your current role.

25. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 2:34PM UTC

    I sense a lot of anger and resentment in your post. Resentment towards your parents for their financial control, resentment towards your employer for not being more specific regarding your growth opportunity, resentment about your current income and dependency. I'm concerned that even if you got the dream job and made more money there would still be issues with your parents. And there would still be issues with you feeling victimized by circumstances instead of owning them a little bit better. You are the captain of your own ship. You can cut ties with your parents and create boundaries if you choose to ... right now! On the other hand, if you have taken on that such that you are dependent upon your parents, then it's on you. Again, if my comments make you feel angry that might be a sign that you need to look at all of these things more deeply inward. This is about much more than your current job which you say that you love. In fact, having a job that you love is way more important than people realize. My advice would be to look at the parental control issue in regards to money and other problems, and work that out first. Get a therapist to help you with that because it sounds like it's very emotionally Laden. I think once you get that worked out you'll be able to separate it from job issues and not let it all go together into a toxic soup

26. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netNovember 23,2021 at 9:54PM UTC

    i think this is very insightful. Parents should teach their children how to become self supporting adults so that they can live on their own and within their means. It is such a dis-service because this is what it ends up to be.

27. R.A. AndrewsNovember 24,2021 at 2:18PM UTC

    I am blown away by this comment and the likes it has received. First, the comment does not address the question that the writer is asking, which indicates disrespect for the writer and her intent. Next, you shift the focus to the writer's "anger and resentment". Where does this come from? At no point does the writer state that she is angry at or resents her parents, although their financial manipulation/abuse would justify it. Her "anger and resentment" were also not evident in the writer's tone. You essentially accuse the writer of being angry and resentful without cause, and then, in case she takes offense at the way you are attacking her character, you blame shift in advance by saying that if your comments make her angry, she should look within. Wow. Then you up the ante with the "I am concerned" bit. This is over the top. People who are concerned do not disrespect. And if this was not enough, you go on to suggest that the writer get a therapist. The condescension of this comment is truly awe-inspiring. This is the kind of reply that I believe the moderators should delete. People come here for advice, not abuse.

28. FrankieNovember 24,2021 at 4:49PM UTC

    Wow, this comment is so tone deaf.
    "Get a therapist" - you say, to someone that's struggling with money, as if therapy is cheap
    "If my comments make you feel angry, look inward" - you say, as you gaslight someone's valid experience while offering unwarranted sanctimonious "advice".

    I see your intent and don't totally disagree with the message, but you need to work on your delivery. This comes across as incredibly condescending and doesn't add value to the discussion. I suggest YOU look inward and figure out why you feel the need to patronize others while giving advice, seems to me like there's a lot of insecurity there.

29. AnonymousNovember 24,2021 at 10:05PM UTC

    advising someone to look inward when a twinge is felt is "gaslighting". It's pointing to a hot-spot. this is the same advice i would give my daughters, my best friend, and my peers. We need to pay attention to feelings; they are real and if they cause discomfort...then we need to look deeper. Therapy can come in the form of a good, respected friend...a Self help book (i.e. "Necessary Endings" by Dr. Henry Cloud is outstanding guidance). I'm sorry my delivery seems rough. It was direct but not unkind. I hope it was truly helpful adn again...we ALL need to pay attention to those twinges that hurt--those feelings are telling us something is wrong, and should not be ignored. Happy Thanksgiving!

30. AnonymousNovember 24,2021 at 10:06PM UTC

    meant to say: "is NOT gaslighting". Sorry for my typo above.

31. AnonymousNovember 24,2021 at 10:07PM UTC

    the original poster was asking for advice, so.... ?

32. Jackie RukaNovember 22,2021 at 4:43PM UTC

    Any time you are thinking about pivoting, you will feel anxiety.

    Change and pressure can be perceived as “hard” or challenging in a good way. Your perceived reality sounds like you are being very hard on yourself.

    First, no one controls you but you. So, instead of defending yourself, tell your parents you need their support not their demands. Stand up for yourself.

    Your current role, with only being there 2 years may not be realistic to promote you just yet. If they want to groom you toward a management role, ask for more responsibility and a bump in pay. Meet them in the middle.

    Looking for a role that offers more growth is fine. Take it one step at a time. You are better trying to find a job while employed.

    In the meantime, making extra money is possible. You can door dash, be a writer for company blogs, pet sit etc.

    Take time out for yourself and step back. Determine what your truth is? Practice self care to lower your anxiety and look at the bright side, have gratitude for being employed with a company who cares about you. And maybe even parents who believe in your potential by nudging you forward.
    Change comes with growing pains which is how you know you are growing! Just take one step at a time.

33. Huong Nguyen-ValleNovember 22,2021 at 6:36PM UTC

    Unfortunately, I have been in non-profit for almost two decades, and it is hard to move up or even to another role. Pay increases are home to come by as well. If you feel the need to go, please do. Look for work while you are still in the position.

34. Jill LopezNovember 22,2021 at 7:02PM UTC

    You have been given some great responses to address your question but I just wanted to add that I am proud of you for distancing yourself from the toxic financial environment with your family. Take a moment to congratulate yourself and feel the relief of that burden. While you are feeling pressure because of that decision, in the long run, I am hopeful you will be happier because of it. I know I was! Best wishes!!

35. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 7:13PM UTC

    I could be wrong but am assuming you are a recent graduate and still living with parents. If so you are early in your career and moving up can take years. Why do you want to be a manager? Have you ever had a leadership role in school or other non employment? Is it for the money? For power? You have to ask yourself why. If being a leader comes naturally then seek a position in a company in which you can grow.

36. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 11:44PM UTC

    I’ve got over 7 years of professional experience, and graduated over 7 years ago. Honestly, I want to help as many people as I possibly can, and that is why I want a management role. I also feel that I would be the type of manager that I want, which would be one who respects their associates and encourages growth. I know there’s a whole other part to being a manager , but I would love to be able to do something I love, and not have to worry about taking a second job. I wasn’t a born leader, and I think part of it is because of how I was raised… The other part is definitely on me. I never learned how to stick up for myself until now. I’m 30. I’m late in comparison to some others, and early to some. Given, I shouldn’t be making comparisons and am just rambling. I think your questions make a good point. You got me thinking. Thank you.

37. AnonymousNovember 22,2021 at 11:35PM UTC

    The problem is that I’ve got over 7 years of professional experience. I’m not a new graduate, which is what’s really annoying. I don’t need to be handed anything on a silver platter, but working for a place that promotes self-growth and doesn’t stand behind it is hypocritical.

38. Liz MilneNovember 23,2021 at 5:08AM UTC

    If you're 30 and have been working for 7 years, why do your parents have anything to do with your finances? Are you fully supporting them? Do they force you to give them your money? If yes to the latter, that's illegal... Time to cut ties, maybe, find yourself a small place and strike out on your own?

39. AnonymousNovember 23,2021 at 1:34PM UTC

    I think she is saying that her parents give her money but then expect something in return (visits, etc.)

40. Liz MilneNovember 23,2021 at 11:25PM UTC

    I misread it - I thought it was saying her parents had control of her finances! xx

41. Rene LetendreNovember 23,2021 at 10:50PM UTC

    Or she used the term "cut off" from her parents meaning become independent FROM them.....

42. Liz MilneNovember 23,2021 at 11:25PM UTC

    Ah, yes, I misread that!

43. Stephanie GatewoodNovember 23,2021 at 4:10PM UTC

    Yes. You will find passion in another position I am sure. You have to do what is best for you and your personal situation. I have been where you are. They will hire someone in your position the next week. Trust me. If you do not feel valued, you will not be productive.

    I am where you are as well. I have taken the next step to further my career, and be happy doing it!

44. Don RailsbackNovember 23,2021 at 7:11PM UTC

    You're doing everything the right way. You're making moves to become more independent by removing your parents from your financial needs. You're communicating with management about your goals and needs at work. You're taking management courses to expand your resume and make oyu a better employee. You are recognizing that adding to your current stress by taking a second job is not in your best mental or emotional interests. You have been with your current employer for almost two years which in these days is pretty uncommon. You're actually taking an inventory of your current situation and weighing it against your career goals and need to serve others. You should be commended and should stop beating your self up and be proud of your growth. The bottom line is that most people wait too long and then "change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change." You're doing everything right so start looking for a new opportunity and when you find it give your notice and don't look back. On a side note don't judge your parents too harshly. They're parents and obviously have been willing to help you financially through your twenties. I know a lot of people your age who only dream of parents who are willing to help them out regardless of the "catch". Did they really do you a favor by allowing you to get to this point? Only you can know that but no on this end should be making those judgments based on the little bit of information you have provided. Hang in there. There are a lot of companies complaining about not being able to find good applicants, if you're as good as you sound you'll do fine. Just don't get in a hurry.

45. FrankieNovember 24,2021 at 4:42PM UTC

    You're making the right moves and setting yourself up for success in the future - commend yourself for that! As far as the job goes... the sad truth about many nonprofits is that they bank on employees loving what they do and getting fulfillment out of their job and use that as an excuse to not treat them well.

    It sounds to me like your company's management doesn't have your best interests at heart and if it doesn't serve you, then good riddance. This is a really good time to be looking. You can jump to another nonprofit that is interesting to you, but there's also nothing wrong with switching to the private sector where you would absolutely make more money. If you're at a loss, don't discount that your experience is extremely valuable in a variety of sectors (e.g. any tech or software company that offer products/services to or work with nonprofits value industry experience and will be happy to have you onboard - its easier to train someone on a product than teach them about an entire sector). You can always give back in other ways, too - you can volunteer locally as well as donate to causes you care about. Remember a change doesnt have to be permanent either - you can always get the experience you need in a the private sector then return to the nonprofit world when you're ready.

46. AnonymousNovember 25,2021 at 1:37PM UTC

    yes

47. Blah Blah BlahDecember 7,2021 at 1:44AM UTC

    I think that you should do what your heart tells you. If you choose what you want, just remember that if it doesn't go right the Lord is with you.

48. AnonymousDecember 10,2021 at 2:45PM UTC

    I was laid off from my nonprofit position last year. I thought my heart would break in two. Depending on the team, they really can feel like family, not just great colleagues.

    My heart was fine. I landed in the private sector. Monday, I start a position making nearly 4x what I was making at the nonprofit.

    And in my spare time (that I have more of now, because I'm not working two jobs, commuting, clipping coupons and stressing about debt and being overwhelmed with bills), I am volunteering with a *very* small nonprofit, entirely run by volunteers. I am making a difference with my time, and with donations that I couldn't afford in the past.

    You *can* have it both ways - but sometimes not all at once. I expect that I will have enough experience in the next few years to be considered for director/VP-level roles at nonprofits, but I don't know that I will want to take the paycut.

    I say, start looking. See what's out there within your skillset. If you find areas you need to strengthen, take some LinkedIn Learning classes or Coursera or Khan Academy to get you started.

    And, if you aren't seeing someone to help you handle your anxiety and depression, please try to begin that process. Our own brain can be our worst enemy sometimes.

    Good luck!

49. AnonymousDecember 23,2021 at 2:43PM UTC

    This is exactly what I needed. Thank you so much for your honesty.