The favored coworker is being taken out to lunch for her birthday and I am not invited which is fine with me.

22 Comments

1. SamanthaSeptember 30,2022 at 2:42PM UTC

   I'm partial to just not getting her anything. Maybe shoot her a simple happy birthday message, but I don't think anything more than that needs to be done

2. tamara hurwitzSeptember 30,2022 at 2:51PM UTC

   I agree. I would stick to simple and try to act how you would with consistency for other office mates. A simple happy birthday seems appropriate.

3. Joanne RosenSeptember 30,2022 at 3:24PM UTC

   Get a nice birthday card. No gift necessary.

4. Gigi DevanneySeptember 30,2022 at 3:35PM UTC

   anyone else invite or just your boss? And no, no card or gift.

5. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 6:03PM UTC

   It’s a group that is cliquey. I don’t like any of those people to begin with, so no way I would spend my one hour lunch with any of them.

6. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 3:37PM UTC

   Thank you for the suggestions. I am just going to wish her a happy birthday and leave it at that. She has never gone out of her way for me, so it’s reciprocity. I am over being nice to people who clearly don’t give a crap about me. Need to save money too!

7. Crystal HowellSeptember 30,2022 at 6:04PM UTC

   Just Do You, peace of mind in workplace you just have to keep looking. Karma is right behind you, just stay quiet and know who not to engage with or talk about anyone.

   Weather is always a good subject to talk to gossipers!

8. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 4:39PM UTC

   This happens to me a lot with the favored ones. But they sure don’t mind asking me to pitch in for showers or birthdays. But they never return the favor.

9. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 5:59PM UTC

   Next time you are asked, tell them sorry, I don’t have the funds right now.

10. AnonymousOctober 1,2022 at 3:39AM UTC

    i agree! That is the way to go.

11. Crystal HowellSeptember 30,2022 at 4:43PM UTC

    Don't spend the money, surround yourself with positive uplifting people. It's a bummer, that is how it goes.

12. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 5:03PM UTC

    Oh boy. This is just another reason I want to (ideally) WFH. My last role was the worst - mean girl/cliquey type stuff that I have little tolerance. It went a bit beyond that to where it became downright unhealthy/unprofessional for everyone, but my supervisor didn't see that - nor did her boss. What was petty became an overtly problematic, so be mindful to document everything that you feel is unwarranted in the workplace.

    I would get her a card with maybe a $5 gift card from Starbucks (or similar). Keep it cordial and try your best to emotionally disengage from the boss and her. This sounds so much like where I worked but it was definitely over the top (to where I said, "I quit!"). I hope that never happens to you. Favoritism should not be tolerated, but we all know we cannot control it.

13. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 5:06PM UTC

    Don't spend your hard earned money on someone you aren't sure even likes you. Keep it cordial but also don't let these feelings linger if they are bothering you. Maybe after her birthday ask her to lunch and see if there's any issues. If she doesn't want to do lunch then you got an answer and maybe best to find your work tribe in a different area at work. Best of luck!

14. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 5:39PM UTC

    Leave it alone.

    TO me it doesn't make sense to spend hard earned money (especially these days with inflation) on anyone other than immediate family - no matter how close of a friend they are.

15. AnonymousSeptember 30,2022 at 11:57PM UTC

    So how many other people are being invited?
    Is it like a large group or just your boss and your co-worker? If it is a select few, you should not feel obligated to get your co-worker anything. Especially if you don't feel like she has an interest in you to that degree. If you genuinely want to get the gift do so, but not for appearances. If you want to improve the relationship, making small gestures like saying good morning every time you pass by the persons desk or offering to help in an area your colleague might need assistance with is worth more than gold in building a genuine rapport. But I don't get the sense that you even like her. Or perhaps your read is that she does not like you. And it is totally fine to be neutral. No need to go above and beyond with presents. Some people are still A-HOLES even if you shower them with gifts, which can be even more infuriating. Just do your best to be genuinely nice and cordial at work. And let those rapport and relationships organically happen. Yes being fake works often, but it is okay to be neutral too when someone directs negativity towards you. Not everyone is meant to be your bestie at work. Once upon a time I had to tell a toxic coworker who was playing fake with me and slandering me that "we are co-workers, not besties" It was my way of drawing a clear boundary with her due to constant lack of disrespect. I know that is not currently your experience. But it is an example that sometimes if you don't click right away with someone could be that clickeroo was never meant to be or it could potentially lead to something toxic or more harm that good. So don't try to force a connection. You could be better off the way things are now and you just don't realize it yet. Not sure if it helps. But good luck either way.

16. AnonymousOctober 1,2022 at 5:45PM UTC

    Do absolutely nothing. Choose to remove yourself from this vortex. A card or acknowledgment of this birthday is unnecessary.

17. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 5:01PM UTC

    Agreed, this is a "not your circus, not your clown" issue because birthdays are very personal and if you think on from that standpoint, it's really a day to let someone have it their way, and just mind your own and be grateful you have your own life, friends and loved ones when your special day arrives.

18. Karen LytleOctober 1,2022 at 10:32PM UTC

    Leave it and let it go.

    Several years ago, a coworker made a point to give everyone on the team as well as people on other teams something for Christmas....except for me. I knew she didn't like me and/or felt like I was the competition rather than a teammate, but I honestly didn't expect that level of pettiness. At the end of the day, just like the rest of us, these people have to live with themselves and the choices that they make about who they want to be. While it was awkward and it did sting, I tried to be grateful for the coworker giving me insight into what kind of person she was, which isn't someone that I wanted to engage with aside from what was necessary for the team.

    It isn't worth your time or your energy to give it a second thought.

19. AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 12:20AM UTC

    Also she probably just did that to score points with people. I’m sure she didn’t actually care enough about them. I have been in that before.

20. AnonymousOctober 4,2022 at 12:28AM UTC

    Yes, very petty and passive aggressive. Well exactly, when people show you who they are, believe them. Don’t contribute or get her anything either. It’s reciprocity. Now you know. She was likely doing it for brownie points and people eventually see through it.

21. Dawn S. CrossOctober 2,2022 at 4:55PM UTC

    Be cordial, give her a birthday card.
    But if you do give her a card, make it a point to give cards to your other co-workers as well.

22. Peace OutOctober 3,2022 at 9:25PM UTC

    Just leave it alone. Wish her a happy birthday in passing if you must, but don't go out of your way.