I know it's not really their memory, but...

Anonymous

March 1,2023 at 11:43PM UTC

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I know it's not really their memory, but...

Just looking for a little insight. I have 2 bosses that have selective memories. Example:

One asks if they can help me with a task that involves getting 250+ people to sign papers over 1 day. I give him last name A thru D and tell him that there are binders downstairs, on tables in a big room. One letter for every binder. I ask him to swap out the ones in the binders with the new ones I gave him.

So when I get downstairs with E through I, I see him randomly calling out names from his stack. With a mask on. In a room with a massive echo. Knowing that employees will be coming in on their own time all day, not all at once.

A few days later we have a meeting to discuss how *I* screwed up. They suddenly don't remember *anything* about that day.

I get a warning this sort of behavior is coming when I say something in a meeting, and they act like somebody farted. Pretending they didn't hear anything. They will later say they "don't remember" the warnings/recommendations I made with 20 years of experience, if they don't like what I have to say. They don't even dignify me with a debate. Or even a "shut up".

Yes I'm looking for work elsewhere. I just wanted to know what others would do when faced with such blatantly disrespectful behavior from a superior. I want to say SOMETHING. "Maybe you should get screened for Alzheimer's" is super rude, offensive and unprofessional. Would I be totally out of line to say something like "I recommend gingko balboa"? Just to hint that I don't buy their lame excuse?

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AnonymousMarch 2,2023 at 3:03AM UTC
Bottom line is he doesn't care what you or he do or don't remembers. Not even a little it.
Aside from that, he will take any snark or comment and twist it around that you are defensive or unprofessional.
You will achieve nothing in belaboring the point and might be courting disaster.
I would take the lesson learned that you should never, ever trust him to assist in an important project again.
Good luck with your job search.
AnonymousMarch 5,2023 at 10:55PM UTC
Never did trust him, though it's impossible to not involve them in *some* way.
As I said in an earlier comment, the gray rock/blank face method seems to work best. It doesn't do me any good to let them know what ticks me off.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMarch 2,2023 at 3:26AM UTC
YOU SAID: "I want to say SOMETHING."
What, specifically, do you hope to accomplish by doing this?
AnonymousMarch 2,2023 at 6:57AM UTC
Spruce up your resume and move on. Nothing worth staying there for.
Best wishes for your next job search.
Rebecca Van HoutMarch 2,2023 at 1:46PM UTC
While you are there I'd recommend documenting anything important with a follow up email confirming the plan "Just wanted to make sure we're all on the same page about xyz the plan as I understood it was... and then if they disagree it's there to go back and say remember I emailed you and you have something to show they agreed to it. Otherwise sounds like you need a new employment situation with a better fit with your boss.
GirlBossanova934974March 5,2023 at 1:50PM UTC
I would refer to your problem in general terms. I now refer to this as "Expert Syndrome". It seems our culture has changed quite a bit over the years! Where we once let the doers do and the talkers talk, we now find ourselves with rooms full of EXPERTS in every field of endeavor. It started out in sports, spread to politics, and has now moved into business. These same EXPERTS have never done the job but they know far more than people doing the job! SO when your boss tells you he can do the job far better than you and then messes up the whole thing, you know you have found another EXPERT. I ran into a few EXPERTS myself just in the last few weeks in my company. These managers without a shred of technical training signed us up with a 3rd party company that was supposed to provide the company with a high level of technical expertise for a specific marketing problem. None of these managers works in Marketing but they did so anyways AND after they selected the vendor then asked me to review the vendor's qualifications. The vendor has now steadfastly refused to discuss his methods or procedures with me. My response? Looks we have another room full of EXPERTS making decisions!!! Good Luck!
AnonymousMarch 5,2023 at 2:50PM UTC
I would start with documentation and honestly after that I wouldn’t let any of the. Help me , just say no thank you I appreciate the offer but I got this Step away from their help and look for a new job
Lynda BoothMarch 5,2023 at 3:17PM UTC
Who do you report to? If not one of them, tell your boss about the behavior. I agree with others who say to document the incidents. Document any witnesses as well. If you have an HR department, talk to them as well about their behavior. Their behavior is unprofessional and needs to be adressed. Don't respond to them rudely or unprofessionally. Maintain your level of professionalism and I know It can be hard! Look for another job that has a respectful culture.
AnonymousMarch 5,2023 at 10:50PM UTC
One of them IS the HR department. And my boss knows but doesn't have much power.
"Grey rocking" has been the best strategy so far. I know they're looking to provoke a reaction, so I don't give them one. Making people upset gives them power, so I make sure I don't give them any.
Crystal HowellMarch 6,2023 at 5:46AM UTC
Say nothing, keep them wondering. Don't speak on it with others, quietly quit.