I recently posted about disclosing where I was located before a final interview and I made the difficult decision to be direct.

Anonymous

February 22,2023 at 4:30PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

I recently posted about disclosing where I was located before a final interview and I made the difficult decision to be direct. While I wasn't asked about where I resided and I planned on relocating without assistance, the backlash

I received made me rethink if I wanted to work for the company.

I looked into flying in for the interview and last-minute prices for this week were so expense and then adding in hotels and transportation, as much as I need a job right now, sadly, their reaction has tainted my interest.

They were immediately combative that they wouldn't pay (I never asked them to do so) and he was actually said I should only apply for regional roles. I reminded him that I said during an earlier meeting that I always planned to return to the X after the pandemic if I found the right opportunity.

The recruiter glossed over that note and I thought it alluded to that I wasn't local even though it wasn't addressed. While I'm glad I know the truth before spending the money, I'm sad about the situation as I thought I found my job after months of searching! Thank you all for your advice as I would have spent the money only to realize the situation after interviewing.

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

26 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

26 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousFebruary 22,2023 at 5:16PM UTC
I'm happy it didnt work out given their reaction as well. While also being sorry that they showed their true colors to be unsavory one. One would think that they would be willing to have you simply perform the last round meeting remotely after this was revealed and due to the position being one that is remote afterwards is that correct?
For others who might read up on this post would you be able to edit your post to include a link to your original post that was the prelude to this, please? This will help I and others not ask questions that may have already been answered in the initial post.
All in all, I am sorry that it didn't work out given how much time you spent presenting your best self.
AnonymousFebruary 22,2023 at 6:15PM UTC
I am so sorry that happened to you and you did not deserve this treatment.
It does make me wonder about the culture. What if you get sick, need leave, etc? Will they be equally combative for your honesty.
AnonymousFebruary 23,2023 at 1:54PM UTC
People as well as companies eventually show their colors. You dodged a bullet with this one.
AnonymousFebruary 23,2023 at 3:13PM UTC
So sorry that happened to you, but as others said, you dodged a bullet. The recruiter’s reaction was completely unprofessional. You did nothing wrong.
AnonymousFebruary 23,2023 at 4:13PM UTC
Yikes! Was this reaction from the recruiter or from the hiring manager? If the hiring manager then definitely a red flag. If they weren't able to reimburse for travel or relocation expenses then it doesn't have to be combative.
AnonymousFebruary 23,2023 at 4:56PM UTC
Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry! But better you find out how they are now, instead of after you took the job. And relocated for them. Yikes !
AnonymousFebruary 23,2023 at 6:18PM UTC
His telling you to only apply for local or regional roles was overstepping. He should have only focused on his company and the fact that they did not have the budget to fly you in at their expense. Definitely should you apply to other non-local companies do ask up front before fully engaging what their interview process is. Do you have to travel to their location and if so without disclosing where you are ask if the company will foot that bill. If they have not budgeted money for relo for that role they definitely won't pay for the interview trip. Just saying.
AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 2:07PM UTC
I'm going to caveat this and say that this is not always true. I have had interview travel expenses paid with the knowledge and understanding that there was no relo benefit for the position for three different jobs. $800 in travel expenses is a lot different than thousands of dollars to move someone and all their belongings. What I usually recommend is requesting a recruitment bonus which most companies "do" have the budget for.
AnonymousFebruary 23,2023 at 7:00PM UTC
Oh man, definitely dodged a bullet.
I had a similar "showing of colors" during a final interview with a ceo.. I had asked the recruiter/HR multiple times about benefits, each time the questions were dodged and so during the final interview I asked the ceo, what type of benefits they offered, PTO, any maternity/family leave, etc. When I used the term "maternity" she immediately went "why are you pregnant" to which I ignored the question (as its illegal) and she said "because if you're pregnant or plan to become pregnant I would need to know that"
She didn't need to know that, and it was extremely combative the way she asked me. I was very uncomfortable and basically that ended the interview. I was offered the position but I declined. I have a desire to have a family and not worry about an employer who acts that way at the question. Also, they had barely any paid holidays, no parental leave benefits, etc. To me that showed how they valued working parents or I guess don't value them. Onward and upward! You will find a good one!
Nancy SchwartzFebruary 24,2023 at 1:22PM UTC
You had your warning too in the fact when you asked about benefits no one responded to earlier questions either.
Barbara WhiteFebruary 24,2023 at 1:53PM UTC
It's kind of scary that a CEO doesn't know it's illegal to ask about pregnancy. Glad you dodged that bullet!
E CFebruary 24,2023 at 2:20PM UTC
I find it hard to believe that a CEO in 2023 "didn't know" it's illegal to ask about pregnancy. More likely, she thinks her opinion is more important. You definitely dodged a bullet. Good luck finding someone who deserves you.
AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 7:05PM UTC
Oh I know she knows it was illegal, she just freaked out thinking I would be leaving her high and dry or something.. Was a real eye opening conversation lol.
Zeecil KimmelFebruary 24,2023 at 1:28PM UTC
You dodged a bullet on that one for sure. It is hard when you are looking for a job and have such high hopes that this might be the one but keep focusing your energy in a positive direction the right position is out there. And now you know the right questions to ask up front.
AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 1:48PM UTC
You were right in following your intuition! I wish you much luck and blessings on your journey! You will know the right one when it comes along!
Lidia AmbroszFebruary 24,2023 at 1:55PM UTC
A lot of employers are no longer normal. It is the pandemic and few have recovered. The recession is only making managers more unstable as they all fear for their jobs. Without being there it is hard to know why they had this reaction. Could be cost cutting, they expect you to be ready to start or had few other candidates that promised to relocate but didn’t.
AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 2:38PM UTC
You are so right about workplaces not veing normal it is hard to gauge responses in a common sense manner.Glad this person found out before investing any more time and energy.
AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 2:05PM UTC
I have someone on my team who lives in one state and works in another. It's never prevented them from doing their job (and importantly, from doing it well). Truthfully, I wasn't always this person's supervisor and I had literally no idea that they were living a full day's drive from their duty station because they have always rocked their job.
Carolyn HipkinsFebruary 24,2023 at 3:02PM UTC
Glad you found out before you went to all the expense.
RLSFebruary 24,2023 at 3:18PM UTC
The best value is seeing the worth of your diligence. The right career is not always a mediocre job. So many people have mental health issues and the pandemic has shed light however HR/Staffing teams MUST always be professional and address the elephants in every situation that are not professional. CONGRATULATIONS your next career is seeking you out. Keep preserving and stay positive!
AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 3:25PM UTC
Unless I read this incorrectly they should have been paying for airfare and hotel.
I interviewed for a field position in Illinois where I live and was flown first class to Atlanta and a car was sent to pick me and drive me to Marietta GA. You shouldn’t have to pay.
AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 4:15PM UTC
No, they shouldn't. This person applied for a position to where they are considering relocating. They never told the company they would have to fly in for an in-person interview. Unless a company seeks you out directly and requests to travel for an interview, they are not responsible.
AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 3:42PM UTC
I'm a millennial and I find your comment very offensive. I'm also a hiring manager and I would never treat a candidate how OP was treated....
AnonymousFebruary 24,2023 at 4:26PM UTC
Agreed on both points Anon. I've flagged the root comment for community standards review - not constructive and actively negative towards a wide number of community members.
AnonymousFebruary 25,2023 at 12:48AM UTC
I was highly recommended for a job in TX. I lived in MI at the time. I was told when an interview was offered I could do it remotely. However those were the days when there was nothing available to use. You had to go to a facility and it was pricey. They expected me to pay. I was polite and just let them know it was very expensive and that was not going to be possible. They decided to fly me down. Put me in a hotel over night for an interview the following morning. They even paid for my parking at my home airport and dinner the night before. Pretty good right?
I walked into the interview, barely introduced myself when I was informed they do not pay for relocation. I just smiled, stood up and said if I had known I wouldn't have wasted your time or money flying me down here. I reached out to shake the interviewers hand. He looked puzzled and asked me where I was going. Well back to the airport I guess. If you are not interested in paying relocation there is no point to interviewing me. I wished him well on his search, picked up my coat and got as far as the lobby. He stopped me and told me he would pay half. No thank you. I reached for the lobby door and he stopped me ok he said come in we'll pay for relocation.
Found out later I was the only female in history of the company to have relocation paid for. I desperately needed the job but always remember try not to look hungry.
He challenged me a lot in the interview and employment. I never let him see me sweat. Turned out the company decided to move him to NY. He looked at me, I smiled and shook my head no. He thought ok we need to negotiate. I explained no I left MI (cold and snow) to come to warm and no snow. Not a change on going to NY.
Catherine SchneiderFebruary 25,2023 at 7:09PM UTC
You don't need to disclose. Just like I was asked if I wouldn't mind working for someone younger me. They don't know your age. It's against the law and I can do 360s around Millenials