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How to handle the dreaded have you found a job yet mixed with a dash of why haven't you?

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Anonymous

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How to handle the dreaded have you found a job yet mixed with a dash of why haven't you? After more than a year of searching, I'm finding myself retreating from gatherings, social media and spending time with friends. While I'm happy for everyone's accomplishments, this feeling of not being good enough is taking a toll.

I'm fortunate to be staying with family and trying to find even a freelance or part time position to help with expenses but this area hasn't bounced back since before the pandemic. It never was a hot spot in terms of stores or businesses but now, driving through town, most of the stores are for sale and any fast-food or supermarket roles are already snapped up high school kids or retirees since there's only a handful of those options.

Now more than ever, I could use my community and friends but I feel so ashamed to be living with my parents and unable to find work while their friends' children are being promoted or have families. I'm trying to summon up the courage to get back out there but I'm finding my days filled with applying for jobs, reaching out to job posters and then rinse and repeat. I feel like I'm on hamster wheel and can't believe this is my life in my 40s. I'm trying all the agencies, freelance sites and usual job boards but not having any luck. I'd appreciate your advice as I know something has to change.

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  1. Anonymous

    In the meantime consider volunteering your time. It's a way to feel useful and accomplished and will give you a productive way to spend your time in addition to looking for work.

  2. Anonymous

    I've been there except the live with family part. In my 40's, accomplished career driven, but was in the market crash 2008-2009. Friends were in state jobs that were safe, I was in corporate. They didn't understand. Don't retreat, lean in. If there is a town near you with resources of open jobs, consider commuting. Just know this, you will have to compromise a little. Which is the lean in part. Figure out what you want to do, where you can do it, and if you need to commute a distance then do it. Eventually you will save enough money to move out on your own.

  3. Anonymous

    If you are feeling like the people around you don't understand how tough it is out there, it's either coming from you (we all project a little bit when we're not feeling our best) or they are so blessed to have been the exception to the rule. Because it is tough out there, and it isn't you -- You've even explained here that there aren't opportunities around you, how could that possibly be because you aren't good enough?

    I don't know what industry you're in, but it might be worth seeing if there's a pivot you can make that would enable you to work remotely, or if you're able to relocate, relocating. If there just isn't work around you, there just isn't -- So it's time to switch things up. You might also try a career coach?

    Keep your head up :)

  4. Anonymous

    Start to believe, because that will help you! Yes, a year is a long slog but most places are taking 6-9 months for basic job changes in good markets. Can you do remote work? Can you do volunteer work with a charity while looking for work which will boost your self confidence. Be upbeat. When people ask tell them you hope they can refer you to those in their network even if you think they don't have one. Reach out directly use linkedin, use forums where folks with your skills mingle. Go to meetup groups. Find those who are also looking and work with others to lift each other up. Stay away from those who bring you down and know that this too shall pass. You got this sister!

  5. Michele Sinclair

    Reach out to former C levels that you worked w or even former managers. They are your best networking connections. If you had good relationships w them, then it shouldn't be an issue to find a new role. Heck, if they really liked you, then they will do everything they can to help you. Good luck!

  6. Anonymous

    Thank you for your thoughts, Michele. I just want to say as someone who is going through the same thing and *have* reached out to former managers, C-levels - sometimes they can't even help even if they want to. It's still an issue to find a role. I'm sure you didn't mean it, but that comment came off as a little flippant.

  7. Anonymous

    I’m in a similar situation—unemployed for over a year now. Unfortunately, being in my 50s has made it even more challenging. The one silver lining is that my husband is employed and can cover the bills for now. The biggest challenge, though, is that I live in a highly competitive area. I’ve been getting interviews, but so far, no offers have come through. I spent this past weekend updating my resume, so I’m hopeful that it’ll help me land more opportunities.

  8. Anonymous

    First, please KNOW that the hamster wheel you're on is one that millions of others are also riding. If you don't believe me, go on LinkedIn! Also, some areas are truly poor in terms of finding work in certain industries- that's a fact. But, you've got free room/board right now and that's a huge blessing, so kudos to your loving parents! Regarding Friends, social loneliness, and feeling a bit like a "failure"- I've been there/done that. Six years ago, lost my wonderful job (in semi rural area, so VERY HARD to replace)--and it was surprising, over time, how I seemed to "vaporize" among my former peers, work partners, etc. No one really understood my anguish/worry/exhaustion seeking new work. For me, it never really turned around completely (I'm still working, but part time- I am 63). However, I did (after 10 mos) decide to "pull myself up by my bootstraps" and I decided to do some volunteer work, "while still looking for job". This changed the game for me. I elected to help at a women's homeless shelter every Tuesday- went thru a little volunteer training, made some wonderful great (altruistic! authentic!) friends (professional managers and social workers working for this agency). I came home on Tuesdays feeling fulfilled, smiling, and learning that that is more in this life than just being affirmed by our work/career. Fast forward to now, and I'm still connected to the friends at the shelter- and I'm working in Addiction Medicine. I'm happy! You'll discover that the people who CARE about you will continue to care, and those who do NOT really care, don't matter. Focus on you, your gifts to the WORLD, your love, your passions, and consider volunteering somewhere every week- do not choose something passive, but rather- go somewhere and be actively helping. You need to get "out of your head" (this is what happens when we spend hours every day, searching for THAT JOB). you will interview better when you've got more to talk about (such as your volunteer work). Also, make sure to walk or exercise every day! very important. I hope this helps. I promise you that if you follow THIS ADVICE, you'll be headed in a new and better direction.

  9. Anonymous

    It’s grim. At least you have shelter. I’ve been trying to secure employment since August; I’m in my 60’s, and live alone. The frustration is real. It has damaged my self-esteem tremendously. I wish you all the best.

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