Feeling guilty.

Anonymous

March 5,2023 at 2:27PM UTC

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Feeling guilty. I am a leader at the organization I currently work for and there are major challenges. I recently recruited someone from my old team to join me; position came with a decent raise, a title boost, and opportunity to build a program from the ground up. I have brought several good people over from past places I have worked and they have expressed it to be a good move for them.

However, another company is actively recruiting me and I am leaning towards taking the job if they offer. In fact, the only thing holding me back is the fear of losing the trust of these individuals who believed me to be a good enough leader to follow. My current role comes with high personal liability and I am seeing red flags that tell me my expectations will not be met long term (and are likely not being met short term).

While I do understand that ultimately my main responsibility is to myself and my family, this is still weighing on me. Advice I have received so far is to give my recent recruits a heads up if I take the offer and talk to them individually about my decision to do so and how I believe their positions are beneficial to them regardless of my being there.

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Kristie WhiteMarch 5,2023 at 3:26PM UTC
I think the advice you received is sound. But be sure you completely trust anyone you speak with about leaving the org. In their anger, they may out you. Alternatively, you could meet with each of them and discuss what you see in the company- for them and for you. Are the red flags you see going to impact their stability as well? Are you in a position to advocate for them currently so you are reducing their support internally? Is your loss of internal strength going to pull them down? Look at it as career coaching for those who followed you. They trusted you and see you as a leader. And they know if you leave, they are vulnerable.
AnonymousMarch 5,2023 at 3:38PM UTC
I think that since you are leaning towards the new job - you should go with your gut.
I know you want to protect them. However, speaking from experience and staying just to protect my team…. It’s my mental health that has suffered the most along with the stress on my family and wish I would have left even the market was better - so looking now is much harder and looking back I know they would have supported my decision to leave.
On the flip side. It’s given me the extra time to fully train up the team so between them, they can continue to be successful and take on my role so there is not guilt in leaving when the right fit presents itself.
Crystal HowellMarch 5,2023 at 7:06PM UTC
Just do you, look at it this way you got them promoted, and now it's your turn. You outgrown the position.
AnonymousMarch 5,2023 at 9:27PM UTC
It sounds to me like considering they aren't meeting your career needs, if it doesn't happen now, it will happen shortly. You need to do what is best for you and your career. I recently retired, and had an intern I hired in tears because she only accepted the offer because she would be working for me, so I understand. Eight months later and she is still there and doing well. Depending on your replacement, one or more may leave, but they will all move forward in their own way.
AnonymousMarch 6,2023 at 12:15AM UTC
I have been there. Several times I had good opportunities outside and stayed because I felt loyal to my team. I ignored red flags and dysfunctional management. Until one day I was let go and regretted not moving on sooner. It is a job after all. If your gut tells you it is time to go, leave.
Bonnie CoventryMarch 6,2023 at 12:45PM UTC
The battle is between your heart and your head. It's okay that this is a tough decision, caring leaders experience this when an unexpected opportunity comes their way. It's not that I don't care about the what's best for your family, but walk that back, what is best for YOU? What will keep you driven in your career, what about this opportunity has really peaked your interest? Why the heart pull? In saying that, we have one life. What could your life look like 'over there'? Good luck.
Mary PoolMarch 6,2023 at 1:47PM UTC
Have you thought about how you might be better positioned to help those needing help in the future if you make the move? If things go sideways at this company, all of you will be in the deep end, but if you make the move, you may be able to help people move forward. Isn't that a better solution?
AnonymousMarch 6,2023 at 8:28PM UTC
Been there. I waited to leave until someone I recruited left first. Turns out bringing her into the company led to her getting poached by someone she met at that job and was able to build out her dream position at a new, much healthier company. It was a terrible situation for my mental health and work/life balance. When I finally told my friend that I was leaving and had only stayed so long because I felt guilty leaving her, she felt terribly that I sacrificed myself so much. Sounds like a great opportunity for not just you but to potentially bring your recruits to a better company down the road. At the very least, your recruits are in a better position than they were in before you brought them in and they are ultimately responsible for their own careers.
AnonymousMarch 7,2023 at 5:13PM UTC
Take care of you first. If you want the new role take it, when sharing the why with your team do so in a group setting and let them know you were recruited away to create something new and there are some aspects of building that new that just don't exist where you are and you want to do it. Don't speak of any things that are missing from where you are but also let them know that you are still available for supporting and cheering them on from the sidelines. If you move on then have an open door (it sounds like you would) for anyone who fits roles in the new place but make them apply directly vs going through you so your soon to be former employer does not come after you for poaching. Good luck, follow your dreams!